CONTEMPLATION
Driving down the streets on his way home, he considered how things had become so complicated between Kim and himself. Everything was different now. He had lost his brother and now he was in danger of losing the one person he loved more than anything in the world.
Pulling up outside his apartment building he turned the engine off and just sat there thinking about what he would do if he ever did lose what he had with Kim. He couldn't bear the thought of it.
Even though she had told him the other night had been a mistake he had known she didn't mean it, she was just scared of what would happen. He could tell. He knew how much Jimmy had hurt her in the past, knew what he had put her through, it was almost as if she was scared to leave herself open to the risk of heartache again.
But he would never hurt her. He loved her too much to do that to her. If he did ever hurt her he would never forgive himself. That was what he couldn't understand; she knew how he felt about her yet she still wouldn't trust him with her heart. All he could do was give her time and space.
Even though he was seeing Treva it was just a casual fling and they both knew that, they were both on the re-bound so to speak. The other thing he didn't get was why Kim had lied to him about how she felt about him. He had asked her to look him in the eyes and tell him she didn't love him. She had said she loved him as a friend but what he had seen in her eyes had told him all he needed to know.
He knew her too well, that was the thing; any other person would have thought she was telling the truth, but not him. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes; he doubted she even knew her eyes had betrayed her. He knew sooner or later she would realise what he already knew, he just hoped it was sooner rather than later.
As much as he wanted to be with her he also prayed things could go back to the way they had been, but his brother Mattie had made sure things could never be the same again. The atmosphere between Kim and himself had felt tense lately, that was partly his fault though. He had been teasing her more than usual but she didn't seem to be taking it the way she used to. She seemed more inclined to take offence from his humour than just laugh it off like she would have done just a week earlier.
He could tell she was jealous of Treva, she had said she wasn't but he could tell she was, she was just too easy for him to read. She always had been. The same was true for him as well, she always seemed to know how he was feeling and she always said just what he needed to hear; except for the other night that was.
That's why he felt sure she would eventually admit to her own feelings. He had always known they were meant for each other.
How corny does that sound? he thought to himself. It was true though, he had loved her for as long as he could remember, and although they had never admitted it to each other he knew she loved him too.
She definitely knew how he felt, he had told her Valentine's morning. That was part of the problem though he had scared her by telling her how strong his feelings for her were. He just hadn't been able to stop himself; he had wanted to go and shout it from the rooftops and let everyone know how he felt about her.
Probably would have got arrested for that though, he mused, as he chuckled to himself at the image he got in his head.
Thinking about it, asking her to come skiing with him and his family had probably been too much as well.
What's done is done though, can't turn back time, he thought. Maybe if he tried to talk to her and reassure her that he would never hurt her on purpose, that might help her admit to her feeling for him. Couldn't hurt to try, could it? he asked himself.
Just then a loud bang on his car window shook him out of his daze.
"You plannin' to spend all night in there, sir? This parking is for residents only," the police officer outside his window informed him.
"It's okay I live in this building," he told the man.
"Just looked like you were settling in for the night that's all."
"Got a lot on my mind. Lost track of time thinking it through." With that he exited his car and went up to his apartment to continue his thinking in peace.
Driving down the streets on his way home, he considered how things had become so complicated between Kim and himself. Everything was different now. He had lost his brother and now he was in danger of losing the one person he loved more than anything in the world.
Pulling up outside his apartment building he turned the engine off and just sat there thinking about what he would do if he ever did lose what he had with Kim. He couldn't bear the thought of it.
Even though she had told him the other night had been a mistake he had known she didn't mean it, she was just scared of what would happen. He could tell. He knew how much Jimmy had hurt her in the past, knew what he had put her through, it was almost as if she was scared to leave herself open to the risk of heartache again.
But he would never hurt her. He loved her too much to do that to her. If he did ever hurt her he would never forgive himself. That was what he couldn't understand; she knew how he felt about her yet she still wouldn't trust him with her heart. All he could do was give her time and space.
Even though he was seeing Treva it was just a casual fling and they both knew that, they were both on the re-bound so to speak. The other thing he didn't get was why Kim had lied to him about how she felt about him. He had asked her to look him in the eyes and tell him she didn't love him. She had said she loved him as a friend but what he had seen in her eyes had told him all he needed to know.
He knew her too well, that was the thing; any other person would have thought she was telling the truth, but not him. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes; he doubted she even knew her eyes had betrayed her. He knew sooner or later she would realise what he already knew, he just hoped it was sooner rather than later.
As much as he wanted to be with her he also prayed things could go back to the way they had been, but his brother Mattie had made sure things could never be the same again. The atmosphere between Kim and himself had felt tense lately, that was partly his fault though. He had been teasing her more than usual but she didn't seem to be taking it the way she used to. She seemed more inclined to take offence from his humour than just laugh it off like she would have done just a week earlier.
He could tell she was jealous of Treva, she had said she wasn't but he could tell she was, she was just too easy for him to read. She always had been. The same was true for him as well, she always seemed to know how he was feeling and she always said just what he needed to hear; except for the other night that was.
That's why he felt sure she would eventually admit to her own feelings. He had always known they were meant for each other.
How corny does that sound? he thought to himself. It was true though, he had loved her for as long as he could remember, and although they had never admitted it to each other he knew she loved him too.
She definitely knew how he felt, he had told her Valentine's morning. That was part of the problem though he had scared her by telling her how strong his feelings for her were. He just hadn't been able to stop himself; he had wanted to go and shout it from the rooftops and let everyone know how he felt about her.
Probably would have got arrested for that though, he mused, as he chuckled to himself at the image he got in his head.
Thinking about it, asking her to come skiing with him and his family had probably been too much as well.
What's done is done though, can't turn back time, he thought. Maybe if he tried to talk to her and reassure her that he would never hurt her on purpose, that might help her admit to her feeling for him. Couldn't hurt to try, could it? he asked himself.
Just then a loud bang on his car window shook him out of his daze.
"You plannin' to spend all night in there, sir? This parking is for residents only," the police officer outside his window informed him.
"It's okay I live in this building," he told the man.
"Just looked like you were settling in for the night that's all."
"Got a lot on my mind. Lost track of time thinking it through." With that he exited his car and went up to his apartment to continue his thinking in peace.