07 Far From Good
The sky was dark grey and heavy rain changed the grounds into a huge mud pool, when the Golden Trio made their way back to the castle from the Greenhouses. Wet and cold they entered the Gryffindor common room and hung their soaked cloaks away, still leaving wet foot prints on the floor.
Harry excused himself and made his way to the dorm to get his broom. Since Voldemort was defeated and the Death Eaters dead or in Askaban, he felt a bit lonely: Ron and Hermione still spent a lot of time wit him, but obviously preferred snogging to Quidditch. Flying was his only way to forget everything around him. Even after the Dark Lord's demise, he still felt cold and didn't let his guard down. Maybe he should relax, but he couldn't.
(some weeks later)
Sirius sat in the Gryffindor common room, together with Harry and Neville. Ron had long ago followed Hermione to her room. She had gotten her own, since she was the head girl this year and they definitely made use of that!
Harry sighed and patted Sirius' head. His godfather had snuggled up to him on the couch and laid his head onto Harry's lap. It didn't bother him - Sirius needed a bit of comfort. When Pomfrey had released him, the headmaster had kept Sirius as a substitute Potions teacher for professor Snape. Harry had not known that Sirius could teach Potions, but Sirius had trained as an auror before the incident at Godric's Hollow, what included Potions.
His knowledge didn't reach Snape's, but the lessons were much more relaxed and he had found an interest in this infamous class. Everybody loved Professor Black, even the Slytherins, and Sirius was a good teacher - if his moods didn't swing too much!
The mood swings had increased during the last days and his godfather got more and more cuddly. Harry smiled to Neville, when he suddenly heard Sirius snoring.
Neville smiled: "You better wake him and bring him to bed, or else he'll be nasty tomorrow!"
"Right mate. Siri? SIRI! Padfoot? . Breakfast!"
Sirius shuddered and opened one eye: "Don't remind me - please!"
The boys laughed and Sirius sat up: "I thought I'd loose the last respect of my student, when I slept on your lap in the common room, but I suppose there's nothing more to loose!"
They laughed, all three, and Harry brought his godfather back to his rooms near the tower. Sirius yawned and sat on the bed. He gazed and suddenly his face became sad.
"Siri, what's the matter?"
"Huh?"
"You don't look well."
"Oh.I just thought about.Nothing!"
"About Snape, right?"
"Yes."
"He's a bastard, but I know him quite well from our missions - he'll be there for you two."
"Do.do you really think so?"
"Yes. He will take it as his new duty, but I'm sure he'll love her, too."
"I just don't know.I mean, he said he'll be there and look after her, raise her - with me - but what ABOUT me?"
"What exactly do you mean?"
"He'll love her - but what about ME, my feelings? I don't want to be stuck with a guy who doesn't love me! Damn!"
"Hey, Paddy, calm down. He won't hold you, if you decide to leave."
"But then I'll have to leave the little one."
"Oh - Sirius! What's the matter with Snape? Can't you just cut him out, if you want it so badly?"
"I'm not really sure, if I want to."
"You don't tell me YOU want Snape for yourself, do you? Siri?"
"What? I.I don't - OOH FUCK! I don't know what I want, everything is so blurry and I just want somebody to. to hold me and be there and.Damn - I need sex!"
"WHAT? But... but SNAPE!"
"Not sex with Snape, Harry. but - OH, by Merlin!"
"Sirius, please tell me that you don't want to fuck Snape. NOW!"
"I. I.I - Harry, don't make that so difficult for me!"
"You really - oh my god - you've got a crush on Snape!"
"Must be the hormones."
"Hope so! Oh FUCK, that's ERG!"
"You better get back to the Gryffindor tower, curfew!"
"Yeah. see you, Sirius!"
"Bye, Harry."
Sirius closed the door behind him and sank back into a chair in front of the fireplace. He lit the fire and took the whiskey-bottle from the sill to pour a glass. The liquid was white and a note appeared in front of him. He quickly recognized Severus' handwriting from the letters they had exchanged the last few weeks.
"Alcohol is not good for babies, Sirius. Milk is much healthier for both of you! Sev."
He sighed and drank a sip. It wasn't that bad actually and he drank a bit more. HE had thought about him, how nice! He smiled and pulled the last letter from under the cushion.
Dear Sirius,
I hope you two are well. Don't forget your meetings with Poppy, I know it's weird and embarrassing for you, but think of the little one! Like I think of you. I'm not good with words, at least, if I have to say them aloud. I want to be with you (both), like a family. I care greatly for you, Sirius. We have fought all the years, but without any reason - we could have been friends, even more!
Askaban is not that bad, without the "old guards", I can cope - but I miss you! The first month we spend together opened my eyes and I really want you, not because of the baby, but because you are a wonderful man, I never knew you were!
Give us a chance, when I come back! I'm so sorry that I can't be there for you!
Hope you are well, greetings to Albus and the Slytherins!
Love, Severus
Sirius wiped the tears away, after he reread the letter. Would Harry understand? Would they really be together, or was it all fake? Would they finally find peace and happiness???
