Chapter 19
Kayla walked into the Great Hall the next morning glowing with happiness, there just wasn't another word for it. She was positively glowing. With a smile, Kayla sat down across from Lily, and begun to pile food onto her plate.
"What's wrong with you?" Aria asked as she looked at Kayla, her eyes dancing with mirth.
"Nothing," she chirped happily.
Kayla glanced at Lily out of the corner of her eye and sighed. Lily would be able to know what happened with a single glance at her face. But luckily enough, Lily's head was resting on her folded arms. With a frown, Kayla glanced at James's back. He was seated in the same position.
Kayla sighed and looked back at her best friend. She wished that there was something that she could do for the two of them, but she knew that there wasn't, that they had to do this themselves. And Kayla knew that it'd be resolved, how can you be in love with each other as much as those two are and not end up together in the long-run? She just hoped that it'd happen soon.
Kayla spotted Sirius walking in through the doors and practically beamed as she smiled at him. He had taken a detour to the Gryffindor Tower, seeing as he was now dressed and groomed as was usual. Sirius smiled and winked at her in return and strode over to his seat next to James.
Kayla blushed and began to eat her food. She was starving! Who knew that sex made you so hungry? She wondered.
"Okay, what is it that you're not telling?" Aria demanded in a huff.
Kayla smiled and shook her head. She didn't want to tell just yet. She wanted it to be her secret for just a little while longer. And, on top of that, she didn't want to announce it while they were in the Great Hall!
Lily had finally lifted her head off of her arms and assessed Kayla with a firm gaze. And just as Kayla predicted, Lily knew. "You had sex last night," she stated with a smirk.
Kayla's head snapped side to side to make sure that no one heard, and when she was convinced that it was safe, she nodded her head.
Lily raise an eyebrow, causing Kayla to frown. She hated it when she does that! It made her think that Lily had some kind of information that she didn't know, or that she was acting stupid. It drove her nuts!
Kayla sighed. She knew what Lily was asking. She was asking if she thought that sex was worth it now. But Kayla had to admit, she was glad she waited as long as she did. Last night had been simply magical.
Kayla stood up, grabbed an apple from a basket and looked at the plate of food she was leaving behind with a sad glance. She was hungry still! "If you ladies don't mind missing our first class, I'll tell you." She announced as she made her way towards the door.
"Wait!" Kayla heard Lily scream as she scrambled up out of her seat and ran after her.
"Tell me later!" Aria called out, and headed towards her class.
Lily and Kayla walked towards the secret room that they and the Marauders found in their first year silently. Kayla could tell that something was on her best friends mind, and she had an idea as to what it was too.
As soon as they entered the red and black room, Lily automatically pounced. "Well, did you like it?" she demanded.
Kayla smiled and nodded her head; her eyes getting a far away look, reminiscing about last night. "I never knew that it would feel so . . . good. That it'd make me feel so free. Now I see why you always . . . . what's the word? Yearned? I don't know - why you always boasted on sex, I guess is what I was saying. I mean last night; Sirius was so gentle, so loving. Usually when a guy touches me, memories of getting raped flash through my head, but not with Sirius. All I could think about was his hands," she said with a sigh and a soft smile playing at her lips. "And what those hands were doing to me. God, I could barely even think!" then, as a after thought, Kayla asked, "Is it always like that? Like you can't get enough?"
Lily looked at Kayla with sad and shook her head. "No. It depends on your partner, and usually how skilled they are. But if you love them, it makes it all the more . . . exciting. To where you don't think of anything else but wanting them over and over and over again. It's like you can never get enough of them," She told her. Lily opened her mouth to say something else just as she saw Kayla's ring finger.
"Oh, my God! He asked you to marry him!" Lily exclaimed, excited for her friend.
Kayla blushed and nodded her head. She was honestly glad that Lily was the first one to know about her engagement. "Congratulations." Lily said as she hugged Kayla ecstatically. "I'm so happy for you Kayla."
Kayla looked up with tears in her eyes, and looked into Lily's eyes. She needed to do this. To show Lily that marrying someone you love even if you're not stable, wasn't wrong. As long as you love them. "Lily, saying yes had to have been the single most intelligent thing that I have ever done in my life. I love him so much Lily. I mean I'm scared that girls are going to try to take him away from me, I mean come on, he's Sirius Black, but I trust him enough to stay true to me."
Lily swallowed hard and looked away from Kayla.
Kayla sighed. "But I don't know what I'd do if I saw James like he was before I left to take care of my Father. He didn't do anything to get the girls off of him, Kayla! Nothing. And I felt like I was nothing compared to those girls. As if I was second best. That he'd rather have a group of girls rather than one. Can you imagine how much worse off it'd be if I was to be engaged to him! I'm scared of what I might do. I feel as if I have so much pressure building up in me that if one little thing lands on me, I'm going to break. That I'm going to go vicious. That I'm going to hurt someone. And I know that if I was to see James in that position again, that I'd snap, and that I'd hurt those girls. I feel so shaky right now, and I don't know which way to go to get to solid ground." Lily finished sadly.
