Title: Exit Mr. Hat
Rating: PG (mentions of death, nothing graphic)
Author: Meridian
E-mail: TrinityVixen@aol.com
Summary: Niobe and Ghost wrap it up following the end of The Matrix Revolutions.
WARNING: If you have not seen The Matrix Revolutions, I promise this will spoil the ending for you. Please, do not keep reading if you do not wish to be spoiled. Read only at your own peril. You have been warned, and I take no responsibility if you continue to read. Thank you.
Author's note: Any good Matrix fan can recognize the title. I wanted one to reflect Enter the Matrix, given the two main characters of this story. The opposite of an entrance is an exit. But Don Davis (if you listen to the music-commentary audio track on The Matrix) already won the 'best use of the word exit in a title' award. So, many thanks to Mr. Davis, and I hope I do the title justice.
Disclaimer: The Matrix, The Matrix Reloaded, The Matrix Revolutions, The Animatrix, Enter the Matrix, and all the characters represented within them are the intellectual property of Larry and Andy Wachowski, Joel Silver, and Warner Brothers, among others. They are not mine, nor do I have permission to use them. I am not profiting from this. It is merely an exercise and a reflection of my own attachment to the Matrix franchise.
Exit Mr. Hat
By Meridian (2003)
There were no bodies to bury. Bodies there were, to be sure, as the Logos hadn't come back. How on earth did one say goodbye properly without a burial, a cremation, a dedication in some way?
Peace was a nice way, though Niobe wasn't sure what that really meant. The shock had set in once elation wore off, tagging behind on the trailing tentacles of the last sentinels to leave Zion. Everyone was so proud, they kept metaphorically taking their hats off to Neo for doing something to end their struggle, and not one of them had any clue as to what or how he'd done it.
None of them faced two people on a daily basis who looked up at the clear sky with nothing short of absolute desolation. War was hell, but peace might just be worse. She'd walk out onto a surviving bridge to find Ghost staring vacantly in an arbitrary direction. Even when she didn't interrupt his attempts, she knew he was no closer to closure for the loss of his sister than Morpheus. The city cheered about Neo's brave sacrifice-easy for them to do as he'd had the opportunity to know so few of them. Nowhere did she hear Trinity's name, save from her two closest friends. Somewhere between celebrating peace and toasting Neo, it was convenient to forget that he'd taken another with him and neither had come back.
Bitter resentment flared-she'd have to watch it or she'd backslide with the rest of humanity-at the machines, at Neo, too, at times. Couldn't he have found a way to set down safely in 01 if that was his destiny? The machines weren't attacking, but they weren't talking either. That put them and Jason on a level together-either he thought he was stepping away to protect himself or he was dumber than she'd thought and didn't think she'd mind him avoiding her.
Tonight, she found Ghost lying flat on his back, hands laced together beneath his head, same vacant stare. She inhaled deeply, allowing him to know she was there, so as not to intrude on his privacy, should he want it.
"Niobe."
"You and Morpheus should start a club," she tried to inject the words with humor. Happiness there might be in Zion again, but none for her.
"I'm being pathetic, you mean."
"No, you'd know I'd never say that." Banter, though, maybe banter she could manage. Could pretend she and Ghost were having another debate about jacking in, a private language of irreverence at the expense of their operator. But we're not going to be jacking in anymore. Well, she didn't think they were. That was another problem: what, exactly, were the terms of this truce?
"I do not mourn, Niobe."
"You know how, Ghost?" Niobe walked over to him, dropping to sit next to his prone form, legs akimbo. "I don't think I do." She thought a moment. "I cried when they left." Ghost turned to take in her profile. Confused fingertips dabbed at the corners of her eyes, as if she half-expected to discover the tears had returned again of their own volition. "But I don't know why. You may not cry, but I don't think I know how. I wish I had the choice about it, like you do."
"What do you want to hear from me, Niobe?"
