The Years After
Chapter Eight
When Tomoko turned twelve one month before the life changing phone call, I finally decided to pull out the old family photo album to show her pictures of her father and of how life was before the Androids arrived. First I showed her one of the rare face shots of her father, smiling big with his coal black eyes twinkling. Next I showed her the photo my father took of us when Gohan was three. Goku was smiling, with one had on my shoulder and holding Gohan in the other. I realized in shock how much younger I looked and Tomoko noticed it too.
"Things were very different back then," Tomoko breathed.
"Yes," I sighed and continued to show her photos.
Tomoko would laugh at Gohan, who in one photo was holding an ice cream cone, and her eyes would shimmer with tears when she saw pictures of Goku and I on our wedding day.
"Father was a good man," was all that she said.
I knew this but my daughter had remembered this for me. Goku had been a good man, a good man who died early.
After showing her the photos I went into my bedroom and stared for a long time into the mirror. I was now forty, with one wrinkle on one side of my mouth. My hair was drier and coarser than it had once been, pulled up in a bun on the top of my head with a piece of cloth wrapped around it. I wore a dark blue dress with a purple Chinese vest with a black sash around my waist. I was far older than I cared to remember and with a sigh I lay my head down and began to cry. Luckily my skin wasn't loose in the least and I still looked young in a small way.
If Goku could've seen me I wouldn't be recognizable.
I thought of this when I picked up the phone call. I thought of my age, how Gohan was, how Tomoko was growing up to be a beautiful girl far lovelier than Bulma and I had ever been, and how brilliantly dark the world was.
"H-hello?" I said.
"ChiChi," came Bulma 's voice softly. "Gohan and Trunks fought with the Androids today."
"What?" I shrieked, clutching the phone like a mad woman.
"Yes…" Bulma said and I knew she was struggling in how to say it. "Gohan lost his left arm."
I paused and without a word I put the phone down. My house blurred infront of me. Tomoko, who had just entered the room carrying more sewing tools, looked up and saw me.
"Mother, what's wrong?"
I didn't hear her. I walked outside and stood in the shining sun. Calmly I clenched my right fist and whipping around on the tree nearest too me I split it in two.
"Mother!" I heard Tomoko call and she ran to me and held me in her arms. "What happened? Is Trunks and Gohan alright?"
"Gohan lost his arm," I murmured, expecting Tomoko to freak. Instead, my daughter who looked shocked yet relieved at the same time, said,
"Is that all?"
The response reminded me sickeningly like Goku. I gritted my teeth suddenly, sour at Goku 's memory. Damn him for dying! Damn me for letting him!
I fell to my knees and punched the ground until dust rose.
"DAMNIT! STUPID, DAMN KAMI! DAMN!" I screamed until my throat went hoarse. Tomoko didn't flinch at my blasphemy, only stood by me silently holding me in her arms.
"Mother, please, shhh. Gohan is alright, he is alive."
I began to weep and we sat there well until darkness fell, just me and my daugher exchanging tears, and then finally we stopped.
"This world will not end now," Tomoko said quietly, biting her lip. I shook my head yes.
"Not today. Not now."
That night when Tomoko was sleeping I went outside and began to dance. Not gracefully, but crazily, like a mad woman. I kicked stones, threw things, did big leaps in the air, shooting, punching, anything to soothe my angry soul. I went to far when by accident I sliced my hand open by dissecting a large rock.
"SHIT!" I hissed and began to cry, not from the pain but from my anger at myself.
I went inside and washed the blood from my wound and dressed it in antibiotic cream that I had stashed once long ago in the cupboard. I applied it to my wound and wrapped it in a piece of old cloth. I sat on my kitchen floor and fell asleep to the ticking of my clock on the wall. Nothing would wake me, I decided, until I was ready.
I traveled to Capsule Corporation the next morning in the air car that Bulma had given me the year previous. Tomoko came too and she looked worried for her brother. When we arrived, Gohan was asleep, many bandages around various parts of his torso and legs.
"Gohan," I said soothingly and put my hand on his cheek. "I love you."
Gohan continued to progress slowly in his health, but he required constant attention. Trunks, who blamed himself for Gohan 's loss of his arm, said ashen faced at Bulma 's kitchen table and didn't do much to help around. Only Tomoko could talk to him, soothingly, and Trunks would listen.
"What have I done?" Trunks would moan, his face buried in his hands. Tomoko reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder.
"You did nothing, Trunks-kun. Nothing bad…nothing bad…"
Tomoko was even more brave than any of us at that time. She was the only one determined to keep smiling.
When Gohan could speak the first thing I did was make him a nice dinner that he used to love. Gohan ate little and once he pushed his plate beside.
"Gohan, you must eat if you want to live to finally defeat the Androids," I said, cleaning his plate. "You need your strength."
There was a long silence before Gohan said softly,
"I am going to die, mother. Sooner or later the Androids will kill me and Trunks will be the only one left to fight."
I closed my eyes tightly when the tears threatened to pour out.
"Don't speak of such things Gohan! You know that is not true! You're far stronger than Goku ever was! Don't ever say things like…"
"Why else am I still alive?" Gohan interupted. "It has been thirteen years mother since the Androids first arrived! All the hopes and plans for me are finished! Nearly everyone is dead! EVERYONE! And I will be next. The Androids target me. They target me all the bloody time! You must let me fight once I am well and then no more interferences! When I am dying let me DIE!"
"NO GOHAN!" I screamed and turned around, storming to his bedside. "I would slap you if you were well! DON'T SPEAK!"
Gohan closed his eyes, his scar long and curved over his eye. When he opened his eyes, his eyes were shining.
"I don't say this to frighten you mother. I truly do not. But it is the truth…"
"I don't want the truth!" I shrieked. "Your father always had to break it to me!" I began to laugh in a high-pitched giggle, grief and craziness consuming me.
"He always told me he was leaving or how hungry he was! He always left! Don't leave me Gohan! I'll die if anything happens to you!"
Gohan reached out and shook me, a mix of sympathy and surprise on his face.
"Mother!" he cried, "CALM YOURSELF! You have people who love you for always! Tomoko, Bulma, Trunks, and I! Dad loved you too, he'll never leave you, nor will I. Just our physical states…"
I hugged him tightly then and he returned it.
"I won't be able to hold on anymore!" I wept. Gohan patted my back.
"Yes you will. Yes you will, mother, you will."
We stayed there for a long time before we broke apart and smiling he lay back down to sleep.
It was not holding on with my arms that Gohan spoke of. It was holding on in my heart.