"Orion is a beast," Goldberg complained in the locker room after practice. He's the only one that ever complains. The rest of us are used to gruelling practices, yet to Goldberg, they still come as a shock.

Dwayne yawned as he stripped off his uniform and pads, slipping clothes on straight over the top. "See ya'll later," he said and sauntered out.

Everyone took their time getting dressed and showering, I guess the practice had taken it out of everyone, not just Goldberg.

I took a quick shower and emerged, slightly wet, but clad in my boxer shorts. I was relieved that Guy had left already. The only people left were Charlie, Fulton and I.

I tried my hardest not to watch Charlie as he was getting dressed, but it was so hard. His physique is amazing. He's muscly and strong, but not on the beefcake side. Nice, proportioned.

I looked up and caught Fulton's eye. He raised one eyebrow and left the locker room, a knowing smile on his face.

What did that mean? Did Fulton catch me eyeing Charlie? God, I hope not, that could possibly be the end of my secret. And my life.

"Can I ask you a question?" Charlie asked, turning around and pulling his old Led Zeppelin shirt over his head.

I nodded, sitting down after doing up my pants, pulling on shoes and socks.

"What's with Guy?"

I swallowed. "What do you mean?"

Charlie scoffed. "You mean you haven't noticed how out of it he's been? Depressed?"

I shrugged. "I guess, but he hasn't said anything to me."

"I thought he would've. You guys are pretty good friends."

"Yeah, I guess so." I tied up my shoelace. "What do you think could be bothering him?"

It was Charlie's turn to shrug as he pulled on one of his shoes. "Maybe because he broke up with Halle. I mean, they had a thing for like, 3 years. That's gotta hurt."

"I suppose so." I answered, reaching for my shirt and slipping it on over my wet hair.

"Hey Banks?" Charlie called out to me.

I looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"You don't have a thing for Julie, do you?"

Oh crap. "How'd you guess?"

He laughed. "Come on, I know you better than you think I do."

With that he hiked his backpack up and left the locker room, leaving me to contemplate what on Earth he was talking about.

I was packing my stuff into my bag when the door swung open, and Fulton strode in.

"Hey," I said, zipping up my bag.

"Hi," he responded. "We need to talk."

I looked at him, waiting patiently for him to continue.

"You're gay, aren't you?"

I exhaled loudly. "I – uh, don't know what you're talking about," I squeaked.

Fulton smiled, only slightly. "I think you do."

I looked at him nervously. "Even if I did, talking about it here wouldn't be appropriate."

He shrugged. "Ok, lets go somewhere and talk about it."

I eyed Fulton nervously. Did he just want to take me somewhere and beat the crap out of me? I seriously hoped not.

I picked up my bag and followed him out of the complex and into the early evening. We found a bench outside of the dorms and I sat down nervously, wondering if a beating was to follow.

"Ok, now lets talk."

"About what?"

Fulton laughed. "Come on Banks, you're not that stupid."

I shrugged. "I might be."

He shot me a look. "I'm not gonna hurt you. If that's what you're thinking."

"Why do you wanna know so bad?"

"I've seen you looking at Charlie. No dude looks at another dude that way if he doesn't…like him. In a special way."

I smiled. "Am I that obvious?"

Fulton's eyes sorta bugged out a bit. "So, you are gay?"

I nodded. "You're not gonna kill me are you?"

He snorted. "Why would I? I mean, I'm cool with gay people. My older brother is gay. Has been for 5 years."

"I didn't know."

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Banks," Fulton said, somewhat mysteriously. I had to wonder if he was gonna come onto me.

"You're not…are you?" I asked, fiddling with the zip on my bag.

He shook his head. "No way. I love girls way too much."

I laughed. It actually felt better, being truthful with someone.

"I'm glad you told me," Fulton said.

"So am I," I answered. And I meant it. I was so scared of telling people; sure they'd think I was some kind of freak. But now that Fulton knows, I guess I'm not that scared.

"I won't tell anyone," he told me. "I won't say anything to Charlie about how you like him."

"Thanks," I said softly.

**

~|~ Tuesday 6:12am

So, Fulton knows. And you know what, it's not weird. I admit I stayed awake all night last night just thinking about what it would be like to come out. To have everyone know. And the thought still scares me.

Guy's asleep right now. He didn't get in until 2 this morning. I just hope he's ok. I feel really bad about everything, and I know this is stupid, but did I turn him gay? I mean, by telling him about my sexual preference, did that influence his decision? That sounds stupid.

I think I'm gonna tell Charlie how I feel. I can't believe I just wrote that, I must be high. Or at least lacking some brain cells. Speaking of brain cells, I got an A on that legal exam. I went and asked Mrs Buchanan yesterday afternoon. I wonder what Charlie got. I'll go see him before breakfast.

I'm gonna leave Guy sleeping this morning. I think the last thing he wants to do is face everyone at breakfast. I'll just bring him back something. I didn't realise everyone sorta picked up on his mood until Charlie asked me what was going on yesterday.

My dad called last night. Wanted to know what I was going to do for the holidays. I want to spend it with the Ducks, our last Christmas before college and all that. Maybe I'll suggest it at breakfast. My dad told me about all these scouts coming to one of the Eden Hall games in a few weeks, and it was funny, I didn't really care. I mean, I care about hockey, but maybe being pro isn't what I want. Maybe I should be a doctor.

