AN: Whoo thanks for all the reviews on Ch.6! It got me all inspired and ready to complete Ch.7 =)
Oh, and note to Jade, wow you're observant ^^ I thought no one would catch the symbolism about the weather. Ahaha, good job ^^
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(
Chapter Seven: Breath
Maybe it was the thought of yesterday night that chilled me to the bone, or maybe it was just the simple fact that my own boyfriend was suddenly at the door with this unreadable expression on his handsome features. And maybe it was because I was in the arms of another man that made me feel as if I had done something utterly wrong. Which I had.
Jumping out of Syaoran's arms, I quickly turned around fully to face Yori. I glanced at Tomoyo who was not meeting my gaze. I didn't understand why she was avoiding my gaze. Had she called Yori over? How else would he had known I was over here...but why had she called him over? Yet, I didn't mind...right? Yori was my boyfriend after all...it would be wonderful for Syaoran to meet Yori and vice versa. We could all be great friends.
That was my naive idea.
"Yori-kun!" I greeted brightly and hurried over to his still figure. When I got no reply, I looked up at him to see that he was looking at Syaoran. I shifted my gaze to Syaoran who was looking back at Yori with a steady gaze. Not liking the silence, I tugged at Yori's arm. "Um, Yori? This is Li Syaoran," I waved a hand in Syaoran's direction. "He's an old friend of mine back when we were in elementary school," I smiled fondly at the memories. "And Syaoran, this is Nishio Yori...um, my boyfriend," I didn't know why I was hesitant to say it.
Syaoran nodded stiffly, his face suddenly blank as he looked at me with this strange gaze. I stared at him in wonderment before his lips parted. "Sakura--"
But I didn't hear him finish when Yori yanked my arm hard. I snapped my head towards him in shock as he turned to stare at me. "Let's go," he muttered in a barely audible voice.
When I hesitated to go, he nearly glared at me and I could only manage a nod and let him lead me out of the room. I looked over my shoulder to catch those familiar amber eyes one last time before I completely lost sight of him. His eyes...they held so much emotion that I couldn't decipher. Was it hopefulness? Sorrow? I couldn't tell...and Tomoyo turned to look at me with worried eyes as she mouthed an, "It'll be ok," to me.
Turning back to Yori, I couldn't see his face as he opened the front doors of Tomoyo's mansion. As we speed walked out of the gardens and onto the street, I had no idea where we were going. My mind was reeling with thoughts. What would Syaoran think? I didn't even get to say good-bye...he must've thought I was a rude, selfish girl...only wanting to be with her boyfriend. I frowned deeply at that thought. What a great first impression after five years...
With all these thoughts, I didn't realize it until the sun seemed to have stopped shining and the shadows enveloped the area around us. Yori had stopped walking and was still not facing me. I slowly squirmed out of his tight grasp, rubbing my wrist once more. Looking around me, I realized we were in the forest near the local library. At least, that was what I thought.
Slowly, I dared to speak up. "Yori? Daijoubu? ...Did anything happen yesterday after I had gone?" I asked worriedly as I stepped closer to his seemingly frozen figure. "Are you hurt?"
Silence.
A few birds called into the still air, the tree's leaves creating a thick canopy above us. I gripped the edge of my sleeves nervously, opening my mouth to speak up when he finally spoke.
"I'm fine."
Letting out a breath of relief, I managed a small smile. "Want to go to my house? We can have lunch--"
"Why?" He questioned as he turned around slowly.
I took it as a silly question and giggled. "Because it's lunch time soon and it would be nice if you could--"
"Why?" He repeated in a dangerously low voice. His eyes finally flashed and met mine. I suddenly felt scared. I shook myself. I shouldn't be scared. Yori was my boyfriend...I had feelings for him. All these thoughts evapourated as he continued. "Why? Why do you have to do that behind my back?! WHY?"
I blinked in astonishment as confusion filled my mind. "...Nani (what)?"
He grabbed me by the shoulders in such quick motion that I was too slow to react. "Sakura, dear, dear Sakura. You wouldn't, right?" he asked with hopeful eyes. Eyes filled with fear. Why was he afraid? "...You wouldn't leave me. Wouldn't leave me for another guy, right? I'm your number one...I'm your boyfriend..." he said with a strange smile forming on his lips.
Instead of feeling relieved that he was smiling, I shivered. "...Of course you're my boyfriend..." I managed in a squeaky voice.
"No, that's not my point...not my point at all..." he mumbled quickly. "You won't leave me," it seemed like a statement more than a question. And suddenly his eyes flared and I thought maybe it had been a statement.
