Chapter 10 - Epilogue

(...a hospital...early in the morning...)

Arnold is lying in a hospital bed being wheeled through the hallways of the same hospital that nursed Lila back to consciousness.

Another chorus of voices can be heard:

"Now who do we have?"

"Young male, early 30s, fell from a hotel balcony."

"Deja vu all over again. How is he?"

"Stable condition. He ingested a lot of water, but the paramedics saved him."

"Good. Is he conscious?"

"Surprisingly, yes. It looks like he has a strong will to live."

"Or he just got lucky."

Arnold is wheeled into a hospital room. Nurse Hershey passes by the room and looks in on him.

"You'd think with all the bad press they were getting, the hotel would close."

"Yeah, go figure."

(...the hospital room...later that day...)

Arnold's eyes try to focus on the figure standing over him.

"I see you're awake."

"Yeah, I - who are you?"

"Nurse Hershey."

"How did I get here?"

"How did you g- wow, that fall really did something to you."

(...the street...last night...)

Helga and Lila are talking to Madame Blanche.

"Isn't there some way you can help us?"

"Yes, there is."

Madame Blanche produces a card and gives it to the women.

"Go to this address. They will help you."

"How will they help us?"

"Like you said, 'We're in the plastic-surgery capital of the world'."

(...the hospital room...three days later...)

Nurse Hershey walks into the room, where Arnold is lying in bed..

"So, how are you feeling today?"

"Much better, thank you."

"What happened to you that night?"

"All I can recall was being chased, then ending up at a hotel. It had something to do with two women."

"Sounds amazing."

"Yeah. Nurse Hershey?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever heard of the Nightingale syndrome; how a patient falls for the person who cared for him?"

"From time to time."

Arnold sits up in his bed.

"Well, I think I've fallen in love with you."

"You have?"

"Yes. I was in love before, but it seems like every girl I've ever been involved with has had some kind of hang-up."

He takes her hand.

"I think you are the real deal. Okay, that came out wrong."

"No, please continue."

"I know you've been doing your job these last few days, but I think that you really seem to care for me."

"Well, Arnold, the thing is that I do have feelings for you, but I was afraid that it might jeopardize the performance of my duties."

"The story of my life."

"But I don't care. I want us to be together."

"I love you, Nurse Hershey."

"Call me Antoinette."

She climbs onto the bed and the two of them kiss, Arnold running his hand through Antoi...Annie's dark hair.

(...a bleak location...that night...)

Helga and Lila are sitting on a bench in a hallway. A nearby door opens and a morose-looking woman comes out.

"The doctor will see you now."

"Which of us?", replied Lila in an apprehensive tone.

"Whoever is first."

"Well, Lila, you can go ahead."

"No, Helga. You go first. I insist."

"Sometime in this life."

"All right."

The two women make fists and shake them. A game of 'rock, paper and scissors' is the deciding factor. Helga throws paper, while Lila throws rock.

"Paper covers rock. You're up, girlfriend."

(...an emergency room...a half-hour later...)

Lila is lying on a table. A creepy-looking old man is standing over her.

"Doctor Ansolabehere, will this hurt?"

"Do you want it to hurt?"

"No!"

"Then, no, it won't."

The doctor places a mask on Lila's face, the anesthetic knocking her out.

(...a trailer...two months later...)

A feminine figure is applying lipstick to its lips.

"We're ready for you on set."

"I'll be right there."

The figure, who happens to be Lila, leaves the trailer and walks to the set, where she is greeted by applause and photographers.

The crowd starts talking among themselves.

"I heard that she might be nominated for an Oscar."

"I heard that she's thinking about producing her next film."

"Well, I heard that she has a hole in her chest the size of a golf ball."

This bit of gossip catches Lila's attention.

"Security!"

The nay-sayer is soon hauled away.

"Do your worst! No one can escape the vigilant eyes of Scar!"

(...Viksten's...the next day...)

Helga is sitting at a table surrounded by copies of her latest book: "You Made Me Love You", the story of a couple torn apart - literally - by a spell gone awry. She scratches at a scar on her neck, most likely from the operation. After signing a copy for a fan, a familiar young woman approaches her.

"A horror novel from Helga Pataki. I never thought I'd see the day. How'd you do it?"

"Let's say I had some...experience."

Amazingly, the lives of Arnold, Helga and Lila turned out fine:

Arnold and Annie lived a long and happy life together. Arnold sold his old house and designed a new one. The couple never let their careers get in the way of their love for each other, and vice versa.

The hole in her chest patched up because of the operation, Lila continued with her acting career. She was attached to a number of celebrities over the years, but none of the relationships were serious. She never did win an Oscar, though.

Helga varied her writing output. While she still wrote romance novels, she focused on other genres like horror, fantasy and drama. Though she had lots of ideas in these particular styles, they didn't sell as well as her romances, at least not with her regular fanbase.

Madame Blanche still has her shop, where the curious can have their lives changed and their eyes opened...for a price. She and Dr. Ansolabehere eventually got together...though there were some people who thought that she could do better.

Everything worked out...at least for a while.

(...Bartlett Road...thirty years later...)

Helga, still beautiful but riddled with gray hairs, is driving on the road. Meanwhile, Lila is driving on the other side of the road in the opposite direction. Lila is also quite attractive in her advanced years, though her eyesight has been failing and has to wear glasses. Both women have more or less retired from their fields.

Lila runs over a box in the road, causing her glasses to fall off. She ends up driving over to the opposite road and runs into Helga just as she is going by.

Both cars end up rolling down a hill; tumbling and crashing the whole way. As the vehicles land at the bottom, the bodies of the drivers fly through their respective windshields and shatter into several pieces on the ground.

Helga's disembodied head looks over at that of Lila and smirks.

"So...how good are you at jigsaw puzzles?"

The End

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(Addendum on 12-15-03)

A/N (Damn this new rule!): In addition to the characters from "Hey Arnold!" and Craig Bartlett, certain story elements (and one key line of dialogue; I could've phrased it some other way, but I couldn't think of anything else...or maybe, I didn't want to) were borrowed (or stolen, if you want to be a jerk about it) from the motion picture "Death Becomes Her", which was written by Martin Donovan & David Koepp, directed by Robert Zemeckis and released by Universal Pictures in 1992. (That pretty well covers it.)

To AyakaChan, midnightoasis, SansCorpus, jon c..err, FROZENsun, ShuffleQueen, Pointyo Objects and lady-of-the-wind, thank you for taking time to review this attempt of mine. ( - I was trying to reference writer Antionette Stella; I would've called her Stella, but that's Arnold's mother's name and I felt that the story was jacked up enough without any Oedipal elements.)

Hopefully, some of the readers noticed the many in-jokes scattered throughout the story, like the writers' names, the programming during Lila's hotel stay and, of course, the many references to past episodes. I very much appreciate the comments about the dialogue. I came up with the last line about the time I started planning the story.

Thank you and have a nice day.