Gimli goes to school
Gimli in Spanish:
The teacher wrote on the board, Noun, verb, tan, adjective, como and what you're comparing. "It's an equal equality," she told them.
The girl behind Gimli poked him in the back. "I don't understand," she said.
"No-body pokes a dwarf," Gimli growled.
"Oh yeah?" asked the girl, Sarah.
She poked him in the back again. Gimli got very mad and started to raise his axe. "Gimli, they told me not to hurt students again this year or they'll send me back to jail. If YOU hurt another student, I'll hurt you and they'll send me back to jail. STOP!" cried Sr. Martinez.
Gimli lowered his axe. "I deserve to hurt students," he muttered.
Sarah threw him a look and moved to the other side of the room. "Now," said Sr. Martinez, "Cuanto tiempo hace que ir al cine?" (When did you start going to the movie theater?)
"Since the Fellowship of the Ring came out," yelled Gimli, "I was the hero in it!"
"No you weren't," came a series of voices.
With-in seconds the whole class was in a heated discussion about the movie and there was nothing the Spanish teacher could do to stop them. Several students ended up with Gimli's axe in their backs. Quite a lot came very close to being hit with the axe. "No-body insults a dwarf," Gimli called over the racket.
The teacher finally dropped a book on Gimli's head, breaking his helmet and proving it to be plastic. For a minute everyone just stared at the pieces of his helmet and then, "You mean you were wearing a toy helmet the whole time!!!!?????"
"Oh god," muttered Gimli, "This is not going to be fun."
***
Gimli in English:
The students were reading The Hobbit. Gimli had never read the book as it didn't have himself in it. "What does Bilbo do to help stop a war between the Lake men and the dwarves?" the teacher asked him.
Gimli didn't know the answer, "Who wants to read about Frodo's fat uncle anyway?" he asked.
"I certainly do," said the English teacher, and called on Rachel to answer the question.
"He gave the Arkenstone to the Lake men and Elves to bribe Thorin."
"Oh he did, did he?" roared Gimli, "Why that little f**ker! My father, Gloin was with Thorin at the time, I believe. If I find that little rascal, I'll hang him upside down by his ankles and."
"Gimli, please stop disturbing the class," the English teacher told him, "Now who can give me the characteristics of a hero?"
Gimli raised his hand. "O.k., Gimli. I'll try you again."
"Short and hairy," began Gimli, "With a long beard and."
"No, no," interrupted the teacher, "I don't want the physical features of a dwarf. I want the personality characteristics of a hero."
"Oh," Gimli replied, thinking hard, "Brave, I suppose. Loud and war- like."
"O.k.," said the teacher, "Anyone else?"
"Big and strong," said one person.
"Clever," said another.
"Immortal and beautiful," said a third.
"WHAT?" roared Gimli, "Elves aren't heroes."
"Of course they are," protested the girl who had just said that.
This started Gimli's second battle of the day, earning him his first visit to the principle. After listening to twenty minutes of lecturing from the principle, Gimli grew bored and killed her. Then he ran off to science.
***
Gimli in science:
Gimli slept the first ten minutes of science and then was rudely awoken. Before he could kill his waker, he was dragged to a lab table to work with Hannah, Bob and Jake. They were supposed to be heating chemicals over a Bunsen burner. Hannah, Bob and Jake made Gimli turn it on. Gimli could not figure out how he was supposed to do this. He turned the gas on full blast and lighted a match to begin the fire.
The flame was so high it caught Gimli's beard on fire. He jumped around yelling for five minutes. Someone finally had the sense to turn on the eye-wash, which Gimli used to dowse the flame.
Having put out the flame, Gimli looked at the damage. His beautiful red beard was reduced to a stubble of gray hair. Gimli promptly killed Hannah for making him light the fire but spared Jake and Bob since they were only hobbit-sized.
Jake and Bob managed to start a normal fire and put the test tube over it. "Interesting," said Gimli, "It's changing color," and he leaned over to get a better look.
"Don't.." started Jake, but it was too late.
A jet of chemicals shot up and hit Gimli in the face. Gimli yelled. The science teacher sent him to the nurse. Gimli banged into all the walls going down, unable to see.
The nurse fixed his eyesight but told him to stay away from fires for a little while so Gimli stayed there until American history. Besides the nurse was young, short and hot.
