'There must be some weird Murphy's Law about this.' Dib thought as he
slouched at his desk, watching the clock, willing the minute hand to move
faster. 'Bored student + stifling learning environment = the total halt of
time and space itself.'
Somewhere behind her desk, Ms. Bitters was droning on about the Civil War
(most likely she had seen it firsthand), but nobody was even bothering to
listen, some students held pencils in their limp hands, staring into thin
air and drooling. Some were facedown on their desks, gnats beginning to
circle their heads. Over in the corner, Zim was drumming his fingers
rapidly on his desk, staring intently at the classroom door, and twitching
periodically.
Dib narrowed his eyes, stealing sideways glances at his foe. The little
alien creep was up to something, all right, but what? Dib gritted his teeth
until his jaw hurt, "You cannot win, Zim. Sooner or later, I will have you
on the autopsy table." Dib muttered to himself. Suddenly, making everyone
jump, the SKOOL bell rang. Children surged up from their desks, reanimated
by freedom.
"HOLD IT!" Ms. Bitters grated. "I have a special assignment. Each student
must bring in their pet tomorrow, or be DOOMED to fail!" Dib frowned "What
if we don't have a pet?" "Bring one in anyway!" Ms. Bitters snapped.
"Whatever." Dib bounded out of the classroom, intent on tailing Zim.
Instead, he was met by a purple-haired girl who swung a powerful uppercut
right into Dib's stomach. Dib crumpled to his knees, trying not to vomit.
"Wha-what was that *cough* for?" he asked his sister.
Gaz glared at her brother. "I had peanut butter for lunch." She snarled.
"So?" Dib painfully got to his feet.
"I HATE peanut butter." "You hate a lot of things." "Don't speak to me."
Frank awoke slowly out of a doze, stretching, he savored the sensation of the silk bed sheets sliding against his naked flesh. Frank stared into the darkness, he had been dreaming, but of what? Ah yes, his project, his obsession. Rocky, his Adonis made reality. Oh, he would be magnificent, beautiful, all rippling muscles and smooth, tanned skin. Thinking about Rocky stirred the insatiable fire in Frank's lions. He rolled over, reaching. Until he had Rocky, Columbia would have to do. Instead of touching Columbia's warm body, Frank's fingers encountered something hard and cold. Greenish lights appeared in the gloom "Heellooo!" GIR chirped. Frank gasped and leapt from the bed as if it was on fire. On the other side of GIR, Columbia jolted into consciousness and shrieked. GIR was somewhat the worse for wear, having several fang indentations in his metal exterior, and what looked to be dog poop on his antenna, but as always, smiling. With a savage twist of his wrist, Frank turned the buttons of his monitor, wavy lines hissing across the screen, and then presenting a multi-sectioned view of all the mansion's rooms. Riff-Raff was passed out on the floor of the wine cellar, and Magenta was lazing on a couch in the Zen room, smoking a narrow cigarette and flipping through a fashion magazine. Grinding his teeth in barely suppressed rage, Frank hastily donned a nightie, and grabbed a leather whip from a hook on the wall. GIR was by now bouncing on the bed as hard as he possibly could, and Columbia was cowering in a corner. With an earsplitting crash, the bed folded in on itself, one of the bedposts catching Columbia a glancing blow and stunning her. Frank bolted from the room "RIFF-RAFF!" he roared, pounding down the cellar steps. Swish-crack! Riff regained consciousness as the lash hit his tender back. Gasping, he scrambled backwards, panicking as he saw the expression on his master's face. "No, please, don't! Nooooo!" "Imbecile, crook-backed whoreson!" A crack of the whip underscored each word as Frank vented his ire. Shaking, Riff curled his knees to his chest and yelped every time the lash scored a mark. By now, Magenta had rushed into the cellars, and was feebly pulling at Frank's arm. Frank snarled and pushed her sideways into a stack of empty kegs. "Completely useless, the both of you!" Frank spit on Riff's prone form and turned on his heel. Magenta bent down and shook her brother's arm. "Hey, are you all right?" Riff shakily climbed to his feet, rubbed his back, and stared at the blood on his hand. "Y-yeah, I think so." Tenderly, Magenta peeled Riff's coat off and used his handkerchief to clean the wounds. Riff smiled tenderly and took his sister's face in his hands. "Thank you." Magenta smiled back and slid her tongue between his lips. Riff's whimpers of pain turned to moans of ecstasy as he relaxed into Magenta's arms and gave himself to her. "Yeah, take that! Hah!" Gaz jerked around frantically on the couch as her fingers flew in a blur over the game's controls." Dib was pacing up and down in front of the TV, grumbling to himself about the injustice of Ms. Bitter's assignment. "Of all the trivial, uninspired.." "Hey, shut up!" Gaz paused her game and glared at Dib "You're making me lose my concentration!"
Dib sighed "Gaz, you could play that thing in the middle of a nuclear winter. How I can I possibly." Suddenly, a thought a occurred to him. "Hey, you don't have a bird or a hamster or something, do you?" "I have a fish." Gaz hissed. "Could I borrow it for a day?" Gaz rolled her eyes "No. What makes you think I would even consider lending you my fish?" Dib groaned under his breath "Perhaps we could strike a deal?" "NO." Hastily, Dib pulled a few greenbacks out of his pocket and counted them. Just enough to bribe Gaz with her ultimate weakness. "What if I get a pizza from Bloaty's Pizza Hog?" Gaz licked her lips. "Deal, but I want extra everything on it." "Great!" Dib said "Where's the fish?" "Not so fast." Gaz grabbed her brother's collar "You have to stand to attention and watch me eat every single piece, and hold my drink." Dib cursed under his breath. No school assignment in the world was worth this kind of torture! An agonizing hour later, Gaz burped loudly and flicked a pizza crust at Dib. "All right, come to my room, but don't touch anything!" Hesitantly, Dib followed Gaz into her room, which vaguely resembled the 5th level of Hell." Gaz shoved a pile of clothing off a much abused desk and revealed a dusty, cobwebbed fishbowl. For the second time that day, Dib tried not to puke. The water was an unhealthy brownish-green, and a rotting orange something floated at the top, giving off a foul odor. "This is Stinky." Gaz shoved the bowl into Dib's arms, sloshing water on his shirt. "B-but, he's DEAD!" Dib gasped. "I know that, idiot. You only asked me if I had a pet. The answer is yes. Now get the hell out of my room!" Dib groaned, as the door slammed behind him. "You bitch." He muttered under his breath. He was going to be the laughingstock of the entire classroom!