I nodded slowly, and he glared this furious glare that seemed to push me back in a mental sort of way.
"Sakura, you liar," he growled.
My heart jumped and my stomach flipped. He pushed me away and I hit a tree painfully. Wincing, I regained my balance as he advanced like cat to mouse. His expression was stony, cold, and lifeless. Not the usual Yori I knew. The kind, loving Yori. The brilliant, genius Yori.
"So when I'm not around," he began in a shaky voice, "you go around having fun with other guys."
I looked at him with wide-eyes. "No! Of course not! Yori, what are you--"
Before I could finish I felt a sharp blow, an exploding pain, on the side of my face. An alarm seemed to have come off in my brain as I felt the ground come at me from beneath and the sky above a swirl of blue and white. I blinked rapidly, feeling numb and wondering why I was sprawled on the leaf covered dirt. The throbbing of my cheek suddenly reminded me of Yori who stood above me, his hand still wrapped in a fist. A fist that had met my cheek.
"Shut. Up," he muttered, his fist shaking. "You can't lie to me anymore. I saw it with my own eyes. You were hugging him like he was your prince charming or something. You never hugged me like that. You never held so much happiness in your gaze when you see me," he said bitterly. "Females. You're all good for nothing whores. I should have known. Father was right," he spat. "Mother is a whore, you're a whore, all of you!" he pointed a shaking finger at me.
"And I thought you were different," his voice was soft now. Almost normal, but I knew that this wasn't the Yori I knew. That glint in his eyes told me that I was still in danger zone. "I thought you were a nice girl. I was determined to prove my father wrong. There were good girls out there, like you," he said pleasantly and laughed a hollow laugh. "I'm a fool. A stupid idiot to have thought you would be loyal, loving, and a perfect girlfriend..." he mumbled as he stared off into the distance. "You're deceiving, Kinomoto."
I swallowed, feeling lost and dizzy, his words coming in small phrases to my ears. "Yori..." I managed to say before his eyes darted back to me. He crouched down, tilted his head, and seemed to observe me. I breathed in shakily, my body shaking with fear and confusion. "I didn't. I swear. He's just a friend, I was happy to see him," I mumbled, not really knowing what I was saying.
He grabbed my chin and tilted my head up to look him in the eye.
The last thing I saw before darkness welcomed me was his eyes staring back at me with the blankness of a dead soul.
-Syaoran's Point of View- (Still in the past)
As that mysterious boy pulled my ying fa out of the room, I could only stare after her longingly. So, she had a boyfriend. She was in a relationship. She was...happy. And I was happy for her. No, that would be a lie.
I was depressed. I felt something punching at my chest repeatedly. I felt my walls crumble and my hope flicker. All these years of hopeful images, all these years of dreams. All shattered in one second. I suddenly liked the time when I didn't know the truth. The time when I could sit at home and dream of meeting Sakura one day and confessing. Then we'd walk off to who knows where. But it would be a beautiful place with only me and her.
Falling back to reality, I looked at Daidouji-san who looked sadly back at me.
"Gomen," came her melodic voice. "I...I called Nishio-kun to come, because...well, I thought it was for the best," she admitted. "I...I didn't want to tell you over the phone. You would never come back...and Sakura...Sakura-chan wants her...friend back," her voice was strained.
I flinched when she said 'friend'. Sure. The three of us had been great friends back then. Especially Sakura and I. We were the duo, always together. If you couldn't find Sakura, just come and find me and you'd find her. Simplicity was nice. But simplicity was not the case at the moment.
I finally nodded at Daidouji-san. I was actually...grateful. Grateful that she had let me see the boy Sakura was with. Somehow, I knew it would be less painful then finding out later. Yes...get it all over with.
Daidouji-san sighed and I was forced to look back at her. She had grown as well. Also into a beautiful young woman. Daidouji-san had beauty, it was very obvious. But Sakura had more subtle features. An appearance that you would want to keep on looking at. A beauty that didn't seem to shine at its greatest until you looked at her more and more. Maybe you wouldn't notice at first glance, but the more you looked, the more you discovered. That was Sakura.
"I...I don't know what I'm about to say, but something has been bugging me," said Daidouji-san as she looked at me sincerely. "Sakura has been very happy with Nishio-kun. I've been worried because I know your feelings for her...and I also know what might be deep in her heart."
I stared at her quizzically, not comprehending what she was saying.
"Sakura is a sister to me," she stated fondly and a small smile lit her face. "Demo, I want to see true happiness from her."
"And she has that," I couldn't keep the bitterness from my voice.
Daidouji-san shook her head, her long black curls shaking around her as she did so. "No, I don't see the happiness that I know would be possible if it were you," she looked me directly in the eye. "If it were you, standing in Nishio-kun's position..."