The sky was dark grey and heavy rain changed the grounds into a huge mud pool, when the Golden Trio made their way back to the castle from the Greenhouses. Wet and cold they entered the Gryffindor common room and hung their soaked cloaks away, still leaving wet foot prints on the floor.
Harry excused himself and made his way to the dorm to get his broom. Since Voldemort was defeated and the Death Eaters dead or in Askaban, he felt a bit lonely: Ron and Hermione still spent a lot of time wit him, but obviously preferred snogging to Quidditch. Flying was his only way to forget everything around him. Even after the Dark Lord's demise, he still felt cold and didn't let his guard down. Maybe he should relax, but he couldn't.
(some weeks later)
Sirius sat in the Gryffindor common room, together with Harry and Neville. Ron had long ago followed Hermione to her room. She had gotten her own, since she was the head girl this year and they definitely made use of that!
Harry sighed and patted Sirius' head. His godfather had snuggled up to him on the couch and laid his head onto Harry's lap. It didn't bother him - Sirius needed a bit of comfort. When Pomfrey had released him, the headmaster had kept Sirius as a substitute Potions teacher for professor Snape. Harry had not known that Sirius could teach Potions, but Sirius had trained as an auror before the incident at Godric's Hollow, what included Potions.
His knowledge didn't reach Snape's, but the lessons were much more relaxed and he had found an interest in this infamous class. Everybody loved Professor Black, even the Slytherins, and Sirius was a good teacher - if his moods didn't swing too much!
The mood swings had increased during the last days and his godfather got more and more cuddly. Harry smiled to Neville, when he suddenly heard Sirius snoring.
Neville smiled: "You better wake him and bring him to bed, or else he'll be nasty tomorrow!"
"Right mate. Siri? SIRI! Padfoot? . Breakfast!"
Sirius shuddered and opened one eye: "Don't remind me - please!"
The boys laughed and Sirius sat up: "I thought I'd loose the last respect of my student, when I slept on your lap in the common room, but I suppose there's nothing more to loose!"
They laughed, all three, and Harry brought his godfather back to his rooms near the tower. Sirius yawned and sat on the bed. He gazed and suddenly his face became sad.
"Siri, what's the matter?"
"Huh?"
"You don't look well."
"Oh.I just thought about.Nothing!"
"About Snape, right?"
"Yes."
"He's a bastard, but I know him quite well from our missions - he'll be there for you two."
"Do.do you really think so?"
"Yes. He will take it as his new duty, but I'm sure he'll love her, too."
"I just don't know.I mean, he said he'll be there and look after her, raise her - with me - but what ABOUT me?"
"What exactly do you mean?"
"He'll love her - but what about ME, my feelings? I don't want to be stuck with a guy who doesn't love me! Damn!"
"Hey, Paddy, calm down. He won't hold you, if you decide to leave."
"But then I'll have to leave the little one."
"Oh - Sirius! What's the matter with Snape? Can't you just cut him out, if you want it so badly?"
"I'm not really sure, if I want to."
"You don't tell me YOU want Snape for yourself, do you? Siri?"
"What? I.I don't - OOH FUCK! I don't know what I want, everything is so blurry and I just want somebody to. to hold me and be there and.Damn - I need sex!"
"WHAT? But... but SNAPE!"
"Not sex with Snape, Harry. but - OH, by Merlin!"
"Sirius, please tell me that you don't want to fuck Snape. NOW!"
"I. I.I - Harry, don't make that so difficult for me!"
"You really - oh my god - you've got a crush on Snape!"
"Must be the hormones."
"Hope so! Oh FUCK, that's ERG!"
"You better get back to the Gryffindor tower, curfew!"
"Yeah. see you, Sirius!"
"Bye, Harry."
Sirius closed the door behind him and sank back into a chair in front of the fireplace. He lit the fire and took the whiskey-bottle from the sill to pour a glass. The liquid was white and a note appeared in front of him. He quickly recognized Severus' handwriting from the letters they had exchanged the last few weeks.
"Alcohol is not good for babies, Sirius. Milk is much healthier for both of you! Sev."
He sighed and drank a sip. It wasn't that bad actually and he drank a bit more. HE had thought about him, how nice! He smiled and pulled the last letter from under the cushion.
Dear Sirius,
I hope you two are well. Don't forget your meetings with Poppy, I know it's weird and embarrassing for you, but think of the little one! Like I think of you. I'm not good with words, at least, if I have to say them aloud. I want to be with you (both), like a family. I care greatly for you, Sirius. We have fought all the years, but without any reason - we could have been friends, even more!
Askaban is not that bad, without the "old guards", I can cope - but I miss you! The first month we spend together opened my eyes and I really want you, not because of the baby, but because you are a wonderful man, I never knew you were!
Give us a chance, when I come back! I'm so sorry that I can't be there for you!
Hope you are well, greetings to Albus and the Slytherins!
Love, Severus
Sirius wiped the tears away, after he reread the letter. Would Harry understand? Would they really be together, or was it all fake? Would they finally find peace and happiness???