WARNING: BASED SOLELY ON THE MANGA. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ TO
THE END - AND I MEAN *THE VERY END* - DO NOT READ THIS. YOU WILL
NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON, WHO SAILOR COSMOS IS, WHO CHAOS IS,
WHAT THE CHAOS WARS ARE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
* * are for emphasis
' ' are for mind voices or thoughts
Standard Disclaimers Apply. More notes below.
On Destiny's Wings
So long. It all happened so long ago. It's surprising, therefore, that the memories
of that time were so clear. I didn't change anything by going back. I knew I wouldn't,
deep down, I knew. But I had to try. I thought, 'Maybe this time it will be different.' Of
course, I was wrong. I may not have changed the past, but I realize my being there was
crucial to the future. My future. When the time comes for her, she will do the same. The
memories will be as bright for her as they were for me. Every other recollection from
that distant era is faded, misty with the passage of numerous millennia. I can only
surmise that the survival of those memories, whole and intact as they are, is another part
of the destiny that rules my life.
I go now to confront it, my destiny. I know not the outcome. But I am possessed
of something I thought was lost to me too long ago for even its name to be recalled.
Once again, I have hope. For the future, for the past, and most importantly, for the
present. And not just hope.
Ahh. I am getting ahead of myself. Perhaps I should start where all has started
before, since before Creation had a name and the first star lit the vast cauldron of space.
At the beginning.
Those were the peaceful times, when Crystal Millennium ruled a united Solar
System, with thousands of years of peace behind and, we had thought, thousands of years
of peace yet to come.
It started quietly. Not so as none would notice, but not so serious as to force us to
take action. Cults sprang up on all the planets. The leaders preached of the glory of
Chaos. That was the first sign we had that Sailor Chaos had returned.
Sailor Chaos was the source of all our enemies that had come before. Queen
Metallia, Death Phantom, Pharaoh 90, Neherenia, even Sailor Galaxia. The Chaos seed
is the Sailor Crystal of Sailor Chaos. Each Senshi possesses a Sailor Crystal. My crystal
is called the Cosmos seed. These are what Chaos had been after the first time. If she had
gathered all the Sailor Crystals in existence, she would have controlled the Universe. Her
tactics seemed to have changed since then, for she did not strike right away, nor did she
seem to be after Sailor Crystals.
If we had moved immediately, the dreadful future that came to be might have
been avoided. We thought there was time to prepare, that the powers of Chaos were still
weak, otherwise she would not be working through humans. Little did we realize Chaos
was stronger than ever. It seemed Chaos' plan was to seek out all those who, in their
heart of hearts, were truly evil. These did Chaos imbue with powers to match and surpass
those of the defenders of Crystal Millennium. Not two months after the first chapter of
the Chaos Cults appeared, we lost Neptune. The Chaos Wars had begun.
Allow me to stop and explain, for those not familiar with more recent history, the
state of Crystal Millennium in its final days.
The Universe had been at peace for millennia by now. The Sailor Senshi,
protectors of the royal family and the Solar System, were not needed for eons at a time.
By this I mean hundreds of years, if not thousands. We stopped counting time in single
years by the time the 50th century rolled around.
They had all retired to their respective planets to rule as the princesses that they
truly were. For, let us not forget, the Senshi *were*, in fact, each one of them born a
princess. In this era of peace, they were free to take on a duty that was just as important
as defending the Solar System. All welcomed the change. If they could take over the
rule of their planets personally, it must mean that they had done the job of the Senshi
correctly, and won peace, if not for all time, then for long enough that all that they knew
would be dust before evil troubled the Universe again.
Planets and people matured and grew, changing for the better, even though with
immortality came the threat of becoming stagnant and set in certain, unhealthy ways.
Curiously, this never happened. Not even on far distant Pluto, the most removed in time
as well as space. The influence of the royal family may have - no, definitely had
something to do with that.
Though their home was Earth, the King, Neo-Queen, and their daughter (who had
grown into a beautiful young woman known by the name of Princess Lady Serenity)
made frequent trips to the other planets. The Senshi-turned-princesses ruled well, no
doubt of that, but the Neo-Queen was responsible for all the Solar System, not just her
own planet. She took these duties seriously, and spent much of her time away from
Earth, which she left in her husband's, or sometimes daughter's, capable hands.
Even on the most removed planet, the light that was Neo-Queen Serenity shone
brilliantly through the darkness. It was she that kept the peace; she that quelled the urges
for evil people felt in their secret hearts. An action begun in anger and hate would end in
friendship and apology at the mere thought of Neo-Queen Serenity. She bequeathed to
her people the strength of will to resist hates seductive call.
How Chaos gained a hold on the Solar System is easy enough to guess. Sailor
Chaos is the natural balance to peace and order, of which Neo-Queen Serenity was the
ultimate symbol. For all that time of peace, Chaos was still present. Chaos' star seed will
always exist. The order of the Universe depends upon an eternal balance. There can be
no Hope without Despair, no Heaven without Hell, no Light without Darkness. While
Light retains the upper hand, Darkness is plotting its return to power. So did Chaos
watch and wait and plan. Though strong, there are cracks in even the most resilient
armor, and Chaos found those cracks and exploited them.