"Tell me what you believe. I'll listen," a mockery of smile flittered on her lips, "for a change."
"I believe in reincarnation, for a start."
"You think she's coming back."
"Nothing is ever so simple, Niobe." Ghost's smile was genuinely sad, so honest it burned her eyes. Maybe she could mourn. "I believe in the soul. It does not rest, it cannot, or it ceases to be." He rubbed his eyes. "That does not mean it is immutable."
"English?"
"Imagine your soul as water and your body a vessel. When you 'break,' the water has to go somewhere else."
"Same spirit, new bottle." Niobe nodded.
"Not quite the same spirit," Ghost sighed, sitting up to wrap his arms around his knees. "We are rivers flowing to an ocean, Niobe. Can you separate the waters of one river from the next when they've all joined the sea?"
Niobe said nothing. If anyone ever dared ask, she'd been raised as a Lutheran, a Protestant faith, in the Matrix. Some part of her still lived for the notion of the soul's journey to heaven after death. Even hell was better than just not existing as oneself any more. That was like being one of the machines: one mind, many bodies. She shivered. If this peace was to last, she couldn't think like that anymore. Amazing how easy it was to forget even as they enjoyed the spoils of that peace.
"What happens when we get to the ocean?"
"How does water return to the land, Niobe?"
"Rain." Rain like the kind that didn't exist any more.
"Rivers to the oceans, oceans to the rain, rain to the rivers."
"And that's it? That's what you believe?"
It was Ghost's turn to be silent. Niobe wondered if she'd offended him. As a captain, she exploited his natural inner calm and cool detachment to get the job done. Never did she question the faith or belief from whence it came. All she cared about is that it was there when she needed it. You think like a soldier, and this is no surprise. However, these were times of change, and they were hardest on soldiers.
"I believe that my sister has gone to the ocean." Ghost inhaled deeply. His poise had not vanished, no sorrow tinged his words, no regret. Only one such as him could evoke jealousy in her, she who could not say how she felt with such equanimity. "My sister isn't my sister any more."
"Doesn't that scare you? Jesus, Ghost," Niobe shook her head as he turned his calm gaze on her. "We spent this whole time defining our difference from the coppertops by who we are. How can you just let it go like that?"
"I am still me, Niobe." His smile was patronizing; she resisted the urge to yell because she knew it would do no good and because it was only her own confusion that bothered her so. "You are you, too. You are Niobe, you are different." That soothed the anger, leaving a wider berth for fear. "We are still rivers. Some of us," he chuckled, "more mighty than others."
"But what about Trinity?"
"She's gone."
"And everyone else who's died?" Too many others.
"You want me to say they're waiting for us downstream," he shook his head again. "That cannot be so. If the water never returned to the land, we would not be here."
"No more metaphors, Ghost."
"One more, I think," he said, smiling, "it might help." She waved for him to go on, skepticism firmly rooted in her features. "Where does rain come from, Niobe? How does it go from ocean to cloud?" She raised an eyebrow; he laughed. It was the first time in many days she'd heard laughter sound so full, so honest. "Don't think too hard."
"It evaporates?"
"How?"
Buried beneath years of the truth were memories of high school. Niobe scratched the hair at her temple to pick the memories free. "Molecules get excited when they have enough energy to...go, I guess." She shrugged; she had the basics but damn it all if she could explain it now.
"From the surface, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, usually it's warmest there. Warmth, energy, same thing."
"So, our ocean evaporates from the top. Rivers that go to the ocean disturb the surface. Sometimes they run out on top, just sliding in without so much as a sound. Others," he looked away, "others are so huge, so furious, they mix up the bottom, bring new water to the surface. How can we say it is the same water at the surface that is picked up by the cloud? Might it not be that rain comes down with water from many rivers?"
"That sucks, Ghost."
"Perhaps, but I like to cheat a little." He was grinning now. "I like to believe that we stick close to the rivers we know. Maybe we have a deal to meet up at familiar landmarks when next we return to the land."
