Authors notes: as to the clever guess one of my reviewers had, the answer is no. However, good guess. Someone else from Ginny's past, however, enters her life again, and she does something cruel, and learns something crucial. So keep reading… oh and, I apologise for the delayed post… thanks for reading… oh and this chappie is quite angsty, so beware… oh, language warning. Lots of fucking language in here… no pun intended.
PS: Don't own anything HP, tis a shame though, for then I would have one claim to brilliance… Ahh, well, a lass can dream can't she?
I felt myself going cold. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, but it wasn't something I thoroughly enjoyed either. My heart was gone, and in it's place there was a dark empty space where emotions ran dry. In other words, I was dead. True my body still functioned, and my brain still had thoughts flowing through it, but I had forgotten what it felt like to care, what it felt like to… love. Then I realized something. If I had forgotten how to love, then I couldn't love Tom anymore. It was a little startling at first, but then again it did make sense. No longer did I have undesirable urges to constantly be in his presence, no longer did I feel incomplete when he didn't make his way to my bed, no longer did I call him master out of loving obedience. No, I didn't love Tom, but I didn't feel sadness in discovering this. It made me smile, actually, almost as if it were meant to be. I don't know for certain, but I almost was relieved to discover this. Tom, on the other hand, already knew…
"Virginia," his ice like voice drawled. It sent shivers up my spine every time he said my name. Not shivers of pleasure, more like shivers of… foreboding.
"Tom," I answered smartly. I could almost see the sneer forming on his face, for I hadn't called him master. No, not anymore…
"You don't love me, do you?" His voice sounded from the bath where he was seated. Ha, so the bastard was observant? I guess being the best Dark Lord of the century comes with the job requirements of observance… How can I joke at a time like this? Why the hell not? I mean, I could use some amusement in my life…
"No," that was my plain reply. Not any gushy, "No Tom, I'm so sorry, I don't…" No witty, "Who could love you?" remarks… No. Just no. He laughed.
"Good, it will make this… arrangement… so much easier for us both." Yes, easy, just what I needed. I was, after all, holding that big secret from him. Severus and I had been meeting secretly for quite some time now… Tom did not need to find this out.
"Yes, it will." Hah, I guess I really am the ice queen. Who gives a shit anymore? I certainly don't, I mean… I'm happy here… really, I am! Don't believe me? Let me tell you this, I have wealth, I have power, and I have… I have…
"I have a present for you, Virginia…" Again with the drawl! But, he had a gift for me!! Another thing to be happy about…
"I'd like to see it." See the thing about Tom and I is there was no forced politeness. We both knew what we wanted, and didn't bullshit getting there. It was strangely – pleasant.
"Come here first, we'll go see it in a second." Oh great, another round of bumping uglies with each other… That man – err – monster is insatiable…
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Tom Riddle, more formally known as – Lord Voldemort – led Ginny Weasley down a long dark corridor. It was nothing unusual for the two to be seen together. While most death eaters, even the higher up ones, could barely hope to kiss the edge of his robe, Ginny Weasley was "privileged" so to speak, and did practically everything in the presence of Tom. However, there was some strange formality to this particular venture. Virginia was blind folded, and instead of being dressed in the slaggish way that Tom usually insisted upon, her dress was of bland conservativeness. It was a strange sight indeed, but the few minions that saw them passing said nothing but merely faded into the shadows, thoroughly confused.
Tom, however, would say nothing, but simply smirk at Ginny's pathetic pleas to know what was going on.
"Patience, is a virtue my dear…" he said callously. A guffaw was let out on Ginny's behalf at hearing Tom speak of things such as virtue…
"One which I don't possess, and neither do you!" Silence was the witty retort to Ginny's bashing. Tom merely led her on until they came to a heavy oaken door. The creaking of heavy wood could be heard, and Ginny felt herself being led through a doorway.
The air inside the chamber was cold, and from the sound of it, another person was already there. Muffled cries sounded in terror from the person or thing that was sitting there. Virginia stood in complete rapture as she anxiously awaited having her eyes opened. Though curious, she was not quite sure she would like this gift. It consisted of some form of life, and that was enough to send her mind reeling. Fortunately, her Occulumency skills came into play here.
"Are you… prepared, m'dear?" came Tom's breath on the shell of her ear. With a shiver and a suppressed shudder, Ginny gave a curt nod.
Lightning
and thunder crashed inside her minds eye, and for a second the redhead had
trouble breathing properly. Regaining her composure quickly, Ginny formed a
glare upon her face.
"What is this – this, filth doing here Tom?" she said with
unwaveringness. Tom's brow formed into an amused look.
"This – mudblood - my dear girl, is your gift."