As Chaos was stronger than expected, so, too, were the Chaos Cults. When they
struck, it was hard, fast, and first. Chaos had to eliminate all who could do her harm.
Neptune, with her ability to see the truth of things hidden, was her number one target. So
unexpected was the attack, none had time to come to her aid. Her warning reached us,
then she was gone.
Uranus was beyond devastated. She locked herself in her room for days, neither
eating nor, I suppose, sleeping. When she emerged, it was as a pale shade of the warrior
princess she once was. During the brief respites between fighting, she haunted the
corridors of whatever planet's palace she happened to be at like a living ghost. She spoke
to no one, and ate only the bare minimum required to keep up her strength. I never saw
her sleep anymore. When a battle started, she was always there, always in the thick of it.
She killed more of Chaos' servitors than the rest of us combined. All the rage and
implacable hatred she'd harbored since Neptune's death she put into her fighting. 'Killing
machine' didn't even begin to come close.
None of the rest of us could reach her. Not even I, whether I begged, threatened,
or ordered. She would just stare through me as I spoke, then return to her silent pacing.
The one time Mars attempted to stop Uranus from killing a prisoner, who might have had
valuable information, was the last time any of us tried to interfere. Uranus turned on
Mars, and for a second we thought she would strike down her fellow Senshi then and
there. She quivered with repressed tension, then seemed to get a hold of herself. She
gave Mars a stare I will never forget nor fully understand, then turned back to the
prisoner and ended it with her Space Sword.
Uranus' death came sooner than it should have. I'm not sure Chaos would have
gone after her next if the ferocity with which she fought had been any less than it was. I
think Uranus was glad to join Neptune. That had been her goal all along; to die quickly
so she wouldn't have to live without her love.
Though the first of us were lost relatively early, the war stretched on for several
years before Chaos struck again. She appeared content to batter her forces against ours,
as if she fed off the conflict. Whenever a Senshi was killed, Chaos herself came for her,
on her home planet, as if to say 'You can't stop me. I take what I want, when I want.'
Mercury was the next to fall. I believe she was close to a breakthrough. When
the war started, she bent all her knowledge and intelligence to discovering a way to defeat
Chaos. The day before . . . before it happened, she sent me a cryptic message, saying
only that she believed 'the answer was in the past.' I didn't understand then. I do now.
When we arrived at the palace on Mercury, it had been completely destroyed.
There was nothing left of it. Not a wall, not a stone. Just scorch marks, and a crater so
big across, a person standing on the edge could not see to the other side. Chaos made
sure none would be able to discover what Mercury had, at least not by the same methods.
Several weeks following the loss of Mercury, Chaos went after Pluto for, I
believe, the same reason. The knowledge she carried of Time, as its Guardian, was too
dangerous to Chaos. The light from the battle could be seen on Earth at midday. Those
of us left tried to help, were desperate not to lose anyone else, but Pluto had shut us out.
She made it plain that this was her fight. When it was over, Pluto was gone, and her
planet was a dark, lifeless place once more.
One by one, on our home ground, we were being taken. Chaos appeared as strong
as ever, while we grew increasingly weak. The hits for our side were piling up, and it
didn't look to stop anytime soon. Pluto was not the last.
We fought delaying tactics at best, but we knew that's all they were. The Senshi
that were left, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, all battled on their own, each trying to save
their world. The royal family banded together to rally the Earth. Neo-Queen Serenity
used the Ginzuishou to purify those touched by Chaos, and King Endymion did the same
with his Golden Crystal. When the Neo-Queen collapsed from exhaustion, the Princess
Lady Serenity would take over. Slowly, ever so painfully slowly, the royal family was
taking back Earth.
But the little ground gained was lost with the death of the princess of Mars. Her
psychic abilities were strong, had grown tremendously since Neptune had died, and Mars
was now more powerful in that area than any living. She must have sensed something, or
had a vision. I can only guess because her end came swifter than Neptune's did. One
minute her presence was burning bonfire bright in the Darkness, the next, we, all of us,
heard her whisper, 'Sayonara, my friends,' and her essence winked out of existence.
The death of Crystal Millennium happened quickly after that. Four planets left
out of nine, no matter how powerful, could not hold out against those odds for long.
Mars' death was the last straw for Jupiter. The thin wall that been holding her
back shattered, and Jupiter attacked Chaos. She didn't wait for Chaos to come to her, but
sought out Chaos' power center on her own planet. She, by herself, decimated the ranks
of Chaos' minions, until all that was left was Chaos herself. Whereas Uranus' was cold
and hard, Jupiter's rage burned bright and flash-fire hot. It could not be quelled, except
with her death. It was a price she willingly paid to inflict what damage she could; to
avenge the deaths' of her friends in even a small way.
She did it alone, defiant and courageous to the last. The rest of us had our hands
full holding the portions of our planets we had liberated from Chaos. Our people needed
protecting as much as Jupiter needed to assuage her burning for vengeance. The earliest
knowledge we had of her kamikaze mission was when refugees from the planet Jupiter
began to trickle into Earth, the last planet considered truly *safe*, thanks to the tireless
efforts of the royal family. Jupiter had sent her remaining people away in preparation for
her epic, one-woman stand. I do not know if, when Jupiter finally fell, she was aware of
the damage she inflicted on Chaos. Because damage Chaos she did. None of us could
figure out how she had done it, and all our attempts to duplicate Jupiter's success were
met with failure bordering on disaster.