***
Gimli in American History:
After two minutes of American History, Gimli decided that drawvish history was much more important than the fall of the Aztecs and he told the teacher so. "You just wasted 17.2 seconds of our time. I've got a whole lesson to teach that I have to get in," the teacher told him.
"Cortez found mountains of gold and silver," he droned on again.
"There was tons of silver in the mines of Moria," Gimli said, brightly, "Mithril in fact."
"You just wasted another 10.3 seconds of my time." began the teacher.
"YOU'RE wasting my time," Gimli told him and killed him.
The students all cheered, but were not so happy when Gimli got up and started to tell all about the Goblin Wars of Moria. Quite a lot of them started to snore.
"It's good to snore at least once a day," Gimli told them, "but not here. Save that for another class."
When the students continued to snore (some real and some fake) Gimli grew angry and threatened to do to them what he did to the history teacher. the students sat up and listened to thirty more minutes of drawvish history until the bell rang for gym.
*** Gimli in Gym:
They had to run a lap. "We dwarves are natural sprinters," Gimli called, passing all the students.
By the end of the lap, he was very tired, however. The students lined up in the hall, waiting for the gym teacher. "Keep breathing, that's the key," Gimli told the student next to him.
Unfortunately, the gym teacher came out right at that moment. "You guys are talking," she barked, "Run another lap."
The students groaned and started to run another lap. Gimli was too tired. he stood and watched. "Why aren't you running?" asked the gym teacher.
"I'm tired," he replied.
"Why?"
"I sprinted the first lap."
"You have to pace yourself," yelled the P.E. teacher.
"Huh?" asked Gimli.
Three and a half laps later while the rest of the students got to play volleyball, Gimli decided he really didn't like this pacing thing or the P.E. teacher. Cutting the last corner, Gimli sprinted to the P.E. teacher and killed her. Then he asked the students to show him how to play volleyball.
They tried to teach him, but Gimli didn't understand. He ran to the ball wherever it went and tried to hit it with his axe. He soon grew tired of this and threatened all the students into sprinting with him the last ten minutes of P.E.
***
Gimli in Band:
"I don't know what instrument to play," Gimli admitted to Dr. Hunt, at the beginning of band.
"How 'bout tuba?" asked Dr. Hunt, "We really need someone to play it and you'd be perfect."
"We dwarves are natural tuba players," Gimli boasted, even though he had no idea what a tuba was.
A few students showed him his tuba. Gimli yelled. "How am I even supposed to hold that thing?" he screamed, "It's bigger that I am."
Once he got over the shock, he tried playing it. He couldn't even get a note out of it and by the time he finished trying his face was a dark shade of purple. "I don't think I like tuba," he panted to Dr. Hunt.
"O.k., try French horn," Dr. Hunt told him, bringing out a French horn.
"It smaller," said Gimli, happily and blew it. The notes coming out of it were so flat, all the students put their fingers in their ears.
"Maybe not French horn, either," Dr. Hunt said, cringing and grabbed it away from him.
"Can I do Flute?" Gimli asked "The beautifully light sound fits me perfectly."
"If you want?" Dr. Hunt said, really frustrated that there was such an unmusical person in his class.
Flute was even worse. The shrill notes sounded like a screeching pig. The students attacked him and separated him from the flute before Dr. Hunt could do anything. "Try percussion," suggested Dr. Hunt thinking there was no way he could possible mess that up.
He did. Ha banged on the snare drum with no particular rhythm at all. When the students tried to stop him, he used the cymbals as weapons, throwing then into people's faces. Dr. Hunt yelled that they were too loud and needed to get back to work but the whole class was in uproar and didn't listen. Gimli won yet another battle.
*** Gimli in Math:
"I don't get it," Gimli yelled, "What's the difference between incenter, circumcenter, othrocenter and centroid?"
"Don't call out in class," the teacher told him, "One is the intersections of the angle bisectors, one is."
Gimli tuned his out by accident, once again. "Now for notes."
"Notes?" asked Gimli, brightly, "We get to write notes in your class?"
"NO," yelled the teacher, "Now pay attention. This is an honors class. The incenter is the midpoint of a circle."
Gimli took out his compass and started playing with it. Realizing it had a sharp point, Gimli used it to kill the teacher and took over the class, teaching how to figure out the value of mithrial by its weight. The class snored the next thirty minutes to the bell.