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What the bloody hell did he have to bring her here for? As if the knowledge that all my family and friends (not the mention the whole damn ministry,) knew of my decision hadn't been enough, he had to bring her here! Good thing for me I know longer felt obligated towards my family or friends anymore. I mean, if that was the case I would have broke down then and there and probably would have gone running back into the arms of wonder boy… Oh gods, why is everything so fucked up? On second thought, don't answer that… So what the hell am I supposed to do with a gift like this? Hopefully, I'm allowed to dispose of it…
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"I'll let you two have some time to get… reacquainted… shall I?" Tom asked in a malicious voice. Damn him! Damn him to goddamn hell! My jaw was rigid, but I gave him a forced nod anyway. In a second, he was gone. She, on the other hand, was still there. I could see the blatant fear in her eyes. She looked like a bug about to be squashed. What surprised me most, however, is that she looked even more surprised to see me here. I guess those daft buggers back home actually thought that perhaps ickle Ginny had just been captured and was being forced to stay here. Daft pricks – the lot of them! They can go to damned hell also…
"Well, this is… certainly a shock…" somehow it felt… surreal to be talking to her. Actually, it was damned near impossible! She nodded her head in compliancy. Perhaps, perhaps I should take the handkerchief off… So that's what I did.
"G-ginny?" Ha, I almost laughed right here. No, it's the bloody Easter bunny you stupid arse! Of course it's me!
"Hermione…"
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"What the hell do you mean Dumbledore?!" came a loud and concerned voice.
"Mr. Weasley, I'm sure it would not be too much to ask for you to have a seat?" The old man spoke as if it was the calmest time in the world. Even in his enraged state, the youngest Weasley son complied. There was some edge about the elder man that made you want to be calm, be still… be obedient.
"You – you said that Snap – Prof. Snape said that – Mione's there… That they have her… that, that –" it was quite pathetic, the scene that Ron made, in a heart wrenching way. A grave nod from the bearded man made the redhead pale considerably. Those standing on the sidelines couldn't help but feel heartbroken, not only because their friend was gone, but also for this man who was so obviously in love with her.
"This is my fault…" came a whispered voice. Dumbledore looked up to see the twisted brow of Harry Potter. His face was etched with pain, with concern, with… remorse.
"No Harry. This is not your fault in the slightest," said Dumbledore, in a very consoling manner. A persistent shake of his head, however, had Harry convinced otherwise.
"No! First it was Cedric, then – and then Sirius. Then there was Prof. McGonagall, and Neville, and Mr. Bagman, and – and," with a frustrated kick of his foot and the turn of his heel, Harry stormed out of the circular office. No one bothered to stop him. Mrs. Weasley, however, ran after him.
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"Ginny," came her pathetic voice. Shut up wench…
"What?" I was in no mood for chit chat. What in gods name did he want me to do with her? Kill her? Easier said then done… I grew up with this girl – she used to be my best girl friend. Jesus Christ, what is that bastards problem?!
"I'm, I'm scared…" damn her and her innocence. You have a lot to learn mudblood…
"Shut up wench," I didn't want to listen anymore. No no no no! I wasn't going to listen!
"Ginny, why am I here?" I thought I said be quiet!? Don't you know how to follow directions?
"Shut up," my patience (ha, what patience?) was wearing thin. Why can't she just shut up? I don't want to be reminded of the life I left behind. Hearing your voice brings back memories of family… of Hogwarts… of… Harry.
"What if I never get home? What if I can't tell Ron I love him one more time? Ginny, why are you here? Why? Ginny? We love you… Your family… me… Dumbledore… Harry –"
"SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP!" Does she just not get it? They don't care. If they had cared they would have bothered to notice a long time ago. And besides, I don't love any of them anymore. Why does it hurt then? Tom says wounds that hit the heart are hard to heal… He should no – having that muggle bastard as a father and all…
"Ginny! Don't you care? Don't you care?" Ha, you pathetic, babbling, puny little wench. Do I care? Do I?…
"No. Why would I care? I don't love you, or my family, or that barmy old man!" Ha. That should satisfy her little thirst for knowledge. Damn Hermione, you always have to get an answer, eh?
"What about Harry?" What?
"What about him?" Oh damnit, not this old story again…
"Don't you love him?" Ha, ha, ha! You must be even stupider then I thought. Love, him? Naw.
"I never loved Harry. It was merely an… infatuation with the unobtainable." Nice and witty, to the point… Yes, a perfect retort.
"I think that that is a lie. I think V-Voldemort brainwashed you to say that." Smack. I never meant to hit her, I swear. She just doesn't know when to shut her mouth!! I see the red mark starting to form on her face, yet I feel no regret. How dare she tell me what or what not I feel!!
"How – dare – you!" I see the tears smarting in her eyes and I want to hurt her! I want to draw blood! Why the hell does she have to be so infuriating?
"He loves you." I stop in my tracks. What the hell does she mean by that? No – I won't get caught into that again. I gave myself up for him once before, and he didn't notice. If he had loved me he would have cared. Besides, I'm incapable of loving anymore.
"I have no more time to listen to your petty lies, Tom will be needing me." Hmph.
"Needing you for what? A quick bedtime romp?! I'm disgusted of you! You - you whore! You disgusting slag! I used to be your friend, I loved – I love you! And – and there are people who still love you despite what you've done! How can you do this? You know what you are? A piece of ass! A slag! A disgusting, bed warming whore!"