Only now, hundreds of years later, do I realize what Jupiter discovered at the
last. What I had to go back into the past to be reminded of.
We gained the upper hand for several more years. Chaos was the one weakened
this time, and so could not supply her servants with as much power as she had previously.
On Earth, Venus, and Saturn, our forces were pushing Chaos' back on all fronts. For a
time, it seemed we would triumph after all. We must have let our guard slip in the face
of our growing confidence, because Chaos came rushing back in at full strength.
Obviously, Jupiter's sacrifice hadn't been enough.
Saturn had had plenty of time to formulate a plan for dealing with Chaos when
she came for her. It was a simple enough plan, direct, easy to enact. For her, anyway. It
was her ultimate power, after all. The purpose she had originally been born for. When it
was Saturn's turn, she let Chaos in, thinking to never let her out again. When Saturn
went, she took her planet with her. Her hope was that Chaos would be destroyed along
with her beloved planet; in her eyes, nothing could be too much to give up if it stopped
Chaos forever.
It didn't work. The shockwave rocked the Solar System. After it passed, Saturn,
the Senshi and the planet, were gone, and Chaos was not. There wasn't even a speck of
space dust to show that a planet by the name of Saturn had ever existed. Now we were
down to two.
Knowing what I do now, I don't understand why Chaos left Venus for last.
Perhaps she feared my dearest friend, and did not wish to confront her too quickly. But
confront her she did. Chaos' attack on Venus was more violent and hate-filled than any
other during our long, long war. The details of that awesome battle, and the fate of
Venus herself, are too horrific for me to tell here. I will only say that the Senshi of Love
and Beauty gave as good as she got. Even in my grief, I was fiercely proud of her.
At last, after hundreds of years of bloodshed, Earth stood alone. Though we had
close to two centuries without the threat of Chaos (Venus battered her worse than Uranus
and Jupiter together could have dreamed), we were no closer to discovering how to defeat
her.
Here I must confess that my grief at the loss of the last of my Senshi, my life's
friends, was so great that I did not much care what was happening in what, to me, had
become a hopeless, endless war. The burden of defense, then, fell to King Endymion and
Princess Lady Serenity. And not only defense, but offense, keeping the refugees fed and
housed in relative safety, planning new strategies, and searching, in vain, for the key that
would put Chaos back where she belonged. All aspects of the war, in fact, I abandoned
to others. I was no better than Uranus had been in her last days, a pale, ghostly figure
flitting through the corridors of the Crystal Palace on silent feet, neither speaking nor
sleeping. But where Uranus had rage, I had only a curious emptiness. Nothing had
meaning to me anymore. I suppose I was in shock, but it was a shock that lasted near two
hundred years.
By now I must have slipped up enough for my previous incarnation to be guessed
at. Yes. I, Sailor Cosmos, had been Neo-Queen Serenity. I say had been, for I am her no
longer. Neo-Queen Serenity was a creature born of peace to rule a time of peace. When
she came into being, all the abilities she had as Sailor Moon were redirected towards
maintaining that peace. The Senshi took on all the burdens of fighting, should the need
arise. Her daughter, Usagi Small Lady Serenity, a.k.a. Princess Lady Serenity, was also
trained in her Senshi abilities. She, and her guardians, the Asteroid Senshi (who Chaos
defeated long before we of the Solar System suspected anything was wrong) were
sufficiently able to pick up where Sailor Moon had left off.
How Sailor Cosmos was born, and why, is part of my story, possibly the most
important part, discounting the end. I will be coming to it shortly.
The centuries passed while we planned and fought and searched. When it came,
the siege was both not as bad as and worse than expected. Chaos' powers had grown and
with them, her control over our people. She was able to subvert more people than ever.
Those loyal just yesterday were discovered committing atrocities inside our shields in the
name of Chaos. We lost more ground in one day than had been gained in the previous
two centuries.
The enemy was dashing itself to pieces against the shields of the palace in Crystal
Tokyo before I could be snapped out of my depression. Princess Lady Serenity had
collapsed from the power drain of using the Silver Crystal, and Endymion was having
trouble holding off the attackers alone. There was no one to heal the invaders.
Somehow, Endymion managed to temporarily connect his Golden Crystal to the shields,
so that every one of Chaos' servitors that came into contact with them was automatically
purified. This bought him enough time to find me and remind me of my duty. I will not
speak of what words passed between us. It was a personal matter, and not important to
the war with Chaos, save that it served to propel me back into battle with renewed
determination and a fighting spirit.
The battle raged for days. Neither side gained an advantage. They took, we took
it back. We took, they took something else. No one gave. Both sides understood that
there would be no quarter. Too much had happened for us to be merciful to those who
willingly served Chaos. Those purified were either rescued or turned on by their former
comrades before we could reach them. And Chaos' goal was no less than domination
over the Universe entire. She did not care about, did not notice, the lives she expended in
her war for conquest.
And then, my love, the core of my strength, my heart, my soul, gave up his life in
an attempt to save our people from themselves.