Frank awoke slowly out of a doze, stretching, he savored the sensation of the silk bed sheets sliding against his naked flesh. Frank stared into the darkness, he had been dreaming, but of what? Ah yes, his project, his obsession. Rocky, his Adonis made reality. Oh, he would be magnificent, beautiful, all rippling muscles and smooth, tanned skin. Thinking about Rocky stirred the insatiable fire in Frank's lions. He rolled over, reaching. Until he had Rocky, Columbia would have to do. Instead of touching Columbia's warm body, Frank's fingers encountered something hard and cold. Greenish lights appeared in the gloom "Heellooo!" GIR chirped. Frank gasped and leapt from the bed as if it was on fire. On the other side of GIR, Columbia jolted into consciousness and shrieked. GIR was somewhat the worse for wear, having several fang indentations in his metal exterior, and what looked to be dog poop on his antenna, but as always, smiling. With a savage twist of his wrist, Frank turned the buttons of his monitor, wavy lines hissing across the screen, and then presenting a multi-sectioned view of all the mansion's rooms. Riff-Raff was passed out on the floor of the wine cellar, and Magenta was lazing on a couch in the Zen room, smoking a narrow cigarette and flipping through a fashion magazine. Grinding his teeth in barely suppressed rage, Frank hastily donned a nightie, and grabbed a leather whip from a hook on the wall. GIR was by now bouncing on the bed as hard as he possibly could, and Columbia was cowering in a corner. With an earsplitting crash, the bed folded in on itself, one of the bedposts catching Columbia a glancing blow and stunning her. Frank bolted from the room "RIFF-RAFF!" he roared, pounding down the cellar steps. Swish-crack! Riff regained consciousness as the lash hit his tender back. Gasping, he scrambled backwards, panicking as he saw the expression on his master's face. "No, please, don't! Nooooo!" "Imbecile, crook-backed whoreson!" A crack of the whip underscored each word as Frank vented his ire. Shaking, Riff curled his knees to his chest and yelped every time the lash scored a mark. By now, Magenta had rushed into the cellars, and was feebly pulling at Frank's arm. Frank snarled and pushed her sideways into a stack of empty kegs. "Completely useless, the both of you!" Frank spit on Riff's prone form and turned on his heel. Magenta bent down and shook her brother's arm. "Hey, are you all right?" Riff shakily climbed to his feet, rubbed his back, and stared at the blood on his hand. "Y-yeah, I think so." Tenderly, Magenta peeled Riff's coat off and used his handkerchief to clean the wounds. Riff smiled tenderly and took his sister's face in his hands. "Thank you." Magenta smiled back and slid her tongue between his lips. Riff's whimpers of pain turned to moans of ecstasy as he relaxed into Magenta's arms and gave himself to her. "Yeah, take that! Hah!" Gaz jerked around frantically on the couch as her fingers flew in a blur over the game's controls." Dib was pacing up and down in front of the TV, grumbling to himself about the injustice of Ms. Bitter's assignment. "Of all the trivial, uninspired.." "Hey, shut up!" Gaz paused her game and glared at Dib "You're making me lose my concentration!"
Dib sighed "Gaz, you could play that thing in the middle of a nuclear winter. How I can I possibly." Suddenly, a thought a occurred to him. "Hey, you don't have a bird or a hamster or something, do you?" "I have a fish." Gaz hissed. "Could I borrow it for a day?" Gaz rolled her eyes "No. What makes you think I would even consider lending you my fish?" Dib groaned under his breath "Perhaps we could strike a deal?" "NO." Hastily, Dib pulled a few greenbacks out of his pocket and counted them. Just enough to bribe Gaz with her ultimate weakness. "What if I get a pizza from Bloaty's Pizza Hog?" Gaz licked her lips. "Deal, but I want extra everything on it." "Great!" Dib said "Where's the fish?" "Not so fast." Gaz grabbed her brother's collar "You have to stand to attention and watch me eat every single piece, and hold my drink." Dib cursed under his breath. No school assignment in the world was worth this kind of torture! An agonizing hour later, Gaz burped loudly and flicked a pizza crust at Dib. "All right, come to my room, but don't touch anything!" Hesitantly, Dib followed Gaz into her room, which vaguely resembled the 5th level of Hell." Gaz shoved a pile of clothing off a much abused desk and revealed a dusty, cobwebbed fishbowl. For the second time that day, Dib tried not to puke. The water was an unhealthy brownish-green, and a rotting orange something floated at the top, giving off a foul odor. "This is Stinky." Gaz shoved the bowl into Dib's arms, sloshing water on his shirt. "B-but, he's DEAD!" Dib gasped. "I know that, idiot. You only asked me if I had a pet. The answer is yes. Now get the hell out of my room!" Dib groaned, as the door slammed behind him. "You bitch." He muttered under his breath. He was going to be the laughingstock of the entire classroom!