Act 11: Tormenting the Tiger (Or "The Himura Wives Club- Part Three")
Disclaimer: This humble (and somewhat odd, twisted, and otherwise strange) author has yet to acquire the funding to purchase the rights to Rurouni Kenshin. So no, I still don't own it.
Notes: Yeek. Another long lag time between chapters. Bad me! Let's see...
I'm amazed by the number of volunteers thus far for the Hijinks chapter
o_O;. Many apologies to the peeps who have emailed me with their volunteer
information- I haven't had a chance to reply @_@. Many thanks in advance
to all you volunteers, (who's personalities and stuff I suspect I'll completely
get wrong, but...) for allowing me to use you guys in the story. I've still
got a few chapters to go before I get to Hijinks, so there's still plenty
of time for people who haven't signed up yet to do so.
J.Liha, JML, Ayce Shade, Prudence-chan, Karina,
Arashi, Jaok Drysso, Kori Suketchi, Sano (Very flattered!), Colleen, and
everyone else who's reviewed the story (in some cases, who have reviewed
the story more than once!), many thanks! I'm glad you guys have gotten
a kick out of my crusade against Seissouhen Depression Syndrome! I imagine
the lag time between chapters would be even worse without the knowledge
that people are actually enjoying my work =)
Please forgive my likely butchering of Enishi's
personality- I've tried to not spoil myself too badly on the Revenge Arc,
so I've kinda only got Seissouhen to go on, which I understand goes about
Jinchuu completely different than in the manga. Though you guys certainly
seemed to really have a blast reading the previous installments of the
Himura Wives Club, despite my butchering of Tomoe's personality, so...
We'll just have to see how this goes. (Rest assured, Colleen, the fire
from the last chapter will be explained!)
Long-winded author's opening completed, onward with
the madness de gozaru yo! *grin*
"I wonder how Megumi is going to react when Sano
shows up back home?" Kaoru pondered aloud as she and her redheaded hubby
roamed the streets of Shanghai. Souzou had left to go follow after Sano,
leaving the couple to their own devices.
"Kaoru-san?"
"Himura-san?" A pair of surprised voices chorused
from behind the two ghosts, who spun around and almost collided with an
equally surprised Tomoe and Akira.
"T-Tomoe-" Shinta briefly wondered why just the
sight of his first wife almost invariably made his brain cease to function.
"What brings the two of you to Shanghai?" Akira
got over his surprise and asked, flinging the door to conversation wide
open and almost knocking it off its hinges.
"We were just visiting an old friend." Kaoru began,
her mind, unlike Shinta's, still fully operational. "Just needed to give
him a nudge in the right direction."
"I see." Tomoe nodded knowingly. "Playing matchmaker
and trying to get him to hook up with a woman?"
"How... how did you guess?" Shinta finally recovered
some, if not all, of his wits.
"Been there, done that." Akira grinned. He gestured
to Tomoe, who was already engaging in some girl-talk with Kaoru as the
two women got caught up on events since they last spoke. "We got her baby
brother to shack up with a really nice foreign woman he seemed to be attracted
to."
"I see... I think." Shinta sweatdropped. He mentally
added 'talking to the ghost of some guy I killed who helped scar me for
life' to his top ten list of strange experiances.
"Yeah." Akira grinned and rested an arm on the shorter
redhead's shoulder companionably. "She's a real looker, too-"
"Oro!"
"-not that I'm complaining about Tomoe at all, but
I'm telling you, Himura, this girl is just astounding! I mean, she's got
one hell of a set of-" Akira was abruptly silenced with a well-placed *thwack!*
from Tomoe, who had borrowed Kaoru's trademark bokken.
"Did I mention Akira's truly awful fetish, Kaoru?"
The older female ghost continued her conversation with Kaoru, while a dumbfounded
Shinta gawked at Akira's form sprawled all over the ground.
"Oro..."
While Shinta helped his fellow man get back on his
feet, Kaoru and Tomoe got all caught up on events since they'd last chatted
in The Himura Wives Club- Part Two. Not that this took all that long- the
last time they'd spoken HAD only been maybe a week or two ago. In short
order, the two women had moved on to a much more interesting topic- what
they were up to now, as opposed to what they had been up to a week ago.
"Actually, Kaoru, I was on my way to check on Enishi."
Tomoe noted. "Do you happen to have any other pending plans this evening?"
"This evening?" Kaoru blinked, wondering where the
older ghost was going with this. "No, not that I can think of... Shinta
and I are going to be heading to Kyoto, but that can wait. Why?"
Tomoe smiled slightly, almost deviously. "Want to
come along? Ever since his 'Jinchuu', he's had quite the fixation on you.
It's almost ruined his marriage once or twice."
Kaoru was almost tempted to steal her husband's
'oro'. "M-marriage?! He's married?"
Tomoe nodded, and glanced over at the two guys,
who appeared to be reminicing over old times- or rather, Akira was reminicing,
and Shinta was 'oro'ing and trying to remain politely interested in the
conversation.
