~|~ Monday, 7:49am

Charlie's still sleeping, snoring peacefully. I don't want to wake him, he looks so cute bundled up under the covers, a goofy grin on his face, his hair a mess. But I know if I don't wake him soon, we'll miss breakfast. And our first class.

I don't know how to describe the way I'm feeling right now. Elated? I guess so, but I can't help thinking that it's all too perfect, if you know what I mean? Like I'm expecting the hammer to drop and shatter the past two days into tiny, irreplaceable pieces.

That's depressing.

I don't want to think about depressing things today, I want to be happy and completely sad-free! I just want to be in love.

I wonder if Charlie would mind me climbing into bed next to him?

Adam D. Banks ~|~

**

"Morning," I said softly, my lips lightly brushing Charlie's ear as he slept.

A smile curved onto his face. "Morning," he muttered, reaching out blindly to pull me close.

I relented and let him hug me to his still-warm body beneath the covers.

"You need to get up if you want breakfast," I told him softly, resting my forehead against his.

He pushed the back the covers and opened his eyes. "Why don't I have you for breakfast?"

I laughed. "Dirty boy. Get up," I got out of bed and instantly my body ached to be next to his again, to feel his arms around me, to feel his breath on my cheek.

But I didn't give in to my desires. I just fetched a pair of cargo shorts and a t-shirt, throwing them at Charlie.

"Up," I commanded, smoothing out my somewhat crinkled polo shirt.

He groaned and sat up, pushing a hand through his messy bed-head. "Slave driver…" he muttered as he got up and stumbled toward the bathroom, shutting the door and turning on the spray.

I smiled to myself as I sat down on my bed, pulling my skate shoes on my feet, and packing my backpack for the day. I had physics, advanced geometry and legal studies, and two free periods. Fun.

The door to the bathroom suddenly opened and Charlie stood, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Got a pair of boxers I can swipe?"

I blushed and got up, retrieving a pair from my drawer, throwing them at him. "Now get back in there before I'm forced to de-towel you."

He laughed and shut the door, and I could hear him getting dressed as he softly sang a song.

As I was brushing my hair, Charlie came out from the bathroom, his hair wet and neatly combed, looking mighty delicious in my clothes.

"These aren't so bad," he commented, pulling his own shoes on. "I have to admit, you have style, cake-eater."

I laughed and pulled him into my arm as he stood up. "And you have an amazing body."

He smiled. "I need to stop by my room to get my books."

I nodded and reluctantly let him go as we left my room, heading down the hall. We entered.

"Hey Fulton," I greeted as he was shoving things into his bag.

"Hey," he said. "Where have you been the past two nights?" he asked Charlie, a smile on his face.

Charlie shrugged. "Adam and I spent them together in his room, passionately exploring each other."

Fulton made a face. "God, that's gross."

I laughed and blushed. "It's ok, it's not true."

"Thank God…" Fulton muttered.

Charlie grabbed his bag and got his books, looking to me. "So, breakfast?"

I nodded and moved out into the hall, waiting for Charlie and Fulton.

We headed down the hall, talking aimlessly when I felt Charlie's hand slip into mine. I smiled and bit the inside of my lip to keep from impulsively kissing him, and I noticed Fulton giving us a look.

We made it through the cafeteria line painlessly and took a table, shortly joined by Julie and Portman, who shot knowing looks between them.

"So, spill. Couple or not?" Portman demanded, hooking into his massive breakfast.

I blushed. "Couple."

"Woo hoo!" Julie crowed, getting the attention from nearby tables. "Pay up, I said they'd be a couple by this morning."

Portman grumbled and handed over $10.

"You guys bet on our coupling?" Charlie asked, feigning insult.

Julie shrugged. "I knew it would be a sure thing. You two were meant to be together."

I smiled and looked over at Charlie, who was smiling back at me. His hand found my thigh under the table and squeezed.

I turned my attention back to my breakfast, and ate my toast happily.

Julie caught my eye as I was sipping my juice. "Congrats."

I smiled. "Thanks."

She smiled at me and squeezed my hand over the table. And again, I thanked God that there were people as wonderful as Julie Gaffney on this earth.