Gimli in Spanish:
The teacher wrote on the board, Noun, verb, tan, adjective, como and what you're comparing. "It's an equal equality," she told them.
The girl behind Gimli poked him in the back. "I don't understand," she said.
"No-body pokes a dwarf," Gimli growled.
"Oh yeah?" asked the girl, Sarah.
She poked him in the back again. Gimli got very mad and started to raise his axe. "Gimli, they told me not to hurt students again this year or they'll send me back to jail. If YOU hurt another student, I'll hurt you and they'll send me back to jail. STOP!" cried Sr. Martinez.
Gimli lowered his axe. "I deserve to hurt students," he muttered.
Sarah threw him a look and moved to the other side of the room. "Now," said Sr. Martinez, "Cuanto tiempo hace que ir al cine?" (When did you start going to the movie theater?)
"Since the Fellowship of the Ring came out," yelled Gimli, "I was the hero in it!"
"No you weren't," came a series of voices.
With-in seconds the whole class was in a heated discussion about the movie and there was nothing the Spanish teacher could do to stop them. Several students ended up with Gimli's axe in their backs. Quite a lot came very close to being hit with the axe. "No-body insults a dwarf," Gimli called over the racket.
The teacher finally dropped a book on Gimli's head, breaking his helmet and proving it to be plastic. For a minute everyone just stared at the pieces of his helmet and then, "You mean you were wearing a toy helmet the whole time!!!!?????"
"Oh god," muttered Gimli, "This is not going to be fun."
***
Gimli in English:
The students were reading The Hobbit. Gimli had never read the book as it didn't have himself in it. "What does Bilbo do to help stop a war between the Lake men and the dwarves?" the teacher asked him.
Gimli didn't know the answer, "Who wants to read about Frodo's fat uncle anyway?" he asked.
"I certainly do," said the English teacher, and called on Rachel to answer the question.
"He gave the Arkenstone to the Lake men and Elves to bribe Thorin."
"Oh he did, did he?" roared Gimli, "Why that little f**ker! My father, Gloin was with Thorin at the time, I believe. If I find that little rascal, I'll hang him upside down by his ankles and."
"Gimli, please stop disturbing the class," the English teacher told him, "Now who can give me the characteristics of a hero?"
Gimli raised his hand. "O.k., Gimli. I'll try you again."
"Short and hairy," began Gimli, "With a long beard and."
"No, no," interrupted the teacher, "I don't want the physical features of a dwarf. I want the personality characteristics of a hero."
"Oh," Gimli replied, thinking hard, "Brave, I suppose. Loud and war- like."
"O.k.," said the teacher, "Anyone else?"
"Big and strong," said one person.
"Clever," said another.
"Immortal and beautiful," said a third.
"WHAT?" roared Gimli, "Elves aren't heroes."
"Of course they are," protested the girl who had just said that.
This started Gimli's second battle of the day, earning him his first visit to the principle. After listening to twenty minutes of lecturing from the principle, Gimli grew bored and killed her. Then he ran off to science.
***
Gimli in science:
Gimli slept the first ten minutes of science and then was rudely awoken. Before he could kill his waker, he was dragged to a lab table to work with Hannah, Bob and Jake. They were supposed to be heating chemicals over a Bunsen burner. Hannah, Bob and Jake made Gimli turn it on. Gimli could not figure out how he was supposed to do this. He turned the gas on full blast and lighted a match to begin the fire.
The flame was so high it caught Gimli's beard on fire. He jumped around yelling for five minutes. Someone finally had the sense to turn on the eye-wash, which Gimli used to dowse the flame.
Having put out the flame, Gimli looked at the damage. His beautiful red beard was reduced to a stubble of gray hair. Gimli promptly killed Hannah for making him light the fire but spared Jake and Bob since they were only hobbit-sized.
Jake and Bob managed to start a normal fire and put the test tube over it. "Interesting," said Gimli, "It's changing color," and he leaned over to get a better look.
"Don't.." started Jake, but it was too late.
A jet of chemicals shot up and hit Gimli in the face. Gimli yelled. The science teacher sent him to the nurse. Gimli banged into all the walls going down, unable to see.
The nurse fixed his eyesight but told him to stay away from fires for a little while so Gimli stayed there until American history. Besides the nurse was young, short and hot.
