Chapter Three: Two's Company, One Hundred Two's a Crowd

Peo enters a tea house. At a table, Bearaph is sitting and drinking tea. He gets up and bows to Peo.

"I can take you to the Oracle, but first, I must apologize."

"For what?" Peo asks suspiciously.

Bearaph hits Peo in the face. "For that."

"Ow!!"

Bearaph and Peo fight. Peo slaps Bearaph across the face. Bearaph sends Peo flying backwards into the wall. Peo gets up and throws a weak punch, which Bearaph catches and turns, making Peo fall to the ground. Bearaph starts kicking him.

"You're not the One," Bearaph says to him.

"Am too!" Neo protests.

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Get out."

Peo walks though a door that leads to a park where the Oracle is sitting on a bench feeding birds.

Oracle looks over at Peo and sighs. "Shouldn't Bearaph of kept you away?"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind. Have a seat."

"I don't want to."

"Fine."

They stay in their positions for about an hour. Suddenly, the Oracle yells, "Sit the fuck down, Peo.
"I want to."

"Then sit down!"

"YOU SIT DOWN!!!!!!"

"I AM SITTING DOWN!!!!"

"YOUR MOM IS SITTING DOWN!!!!"

"I don't have a mom. I'm a program, Peo. A p-r-o-g-r-a-m. Get it through your damn head."

"I can't spell."

The Oracle smacks her forehead.

"Let's cut to the chase. You need to find the Key Taker. He's a program – a compulsive liar – who steals anything he can get his hands on. He's attracted to shiny objects. He'll probably have the key you need to get into the Source. He is held by a powerful program called Jacques Chirac. Now I will let you ask any three questions."

"Does all my base is really belong to them?"

"Yep."

"Will I survive to make my time?"

"Probably not."

"What's the meaning of life?"

"Forty-two."

Bearaph grabs the Oracle and they leave through a door. Suddenly, ravens start cawing and flying up as if disturbed. From across the park comes Kiss. The ravens begin to attack the former Agent.

"AH!!!!!!!!" yells kiss. He starts shooting ravens and then sticks his hand in the last one. The raven gets a mini suit and mini sunglasses.

"Surprised to see me, Mister Handerson?" Kiss asks.
"Uh…yes…because I haven't seen you since the last movie," Peo replies unconvincingly.

"Yes. Then you're aware of it."

"Of what?"

"Our connection," replies Kiss in a sexy voice, winking.

"Yuck…"

"I don't understand how it happened, perhaps some part of you imprinted onto me, something overwritten or copied, it is at this point irrelevant. What matters is whatever happened happened for a reason."

"And what reason is that?

"I dunno. Plot device?"

"Congratulations."

"Thank you. Without purpose we would not exist." Another Kiss suddenly walks in. He looks like Elrond from that big movie.

"It is purpose that created us," Elrond says.

"Purpose that guides us," says Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

"Purpose that drives us," says Kiss. The Raven suddenly caws, panicking all the Kisses.

"We are here because of you, Mister Handerson," Kiss continues. "We are here to try to take from you what you tried to take from us. Hey, Peo! WAKE UP PEO!!!!!!

Kiss snaps his fingers in front of Peo's face. Peo wakes up.

"Beavers and ducks!" Peo screams.

"What?"

"Miss Peacock was a man?"

"WHAT???" asks Elrond in confusion.

"Bye."

"You're not going anywhere, bucko," says Priscilla, grabbing by the collar.

They all start fighting. Kiss kicks Peo in the balls, Elrond hits him on the head with a pole, Priscilla bites his leg, and Raven pecks his eyes out.

"AUGH!!!!!" screams Peo in pain. He picks up a large stick from the ground.

"I'll tell you where you can stick your purpose, Kiss!!!" screams Peo in a fury. He swings the stick at Raven, who dodges it and poops on Peo's head. They fight some more. A bunch of other clones run out and start beating the crap out of Peo. Soon he is a bloody pulp. The clones all leave.

"That was easy," Kiss said to Elrond.

Peo suddenly rises from the ground and flies away.

"Why didn't he do that in the first place?" Clink asks himself.