"It seems they'll be busy for awhile, Kaoru." Tomoe
sweatdropped at her fiancee's antics. "When Akira gets going about something,
he can keep busy for hours."
"I see..." Kaoru also sweatdropped. "I guess I wouldn't
mind going. After he disappeared, I admit I was worried once or twice about
what he would do next."
Tomoe nodded slightly. "He had spent so long living
for revenge... he was in pretty bad shape until he ran into Fi-chan. But
that's something of a story unto itself."
"Fi-chan?" Kaoru inquired, one eyebrow raised.
"That's the only name I know her by. So far as I
know, she's from the Americas, but she seems to be a runaway. My brother
found her fighting off a couple of drunks, and out of surprise more than
anything, I think, came to her rescue. Afterwards, she managed to talk
her way into staying with him, and over time he got quite attached to her,
but I don't think he had any clue what to do about it until Akira and I
gave him a shove in the right direction." Tomoe smiled at the recollection.
"He was afraid his oneesan wouldn't approve, I think. But after I had a
little talk with him, he got his act together."
Kaoru tried and failed to imagine the pale-haired
young man in the situation described. Curiousity won out, and she agreed
to tag along to go visit. "Shinta, I'll be back in awhile! Have fun with
Akira-san!" She waved and took off after Tomoe.
Meanwhile, in a decidedly more posh area outside
of town, a pale-haired young boy was contentedly playing in the shade of
a large tree. His bright blue eyes widened and a big grin spread over his
face when he saw two female figures coming up the road toward the house.
Leaving his toys, he bounded to his feet and ran over to greet the two.
"Auntie Tomoe!" He happily declared. The two ghosts
stopped as the young boy ran up to them, Kaoru more out of surprise. Tomoe
smiled and knelt down to face the boy.
"Ohayo Haru-chan!" She greeted the boy, a ghostly
hand ruffling his scruffy white hair.
"Did you come to see 'tousan again?" The youngster
asked.
Tomoe nodded. "Would you go get your otousan and
tell him he has company?"
"Hai!" With an enthusiastic nod, Haru ran toward
the house and disappeared inside.
Kaoru looked at Tomoe as she stood back up, awaiting
an explanation. "He can see you?"
"Yes. Young children and family are generally more
capable of seeing spirits. Don't you recall having any 'invisible' friends
when you were little, Kaoru?" Tomoe strolled over to the tree Haru had
been playing under and reclined in its cool shade.
"Well... as a matter of fact..." Kaoru looked thoughtful
for a moment. "... So THAT's why my parents never saw them!"
Tomoe nodded. "It shouldn't take Haru long to retrieve
his father."
Meanwhile, inside the well-furnished house, a pale-haired
man sat at a desk in the lavishly-supplied study, reading over a short
note sent by the people he'd hired to set fire to the derelict warehouse
in Shanghai that he'd wanted to get rid of for some time now. On top of
freeing up the land for a more useful structure, he could collect the insurance
on the old building. True, the American company that he'd insured the property
with wouldn't be happy, but the money he would get for it would go toward
his merchant fleet.
"'Tousan!" Haru knocked as he opened the door.
"What is it, Haru-kun?" The older pale-haired male
inquired, looking over the note at the chibi. Of course, you, the reader,
are intelligent enough to figure out that I'm talking about Enishi, and
that he's Haru's daddy.
""Tousan! Auntie Tomoe is here! She and another
lady are waiting outside!" Haru beamed.
"Oneesan's here?" Enishi promptly jumped to his
feet and banged his legs on the desk, comically cringing with an exaggerated
expression that illicited a giggle from the boy.
Enishi was swiftly out the door and heading for
the meeting place he and his oneesan had agreed to after they'd found out
that his son could also see the ghost. Fi had never gotten used to the
idea that her hubby often saw the ghost of his dead sister, and she'd just
about fainted when Haru started claiming to see the dead woman as well.
The two pale-haired guys had spoken with Tomoe and, to keep from further
disturbing Fi, had agreed to regular visits, away from the house so that
Haru wouldn't scare his mother half to death waving and saying hello to
his 'Auntie Tomoe' whenever he saw her.
Enishi came to a halt near the tree when he saw
two female figures, rather than just his oneesan or Akira. He could swear
he recognized the dark-haired woman who was with Tomoe, but it took him
a long moment to match a name to the face.
While Enishi was fishing for her name, Kaoru studied
him, surprised at how much he'd changed. He still looked fairly youthful,
and still had the same drop-dead amazing build she remembered (not that
she had any problems with her rurouni, but still, she had to admit Enishi
WAS very well-built!), but he looked like he had matured in the past fifteen
years.
"I'm surprised you don't remember me." Kaoru opened
the conversation, crossing her arms and sizing up the slightly dumbfounded
male. "After all, you dragged me to some remote island and-"
"You're-!" Enishi's jaw sagged open as the reminder
jogged his memory. "But-!" He promptly looked around, expecting to find
Battousai nearby.