He may not have shown it often, but my Endymion was a very caring and gentle
person. The war that was ripping his planet and people apart was tearing at him as well.
Every day that went by when another of his people suffered and died, whether it was one
of ours or one who had been subverted by Chaos, was another piece torn out of his heart.
For those who chose to serve Chaos, he had only sorrow, for there was no way to save
them.
The battle had reached peak intensity. I had collapsed after another round of
purification and was barely conscious. Princess Lady Serenity had not yet recovered
from her last bout with the Silver Crystal and Endymion alone was left to stem the flow.
I know his heart as well as my own, and felt his pain as he struggled to save those
he was sworn to protect. His frustration mounted as he saw that it wasn't enough, that
whatever he did, whatever he tried, was undone by Chaos. My love's genius was equal to
Mercury's, and I could feel the plan forming, coming together piece by piece in his heart.
I tried to cry out a protest, but was too weak. In his heart, though, he heard me.
Sorrowful but determined, he came to me. Kissing me one last time, he apologized and
explained all in that single brushing of lips.
'The cost is already too high!' I screamed in my heart. 'Please, not you too!'
'That is why I must do this,' was his reply. 'This abomination cannot be allowed
to continue. I won't permit any more loss of life. Always remember I love you,' he
whispered, and was gone.
Endymion's plan was this: reconnect his Golden Crystal to the shields, but this
time, instead of turning those stationary shields into one fixed, immobile purifier,
Endymion would use the charge from the shields to power a sweep of the surrounding
area. Instead of healing people a few at a time, this tactic would purify everyone within a
certain distance. I couldn't be sure how far a distance until Endymion had gone and done
it. Only the strength of his will would determine a limit. And he would exercise his will
as far as it would go. I knew he would pour more and more energy into his attempt until
the entire planet was healed or . . .
'NOOOO!' He could not have mistaken the anguish in my cry for anything other
than what it was. I struggled up from where I lay, rushing through the palace as fast as I
possibly could, with the wall as support. Where I found that desperate burst of strength, I
still do not know. But it wasn't enough. I was in a long corridor high in the palace, one
with huge windows that overlooked the city, when he began. A golden flash lit the
corridor, obscuring my vision. Squinting my eyes nearly shut, I was able to see that the
sheen came from the normally semi-transparent shields surrounding the Crystal Palace.
Slowly at first, but gaining speed as it went, a golden wall separated from the shield,
leaving it clear and intact. The field of gold raced out across Crystal Tokyo in all
directions, a single, unbroken circle. There was no hiding from it, no running from it. It
reached the city's limits and kept going, showing no signs of flagging, let alone stopping.
I remember being awed and humbled at the same time. Awed in the face of the
power my love possessed, but so rarely chose to exercise I like as not forgot he was a
match for me in *all* ways; humbled that he could actually pull something of this scope
and magnitude off without me.
I don't know how long I stood and marveled at that golden light as my eyes
followed it to the horizon and beyond. What jerked me back to reality was the thread
wound about my heart. The other end of that thread was attached to Endymion's heart,
and the feeling I was receiving along that thread was of a strong heartbeat growing
steadily weaker. I uttered a hoarse cry and my staggering progress resumed.
I found him, still clutching the Golden Crystal, sprawled on the top floor of the
highest tower in the palace, in the room from where we used gaze out at the entire city
during the peaceful times at night, the lights of which sometimes outshone the sun. So
long was the stillness between heartbeats, I was sure I was too late. Then I felt a faint,
oh-so-terribly-faint, tug at that thread that had bound us together through three lifetimes.
He was still alive. Barely. Sliding down next to him, I gently placed his head in my lap
and took hold of one limp hand. He was cold, so cold, as if death's chill had claimed him
already. Though unaware of it, I was weeping silently, the tears dripping from my face to
splash down onto his. Sometimes I wonder if this tangible evidence of my misery
brought him back to me for a final goodbye. When one has had a life as long as mine,
there are a lot of things to think back on and wonder about. My last moments with
Endymion are one of my more prevalent musings.
He reached up with the hand I was not gripping and tenderly drew his fingertips
down my cheek, tracing the path my tears had taken. Brushing them gently across my
lips, he breathed, "Don't cry. My Serenity, my light. You are so strong. My faith in you
will forever be unshakable." Here he managed a smile. "You will prevail. As long as
you live, there is hope for the future. You are my heart."
"Endymion, how can I go on without you?!" Sobbing in earnest now, I clutched
at him as if to will my strength into his weakened body.
"You will triumph, as you have before," he assured me in that breathy whisper. I
had to strain to hear his next words. "I will wait for you, I promise."
That was the last thing he ever said to me. Our daughter found us there after she
awoke and felt the absence of her father's presence. My grief was insurmountable. Not
even the loss of my Senshi had hurt me so terribly as this. We sat and cried for hours, not
caring to notice that Endymion had accomplished that to which he had given his life. For
the first time in centuries, Earth was completely free of Chaos.
The Chaos Wars did not end there. Of course not. How could they? I would not
be here had that been the end of it. Chaos was in no way safely locked away, nor were
the planets where life remained liberated from the taint of Chaos they bore.
