Chapter Five: Minions No Function Toilet Well Without

The rebels walk out of the bathroom, hauling the unconscious Key Taker and Peo with them. The Taker wakes up.

"Who da hell is you?"

"Yo mama," Finite tells him. "You're the Key Taker, right?"

"No."

"Who are you?"

"I'm simple orphan that happens to be the love child of Kiss and the Oracle. They left me to die but Jacques found me and took me in. I grew up looking up to him like a father. He taught me the ways of Feung-Shei, the ancient art of feces consumption. When I reached the age of fourteen – "

"Shut up," Finite told him.

"Okay," said the Taker. "Here's your gun back.

Jacques Chirac suddenly bursts through the door followed by a bunch of pasty-looking minions.

"Run, homies!" yells Morphbus.

"What about Peo!?"

"Just drop him!"

"Okay…"

Finite drops Peo and runs away with the others. The two White Supremacists chase after them. Finite the dog stands over Peo, growling. Jacques Chirac's minions swarm forward and begin kicking the crap out of Peo, who soon wakes up.

"Ow!"

"I got to take a crap," one of the minions says.

"Damn it! That's what I get for screwing around with the cake's coding!"

"Ah, my stomach," yells minion two. He runs off.

"Ohmigod, The dam's breaking!" screams minion three, running to the bathroom.

"Just you and me, Jacques," Peo says.

"Look! A lorse!" Jacques cries, pointing.

"Where?" Peo asks, turning around. Jacques dashes off back to "ze restaurant" Peo shrugs.

"Whatever."

The three minions come running back.

"Oh, crap," says Peo. "I know! I know a song that gets on everybody's' nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!"

The three minions scream in pain and put their hands over their ears. Minion One races back to the bathroom. Finite dashes forward and bites Minion Two in the balls.

"AUGH!!!!!!!!! I need to use the bathroom."

Minion One returns.

"My turn! 99 bottles of beer, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, we all get drunk and fall on the ground! 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer…"

"Peo starts to get woozy. His eyes close and he starts snoring and swaying in the air. He suddenly snaps out of it, grabs a spear, and stabs Minion One through the chest."

"AUGH!!!!!!!" he screams. Finite barks. Peo laughs at him.

Two returns from the toilet and beings singing. "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way…"

"You fiend…zzzz…"

"I think I just crapped my pants," Three confesses.

"That's disgusting," Two says.

"I know. Will you help me clean it?"

"Mmm…no. That's disgusting."

Peo wakes up. "Hahahahaha! You had an accident!"

Three suddenly starts bawling. "It's not funny! It's Jacques's fault he wrote my program bad!"

"There, there," says Two, patting her on back. Then he turns to Peo angrily. "See what you did, asshole?"

"Sorry. Here, let me give you some toilet paper."

"Thank you," sniffs Three, running off to the bathroom. Two and Peo look at each other awkwardly.

"So…" Two says.

"Yeah…let's fight some more."

Peo takes out a gun and shoots Two in the stomach eight times.

"Ha ha ha! Sucker. Hey, where'd my dog go?"

Peo walks around in search of his dog. He opens a door and finds the dog eating a cake.

"Hey, leave some for me!"

The dog barks threateningly at him.

"Gimmie!"

Desperatie walks in.

"Hey, that's my cake!" she yells, hitting Peo with a shoe. She steals the cake and runs back to the club.

"Wah…I'm gonna leave now," cries Peo, flying through the sunroof. Finite howls after him.

Meanwhile, somewhere else, let's say in a sleazy motel somewhere in the Matrix, the White Supremacists are chasing after Finite, Morphbus and the Key Taker.

"Get the black one!" yells White Supremacist One.

"Yes, let's kill him now. Leave the girl," agrees the second racist.

"Fo shizzle, my homies, you just mad at a brother cause a brother is a brother! I gotta bounce! Catch ya later, dawgs!"

He runs towards the garage, first grabbing a giant dildo from a shelf. The White Supremacists race after him, flipping up their hoods and holding burning crosses aloft. Finite and the Key Taker arrive in the garage, and the Taker dives under a car to hide.

"AH!!!!!!!!!!"

"Start the car, bitch!" yells Morphbus.

"Fine," yells Finite back.

She runs off into the car and turns the key. The engine roars and she runs over the Bee Keeper. He crawls out from under the car and climbs in.

"Lynch him!!!!!!" yells One.

"Get the bitch!"

"Okay," One replies, running out.

The car pulls up besides Morphbus, and he jumps in. Finite puts the pedal down, roaring off.

"It's like Grand Theft Auto!! Like a video game!! Whee!!!!"

Supremacist One runs back into the garage holding Finite.

"Got her."