"Nani?!" I yelped and stared at Daidouji in shock.
"I know I shouldn't be saying this behind Sakura-chan's back...but sometimes even yourself cannot tell you what you're feeling," she explained. "So you need the people around you to tell you. And I can tell, that Sakura-chan is not 100% happy. I don't know why, I don't know how I see it, but there's something missing. Nishio-kun and Sakura have the chemistry going, they look great together, but why is there something that seems out of place?" She pondered out loud and smiled at me. "It's you, Li-kun."
"...Why would I have anything to do with Sakura's love life," I grumbled.
Daidouji-san giggled, the seriousness seeping away from her face. "Eversince you left, Sakura missed you with all her heart. You were part of her, physically, mentally, emotionally. You would know each other inside out. I hate to admit, but you guys had a deeper connection then even Sakura and me five years later. I know for a fact that you never left her mind," each word engraved itself in my mind as I listened to her.
"I believe that you would bring Sakura true happiness," she finished. "Whatever Sakura-chan is feeling now...is not what she really wants. I know I'm sounding as if I'm psychic or something, but I just know...growing up with Sakura-chan, I can read her like a book," she stated and grinned back at me. "I have confidence in you, Li-kun."
And somehow, her words made me want to stay in Tomoeda. I no longer wanted to flee when I had first saw that boy standing behind Sakura. One possibility had rang in my mind, but I refused to believe it. But now, I was going to accept it. For now. Sakura had a boyfriend. I wouldn't be a baka and steal her away from that Nishio-kun, but I won't stand on the sidelines either.
I would stay, and be the friend that she didn't have for five years. That simple thought brought a smile to my lips.
-Sakura's Point of View-
I had a dream.
The dream was surreal, a dream that didn't make sense. I was going down a slide and I never reached the bottom because I had bumped into someone along the way. I couldn't see that person's face, nor their feet or anything at all. But I somehow knew that it was a person, blocking my way down. The person would have scared me, and yet I was calm.
Childishly, I whined and asked, "Why are you blocking my way? I want to slide all the way down! You're making it no fun," I had squealed in complaint.
The person paused before replying, "No Sakura, don't go all the way down."
And I looked up so see a face hidden from me by the shadows. "Why? I want to go down," I said stubbornly, wondering why this person had to mind my business. Afterall, I was just on a slide. There was nothing wrong with that.
"No Sakura," that voice repeated once more. It was a familiar voice, a warm voice. "If you go down, you can't come back up."
"So what?" I pouted.
"Then you can't slide down this slide ever again," the voice explained.
Confusion came at me as my brow furrowed. "You make no sense," I accused and attempted to push the figure off the slide. "So if I go down, I can't come back again. I'd never be able to slide down this slide more than once!"
"Maybe," the voice replied. "But I'll always be here to stop you before you go too far. I'll always be here to block you from sliding all the way down. That way, you can always slide on this slide, but you'll have to jump off now before it's too late."
I frowned deeply and questioned, "Why do you want to help me?"
But I never got a reply as I felt the slide disappear from beneath me and the blackness melting away as light cracked through from some unseen opening. An unbearable throbbing awoke me from my dream as my eyes cracked opened one at a time. An unfamiliar room met my gaze as I sat up slowly. Deep green bedcovers wrapped me up in a cocoon as I touched my cheek tentatively. It hurt.
"Sakura?"
That voice.
I felt an alarm go off in my head once more as I pulled the covers back and made a movement to get out of the bed. A gentle hand pushed me back and made me lie back down again. The room was dimly lit, and it was then that I noticed him.
Yori.
"...Yori...?" I asked, unsure.
The figure came closer and nodded, turning on the small lamp sitting on the night stand next to the bed. Immediately I saw his eyes staring back at me, and it was then that my alarm went off and I felt myself relax. His eyes seemed normal. They were no longer a darker hue, nor flaring with intensity. This was...nice Yori. Not bad Yori, as I had come to call the two different behaviours of him...
"Sakura...I'm so sorry," he groaned as he took my hand slowly, caressing my palm. "I just overreacted...I was so confused when I saw you and him together. I jumped to conclusions...I--"
I shushed him softly, though I felt my heart beat was irregular. Perhaps I was still in a state of shock. "...It's fine Yori."
"...You forgive me?"
I bit my lip. His eyes were filled with such hope, he looked like a lost little boy. How could I say no? I shouldn't have been hugging another boy in the first place...I shouldn't have made Yori sad...I shouldn't have disappointed him...all these weird, alien, senseless thoughts filled my mind as I nodded. A dashing smile lit his face.