Lily and Kayla stayed quiet, Lily staring at the wall thinking about what she just said, and Kayla looking at her ring, wondering what she'd do if she saw Sirius in that position. I'd be shattered.
~*~*~*~*~
Sirius, James, Remus and Aria all stood silent outside of the door to the secret room, looking at James. James just stood there looking down at the floor, taking everything that he heard into consideration. 'So it's not because she doesn't love me.' He thought happily. 'But because she's scared of what might happen if I let my egotistical mind rule me.' He finished huffily.
"Well, are we going to go in so we can hear this good news, or are we going to stand outside of the entrance like idiots and miss all of our classes?" James asked.
Sirius perked up and beamed. He couldn't wait until he could tell his friends the best news that has ever happened to him. He was so excited that he was nearly jumping as they all walked through the entrance to the room and looked at Kayla and Lily.
"Okay, Kayla and I have something important to share with you guys." Sirius said as he sat down on the armrest of Kayla's chair, and waited for everyone else to do sit down somewhere. "Last night, I asked Kayla to marry me, and she being so entranced by my good looks and charm said yes. So, that means that I, Sirius Black am going to become a one woman man for the rest of my life." He announced.
James and Lily looked at each other and shared a secret smile, thinking about the last time that he referred to himself as charming and what Kayla did to him.
After close to ten minutes of congratulations, Sirius and Kayla managed to slip out the door and head towards the room that they had spent the previous night in.
"I love you sweetheart," Sirius whispered into Kayla's ear as she leaned her head against his shoulder.
"I love you too Sirius," she smiled.
Sirius smiled and walked into their room. As soon as the door was shut and sealed, he brought her into her arms and kissed her, making her forget her own name.
"What about classes?" she gasped as he drew his head back to breathe.
"Forget about them," Sirius whispered against her lips, seconds before kissing her senseless again.
They didn't make it to any of their classes that day.
~&~&~
The following month passed by quicker than expected. But you also had to factor in that Lily and James were acting as if their Quidditch teams were in boot camp or something. Daily runs, long practices, and, on top of it all, Kayla, Aria and Sirius had to run extra miles in the morning with Lily! Plus all of the extra defense classes that they had! It was insane!
By the time that Gryffindor played Ravenclaw, Kayla was about to collapse in exhaustion. Her body couldn't take much more torture. And, it was almost time for their N.E.W.T.S, so that meant studying.
Kayla was finding it hard to actually get the bludger to hit someone, seeing as every time that it came close to someone, Sirius or his partner would be there to hit it back in the direction of her team. It was exasperating!
Kayla gave a quick glance over her shoulder to see how Lily and Aria were doing – two of the chasers. They had just scored when James went into a nose dive. James had caught the snitch.
Kayla looked at the scoreboard and sighed a breath of relief. Ravenclaw had won by ten points.
Landing on the pitch, Kayla walked up to Lily and Aria and gave them both one armed hugs. "You guys did wonderful!" she gushed just as Sirius walked by her and gave her a slap on the butt.
"Hey!" Kayla exclaimed. "You'll get yours Black!"
And indeed, he did. A bowl of slime over his precious hair did the trick, but it also resulted in Kayla getting tickled until she could breathe. Which lead to a kiss, which lead to their clothes being thrown hazardously on the floor.
~&~&~
Kayla's mood began to get depressing as May 21 was quickly approaching, and Kayla didn't want it too. She didn't want to remember that day. It hurt to much.
Kayla walked into the dorm room in a bad mood, and looked at Lily's bed. She was laying there looking at the ceiling, and tears were streaming down her face.
"I miss him too," Kayla sighed as she walked over to Lily's bed and laid down on it next to her.
Kayla looked up into Lily's eyes. "I always dreamed of him walking me down the alter . . . I never thought of Phillip doing so. And I always thought that he'd be a part of my wedding, if I ever did get married, but now, well, it's just a huge shock to know that he's not going to be there. And the fact is, it just hit me a that it has almost been exactly a year since I've gotten a letter from him . . . tomorrow will mark that day, and it has almost been a year since I've buried the only father I ever considered so." Lily looked at her friend, and with a shaky voice replied, "I know Kayla . . . it's harder than I ever thought that it would be."
Kayla stepped out of the doorway and into her room, walking over to Lily's bed and sitting on it. "You have something on your mind." Kayla accused with that accuracy that only the best of best friends could possess. Lily nodded her head, knowing that it was useless trying to admit otherwise.
"Kayla, have you ever noticed that sometimes we just sort of happen to leave Aria out of things?" Lily inquired.
Kayla opened her mouth to reply, and then shut it. They did tend to do that. "I guess we do, don't we." She allowed softly.
"Pouncy, we've always been close, but I don't know, it seems like sometimes we tend to just . . . leave her out of things you know? We don't really pay attention to her sometimes. I know we don't mean it, but we do, don't we?" Lily wondered as she sat on her bed Indian style, facing Kayla.