"Banks, we got physics," Portman quipped, picking his satchel up off the floor and slinging it over his body.

I looked over at Charlie, disheartened that I wouldn't see him till lunch.

"Bye," I said softly, taking his hand.

He smiled. "Bye," he echoed, leaning over and placing a sound kiss on my lips.

My cheeks blushed a furious shade of red and I stood up on shaky legs.

"See ya later," Fulton said, trying to hide a smile.

I waved and followed Portman out of the cafeteria towards our physics class.

**

"What's it like?" Portman hissed at me as our physics teacher immersed himself in hydrocratic equations.

"What?" I hissed back, scribbling a problem in my book.

"Being with another guy?"

I put my pen down and looked at Portman. Everything was so hard for him. The Ducks barely acknowledged his presence. I felt bad for him.

"It's what I've been waiting for," I said truthfully.

Portman's eyes filled with longing, with sadness. "I wish I had that."

I clapped him on the back discreetly. "You will. I know you will."

He smiled. "Thanks Banksie," he told me, going back to his work.

I watched him as he wrote hastily, raising his eyes to the front of the room ever so often to copy the work down. He was going through a lot. His friends have alienated him and he doesn't have anyone to tell him it's ok.

"Hey Portman," I called softly.

He looked back at me. "Yeah?"

"If I wasn't with Charlie, I'd date you."

He snorted softly. "No offense, Banksie, but you don't float my boat, if you know what I mean."

I smiled. "That's ok then."

I went back to my physics feeling a little better for Portman. So what if he didn't have a boyfriend, he had me and Julie and Fulton and Charlie.

"Mr Banks. Care to share what's so fascinating about Mr Portman?" Mr Goodrick called out from the front of the classroom.

I blushed and shook my head. "No sir," I muttered, picking up my pen and busying myself with my work.

**

Hockey practice.

Whoever decided the Varsity hockey team needed to practice after a full day of classes needs to be shot.

I'm just glad I get to sit on the bench.

"I don't see why we need to practice," Portman grumbled as he, Julie, Charlie, Fulton and I made our way into the rink.

"I can see why you need to practice," Julie teased.

Portman caught her around the waist and threw her over his shoulder. "That's enough outta you, girlie!"

I laughed as we walked, looking around at our small group. And that's what it was. Just Portman, Fulton, Julie, Charlie and I. And I really liked it that way. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved being apart of the Ducks, but I can't force them to accept who I am.

"You gonna stay for practice?" Charlie asked me softly as we rounded the hallway towards the locker rooms.

I nodded. "Wouldn't miss it for the world…"

He smiled and leant in to kiss me.

"Not such a good idea," I said sadly. "The last thing we need if for you to be ostracized by your team, Captain."

Charlie patted my shoulder. "I know what you mean. But in some aspects, I don't care."

I smiled. "Well, does it make you feel better that at this moment I'm sending a hundred imaginary kisses?"

He smiled. "Yeah, it does."

I grinned. "I'll see you out on the ice."

I waited until Charlie had disappeared into the locker rooms before I headed back down the hallway and into the stadium, finding my place in the box.

I exhaled and watched my breath dance before me eyes. I wanted to feel the way I did when I skated.

"Hey Banks," Orion greeted me as he stepped into the box. "How's the wrist?"

"OK," I answered. "I have a check-up on Wednesday."

Orion nodded, looking over something on his clipboard. "Good to hear. Actually, now that you're here, you can do something for me."

"Yeah?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I just want you to go over these hockey plays I've got, take a look at them, see if anything needs to be added." He handed me the clipboard.

I took it from him. Never once in the whole time the Ducks had been under Coach Orion's lead, had he ever asked a player to look at plays.

I flipped through some of the pages of computerized plays, my eyes roaming them, taking in every detail.

"Banks?"

I looked up.

"I want you to still feel included," Orion said. "I know your wrist is hurting you a lot more than just physically, so I want you to be up here with me at games and practices, helping me out."

I smiled. "Thanks Coach."

He grinned and turned away, ending our conversation.

My hands grazed the pages of the plays, and I drank up every little detail, my hockey senses kicking in and imagining the plays happening on the ice.

