I Found the Rebel Base!
By Trinity Jasmine Elessar (or Katy-sama… *glare at Elijah*)
Disclaimer: If I owned YGO, I would kill Anzu. But Anzu is not dead. She still roams the earth and spreads plagues of friendship. Aargh. Kazuki Takahashi-sama still *choke* owns. Alas, Anzu is safe.
A/N: Hi-ya! It's me ELIJAH! Katy-sama's beta-dog! Katy-sama is working on much much homework and told me to POST REBEL BASE STORY! So here it is! Woo-cha!
-'lijah-chan
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CHAPTERone: The Hikaris are Gone! Yami Malik Devours a Cell Phone and Yami Yugi Freaks Out!
Large, purple eyes opened, blearily focusing in on dull purple carpet. Their owner blinked in wonder. Strange, my room has white carpet…
"Captain! We have a message from the Yellow base!"
"The children licked up sugar and are going wild!"
"Sir, Pink Peeps have been spotted on the northeast ridge!"
What's going on? Yugi Mutou wondered. He raised his head and squinted. He saw tiny purple smudges zipping across the floor. Did ants get into my room? He thought giddily.
"The prisoner has awoken!"
"Prisoner?" Yugi sat up and realized he was trapped in a small cell. One of the purple objects skidded to a halt in front of him. It was a Marshmallow Peep. "Hey, you're my candy!" Yugi grinned.
"I am not!" the Peep protested. "I am Chicken 23-5; Vlad!"
"Vlad?" Yugi suppressed a laugh. "You're name's Vlad?"
"Do you have a problem with that?" Vlad roared.
"Erm, no, but don't you think-"
"Silence, prisoner! I will not have an ugly human insulting my name!"
"Okaaay," Yugi said. "Uhm, could you tell me-"
"NO!" Vlad thundered. "You are a prisoner, and prisoners do not talk!"
"Well, maybe you should have gagged me!" Yugi said sarcastically.
"Oh, ho, ho!" Vlad chortled. "Our prisoner's a smart-mouth! Oh, well, we'll get a quiet prisoner one of these days. MEN, GAG HIM!"
Yugi was just mulling over how two-inch, sugar coated candies were going to silence a teenager a hundred times their size when he saw a large mass of purple Peeps, rising up like a tremendous wave, and crashing down upon his head.
***********
"I like Target; I think that K-Mart is cheap. I like Wal-Mart-"
"WAL-MART?"[1]
The song abruptly stopped. Yami Malik looked up to see who had rudely interrupted his song. Yami Yugi was getting to his feet and glaring.
"What's your problem, Pharaoh?" Yami Malik demanded.
No answer.
"Hey, pay attention to me!"
"Malik, shut up."
"MALIK?? I'm not Malik!"
"Where are we?"
"DO I LOOK LIKE THAT INSOLENT BUG-EYED TUBE OF TOOTHPASTE? PHARAOH!!!"
"TREES," Yami[2] observed, wide-eyed. Yami Malik stopped ranting for a moment to look around. They were standing at the edge of a huge forest. The trees loomed above them menacingly.
The whole thing confused Yami. "What is this?" he squeaked. The last time he saw Yugi's kitchen, it did NOT have trees.
Yami Malik snorted. "It's a forest, stupid."
Yami glared at him. "I KNOW it's a forest!"
"No you didn't," Yami Malik glared.
"Yes, I did."
"No, you-"
"Hey, guys," a new voice grumbled. The two spirits turned to see Yami Bakura standing a few feet away.
"It's the tomb robber." Yami Malik hissed menacingly, looking as if he might bite.
"Hey, I was on your side!" Yami Bakura protested. Yami Malik narrowed his eyes.
"The pharaoh and I were having a discussion about, er, trees, and-"
"Pft, I don't even like you!" Yami exclaimed. "I ought to go talk to Bakura and leave you here!"
Yami Malik raised his eyebrows. He didn't see how that would work at all. "What if I followed you?"
The other two yamis looked at each other in astonishment. "He's smart!"
"Okay, now you're making fun of me," Yami Malik growled. "I'm calling my hikari."
"To see how he's doing?"
"NO. To see where he is so he can tell me where I am." Yami Malik pulled out a pink cell phone.
Snort.
"Shut UP, Bakura."
"Why do you have a pink cell phone?"
"It's his sister's."
"What?"
"It says 'Isis' on the side."
"Oh, I wouldn't put it past Malik's yami to steal his sister's cell phone."
"Sadly so," Yami nodded.
Yami Malik bit the cell phone; looking the angriest he'd ever been all day.
"Do not eat Isis' cell phone," Yami Bakura said calmly. Yami Malik ignored him.
"Did you call your hikari?" Yami asked innocently.
"DIE," Yami Malik answered.
"Did he answer?"
Yami Malik spat out the cell phone and glared at Yami. Bakura looked at said cell phone and discovered that there were no cracks whatsoever and the only thing really wrong with it was the trace amounts of yami slobber on it.
Then Yami Bakura began to wonder what made Isis' cell phone was made out of and if he could build a Weapon of Mass Destruction with it. He grinned, envisioning thunder, lightning, and millions of terrified humans.
