Oh! Oxygen
It was a Sunday night, curfew was early, and the mansion was quiet. Three barefoot teenage girls quietly padded down the stairs to the common room. The weird kid who never sleeps wasn't there for once. Rogue, Jubilee and Kitty plopped down on the couch in front of the idiot box, and tried not to giggle. Rogue grabbed the remote, turned on the TV and turned down the volume.
"Good evening, this is Sue Johansson and you are watching the Sunday Night Sex Show…" an enthusiastic older woman was saying.
"I can't believe you were telling the truth about this show, Jubes," Kitty said blushing.
"Oh, sure. This is where you can learn all the things they won't teach in health class," Jubilee informed her.
"But really, what could this lady say that we don't already know?" Rogue asked suspiciously. "She looks like my grandmother, -old and prudish."
"Okay, we have a caller on the line from AlbertaCanada. Hello, James, what's your question?" the Sex-talk lady said.
"Yeah, uh, I was wondering how I can make my girlfriend feel more comfortable acting out some of my sexual fantasies…" the caller said.
"What did he say?" Kitty said.
"Shhhh! How do you expect to learn anything if you keep gabbing?" Jubilee complained.
It was hot… bone melting, brain frying hot. Logan had half a mind to go wake up Ro and tell her to call up a blizzard. He kicked off the sheet, punched his pillow and tried yet another position to try and get comfortable enough to sleep. He tried the right side. Nope. He tried the left side. Nope. He growled angrily, sat up and combed his fingers through his hair roughly in utter frustration. He finally came to the conclusion that he needed a beer.
Logan got up and stalked quietly to the door. He froze, listening to the sound of soft footsteps and quiet giggles. His senses perked up and he knew it was Rogue and her two little sidekicks heading downstairs. He couldn't help smiling at the memory of Rogue's little dance class. The wicked minx had set them up. Just about all the kids in the mansion were in on it. Logan's smile broadened as he remembered how pissed Jean had been at Scott when she found out about it. Red kept poor Scooter on a short leash. Good. Watching Scooter squirm was one of his favorite pastimes.
Logan waited for them to go by and then silently followed. They were heading to the lounge, and he heard the TV. He worked his way around to a spot where he could see the TV, but they couldn't see him.
"You're watching oh! Oxygen, and now back to our show…" the generic announcer said.
Logan frowned. Oh, great. It's the chick channel, Logan thought. I might as well grab that beer and go back to my room.
Logan suddenly stared in abject horror as he saw an elderly looking woman manipulating a couple jointed dolls into several interesting sexual positions. What channel were they watching?
"If the man puts his leg between hers, it can help alleviate some of the lower back pain you're describing…" the old woman said. "I hope that you and your partner can benefit from that advice, thank you caller."
"I now have a caller from Saskatchewan on the line, go ahead caller…"
Well, this channel was a lot more interesting than he thought. Granny was an interesting lady. Logan thought he'd been around the block more than a few times, but grandma there was passing out information that he had somehow missed.
"The Kama Sutra is a historical book on the East Indian practice of sexual intercourse as its own religious experience," the lady was saying. "Now if the blue doll is the female, and the red doll is the male, the position would appear to look like this in the illustration."
"I'm sorry, but I don't care how flexible you are, that one has to be theoretical only," Jubilee stated firmly.
"I bet a contortionist could do that," Kitty said thoughtfully.
"Ladies, I have just one word for you," Rogue interrupted, gaining their full attention. "Yoga," she said with a wicked smile.
Three girls giggled.
Logan stifled a groan, and headed to the kitchen for that beer. He popped the top on the bottle and took a swig. Damn. The sexual revolution comes to the Xavier mansion. God help the boys, he thought. He took another drink and nearly drained half the bottle. He thought of Marie doing Yoga. He closed his eyes and cringed. Forget the boys, he thought, God help me.