I was inconsolable. It was worse than before, a million times worse. I couldn't
bear to be around that which reminded me of Endymion, yet I would not part with
anything that had been his. I broke down weeping at the mention of his name, even
though it was spoken only in passing and not to me. I could barely function as a human
being, let alone orchestrate the next major step in an ongoing war. Though I know she
was hurting as much as I, my daughter shoved her grief aside and took control. Looking
back, even now, I can't help the pride I feel at how well she handled everything, and the
guilt that she shouldn't have had to.
It was a full three months later that I finally managed a tenuous grip upon my
sanity. Yes, for a time, I thought I would not be able to cope any longer, with things the
way they were. Three months may seem short in the scheme of my life, but do not be
fooled. The only reason I fought my way back from the abyss was Endymion. We are
bound by ties not even death can sever. I believed his final words, that we would, one
day, be together again. I vowed to move Heaven and Earth to make it so. First, though,
there was Chaos to deal with, and my promise to Endymion to fulfill. I would see our
kingdom whole and our people free no matter the cost. Princess Lady Serenity would be
secure on the throne before I left to be reunited with my Endymion. I had thought I had
lost everything that was possible to lose and still live; that there was nothing left to take
from me. Once more, I was mistaken.
Princess Lady Serenity, in those three months, had proved herself a brilliant
leader, and under her father's tutelage, had mastered all the technicalities of warfare. She
finally put this learning to use. Thanks to Endymion's Sacrifice, as it came to be called,
the people of Earth were protected against Chaos, so Lady Serenity took the offensive,
and started to reclaim the other planets, one by one. She was well on her way to winning
back the closest, Mars, by the time I was sensible enough to be of any assistance. With
both of us working in tandem on the recovery of Mars, I with the Ginzuishou, she with
her father's Golden Crystal (which she, though having no prior knowledge of the use of it,
nevertheless employed its power beautifully), and Chaos' forces weakened with the loss
of their power base on Earth, we actually accomplished the liberation of Mars within half
a year. We never suspected this was what Chaos wanted.
Our victory was unexpected, and the joy of it overwhelming. Many were the
reunions, but more were the losses. The fight had stretched on a long, long time. Too
long for everyone. That one triumph had restored hope to the people. The proof that,
'Yes! It could be done! Chaos *can* be defeated!' was desperately welcomed and
celebrated by all the forces of Light.
During the breather we took to prepare for the next major assault (it was to have
been Venus), Lady Serenity and I recovered from what had been, for us, a torturous
campaign. The line we walked using the crystals was very fine, and we had to be careful
not to pour too much of our life's energy into the healing. We had to know when to stop,
or suffer the consequences. All too often, my yearning to help threatened to outweigh my
will to live. I longed to be able to trade my life, as Endymion had, for those of my people
under Chaos' influence. But I knew, unless I was guaranteed I'd be able to take Chaos
with me, I would not do so. I refused to allow my daughter to continue the fight alone. It
was all or nothing for me.
So we went through night after sleepless night coming up with strategies to
reclaim the other planets. It meant a longer war, but, we hoped, ultimate victory. Some
plans we discarded, others we kept. Every once in a long while, there was one that we
thought would work. These we started on immediately, for several would take years to
fully plan and implement to their complete specifications.
The day after one of these nightly sessions was my last as Neo-Queen Serenity.
Lady Serenity and I had parted to attend to separate matters concerning one such plan,
when I heard her cry in my mind and felt a sharp flare of pain pierce my back. Knowing
I was experiencing my daughter's feelings, I ran breathlessly through the palace, my
terror for her outpacing my feet. Bursting into her rooms, I was brought up short, a
scream of horror lodged in my throat.
Princess Lady Serenity was crumpled on the floor, much as her father had been,
but with one devastating difference. She lay facedown in a fast-spreading pool of her
own blood. Over her stood her assassin, knife stained a shockingly dark red in hand. All
these years later I still wake up in a cold sweat from the look I saw upon his face that day.
When he raised his eyes from my daughter's body to fix his gaze on me, he grinned
horribly, maniacally. The weird light of the fanatic burned deep in his eyes. I knew this
was one who served Chaos of his own free will. He started towards me, obviously intent
on completing his mission, but I raised the Silver Crystal (which I kept with me even
when I slept) and he was dust before his second step.
Chaos had accomplished the impossible. Never in the whole of the war had our
shields been breached by any from the outside. Chaos had been able to reach in to touch
people on the inside before Endymion's Sacrifice, but she had not once succeeded in
breaking through by force *or* stealth. I saw now what I should have in the beginning of
the campaign. Chaos *gave* Mars to us. What was one planet compared to domination
of the Universe? Keeping control of all the planets was a drain on Chaos' power. She
unloaded a planet knowing she could retake it any time she wanted; none of the other
planets had the protection Endymion's Sacrifice had granted Earth, and one planet could
not hold all the people of the Solar System, no matter how many had been lost.
Chaos took the extra power and used it to slip a lone assassin through our shields
to murder my daughter and me. Then there would be none left who could stand against
the Chaos Cults.
