The Gang Goes Back To... The Salem Witch Trials!!!
Am: So where are we now?
A: Looks like Salem, Massechusetts. Oh shit!
QB: What?
A: She sent us back to the Salem Witch Trials!
D: Well, that means she's a witch herself, right? Lead her to the
ropes!!!
(cricket, silence)
D: WHAT are you LOOKING at me for NOW??!
A: Um, honey, you had caffiene, didn't you?
D: Yupsy yupsy!!
QB: God help us all.
D: Hang her, bang her, make her bleed! Stab her, jab her, make her
plead! Snip her, clip her, pull out all her hair! Soon Bzethio will
scream in despair!!
S: Dhani, shh!
M: They'll hear you!
D: So? Stomp her, chomp her, cut her into chunks! Smash her, crash
her, send her to the monks! Eat her, beat her, make her cry! Cook her,
snook her, put her in a fry!
A: Dhani? Shut it, please!!
D: Pinch her, cinch her, make the bone show-
M: EW!
D: Scrunch her, munch her, make her UP-BLOW! -hehe, just tryin' to make
it rhyme in time, tee hee- Teach her, leech her, tie her to the stake!
Soon Bzethio will a stew make!!!
M: Dhani, that's disgusting!
A: (dryly) He knows that. Don't even try to tell him.
QB: Someone, shut that ass up!
Am: (a squeaky voice) He'll blow our cover.
D: Trap her in the quarry, make her really sorry, put her in the jails,
make her eat some snails! Shoot her with a bow, 'cause she's gotta go,
trap her in a cave, make her wax not shave, tell her she's a bitch,
'cause she's the wicked witch, send her back in time, the Black Death...
bla bla bla...
QB: Um... I'm not really understanding...
A: Don't worry, he'll run out of rhymes eventually.
S: Not soon enough. Look!
(A big gang of villagers, mostly men, are coming towards them on
horseback)
QB: Oh, shit!
A: And look who's with tem!
(BZ is riding in their midst)
M: What's SHE doing with them?!?
Am: I want my Marie. (Pops thumb in mouth)
M: I'm right here, bebe. (Wraps arms around him)
D: I want my Aly, no not Sally, not Hallie, not Callie, hell, I want my
Aly!!!
A: Cool it with the rhyme, love of mine.
D: Noo.
BZ: There they are! Arrest them!
M: No, no, nooooo!
QB: You can't arrest me, I'm the Queen!
Villager: Yeah, and I'm th' King Edward himself! Come on, off with ye!
(Prods QB)
S: Where are you taking us?
Villager: To the prison, o' course. What else would we do with ye?
S: May I suggest a nice hotel? Or at least a cottage?
Villager: What for? So's you can work more a yer magic spells, eh?
Eh?
M: With all due respect, you've terrible manners.
Villager: Eh, all us unmarried blokes do. Sorry, marm.
M: My name isn't marm, it's Marie Eleonor Serneholt. I am from
Stockholm, Sweden, and I am nearly twenty years of age. I can sing, play
flute, and drive.
Villager: Drive what? Spirits into other's souls?
M: What? No! I'd never do anything of the kind!
Villager: Yeah, an' that's the Devil 'imself talking.
M: Devil? I'd surely know if I'd a Devil in me, sir.
S: Marie, I'd shut my mouth if I were you.
M: I am a dignified young 21st century lady, and proud of it. Yes,
proud of it.
S: Marie, hush.
M: I will not hush!!
QB: Sorry, Marie, had to do this. (pricks her with a needle. M goes
into a trancelike state)
S: (sigh) Thank you.
QB: No problem.
Am: I scared.
D: I more scared.
QB: (moan, sigh) A Queen shouldn't have to be humiliated like this.
S: When we get out of this, we'll compensate for it later. Promise.
A: How, Sara?
S: We'll give her a major makeover.
QB: Mmm, makeover.
M: (groan) Makeover?
S: Oh, shit, do it again!
QB: (pricks needle)
M: Ow! Zzz.
S: Thanks.
QB: No problemo. Now, let me think of a way to get out of this.
S: Too late, we're at the jail already.
A: Damn! Queen Beth, Dhani just fainted right into me!
QB: Chill, we'll lay him down when we get inside.
(They go inside)
A: Eww! It's reeking in here!
M: (wakes up) Why does it smell like pooies?
S: 'Cause we're at the jail.
M: WHAT?!
S: Quick, the needle!
QB: Okay, once more. (Sticks it in)
M: I resent that. (Goes into trance)
QB: (sigh) I'll never get used to this.
D: (waking up) It smelly worse than jelly in a celly welly delly.
A: Oh good Goddess.
Am: We're in a jail, dumb-f***.
D: Uh! Me no like you no more!
(The Gang goes into the cell)
A: Ew! The smell is rife in here!
Villager: Find somewhere to sit, witches.
QB: (muttering) Damn.
S: I second that.
QB: We know.
A: So what now?
S: Hell if I know.
QB: Ditto.
S: Don't you copy off of me, Queen Dorkmeyer.
QB: Oh, you are SO going to Hifl for that!
A: Sara, you having never been to Hifl will be shocked and amazed at
the wonder and beauty of the dungeons.
(complete silence)
S: You so crazy!
A: Me know!
QB: Anyway, I need to think. (Sits down)
(Squishing noise)
S: Oh, ew, what was that!
QB: I think I just sat in someone's shitpile.
D: Worse than me in a diaper.
A: Dhani!!!
D: Sorry. But, hey, you remember how much I stunk when BZ turned us
all into babies.
S: Don't remind us.
QB: Why is it always me these stupid things happen to?
A: And why is it always Bzethio who makes it all happen to you?