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She had no right - she had no right whatsoever! It's not my fault that there is blood on that floor right now. It's not my fault! SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT! If she hadn't said that she wouldn't be lying there in her own blood right now. I hate her, I hate her, I HATE HER! Why do I hate her? Probably because she spoke the truth… you know what they say, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad!" Oh god, oh god, I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to! It just happened. She was rambling, and she wouldn't shut up, and it hurt too much! And then, oh god, and then… I'm sorry. Not that anybody is here to hear me, but I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to kill her. I didn't intend on killing her, I just… It just… hurt. Oh god, oh god! No! I worked hard to get where I am! I worked hard not to feel! No. I can't feel remorse! I can't feel hurt at what she said. No… I can't… can I? No… no… I'm sorry… I'm fucking sorry…
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"So, you taught the mudblood a lesson, did you?" Oh god, I don't want to talk, don't make me talk.
"I killed her." I see the shock mixed with amusement on his face. How can he even mock her? He is a mudblood himself! Damn him! Damn Malfoy! Damn that stupid wonder boy – Potter!
"Well, I certainly was expecting that… but I must say… I have taught you well." No. No! NO!! Do you hear me Tom? Do you? NO! I am sick of it! Do you get what I just did? I JUST FUCKING KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!! I FUCKING KILLED HER! Her blood is on my hands! Her blood is fucking on my hands.
"Yes… master." I fucking hate it here. I fucking hate him. He just laughs. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. I fucking killed my best friend. Fuck. Fuck. I am going to hell. I am the worst person to ever walk this earth. How did I get myself into this mess? Drugs – sex – curses – Malfoy – euphoria – high – blood. I am so fucked up.
"Tom, I'm…" fucked up, "tired… I'd like to sleep now." God, I just need time to think! I just need some fucking time to think! This doesn't change anything. Put it behind yourself. Put it away, don't think of it! No, I fucking killed her! I just killed her! And, why did you kill her Virginia? Because she cared about you, that's why you fucking whore. That's all you'll ever be, a whore! A disgusting whore that no one loves. You are disgusting. She was right about you. Damn you, you little bitch! Fuck you, fuck you!
"Yes Virginia, it has been a long day. I will expect you tomorrow night…" Insatiable, horny, fucking bastard. Fuck him, fuck him! Instead, I nod my head. I comply! I let him have control over me. Yes Tom. Yes, I'll obey you! You're security. You're comfort. You're… happiness? No, not fucking happiness. Happiness is age 13. Summers at the Burrow. Christmas's at Hogwarts. Happiness is 14. Harry and Ron playing chess. The DA. Dumbledore – old barmy bastard… Happiness… no, it doesn't matter. I fucking killed her. They are going to hate me now. Whatever truth she held is gone now. And why? All because – I fucking killed her. I have her fucking blood on my hands. Dead. Gone. Fuck it all…
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That night, I cried. I cried like a fucking baby. I can't believe it. I killed her. I have to do something, I have to make it right! Yah, sure, like fucking killing your once best friend, oh and future sister in law, is ever going to be alright… Yah, that's right you little fucker, try and redeem yourself! They'll just laugh at your sorry ass. I have to try though. I have to know the truth. You know what the last thing she said to me was? You want to know? I'll goddamn tell you…
"Ginny," she says, "Ginny, I'm sorry… Harry's sorry… he loves you… he's been an ass," wow, Hermione, cursing? It must fucking be true…
"He – he never wanted to hurt you," too late, "but it's true. Ginny, get yourself out of here, I believe you have some heart left. Ginny, we love you," and then I fucking killed her. Dammit. So now I have to find out! I have to do something… apologise, explain, anything… I can't go back. No, not even Harry with his never-ending supply of good cheer and love to all could love me now. No. But I have to find out… I have to explain… I have to…
I fucking killed her. Damn. Damn me, and damn my stupid nonexistent brain. Damn Tom. Damn life. I want to die. I'm going to fucking kill myself one day… How did I let myself get here? Why am I so fucked up? I'm sorry… When I wanted to be different, I didn't mean evil. Then when I was evil, I didn't want to kill. Then when I had killed, I didn't want to regret. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry…
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TBC….
Hey duckies… there are going to be two, possibly three more chappies after this. I'm not sure, it depends on how I split them up… but anyways… yah, lots of angst and language in here. Sorry if it offended you, but if so, no flames please. So, yah, she killed Hermione. Golly, it made me so mad writing that… but yah… and, well there's more to come. You'll see, I don't want to give too much away… oh and, if you're expecting a happy ending, go away. No, the ending on this tale is tragically bittersweet. Like it's sad, but then something happens to make it not quite as sad… yet sadder in it's own way. Anyway, enough of that… just read and see. Sorry for the delay, and thanks to all the lovely reviewers who took time to leave a comment! Ciao. ~Jill