***
Gimli in American History:
After two minutes of American History, Gimli decided that drawvish history was much more important than the fall of the Aztecs and he told the teacher so. "You just wasted 17.2 seconds of our time. I've got a whole lesson to teach that I have to get in," the teacher told him.
"Cortez found mountains of gold and silver," he droned on again.
"There was tons of silver in the mines of Moria," Gimli said, brightly, "Mithril in fact."
"You just wasted another 10.3 seconds of my time." began the teacher.
"YOU'RE wasting my time," Gimli told him and killed him.
The students all cheered, but were not so happy when Gimli got up and started to tell all about the Goblin Wars of Moria. Quite a lot of them started to snore.
"It's good to snore at least once a day," Gimli told them, "but not here. Save that for another class."
When the students continued to snore (some real and some fake) Gimli grew angry and threatened to do to them what he did to the history teacher. the students sat up and listened to thirty more minutes of drawvish history until the bell rang for gym.
*** Gimli in Gym:
They had to run a lap. "We dwarves are natural sprinters," Gimli called, passing all the students.
By the end of the lap, he was very tired, however. The students lined up in the hall, waiting for the gym teacher. "Keep breathing, that's the key," Gimli told the student next to him.
Unfortunately, the gym teacher came out right at that moment. "You guys are talking," she barked, "Run another lap."
The students groaned and started to run another lap. Gimli was too tired. he stood and watched. "Why aren't you running?" asked the gym teacher.
"I'm tired," he replied.
"Why?"
"I sprinted the first lap."
"You have to pace yourself," yelled the P.E. teacher.
"Huh?" asked Gimli.
Three and a half laps later while the rest of the students got to play volleyball, Gimli decided he really didn't like this pacing thing or the P.E. teacher. Cutting the last corner, Gimli sprinted to the P.E. teacher and killed her. Then he asked the students to show him how to play volleyball.
They tried to teach him, but Gimli didn't understand. He ran to the ball wherever it went and tried to hit it with his axe. He soon grew tired of this and threatened all the students into sprinting with him the last ten minutes of P.E.
***
Gimli in Band:
"I don't know what instrument to play," Gimli admitted to Dr. Hunt, at the beginning of band.
"How 'bout tuba?" asked Dr. Hunt, "We really need someone to play it and you'd be perfect."
"We dwarves are natural tuba players," Gimli boasted, even though he had no idea what a tuba was.
A few students showed him his tuba. Gimli yelled. "How am I even supposed to hold that thing?" he screamed, "It's bigger that I am."
Once he got over the shock, he tried playing it. He couldn't even get a note out of it and by the time he finished trying his face was a dark shade of purple. "I don't think I like tuba," he panted to Dr. Hunt.
"O.k., try French horn," Dr. Hunt told him, bringing out a French horn.
"It smaller," said Gimli, happily and blew it. The notes coming out of it were so flat, all the students put their fingers in their ears.
"Maybe not French horn, either," Dr. Hunt said, cringing and grabbed it away from him.
"Can I do Flute?" Gimli asked "The beautifully light sound fits me perfectly."
"If you want?" Dr. Hunt said, really frustrated that there was such an unmusical person in his class.
Flute was even worse. The shrill notes sounded like a screeching pig. The students attacked him and separated him from the flute before Dr. Hunt could do anything. "Try percussion," suggested Dr. Hunt thinking there was no way he could possible mess that up.
He did. Ha banged on the snare drum with no particular rhythm at all. When the students tried to stop him, he used the cymbals as weapons, throwing then into people's faces. Dr. Hunt yelled that they were too loud and needed to get back to work but the whole class was in uproar and didn't listen. Gimli won yet another battle.
*** Gimli in Math:
"I don't get it," Gimli yelled, "What's the difference between incenter, circumcenter, othrocenter and centroid?"
"Don't call out in class," the teacher told him, "One is the intersections of the angle bisectors, one is."
Gimli tuned his out by accident, once again. "Now for notes."
"Notes?" asked Gimli, brightly, "We get to write notes in your class?"
"NO," yelled the teacher, "Now pay attention. This is an honors class. The incenter is the midpoint of a circle."
Gimli took out his compass and started playing with it. Realizing it had a sharp point, Gimli used it to kill the teacher and took over the class, teaching how to figure out the value of mithrial by its weight. The class snored the next thirty minutes to the bell.