"He said MPHM MHUMPH MUM!" Yami Malik yelled, waving his arms.
"I don't see why you're so upset," Yami said, arms crossed and a bored look on his face.
"HE IS MOCKING ME! How am I supposed to destroy and be fearsome if my own hikari won't fear me?" Yami Malik bit his knuckle in distress.
"As usual, Malik has blown things out of proportion," Yami remarked to Yami Bakura out of the corner of his mouth.
"I feel sad," Yami Malik said nastily to Yami's back.
"Maybe you should call him by his real name," Yami Bakura suggested, poking the cell phone.
"What is his real name?" Yami asked.
"Just make one up; I'm sure he'll be happy that you called him something besides his host's name. While you're at it, can you ask him if he has rabies?"
Yami gave the tomb robber a strange look. "Alright…" He turned around.
"Hey, Kozo, do you have rabies?" Yami asked.
"No… what did you call me?" Yami Malik narrowed his eyes.
Yami Bakura decided to grab the amazing cell phone and run, in case Yami Malik became homicidal. Since he claimed not to have rabies, Yami Bakura could simply pick it up using his shirt and wipe it off on the Pharaoh.
"I'd rather be called Malik!" Yami Malik yelled, wondering whether to cram his middle finger up Yami's nose. It would certainly be a wonderful addition to Yami's face but a hindrance to Yami Malik's finger.
"Oh, please, we are getting nowh- what are you doing?!" Yami stared at Yami Bakura, who was in the process of transferring Yami Malik's slobber from Isis' cell phone onto his shirt.
"Do NOT put that thing's spit on me!" Yami looked so dangerous that Yami Bakura dropped the cell phone and backed away in fear.
"Where's Ryou when I need a human shield?" he whimpered.
"Hey, yeah, where is Ryou?" Yami wondered. "Yugi, have you seen- YUGI?" Yami dropped his ferocious look and surveyed the area in panic. "Oh NO, my hikari is GONE!"
"This guy's smarter than me," Yami Malik smirked. Yami glared at him.
"YOU! You ate him didn't you?" Yami shrieked.
"Why would I eat him, there's hardly any meat on him!"
"I would eat him!" Yami Bakura said happily.
"YOU ATE HIM!" Yami yelled.
"I DID NOT!" Yami Bakura protested. "I said I WOULD if I COULD."
"But you can't!" Yami ordered.
"But I can't," Yami Bakura agreed.
"Psh, I'm taking off," Yami Malik said. "I must find my hikari and punish him for mocking me." He grinned.
***********
"MIVE ME MY MELL MOME MACK!" Malik shrieked through his gag. "MY MAMY'S MOIMG MA MIL ME!"[3]
The yellow Marshmallow Peep in front of him stared comically. Taking the cell phone, it speed dialed "Isis".
***********
"Hey, Kozo, you sister's cell phone is ringing!"
Yami Malik stopped walking and turned to face the other two spirits. "It's probably Rishid asking what he should bring home from the market. Tell him to get a can of cream of broccoli and twelve dozen eggs."
"Will do," Bakura answered the cell. "Hi, Rishid!"
"What?" the voice on the other end said.
"Bring home canned cream of broccoli and twelve dozen eggs! Bye!"
"Uh, okay, bye," the Voice said.
************
Yugi opened his eyes… again. He saw the same purple carpet. He saw the same purple blobs. Only when he opened his mouth to talk was when he realized that he couldn't open his mouth. It was crammed full of purple Peeps!
"Do not resist, prisoner!" one of the Peeps in his mouth said. "You wanted to be gagged!"
Yugi rolled his eyes. I'm the prisoner of a bunch of nut cases.
************
"Sir! We have brought the cream of broccoli, but the store had no eggs!"
"What did you bring, then, instead?"
"Twelve cans of Smuckers jelly!"
Malik groaned and stared at the Peeps. "Y-you called my sister?"
The Peeps ignored him. Malik sighed. It was pretty obvious that his yami was now in possession of Isis' phone; given the odd food instructions.
"I'm warning you! My yami'll come for me and he'll eat you alive!" Malik tried to look defiant. So what if I lied, he thought. He knew for sure that his yami would NOT come for him. Perhaps if he got to his cell phone and ticked his yami off enough, he would come to the base just to trample Malik and step on the Peeps in the process.
Now all Malik had to do was get his cell phone back.
Fuutnotes: (HAHA WHAT A FUN WORD! AND IT'S ALL MINE!)
[1]- Total inside joke. I'm not explaining it. :D
[2]- Saying "Yami Yugi" all the time sounds odd. ^-^()
[3]- Essentially "Give me my cell phone back!" and "My yami's going to kill me!" I don't know why. When does Y.Malik do anything that can be explained?
Y.Malik: *pout*
Yo, dudes. It's Elijah again! When I read this manuscript, I was shocked, startled, appalled, and frightened. Then I discovered that Katy-sama had just consumed a large amount of Rice Crispies Treats. So… you can understand. She's like Taz. A whirling dervish. I just wish she would toss that "fuutnote" crap. It embarrasses me.
Me: *waves Yami Malik and Yami Bakura plushies*
And she apologizes for any inaccuracies, continuity issues, plot issues, etc.
-'lijah-chan