I sighed in relief.
If I could make Yori forever smile like that, then all was good.
Yori just had a bad day...caught him at the wrong time...bad Yori didn't mean it. I reassured myself and smiled lightly as I sat up once more. I would be optimistic about all that had happened... He looked at me worriedly as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you can get up?"
"Hai..." I sat up and threw the covers back. "See?"
He nodded and took my hand, holding it comfortingly in his. "You know what Sakura?"
"Hmm?" Suddenly I was afraid again.
"I love you, I really do," he mumbled shakily and his grip tightened. "If you were to ever leave me, I wouldn't know what to do without you. You're my shining beacon that leads my way. You're that special person that keeps me sane," he said everything slowly, making sure I understood him.
And I did.
He loved me...he cared...he didn't want me to leave him...
"I don't know what will happen if you do leave me, Sakura," he said with a strange glint in his eyes. "Anything could happen," he said lightly. "But you're here with me now, everything's fine," he smiled. "Want to go and get some ice cream?"
I felt my stomach squirm. Why did his words make me shiver, why did his words make me feel doubt. Why did his words bring fear, and why did his words make me worry? Something was wrong. Very wrong. And I couldn't grab onto it, I was so confused, so lost. So much had happened in such a short time....something in my mind told me to relax. Another part of me wanted to yank my hand back and run, telling me this was not safe. There was something wrong with it all.
But then, something seemed to sink in as I replayed his words. He loved me. He didn't want me to leave.
"Lots of things can happen..." he repeated once more, though his voice seemed to be an echo at the back of my mind. "I could become all mean again, which I really don't want to be...and I might hurt people that I don't want to hurt. You wouldn't want anyone to be hurt..."
His words sank into me, carving itself into my very soul. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn't have a choice. Somehow, in the matter of an hour, I had got myself stuck. I had slid down into that slide that once you slid down, you couldn't come back up. I finally understood his words. I finally understood that if I did have a choice, I would be causing people harm. But...he wouldn't. He was Yori...
Yori was nice and kind...he wouldn't hurt other people to simply keep me at his side forever. He wouldn't...he wouldn't...
"...believe me Sakura, have I ever lied to you?"
And then I sat there, in utter silence as I turned to look into his eyes.
Those eyes. I no longer saw the twinkling, warm eyes I had saw a day ago. I found myself lost, lost in my mind, lost in his eyes, lost in the world I had very suddenly fallen into. He couldn't keep me at his side. Not after he had hurt me. He couldn't...what was I thinking. I had to get a grip on myself.
I had a right to hug Syaoran. I had a right to be excited for seeing him after five years...I wasn't the one wrong. Yori was. My mind seemed to suddenly clear for a second as I regained my senses.
"No," I suddenly spoke up, snapping my head back at him. Pushing him away, I stood up and put on my sneakers. "You can't. You don't have the right to make me forgive you after you hurt me," I said shakily as I backed away from his expressionless face. "Life is about choices, and my choice is to leave," I said firmly as I fumbled with the knob.
Thankfully, it opened easily and I opened the door hastily and stepped out.
"I love you Sakura," came his voice.
I stopped short, shaking my head as I looked over my shoulder. "What are you saying?! You're making no sense, I think you have...problems," I muttered, not thinking clearly enough to think of an intelligent word. "Good bye, Nishio-kun," I said forcefully.
He smiled and I quickly turned away and headed down the spiraling staircase. But as I headed downstairs and away from his room, I heard him as clear as a bell.
"If you walk out of this house, consider yourself a murderer. Remember everything I've told you..."
I swallowed, my cheek swelling and bruised, my heart ramming against my chest. Cold sweat trickled down my forehead as I stepped off the staircase and reached the looming double doors that separated me from the world outside. I placed a hand on the brass door knob and turned it. The clicking sound of the door encouraged me, and I swung the door back.
Like I said, life is about choices. I'm choosing the way out, and he couldn't stop me.
If only I had considered his words more carefully...but at that time, I did not. I had stepped out and into the afternoon sun, grateful that I was leaving that good for nothing mansion behind. I never knew I would regret. Regret, one of the worst feelings you could ever feel. Because regret gets you no where, and I was about to go no where.
AN: Confused? Basically, Yori is abusive, and one could say because his family is also abusive which effects him. There are such families in the world, so I'm not entirely making this up. In a way, you can also say Yori is a bit insane. Crazy, as you can see that he thinks he can make Sakura stay with him even after he has hit her. And now you're all going, what does he mean by Sakura being a murderer? Well, you'll have to read on to see ^^;; Things are going to get depressing now -_-