Disclaimer: If I did own Harry Potter and all characters and settings related to him, I would be vacationing in Hawaii right now. I'm just a penniless writer, so suing me won't do anything either.

A/N: I am so very sorry for the long wait…but as the end grows near, this fic is getting harder and harder to right, emotion wise, and plot wise. Please understand that I'm trying my best. Without all you reviwers, I wouldn't have written this chapter, anyway ^_^

Chapter 11

He told me not to be afraid.

I found myself wishing it could be that easy. But no, life wasn't that simple. As the days progressed, I found myself staring at Draco Malfoy more often than before, and instead of just a dull ache in my chest, there was curiosity sparked.

I so desperately wanted to know more about him, much more than he would let on. But with him, he was always so careful, and I could practically see him thinking every word through before they were uttered.

Sometimes it made me outraged; his calm perfection while I was in a state of complete ruin.

Fear no longer grasped me, or clung to me like a leech—it plagued my every thought until I thought it was consuming the air that I breathed, until I felt cold, clammy beads of sweat roll my forehead, until I felt so cold from it. I didn't know the difference between fear and comfort, because the fear was constant.

I had thought that once the decision was made, I would be on a one-way path—that I would feel no regret. But it was the contrary, in fact—Tom's haunting thoughts, words and images stopped, however slowly, and I began to think all the more clearer than before.

I felt stupid and foolish.

But at the same time, that foolishness stopped me from running back to Hogwarts.

I was even offered the chance to, and yet I refused.

Call me stupid, but nothing compelled me to go back anymore, not even the instinctive fear I always felt.

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" They're planning to initiate you soon." He told me quietly as I ran the brush through my hair.

" I see." I replied just as quietly, hoping that he didn't sense my anxiety.

" They're also going to attack soon. They feel as if it is high time."

I bit my lips and turned around to face him. His eyes were trained straight ahead of him.

" You speak of 'them' like you're not one of their number." I mused, wonder alight in my eyes. Was he having regrets? His eyes darkened.

" Stop being foolish, Ginny."

That was what he usually said.

It seemed as if I was getting closer to hitting home these days, and he seemed to be brushing my curious comments aside by telling me to stop being foolish.

There was silence as I continued to brush my hair, not that it needed to be any longer. It was just that, as soon as I left this room, I knew I probably would not have a chance to talk to Draco until late at night. He

had business to take care of, or so he told me, while I desperately tried to find my place in this big manor, wandering around quite aimlessly. Every moment I spent with Draco was a precious one, however pathetic that might sound.

" You don't have to do this." I looked at him through the mirror, surprise reflecting in my eyes. I stood frozen as I waited for him to continue, wondering if truly, he was telling me what I thought he was telling me.

" You don't have to." He repeated again, softly. What in hell was he talking about? I smiled placidly, and turned to him.

" I do, though. I made this choice long ago, and weren't you the one who convinced me?" My eyes tried to search his, but as always, he left them blank. Was he saying this because he had read my own thoughts and saw my uncertainty? Or was there something else, and I was simply deemed useless now?

" I wouldn't want to make you a hypocrite."

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And then, on days when nothing really happened, and it felt like I was stuck in the middle of my life, waiting for time to push itself past this barrier…

I missed my family. Life had been a jumble since I had arrived here, and one thing that had been on my mind was my family.

The family that had betrayed me.

I learned the hard way why betrayal hurt so much.

Growing up, I believed that no matter what, I would always have my family. It wasn't a matter of choice—my family. Through thick and thin, they would never waver in loyalty.

I guess it was another one of my foolish dreams.

I had virtually disappeared from the face of this earth, and none of them bothered to search me out.

At times, I was even angry.

How dare they do this to me? How dare they be so stupid? Didn't they see what they had reduced me to? They were all I had ever had, and so easily, they could abandon me.

The things I had once taken for granted

Were all beginning to erode away.

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I gripped the pen in my hand. It shook violently, and my face was pale as I tried hard to steady it, trembling hand wavering over the creamy parchment.

My breaths grew faster, more urgent as the faces of my family whizzed through my mind, old memories of when my mother would feed me soup when I was sick, of when my father would hug me tightly when I gotten hurt, of when my brothers would tease me to the brink of tears.

But I missed all of that. With all my heart, that was the only single thing in the world that I wanted. It felt almost like there was a constant burning in my chest, a slow churning in my stomach that I couldn't get rid of.

And that day, the feeling of nostalgia was so unbearable. Common sense flew out the window, and I wondered if I tried hard enough, I could go back…

Slowly, the quill shuddered over the parchment, bold ebony ink flowing like blood.

To my family,

I miss you.

I'm sorry.

Words can't explain what has happened over the past few months.

But I'd been hoping you would understand.

I feel lost, mom.

I feel scared, dad.

I love you all.

I want to go back

But the quill fell to the floor, and I gave a lung-wrenching sob as the tears spilled over all I had written, unable to contain my emotions.

Nothing seemed fair for me. If there was a god out there, I felt angry at him, and wondered what I had done to deserve this.

It felt like the tears would never stop.