Kayla nodded her head gloomily. "She doesn't even notice though." Kayla hedged. "She knows that we are inseparable, and she gives us our space, but I get what you're trying to say. We're not as close with Aria. I mean sure she's our best friend, but we don't know her like we know each other. And you know that she's alright with it Huntress, she told us so when we first became friends with that shy little girl we met in first year."
"Yeah, I know that, but I still feel bad about it." Lily admitted more to herself than Kayla.
"But that isn't what is bothering you." Kayla insisted.
"But that isn't what is bothering me." Lily replied in a monotone voice. "I've been thinking of why exactly I turned down James that night." She told Kayla in a distant voice, sounding as if she was still thinking, but letting her friend know her thoughts. "Almost everyone who means the world to me end up . . . dead; Papa, Cammy, Uncle Brandon, Cousin Heather. At the time when I refused, I thought that I was saying no because I wasn't sure if I could handle something happening, but now that I've had so long to think about it, I'm thinking that maybe it's because I'm scared of losing him for good. I think that his death would kill me . . . I don't think that I could live, knowing that he isn't alive," Kayla looked up as she heard the door of the room start to open and looked into the shocked eyes of James. With a sigh, she got off the bed and walked towards him. "Talk to her Potter. She needs you," was all she said before walking out of the room to find Sirius.
"I think that what I felt at Daddy's funeral would be nothing compared to what I would feel if it was James that I saw being lowered into the ground. I'm really scared Pouncy. But I don't know if I can go on without him any longer. I need him. I need him more than I need to breath, and I know that I'm going to run out of oxygen soon if I don't get him back. But I don't want to be afraid for the rest of my life." Lily ended, the last word coming out on a sob.
Lily hadn't been paying attention to who was in the room while she was talking, was startled to see James sitting on the bed where Kayla had been, what seemed like moments ago.
"I was delivering a message to Kayla from Sirius when you had started to talk, and I couldn't help but listen, and Kayla decided to leave us alone." James told her. "Lily, is that really why you said no to me? Because you're afraid that I might leave you?"
Lily nodded her head in shame. "James . . . it's just that . . . I love you, and I can't, and won't imagine my life without you. There are very few reasons I'm still here, breathing James, and you are one of those reasons. You are the foremost reason. And I don't think that anything would be able to hold me back if you were to die on me too, James. Nothing!" Lily cried out passionately, while tears began to flow freely down her cheeks.
"Aww . . . Baby, come here." James instructed her as he opened his arms to her.
Lily flung herself into his embrace, needing it more than she thought possible. God how she missed his arms! "I'm so sorry James. I didn't mean to drive you away." Lily sobbed into his chest.
James continued to stroke Lily's back while she cried. "You didn't drive me away, Lil. You could never do that. I just . . . I felt embarrassed that I was refused. I thought that you would be ready for something like marriage just because I was. I mean, isn't it the male who is usually behind on such matters?" he joked. And when he got a faint laugh out of Lily, he smiled and looked down at the thick, beautiful auburn hair that he was petting. "I love you Lily. But I couldn't wait any longer to ask you that. I had bought the ring and everything, and I just felt like it had to be then, no other time. If anyone screwed our relationship up, it was me."
Lily shook her head in denial. "How about we blame no one?" she asked. James nodded and Lily smiled.
"Does this mean that we're going back out?" James wondered as he continued to play with Lily's hair. He had always loved that particular part of her. The color was captivating to him. He had never seen any other human with the same color. And then there were her eyes: his second obsession. At times they reminded him of emeralds, then other times, they reminded him of the deep green of the ocean.
"I hope so, because these past seven months have been hell on me. I don't think that I've even gotten a decent sleep since you walked out that door. And I can't sleep if I don't have your scent around me . . . which is why I wear your cloak at night." Lily's hand flew to her mouth as she realized what she just let slip out of her mouth. 'I so did not mean to tell him that!' her brain screamed even as she felt her cheeks start to burn.
James chuckled. "No reason to be embarrassed, love. If you must know, I keep your bra under my pillow to make me feel closer to you."
Lily looked up at James. "Do you even remember that bra?" Lily asked him.
James gave Lily a funny look. "Why should I remember it?" he asked.
"That was the bra that almost flew out the abandoned Charms classroom window the last time we made love." Lily informed him with a smirk.
"Lily, honey, in case you hadn't noticed, at the time I wasn't paying any attention what so ever to what you were wearing. I was paying more attention on how to get you out of what you were wearing." James told her in a tone that suggested that her question was more suited for a three year old.
Lily rolled her eyes. 'Some things never change.' She thought as she settled her head back down onto James' shoulder, and began to drift off to sleep.
James, realizing that Lily was falling asleep on him, automatically pulled back her covers, slipped off his shoes, put his glasses on her nightstand, and laid down with her nestled by his side. "I love you, Lily." He whispered into her hair as he, too, fell asleep.
&~&~
Authors Note:
Oops. Sorry all! I know I said every day updates, but I just got so busy all of a sudden. Sorry.
But you will have all of the chapters out by July 9. They have to be out, cuz I'm going to be out of town for the month, and I'm not going to leave you all hanging for that long.
So, sorry for the wait!
Review!!!
Mistress del Mare