This was more comforting. "I like that better," she replied honestly.
"I have not been mourning, Niobe. I have been wondering what landmarks I should look for to find those I care for next time." He cast a significant glance at her.
"I'll look for you, too, Ghost."
"I would like that."
"But don't get any ideas," she waggled a finger at him. "I've got one boyfriend river and one...complication river at the moment. That's more than I can handle, thanks."
Ghost's laughter shattered his composed features. If she could bottle that sound, she would play it throughout Zion, and scream: This is what real joy is! Real joy comes from pain!
"No promises, Niobe." She blinked at him. "The blessing of the ocean is that waters mix. There are wonderful, unique environments at the confluences of different currents. In our next run to that ocean, I may be your lover. You may be my sister. We can love, but the bed of the river does much to determine how."
"So, there's no telling, huh?"
"None. That is also why I have been thinking." She waited respectfully, still wrapping her mind around it all. "I have been wondering how I will love my sister next time. I've," he faltered, and she heard the tone of confession to his voice when he next spoke, "I've been trying not to let my feelings in this life complicate how I see the next."
"You loved her, I know," Niobe leaned over to pat him softly on the shoulder. It was the kind of observation only a trusted friend could make and have sink in. He nodded. "You want to have a chance at what you didn't this time."
"Indeed," Ghost nodded. "But I should know better."
"Makes us human, you know," she bumped his shoulder with hers. "Knowing we shouldn't sin but do." That much, at least, her faith had in common with his. They were silent a long moment. The absence of something was bothering her. It struck her only when she thought of Zion. "I have a sin to confess."
"I'm no priest, Niobe." But he didn't say "no."
She lowered her head. "I've been so mad at them," she jerked her head back. "Been fuming about how they forgot the others who've died in all this. Especially Trinity." She threw him a look. "Mostly on your behalf, Morpheus', too. He misses having her around. They were close." Like we're close, she didn't need to say. Like we need each other at the end of the day, just to talk without complications, to understand with or without words. Like now.
"That's very generous of you. It's hardly a sin. Caring is not a sin."
"That's not what I meant." He looked at her expectantly. "I've been so wrapped up in hating how they forgot, I," she almost couldn't say it, "well, I forgot. All they talk about is how great it is Neo saved everyone, and all I could think is about the people they're not talking about. But I'm just as bad. I went and forgot the one they were talking about." She hadn't intended the pun, but it seemed rather apropos.
"I see."
"Don't tell me it's okay."
"Wouldn't dream of it."
"I just got wrapped up with how they were talking like he was a hero and ignoring the real heroes. I actually heard myself thinking those words, Ghost: 'real heroes.' "
"You just got confused, Niobe," his words were gentle, "you saw that Neo had all the praise in the world and wanted some of it for others."
"But I knew they didn't know him. I knew it wasn't personal."
"And yet, he seemed to have enough, right?" Niobe nodded. "It's okay. I don't think he'd be mad."
"It's not right."
"No, it's not." Ghost never lied, even when that was the easier course. She'd have to change. Everything about the future said 'change' and she was struggling. Nonetheless, to borrow his "river" metaphor, it was better to struggle with the current than to become stubborn and sink to the bottom, to drown just to spite the river for making it 'too tough' on her.
"So, what do we do?"
"We live."
"And then?"
"We see them again." He eyes sparkled. "So save your apology. You'll have another chance."
"That's the problem with us, Ghost. We wait too long to say the things we need to say."
"I have my regrets, Niobe, I won't lie," he rested his head on his hands, staring out ahead of him. "Yes, we should seize the opportunity when we can. But I believe in second chances." And he did, whether she saw his soul as she wanted to see her own, transcending to another plane, or as he wanted to see it, returning to retread familiar paths.
"Me, too."
After that there wasn't much else to say.
Fin.