Chaos miscalculated on one score. She did not, could not, know of or understand
the bonds between my daughter and I. As the last protectors of the Solar System, those
bonds had only been strengthened. The assassin knew enough to catch Lady Serenity by
surprise, otherwise she would have dusted him before he could have gotten within ten
feet of her. His plan must have been to kill one of us, hide her body, then find the other
and do the same. He had not known that an attack would alert the other through those
bonds.
I don't even remember whether I walked to my daughter's side in a state of
numbed shock or ran with frantic hope that she was still alive. The moments between the
doorway to her side are non-existent in my memory. The next I knew, I was kneeling
beside her, unheeding of the blood that instantly soaked my gown. My beloved daughter
had been stabbed in the back; the assassin had aimed for and pierced her heart. To make
sure, or just to be cruel, he had dragged the knife blade down her back, ripping through
cloth and flesh. He had been especially brutal, and I knew my daughter's glassy eyes
would never look upon her mother's face again.
My wailing was from the depths of my soul, and I gathered my fallen child to my
breast. Cradling and rocking her, whether to comfort my unfeeling daughter or myself,
I'm still not sure, I stroked her hair with hands sticky from blood. My tears blinded me,
so I did not see at first the glow that entered the room.
Softly glowing spheres of light, each a different color, drifted at eye level across
the floor, appearing, it seemed, from the very walls themselves. They formed a loose
ring about myself and Lady Serenity. I did not notice this until the glow intensified to
match the light that was now emanating from Lady Serenity's body. A gentle pink light
covered her from head to toe, and she began to sparkle, her outline beginning to grow
faint as the substance that made up her body became those glittering pink sparkles. They
appeared to converge over her heart, then they spiraled upwards, forming another of
those spheres of light. Even the blood staining the floor was sparkling and being drawn
into the sphere.
I didn't understand what was happening and tried to prevent it, not wanting all that
I had left to be taken from me. Was I to be denied even her body to mourn? Was it not
enough that I couldn't protect her, couldn't even say goodbye? I gripped my daughter in a
death hold, crying as my arms slipped through her to enfold only myself. The barely
visible outline that was left of Lady Serenity's form broke apart and swirled into the
sphere of pink light the rest of my daughter had become.
The ten globes of light, for there were ten in all counting my daughter, I saw as I
scrambled to my feet to reach for the glittering pink one, hung in a perfect circle about
me. As I cradled the pink one between my hands (easily done since each sphere was no
larger than a newborn kitten), my eyes widened in shock as I surveyed the lights one by
one and realized what – and who – they must be.
Aqua for Neptune, navy for Uranus, blue for Mercury, black for Pluto, red for
Mars, green for Jupiter, violet for Saturn, yellow for Venus, gold for Endymion, pink for
my daughter.
Fresh tears filled my eyes and overflowed. These lights were my friends, all their
power and strength and soul were wrapped up in these spheres hovering around me. I
held my daughter's soul in my cupped hands. I did not know it yet, but the birth of
Cosmos was upon me.
Suddenly the lights rushed me. I flinched back, not knowing what to expect, but
they only swirled around me at a furious rate, almost – but not quite – touching me. They
seemed to be waiting for – what? For me? For me to do something? I wasn't sure. Then
a picture blossomed in my mind, sent from I don't know whom. I stood, holding my
daughter's soul aloft as I would the Ginzuishou, and the other lights struck me. A flash of
brilliant white light ensued and – the vision ended. I now knew what was wanted of me;
I just didn't know *why*.
I stared, confused and apprehensive for a few moments before I heard the
whispering. As they darted and whisked about me, the souls of my friends, my family,
were calling my name.
'Serenity!' laughed Venus' sphere.
'Serenity-sama,' came Mercury's warm and respectful voice.
'Serenity!' 'Serenity.' 'Serenity!' From Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter, each in their
turn commanding and caring, grave yet friendly, encouraging and strong.
'Serenity,' Uranus' assured tones, then, 'Serenity,' in Neptune's long unheard giggle.
'Serenity-sama,' Pluto's confident whisper.
'Serenity.' Endymion's deep voice brought an ache to my heart.
'Mama!' My little girl's voice sounded so light and happy, none would have
pictured her as a bloody, broken wreck only a short while ago.
"Minna," I whispered haltingly in response. They all laughed joyfully and
whizzed by me some more; even Lady Serenity's globe in my hands jumped a bit at the
sound of my voice.
"Hai." I had come to a decision. I closed my eyes and raised my daughter's soul
to the Heavens. "So be it." Words entered my mind and I cried them out with all the
passion and grief I had been harboring for the last several millennia. 'LAMBDA
POWER!' They were the last words I spoke as Neo-Queen Serenity.
Though I didn't see them come at me, I felt it when the lights hit me. No pain,
just a warmth so great it put the sun at its strongest to shame. I know I gasped in surprise,
then the blinding white light from my vision seared through my closed eyes. When it
faded, I stood transformed for the last time, not only in dress and body, but in mind as
well. From then on I was Sailor Cosmos, Hope of All Worlds, Savior of the Universe,
and there was no going back.
Allow me to apologize for my emotional retelling of the events that led to the
deaths of my husband and daughter. I tried to be objective; an accurate record of the
Chaos Wars needs to exist in case . . . well, just in case. But it is all too easy for me to
slip into the past and relive those terrible moments again and again. Sometimes I forget
that it *is* the past. Noting my past tragedies in the present tense, speaking as though
they were occurring *right now*, only illustrates how much of myself dwells there still.