QB: Good question. Hmmmm...
Am: So where are we now?
A: Looks like Salem, Massechusetts. Oh shit!
QB: What?
A: She sent us back to the Salem Witch Trials!
D: Well, that means she's a witch herself, right? Lead her to the
ropes!!!
(cricket, silence)
D: WHAT are you LOOKING at me for NOW??!
A: Um, honey, you had caffiene, didn't you?
D: Yupsy yupsy!!
QB: God help us all.
D: Hang her, bang her, make her bleed! Stab her, jab her, make her
plead! Snip her, clip her, pull out all her hair! Soon Bzethio will
scream in despair!!
S: Dhani, shh!
M: They'll hear you!
D: So? Stomp her, chomp her, cut her into chunks! Smash her, crash
her, send her to the monks! Eat her, beat her, make her cry! Cook her,
snook her, put her in a fry!
A: Dhani? Shut it, please!!
D: Pinch her, cinch her, make the bone show-
M: EW!
D: Scrunch her, munch her, make her UP-BLOW! -hehe, just tryin' to make
it rhyme in time, tee hee- Teach her, leech her, tie her to the stake!
Soon Bzethio will a stew make!!!
M: Dhani, that's disgusting!
A: (dryly) He knows that. Don't even try to tell him.
QB: Someone, shut that ass up!
Am: (a squeaky voice) He'll blow our cover.
D: Trap her in the quarry, make her really sorry, put her in the jails,
make her eat some snails! Shoot her with a bow, 'cause she's gotta go,
trap her in a cave, make her wax not shave, tell her she's a bitch,
'cause she's the wicked witch, send her back in time, the Black Death...
bla bla bla...
QB: Um... I'm not really understanding...
A: Don't worry, he'll run out of rhymes eventually.
S: Not soon enough. Look!
(A big gang of villagers, mostly men, are coming towards them on
horseback)
QB: Oh, shit!
A: And look who's with tem!
(BZ is riding in their midst)
M: What's SHE doing with them?!?
Am: I want my Marie. (Pops thumb in mouth)
M: I'm right here, bebe. (Wraps arms around him)
D: I want my Aly, no not Sally, not Hallie, not Callie, hell, I want my
Aly!!!
A: Cool it with the rhyme, love of mine.
D: Noo.
BZ: There they are! Arrest them!
M: No, no, nooooo!
QB: You can't arrest me, I'm the Queen!
Villager: Yeah, and I'm th' King Edward himself! Come on, off with ye!
(Prods QB)
S: Where are you taking us?
Villager: To the prison, o' course. What else would we do with ye?
S: May I suggest a nice hotel? Or at least a cottage?
Villager: What for? So's you can work more a yer magic spells, eh?
Eh?
M: With all due respect, you've terrible manners.
Villager: Eh, all us unmarried blokes do. Sorry, marm.
M: My name isn't marm, it's Marie Eleonor Serneholt. I am from
Stockholm, Sweden, and I am nearly twenty years of age. I can sing, play
flute, and drive.
Villager: Drive what? Spirits into other's souls?
M: What? No! I'd never do anything of the kind!
Villager: Yeah, an' that's the Devil 'imself talking.
M: Devil? I'd surely know if I'd a Devil in me, sir.
S: Marie, I'd shut my mouth if I were you.
M: I am a dignified young 21st century lady, and proud of it. Yes,
proud of it.
S: Marie, hush.
M: I will not hush!!
QB: Sorry, Marie, had to do this. (pricks her with a needle. M goes
into a trancelike state)
S: (sigh) Thank you.
QB: No problem.
Am: I scared.
D: I more scared.
QB: (moan, sigh) A Queen shouldn't have to be humiliated like this.
S: When we get out of this, we'll compensate for it later. Promise.
A: How, Sara?
S: We'll give her a major makeover.
QB: Mmm, makeover.
M: (groan) Makeover?
S: Oh, shit, do it again!
QB: (pricks needle)
M: Ow! Zzz.
S: Thanks.
QB: No problemo. Now, let me think of a way to get out of this.
S: Too late, we're at the jail already.
A: Damn! Queen Beth, Dhani just fainted right into me!
QB: Chill, we'll lay him down when we get inside.
(They go inside)
A: Eww! It's reeking in here!
M: (wakes up) Why does it smell like pooies?
S: 'Cause we're at the jail.
M: WHAT?!
S: Quick, the needle!
QB: Okay, once more. (Sticks it in)
M: I resent that. (Goes into trance)
QB: (sigh) I'll never get used to this.
D: (waking up) It smelly worse than jelly in a celly welly delly.
A: Oh good Goddess.
Am: We're in a jail, dumb-f***.
D: Uh! Me no like you no more!
(The Gang goes into the cell)
A: Ew! The smell is rife in here!
Villager: Find somewhere to sit, witches.
QB: (muttering) Damn.
S: I second that.
QB: We know.
A: So what now?
S: Hell if I know.
QB: Ditto.
S: Don't you copy off of me, Queen Dorkmeyer.
QB: Oh, you are SO going to Hifl for that!
A: Sara, you having never been to Hifl will be shocked and amazed at
the wonder and beauty of the dungeons.
(complete silence)
S: You so crazy!
A: Me know!
QB: Anyway, I need to think. (Sits down)
(Squishing noise)
S: Oh, ew, what was that!
QB: I think I just sat in someone's shitpile.
D: Worse than me in a diaper.
A: Dhani!!!
D: Sorry. But, hey, you remember how much I stunk when BZ turned us
all into babies.
S: Don't remind us.
QB: Why is it always me these stupid things happen to?
A: And why is it always Bzethio who makes it all happen to you?
QB: Good question. Hmmmm...