Guy's stirring, I should go. I need to go see Charlie.

-Adam D. Banks ~|~

**

"Hey, what did you get for the legal exam?" I asked Charlie at breakfast.

He smiled through a mouthful of Cocoa Pops. "B+."

"Cool," I told him. "I knew you could do it."

"Only because you drilled it into me for three days." Charlie said.

I blushed at his comment, lowering my face to my toast, making sure he didn't notice how much his phrasing had affected me.

"What about you, what did you get?"

"A," I answered.

"Surprise, surprise," he teased.

I rolled my eyes as something kicked me under the table. It was Fulton, who was sitting opposite Charlie.

He shot me a look and I flipped him off discreetly.

"What are we doing for Christmas, guys?" Connie asked.

"We should spend it together," I suggested. "Our last one before college."

Everyone seemed to agree.

"We should go on a road trip or rent a house in L.A or something," Portman suggested.

I looked around the table at all my friends. What would happen if I stood on my chair and yelled out that I was gay? You think they'd notice?

"Banks, what do you think?"

I flew back to attention, staring at Fulton as he asked me the question.

"Oh, anything would be cool."

They all went off about Christmas plans, but I didn't really listen. I turned my head and saw Guy walking past the cafeteria, a big stack of white paper in his hands.

"Hey Guy!" Portman boomed. Everyone in the cafeteria looked toward him. Portman had that affect.

Guy sauntered over, a jaunty smile on his face. "Hey guys."

"What you got there?" Dwayne drawled, pointing to the paper.

"Oh, something you all might find interesting."

He proceeded to hand out a few pieces of paper, joined together by a staple. As one was passed under my nose, I recognised the letterhead. My journal.

My breath caught in my throat as I grabbed one and scanned the first few lines. It was my journal.

I looked up at Guy who was expectantly looking at me, with a look of pure joy in his eyes.

I couldn't believe this. Guy had found my journal and was handing out copies to all my friends.

"Is this for real?" Goldberg asked from the end of the table, and each Duck turned and looked at me, as I sat there pale and quivering.

They expected me to answer, but I just got up and sped out of the cafeteria, before the barrage of criticisms and opinions hit me.

Why would Guy do this? Because I rejected him?

"Banks! Adam! Wait!" Fulton was chasing after me, and I could tell, even without looking around, that he was gaining on me. There was no stopping him. "Wait!" he yelled as his hand clamped on my arm and pulled me to a stop in the middle of the sparse quad.

I was panting, my lungs aching for air, my face pale and my hands shaking.

"What's going on?" Fulton demanded.

"I – I – I don't know," I admitted.

"Is this yours?" he asked, holding up the incriminating journal.

I nodded. "I had it on my computer…I – I – why…" I trailed off and sank to the grass in defeated shock.

"Why would Guy do that?" Fulton demanded, sitting down beside me.

"He – he – he told me he was in love with me…and I told him that nothing could happen because I liked someone else…"

"Shit," Fulton muttered. "He did this because you rejected him?"

I nodded. "I guess so, I don't know…and now they all know…oh, God."

Fulton placed two steadying hands on my shoulders. "This is not the end of the world."

I looked up at him with disbelieving eyes. "Yes it is! You haven't read this! It has my most private and deepest thoughts!"

"They would've found out eventually," Fulton pointed out.

"Yes, but not by reading it in the Eden Hall News!"

"Listen to me, the Ducks are your friends, they're not gonna treat you any differently."

I fell back on the grass, my eyes looking up to the sky. I think I stopped breathing. I think the life and the fight in me just slipped out. Blown away on the wind.

"Adam. Listen to me. I'm gonna help you, ok?"

Fulton was talking, but I wasn't listening, I couldn't. I blamed Mr Beechman. If he had never mentioned the whole shitty journal thing, I never would've started one. And then Guy never would've printed it out to show the whole world. I could imagine one being directly mailed to my parent's house.

"My life is over," I muttered mutely.

"No, it's not. It's gonna be ok."

"Is he ok?" I heard someone ask from above me. It was Julie.

"Not really," Fulton answered. "He's in some sort of shock."

"We should get him inside, he'll freeze to death on this wet grass."

Fulton pulled me up off the grass and slung an arm around me and walked me toward the dorms. My feet cooperated, but I didn't know how. I wasn't capable of thought.

He threw open the door to his room and lay me down on his bed. I didn't want to be here.

"No, I can't see Charlie," I muttered, trying to sit up and get away.

Fulton pushed me back down firmly. "You're not rooming with Guy, Adam. Not after what he did to you."

"What?" Julie asked.

"Guy told Adam that he liked him, and Adam rejected him," Fulton filled in. "And so Guy did this."

"Oh man…" Julie breathed. "That sucks. But what does Charlie have to do with it?"

Fulton swallowed. "Adam likes Charlie."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

I wanted to scream. I wanted to hurt someone. I wanted to hurt Guy, for hurting me. I never thought, in a million years he'd do anything like this. He was always such a good friend. I never thought he'd be the one do to this.

I didn't know what to do.

"I should go to class," I said, sitting up.

"Are you sure you wanna do that?" Julie asked me, placing a steadying hand on my shoulder.

I nodded. "I can't afford to fail."

"That's not what I mean," she said.

I looked up at her. "I can't hide forever."