In actuality, as I take down this account, hundreds of years have passed since the moment
of my rebirth as Cosmos. Nine hundred and sixty-seven years, I believe, is close to the
mark. That is how long I have been battling Chaos on my own. That is how long I have
been alone. Since memories are all that remain of my companions, pray forgive my
occasional lapse into the past. It needn't be understood; indeed, I pray none will ever
come to understand what I have gone through, for that is what I fight to prevent; but all I
say here is vitally important for reasons which will soon become clear.
The power I possess as Sailor Cosmos is greater than any in the Universe. After
all, that was the gift of my Senshi, was it not? Their strength, their power, was granted to
me in order to defeat Chaos. Or, was it? The stripes of color on my fuku's skirt represent
each of my Senshi, from Mercury to my daughter. Endymion doesn't have a stripe, true,
but his sphere, the Golden Crystal, merged with my Silver Crystal to create the staff I
now carry as Sailor Cosmos. The greatest power in the Universe, yet in all these years I
have not been able to defeat Chaos. And that, my friends, is the purpose of this record. I
forgot. I lost the one thing that let me triumph over every enemy I have ever faced. The
one thing that allowed me, as Eternal Sailor Moon, to defeat Chaos the first time we met.
This account is to ensure that I will never forget again.
As Sailor Cosmos, I did what I was unable to accomplish as Neo-Queen Serenity.
I fought and I won. I cleared every planet in the Solar System of even the faintest trace
of Chaos. Venus, Mercury, Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto – all purified within three
hundred years. I make it sound easy. It wasn't. I didn't just heal the planets, I gave to
them and Mars what Endymion's Sacrifice had given to Earth – protection from ever
being corrupted by Chaos again. To my sorrow, there was nothing I could do for Saturn.
Had my Senshi's desire to halt Chaos not been so all-consuming, if there had been even a
single piece of the planet left to work with, I might have been able to restore the sixth
planet. But, alas, that can not be. Not through me. Not directly. Only if Creation were
to end and be reborn would Saturn exist again. Or, if a sacrifice of equal passion and
power were to be made, then perhaps . . . I cannot say for certain. It is what I hope for,
though.
After the Solar System was free for the first time in . . . I don't remember how
many millennia (can it be so long?), I drew Chaos away with me, to leave the planets to
rebuild in a semblance of their lost peace. As for Chaos and I, we fought. Near seven
hundred years of never ending conflict, pouring all our strength and power into every
confrontation. I blocked Chaos off from my Solar System and the rest of the populated
Universe. She would try to break past me and I would deny her. That was my new
purpose in life. But I grew tired, weary from the constant struggle. The longer we
fought, the more tired I became. Chaos and I were at a standstill. I didn't know what was
right or what I was fighting for anymore. With my fading resolve came fear. I was
convinced I was no match for Chaos. How could *I* *ALONE*, possibly even dream of
victory over Chaos – a personification of one side of the natural order of the Universe?
Why had I been chosen to do the seemingly impossible? I knew I would fail, positive I
would let down all those who had put their faith in me, time and again, so long ago. Even
if, by some miracle, Chaos should be defeated, nothing could compensate for the damage
we had already taken. I couldn't overlook that. So, I did the only thing I could: I ran. I
ran away through time, my fear chasing me with razor sharp claws, ready to hook into me
and drag me back to face my destiny.
Each time I'd felt lost, wondered 'What should I do?', or was suffering, I'd
remember the battle at the Galaxy Cauldron, where all the stars of the Universe are born,
including Chaos, and where they finally return. 'If the Cauldron had been destroyed that
time,' I'd think, 'would all the battles and the suffering never have happened?' So often
did I regret not destroying Chaos that time, I decided to go back to 'start over'. To do it
right this time.
Away through time I went, changing my form as I did so – a disguise so Chaos
would not recognize me should she catch me. Where I ended up, when I finally tumbled
from the Time Portal, is common knowledge. 1997, Tokyo, Japan. Before the Chaos
Wars, before Crystal Tokyo, even. Before everything that was foreordained had come to
pass. And I grabbed at my chance. I would help Eternal Sailor Moon defeat Chaos
*now*, and the future I had run from would be averted. My 'here' self was lonely for so
long, and always suffering. So I stood beside her, supporting her, intending to make her
choose the right path this time . . .
What happened from then on is a cornerstone of history. I recalled that the first
time I had faced Chaos, it took Endymion – then Chiba Mamoru – first, and then it
claimed the Senshi, each one of them right before my eyes. It hurt to watch it all happen
again and not prevent it; it hurt to watch their Sailor Crystals be distorted by Galaxia.
But I had to be careful not to disrupt the time line too much. I couldn't be the one to stop
Chaos. It had to be Eternal Sailor Moon. And she did. But, it was just like before – with
one Earth-shattering difference. Though as alone in the end as I, Eternal Sailor Moon
never lost her capacity for love. She kept tight hold of the love that had seen her through
two lifetimes and would see her through two more. Through her deathless love was
Eternal Sailor Moon able to quell the raging storm that was Chaos. Through her love for
her Senshi were they all restored to life, to go on to bring Crystal Tokyo and a peace
unparalleled into being. Through her love was I reminded of what I had allowed myself,
in my fear, in my pain, to forget. For as Chaos represents the Dark, so does Love
represent the Light. I, Sailor Cosmos, am the manifestation of Ultimate Love. I am the
Ultimate Soldier of the Light.