The room I was in faded away until all I could see were blurs of colors, and I tasted the salty bitterness like it was liberation from what I had been trying to bottle up.

I was alone as I despaired, hating myself for every second the tears flowed, because it was my own fault…my own foolishness that had started this all…

And then, and then he was there. The door flew open and I could hear his expensive shoes pounding on the floor as he ran over to me and his silver eyes were so wide and alarmed.

He didn't say a word as he watched me fall apart.

He embraced me tightly.

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That night, yet again I slept in his arms.

My tears had stopped and were reduced to wet stains on my cheeks, and for what seemed like eternity, I did not fall asleep.

I looked at Draco as he slept soundly.

My thoughts wandered back to what I had learned when I had first come here; how his mother was gone.

He did understand.

And for the second time since I've known him, I thought I saw a side to him that was so very human. A side that was powerless to these kinds of emotions we couldn't control, a side that could be prey to life.

My heart thumped in thought of the longing he felt for his mother.

Wasn't he a god among deceivers.

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I knew very well it had been coming.

" They're going to initiate you, Ginny."

I stopped, waiting for the feeling of dread to flow in. I felt none. I felt no fear. On the contrary, I was almost relieved.

Doing nothing gave one too much time to think.

I didn't want to think.

Perhaps this change in my feelings was because I would be relieved in the end, because something horrible would end.

" Okay." I said nonchalantly.

" Tonight."

" Okay." I repeated.

" I'll be coming to retrieve you before dinnertime."

With a nod, he left the room.

I stared at the mirror at the edge of the room, and I stared at the image reflected upon it.

Ginny Weasley.

Death Eater.

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I was ordered to dress in simple clothes. So I did. I wore a simple white blouse and a black skirt, much like my Hogwarts uniform had been.

It seemed that at this point, I was beyond anxiety, because all I felt was determination to do this, and do it right.

I waited patiently in my room until Draco came, dressed in formal robes.

Death Eater robes.

Neither of us spoke during the procession to the room where I would be initiated.

I felt oddly at peace, my chin high, as I walked along quietly, ignoring the portraits that shot interested looks in my direction.

Finally, we arrived at the door.

And I remembered, with a jolt.

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The room was surrounded in death eaters, the light dim and casting eerie shadows on the walls.

In the center, of course, was Voldemort. His long grey robes covered his face and immediately, I felt a bit cold.

I had remembered my dream. The dream of my own initiation…and now…it was becoming reality…but the dream had been so different…I had been sure of myself…

All of a sudden, the lights dimmed even further, and the room grew dead quiet. I looked around, searching for Draco, but he was lost to me in the sea of death eaters.

" Virginia Weasley." His raspy voice sounded like nails against a chalkboard.

But never the less, I stepped forward boldly.

" Let the initiation begin." But he was no longer speaking to me. A hooded death eater came forth, and grabbing my arm roughly, he pulled me forward until I was directly in from of Lord Voldemort, until I thought I could almost smell his stench of death that was said to linger about him…

In one rough gesture, he pulled up the sleeves of my blouse, revealing a patch of pale skin.

When I looked up, I could hardly contain a gasp. Voldemort's hand was outstretched for my arm—the hand that was now set in flame; a great cloud of blinding red and orange.

His hand clamped around my arm, and I screamed.

" I am your Lord." His voice sounded monotonous and quiet, but I could hear him loudly through my pained screams as the fire burned through and through, prickling every inch of me…

" You shall be my loyal servant, she who will obey me and know me as her ultimate deity."

But the pain didn't simmer down. It seemed to continue to increase, and I watched with tears in my eyes as the orange flames kissed my arm mercilessly.

" You will bleed for your lord. You are bound to me forever."

Then, with a hiss, as the agony intensified into unbearable heights, the room seemed to close in around me.

" Cruciatus."

Words couldn't describe. It was not a thousand whetted knives piercing into my body. It was pain that was physical, yes, but inside, my soul felt tormented in its self, as if it had been torn open and left to bleed. It was pain so powerful, the ground below me began to tremble. And there was a hot, fiery storm that caressed my insides, whispering things of evil to me, whispering things that made me weak.

I would have willingly died than endure the pain.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks unconsciously as I continued to sob in pain, but when the teardrops fell onto hands, I saw they color of crimson blood.

I was bleeding.

And the teardrops of blood continued and continued, staining my blouse. I stared in grotesque wonder, through the heart-wrenching pain. Everything about the moment seemed so wrong and unbearable…

It was all too much.

But just when I thought I would never stop crying those tears of blood, just when I thought I would never be relieved of this torture, his hand tore away from mine.

And I gulped in fresh air.

I wore the same Death Eater robes that everyone else did, and upon my arm there was a black image.

The dark mark.

But for those minutes, I was unaware of everything but myself.

I had done it. It was over. The pain ebbed away slowly, and yet I continued to cry.

The whole room watched me.

And from the corner of my eye, I saw a pair of silver eyes.

Beautiful, saddened gray eyes.

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A/N: Not really satisfied with the chapter…but please, please, please review, never the less ^_^