"Himura's not here right now, Enishi." Tomoe noted
as Haru rejoined them.
"Auntie Tomoe, who's this?" The chibi peered up
at Kaoru. "She's a spirit too!" He declared, which got a surprised noise
from Enishi, who hadn't yet made that realization.
"D-d-" The former psychopath attempted and failed
spectacularly to make a coherent sentence.
"And in case you're wondering, yes, 'Battousai'
is dead, too." Kaoru noted with a pointed look. While Enishi busily attempted
to recover his capacity for speech, she bent down and introduced herself
to the chibi, who seemed very pleased to have made a new friend. Kaoru
had to admit, there was no mistaking the boy for anybody but Enishi's son.
Kaoru glanced around the well-tended gardens and
at the relatively nice manor that sat in the middle of it. "Seems you're
doing well." She noted.
Numbly, Enishi nodded, having run into a fresh obstacle-
just what DO you say to the woman you kidnapped, said you were going to
kill to traumatize her boyfriend, and then nearly killed said boyfriend
in front of her?
Kaoru, sensing Enishi's difficulty in conversation,
continued on, rather enjoying his discomfort. It seemed perfectly reasonable
to her, after what he'd put her through. "Do you still have that island
retreat?"
"H-hai." Enishi mumbled. "We spend our summers there."
"'We'? Kaoru grinned. "Tomoe-san told me about your
wife. Is she nice?"
"'Kaasan made 'tousan help with the laundry today!"
Haru helpfully added to the conversation, resulting in Enishi turning a
light shade of red.
"Is that so, Haru-chan?" Kaoru looked at the chibi
with a wide grin.
Haru nodded. "An' the other night she made him cook
dinner, an' yelled when he made a big mess in the kitchen!"
Enishi was discovering a few new shades of red.
So much for whatever image Battousai's woman had of him. Kaoru was busy
trying not to burst into hysterics at the mental image of either scene,
and Tomoe was calmly surveying the scene and questioning the wisdom in
inviting Kaoru along.
Kaoru clapped her hands together with a certain
amount of evil glee. "It sounds like your okaasan really likes your otousan!"
The chibi nodded again, his white bangs falling
into his face. "'Tousan really really likes 'kaasan, too! We all got to
go on a big trip, and ride on a really big boat, and saw lots of funny
old buildings..."
"Haru-chan, didn't your okaasan say you needed a
bath today?" Enishi finally recovered his voice and looked down at the
chibi, who paled and turned pleading eyes on his father.
"But 'tousan! Auntie Tomoe and Kaoru-san are here!
Can't I take a bath later? I'm not dirty!" Haru pouted.
Enishi and the two ghosts looked over the dirt and
mud that had accumulated on Haru's clothing and hands from his playing
in the mud earlier.
Tomoe took the chance to salvage the situation.
"We should be going, anyway, Haru-chan, Kaoru-san has other plans, and
I need to go find your Uncle Akira."
At this news, Haru pouted even more, but didn't
protest. "Tell Uncle 'Kira that I caught him looking at 'kaasan again!"
The two ghosts took off while Enishi led a sulking
Haru back to the house, and even at that distance, they could hear the
chaos that must have commenced when Haru got into the bath.
"That... was probably once of the strangest situations
I've ever seen." Kaoru noted, wondering why Tomoe had cut her fun short.
"We should probably go rescue Kenshin from Akira."
Tomoe sweatdropped. "And I need to deliver Haru-chan's little message.
May I borrow your bokken again?"
"Not a problem." Kaoru smirked. "Just, this time,
if you hold the sword like so..."
And the two women flew off to retrieve their signifigant
others, exchanging tips on how best to beat the daylights out of them.
Author's notes: ... Eh, I think I could have done more with this chapter,
but it works, I think. Next up, Continued Chaos in Kyoto! As always, reviews
are appreciated, and if you haven't volunteered for "Hijinks of Heaven
and Hell" chapter yet, but want to, I just need your name or pen name,
email, name, gender, and description of your 'persona', and whether you
like, loathe, or whatever Shishio. I can be reached at xellos_san@hotmail.com
And don't worry, Sano x Megumi fans, I fully intend
to do some more with them when the ghosts return to Tokyo!
By the way, if you like Twisted Paradise, there's
some other fics I've gotten hooked on that are similiary warped! One is
"The Morning After" by ArtemisMoon, which is a rather humorous take on
what happens AFTER all those lemon stories. (And then some! NO character
is safe in that!) Another, is (OH YAY! You updated it tonight Colleen!
THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU! *ahem*) "The Dragon and the Maiden" by Colleen,
which is a VERY nifty alternate universe fantasy-style Kenshin x Kaoru
fic. Lastly, I HIGHLY recommend "The Rurouni's Guide to Idiocy" by Gochan.
Like Twisted Paradise, it takes what most would treat as a serious subject,
and holds nothing sacred. It's a GREAT comedy fic dealing with how Kenshin
went from being the hitokiri to the rurouni. *runs off to celebrate Colleen
updating!*