Eternal Sailor Moon made me understand . . . she *hadn't* chosen the wrong path.
No one can destroy the birth place of the stars. It is because of the Cauldron that we can
go on living. We are reborn again and again, as Chaos was reborn. The final courage
and love of Eternal Sailor Moon that allowed her to leave everything behind and to
accept Chaos, the source of all Darkness, into herself, will surely never be matched
throughout all eternity. What I witnessed there reminded me that I had forgotten that
unbeatable power. Eternal Sailor Moon is Sailor Cosmos' true form. When I have the
courage to leave everything I've ever known behind, to give it all up, and to take it all
into myself like Eternal Sailor Moon did, that is when I will become the true Sailor
Cosmos.
I have returned, full of the simple knowledge that Love *will* conquer all. It has
been too long since I last thought of those I love. Too painful, too many sad endings. I
forgot that the good outweighs the bad. So many things I allowed myself to forget, all
because it hurt too much. As I think on them now, I do not cry. I smile. I smile and I
vow not to run away anymore. I will move forward! For I realize now that the true gift
of my Senshi was their love. The love of the Senshi, the love I didn't know I still held in
my heart, was what brought me into being. I think our love is far older than can be
imagined. It may even have been what created the Galaxy Cauldron itself. Who am I to
know for sure? What I do know is, even should I die, I am happy. My friends, in truth,
my family, will be waiting for me. I am one with them all, as they are one with me. It
will be good to be whole again.
My one last, lingering fear is that I will be unsuccessful. Should I fail, this record
of the Chaos Wars and the secret to defeating Chaos must survive. As I am the
manifestation of Eternal Love in this life, so will come another, should I fall. I wish this
other not to repeat my mistakes, to never forget her ultimate power – the power of her
love.
I am content. As I soar on destiny's wings, I bid farewell to my beloved Earth, to
the Solar System I protected for so long, and to all who might ever come in contact with
this account. If it is not needed, and a record of events is all it will ever be, then I weep
in joy. If it is ever more than that, then I weep in sorrow. But, whatever might occur, I
will never again weep for love lost. For love is never truly lost. It is only forgotten, and
love – abiding, eternal love – cannot be forgotten forever.
Record of the Chaos Wars:
A First-Hand Account by
Sailor Cosmos,
formerly,
Neo-Queen Serenity,
Sovereign and Protector of Crystal Millennium
"We live by admiration, hope, and love."
- William Woodsworth
"When you get to the end of all the light you know and
it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith
is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you
will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be
taught how to fly."
- Edward Teller
Interesting trivia:
I'd wondered about Sailor Cosmos for the longest time. Been wanting to write a fic on
her since 11th grade, and that would make it . . . 3 years ago. Now I've done it. And I'm
quite happy with the results, if I do say so myself.
I will NOT explain the whole ending of the manga to you. There are plenty of wonderful
translations out there that have nothing to do with Mixx/Tokyo Pop. Go find them.
If you've ever seen any color picture of Sailor Cosmos, you should have noticed that the
stripes on her fuku's skirt *do* correspond with the color of each Senshi. I named the
colors as accurately as I could. I got them out of my Sailor Moon Illustrations Book 5.
Now, I don't know how many people know this, but Sailor Cosmos is Sailor Moon's
ultimate form. 'Eternal' is the highest she goes in Moon form, then she becomes Neo-
Queen Serenity, and then it's Sailor Cosmos. And what's in the fic is straight out of the
manga. She did get scared and run away. A lot of what Cosmos said at the end is what
she said to the Asteroid Senshi at the end of the manga.
That whole thing near the beginning about the order of the universe depending upon an
eternal balance? I lifted it straight from 'Legend', one of my favorite movies, by the way.
Tom Cruise, Mia Sara. Very cool. I recommend it to anyone interested in fantasy.
OK. The deaths of everyone 'cept Sailor Cosmos. I know. Seems like all but Jupiter,
Endymion, and Lady Serenity got gypped. Well, tough. That's the way I wrote it, that's
the way it's going to stay. I even gypped my own favorite Senshi, Saturn, so don't get too
upset at me.
Personally, I thought Endymion's Sacrifice was a stroke of genius. You can quote me.
Who says only Sailor Moon/ Cosmos can give up her life for her loved ones?
About Sailor Cosmos' staff being the Ginzuishou and the Golden Crystal combined – I
made that up. I don't know the true deal with it, the manga doesn't say, but I had to do
*something* with the Crystals, since Endymion *doesn't* have a stripe on Cosmos' skirt,
and Cosmos doesn't seem to have the Ginzuishou.
Well, I hope you enjoyed this. I'm terribly proud of it, and think it's one of my best
works ever – and just because it's the first thing I posted to this account doesn't mean it's
my first or only. Oh no. There's more to come.
MaiyaV
maiyav@yahoo.com