Author's note:
This is my first song-fic, so bear with me. This is a Kunzite song, though a bit unusual. The song is Shadow of Love by Laura Branigan. You can email me at Guardian4@atlantic.net if you need to. I don't own SM, the usual disclaimers, or the song (though I do own the CD). Also, I know the song is in the girl's perspective, but the rest is not. Since the song adequately explains the girl's perspective, Kunzite's girlfriend in this case, I let the other writing detail Kunzite's.
**
Remembered Love
By
PsychicDreams
//Feel it tonight
Rainin' down as cold as ice
The air that we breathe
Is all we share between us?//
Kyle stared out the window, listening to his girlfriend putter about in his apartment. The atmosphere in the room was tense, filled with justified anger toward him. They hardly ever talked anymore, not since he had been having his memories return. He knew who he was, what had happened, all that had gone on since the Silver Millennium and what he had done. He hadn't told Naki, of course, but…she knew about her.
//Wearing the scars
Deep inside our desert hearts
Tell me where did it go?
Why did love ever leave us?
Now the memories burn in my eyes
As I remember the look of the broken hearted
Never thought I'd be one of their own.//
All Naki really knew was that he had a previous girlfriend. When he had woken up during a most violent dream, he had said her name. Naki wasn't a possessive kind of girl, but when he had begun to be preoccupied during their dates and such, she had gotten understandably angry.
//We're standin' in a shadow forever
Her shadow's in the way of our love
What should have been forgotten
Is always with us
The shadow of what was
Now I'm the one who loves you
But I know we can't hide, we can't run
From the shadow she casts on the night
The shadow of love.//
Perhaps he didn't love Naki, but he did like her. He didn't want to hurt her, but their relationship was nothing compared to the one he had held with Minako, Senshi of Venus, in the Silver Millennium. Deep down, he thought perhaps that she had realized that their relationship was doomed from the start that he began having the dreams. Naki was a good person and she deserved for someone to make her happy, love her unconditionally. Kyle couldn't do that for her, not knowing what he had held with Minako. But Naki was convinced she could make their relationship work if she tried hard enough.
//I want to believe
Everything that I can't see
But the truth always lies
Somewhere in between us.
I can't help what I feel in the night
Thoughts disturbing the sleep of our innocent lives
Will these dreams never leave us alone?//
Kyle wished that he could love Naki like she loved him, but Kunzite would never allow that. That Heavenly King would never allow Minako's memory to fade from his mind. The Shitennou had been captivated by that Senshi of Love and would allow no one to take the place in his heart. And whether Kyle liked it or not, he was Kunzite.
He turned from the window to see his girlfriend sitting on the sofa and staring into space. How long had he wished that he could just tell Naki that it wasn't working, to just give up, but he knew her. She would not give up; she'd try to make this relationship work, though both of them knew that it wouldn't. Sooner or later, it would blow up in their faces and it would be messy for her to clean up her heart.
//We're standin' in a shadow forever
Her shadow's in the way of our love
What should have been forgotten
Is always with us
The shadow of what was
Now I'm the one who loves you
But I know we can't hide we can't run
From the shadow she casts on the night
The shadow of love.//
Whether he wanted to or not, he was comparing his relationship constantly, in his head, to what he and Minako had had, and in the end, there was no comparison to be made. He and the Senshi were meant to be together…Him and Naki were not. They had just had an argument about how he never really noticed her anymore.
It wasn't that he didn't notice her, but that he was too busy trying to find his soulmate in the crowd, always, though he knew it was fruitless. He knew she lived in Japan, not the States.
//I want to know I'll always be
All alone with you
I'm the only one
But long before
We ever were
You belonged to her
And she still isn't gone.//
She could not begin to hope that perhaps 'his old girlfriend' would leave them alone and let it be like it was. Kyle knew it wouldn't happen. In the beginning, their relationship was almost perfect. But when he remembered…now it barely satisfied him, being around her. He had to feel Minako in his arms to be truly satisfied.
There was no question that he could just contact her. She would never forgive him for leading the assault against the Moon. He had no doubt that his and Naki's relationship would end in tears, but he also had no illusions that he could pursue a relationship with Minako after that. She would never have him back again, not after his betrayal.
//We're standin' in a shadow forever
Her shadow's in the way of our love
What should have been forgotten
Is always with us
The shadow of what was
Now I'm the one who loves you
But I know we can't hide, we can't run
From the shadow she casts on the night
The shadow of love.//
Kyle turned back to the window. His heart ached for Love, the Love that Sailor Venus, commander of the Sailor Senshi, wielded. He felt nothing for Naki now, other than sadness at how their relationship would end. They could not hold up their relationship much longer. He just couldn't reciprocate her feelings for him.
//We're standin' in a shadow forever
Her shadow's in the way of our love
What should have been forgotten
Is always with us
The shadow of what was
Now I'm the one who loves you
But I know we can't hide, we can't run
From the shadow she casts on the night
The shadow of love.//
No matter even if they managed to stay together their entire lives, their relationship, for Kyle, would always be compared to being with Minako. It would leave him unsatisfied with life and it was not good enough for Naki. She was a nice girl who loved whole-heartedly. Perhaps that was what had drawn him to her in the first place; it was somewhat reminiscent of Minako.
The rain continued to pelt down on the glass, much like his thoughts pelted at his heart. He was guilty, yes, about what he was putting his girlfriend through. Many would have already left him, or he would have broken up with any girl a long while ago. But not with Naki. He couldn't bear to even bring up the subject around her, especially when she looked at him with her eyes shining with love.
//I want to know I'll always be
All alone with you
I'm the only one.
But long before
We ever were
You belonged to her
And she still isn't gone.//
In a way, when Naki had said that his old girlfriend still had a hold over him when he had confessed some part of his dreams to her, was correct. Minako would always have a hold on him, on his heart, because she was his heart. He was unable to breathe, feel, correctly whenever she wasn't near him.
No, Naki didn't deserve this, but there was nothing Kyle could do to spare even some of the hurt that she would feel. She loved him, but Kunzite and Kyle were unable to feel the same for her. If only…if only Minako would take him back, but Kyle had no hope that she would. His only hope for her was that she find happiness with some other man that wouldn't betray her, whether willingly or unwillingly. He would suffer eternally for the rest of his life willingly, as long she found someone who could love her as she loved him.
Slowly, with a sigh, Kyle turned and sat on the sofa next to his thin-lipped and unhappy Naki as she turned on the TV. He would wait, not for all that long now, until the day when she would break down in tears as their relationship crashed and burned. But there was nothing he could do…he could not deny his heart and she would not ask him to, he knew her that well.
Never would Minako be gone from his heart.
**
End of song-fic. What d'you think? The song is by Laura Branigan – Shadow of Love. Usual disclaimers