Chapter Four: All French Food and No Toilet Make Peo Constipated

The crew of the Nebizzle Two Dizzle are sitting in a limo. The driver leans back to talk to them.

"So, you guys are terrorists?"

"Yep," Morphbus replies.

"Awesome. You know, it's about time someone fought back against the government. Why, in fact, just the other day, I was saying that to my wife. "Mary," I said, "It's about time someone fought back against the government." And she agreed you know, so we decided we might branch into terrorist work ourselves, but the other day my neighbor was saying –"

"SHUT UP!!" Morphbus yells, shooting the driver. The car careens out of control and Morphbus jumps forward to grab the wheel. He stops the car.

"We need a new driver," Peo says.

"No duh," Finite replies sarcastically.

The door opens and Kiss sits in the drivers seat.

"I'll help you guys out."

"Thanks."

They drive in silence for a few minutes.

"OH MY GOD!!! STOP THE CAR!!!" Peo screams.

"Huh?" Kiss asks.

"Stop!" orders Peo.

Kiss stops the car. Peo gets out and runs into a nearby pet store. The other rebels roll their eyes and follow him in. Peo is browsing through the selection of dogs.

"What are you doing?" Morphbus asks.

"I need a pet."

"You know you can't take it out of the Matrix with you, right?"

"LA LA LA!" yells Peo, covering his ears. "I'm not listening!"

"Fine."

Peo picks out a big, fat, pug.

"I think I'll name you "Finite.""

"Asshole," Finite mutters under her breath. Peo walks over to the store keeper.

"How much is that doggie in the window?"

"The one with the waggily tail?"

"How much is that doggie in the window? I do hope that doggie's for sale."

"Four hundred dollars."

"That's too much. You die now."

Peo shoots the store keeper and then goes on a rampage through the store, destroying everything except his new companion.

"Why'd you do that?" Morphbus asks.

"You know how dolphins sometimes get caught in tuna nets?"

"Yes…"

"Well, it has nothing to do with that."

"Can we go now?"

"Sure."

The rebels walk into the "Merovingian SuperStar Strip Club and All You Can Eat Buffet" restaurant. Inside they are led to the table where Jacques Chirac, his wife Desperatie, a bunch of pointless minions, and two White Supremacists sit playing cards. Jacques looks up.

"Oh, sheet. Here he iz at last. Peo, ze One himself. Right? And ze legendary Morphbus. Oh, and I see you brought a dog! What's iz name?"

"Finite," answers the One.

"Excellent," Jacques replies, tenting his fingers. "Please, sit, join us. This iz my wife, Desperatie. Something to eat? Drink?"

"Please," says Peo. eating a piece of cake.

"That had rat poison in it."

"AH!"

"I am just joking, yes? Ha ha ha, But really, you might want to go to a hospital."

Peo flies out through the roof. Desperatie sighs.

"I've always wanted a sunroof."

"I love wine. Especially French wine. Don't you?"

"Actually, I – " starts Morphbus.

"Shut up. I'm talking here. I love the French language. It's fun to curse in. Sucer. Sucer sucer sucer sucer. Ha ha!"

"You know why we are here."

"Actually, I don't. I am a trafficker of drugs, I know everything about that but nothing about anything else. Ze question is, do you know why you are here?"

"Yes. We want the Key Taker."

"Yes, but he is a means, not an end, so to be looking for him, you are looking for a means to do, what?"

Morphbus, Finite, and Finite have fallen asleep. Peo returns.

"You know the answer to that question."

"But do you? You think you do but you do not. You are here because - "

Peo suddenly throws up all over the table. "Damn rat poison."

" - you were sent here. Zat is truth."

"Everything begins with choice."

 "Wrong. Choice iz an illusion, created between those with power and those with out. Zere iz a gap in zis system between thoz wiz power and zose wizout."

"No duh."

"Shut up. I'm still talking. Look at zat woman. See how ze affects everyone around her. Ze eats the pie and gets a rush. Her heart flutters. Ze grows hot. Iz it ze why? No. It iz-"

Peo starts snoring. Jacques screams at him.

"WAKE ZE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Huh? What? Where'd the clowns go?"

"Zat is it, no Key Taker for you."

"Where goust thou?" Desperatie asks him.

"I drink too much vin, now I much pschitt!"

The rebels walk away and into an elevator. Finite makes out with White Supremacist One, and White Supremacist Two makes out with Finite. They all get in the elevator and leave. The door opens on Desperatie.

"If you want the Bee Keeper, come with me."

She leads them into a bathroom.

"This is quirky," Peo remarks.

"Kiss me baby, one more time!"

"One MORE?!" yells Finite in rage.

"Uh…just a song, dear," Peo replies nervously.

Finite shoots at Peo, and he dodges the bullet. It flies past him and hits a man peeing in the ass.

"Opps."

Peo kisses Desperatie long and hard. He slams her up against the wall of a stall and they start making out. Peo opens the door, pushes her inside, and looks it behind them. Sounds start coming from the stall. The rebels wait for about half and hour and the Desperatie emerges alone, her hair messed up and clothes crooked.

"Where is he?" Finite asks.

"Sleeping. I don't envy you."

"What about the Key Taker?"

"The guy you shot in the ass."

"Oh."