I barely looked up when Orion blew the whistle, signifying the start of practice. My eyes were transfixed on the drawings, and I was distinctly aware of the pencil in my left hand, itching to be used.

I came across a play and began readily scribbling in the margins about what I thought needed to be done.

"How's it coming along?"

I looked up at Coach Orion who had paused in front of the box, looking at me inquisitively.

"Not too bad," I told him. "Most of these are perfect, there are just a few that needed a little something extra…"

He nodded. "Keep at it."

I watched as he skated away and my eyes caught Charlie's. I smiled at him and he smiled back, his face hidden partially by his helmet.

I smiled to myself and put my head back down, working furiously on the plays.

**

~|~ Thursday, 2:19pm. 3 Weeks since I last wrote.

Man, so much stuff has happened in these part thre weeks. I finished my last exam 2 days ago, the Ducks won the play-offs against Blair Prepatory, and, oh yeah, I'm graduating tomorrow.

God, saying that gives me the charge of a lifetime. I survived high school, and tomorrow, I get to stand in front of my friends and family and prove it.

You're probably curious as to where Charlie and I stand? Don't worry journal, we're still together. It's been the freakiest three weeks of my life. I'm in a relationship that may very well be pulled apart by college. And I'm scared, but I'm trying to hold on to the time Charlie and I have before we might be forced to split up.

I forgot to mention, I got into Georgetown. Seems since I haven't been playing hockey, I've been using my time to improve my studies.

When I sat down to write this, I thought I would have a lot to say. But now, sitting here looking at the page, there isn't really much to write down. My life is seemingly good. I've been off my Xanax for 3 weeks (yahoo!), and my wrist is healing nicely, says my doctor. And I have Charlie. Charlie, who makes life worth living.

We're closer than ever. And no, I don't mean sexually. We've decided not to sleep together until we know it's right. Having sex with Charlie in my dorm room isn't exactly how I imagined our first time together, you know? It's our first month anniversary next month, and I'm planning a ridiculously romantic evening.

Oh, important news! I'm not going home for Christmas? Portman, Julie, Fulton, Charlie and I have rented this awesome house in St. Paul for the holidays and we're going to have our own Christmas. I'm just damn glad I don't have to go home and see my parents. They still don't know I'm gay. And hopefully, I won't have to tell them for a long time.

In fact, when I think about it, not many people actually know that I'm gay. The Ducks know, but they haven't said anything. They don't even know that Charlie and I are together. Which makes our relationship so much more special.

As I sit here and look around my room, it's weird to see most of my stuff packed up in boxes. I'm leaving Eden Hall and I'm going to college, and it's possibly the scariest thing I've ever had to deal with. This chapter of my life is ending and another one is gonna begin next year.

I hate thinking about change. I hate change. I've never adapted well to new things. But I have amazing friends by my side. And speaking of which, Charlie should be here soon.

Adam D. Banks ~|~

**

"Hey gorgeous."

I smiled as Charlie came into my room, a smile on his face.

"Hey beautiful," I answered, pulling him into my arms for a hug.

He hugged me back tightly, his hands grazing my waist. "We gotta talk."

I let go of him and looked up. "That doesn't sound good."

He shrugged and sat down on my bed. I sat next to him.

"It isn't good," he said, taking my hand in his.

"Well, what is it?"

"I got accepted to California University on a full hockey scholarship."

I smiled. "Oh Charlie, that's great!" I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"But I don't wanna go!"

I drew back. "Why not?"

He looked over at me sadly. "I don't want to leave you."

Tears crept into my eyes and my heart beat faster. "Charlie Conway, you are the most amazing, sensitive man I've ever known."

I pulled him into my arms and hugged him.

"I really don't want to leave you, Adam," he whispered into my hair.

I pulled back, looking him in the eye. "I know you don't. But this is college we're talking about. You can't give this up for me."

A tear rolled down his cheek. "I know you're right, but I don't know how I'm supposed to leave you."

I brushed his tears away. "Charlie, I love you, you know I do. But this is your education. And I'm always going to be here."

I didn't admit that it killed me inside, the thought of losing him. Because it did. It really did.