AN: Bah, I've been having weird problems where I really really really want to write but I end up sitting in my chair and staring at the screen -_- Gah, so busy but I'm making time to write, no worries! I've got another fic that will come up someday, when I finish this one probably. But I've got the first chapter written but it won't be posted yet ^^;; Welpz, back onto Ch. 8...
Oh, and since I'm feeling extra giddy and bored, I'm giving a shout to all of you that reviewed recently ^O^||
T.L. SNOW- whoa are you psychic? You are more than remotely correct =P Ahahaha, guess you don't have to read this chapter neh? (but then you'll be missing out on some S+Sness ^^;;)
Yume Tenchi- thankies! Yah...when I'm typing this fic I have to think all crazy and listen to yoga music (not really but I have to imagine really weird things) to make the psychoness seem real. LOL, and yeah BLAME the school woot!
cherry blossom2- phewy, I'm glad it's not that confusing. But then again predictable isn't that good either...but I rather you guys not be confused ^_^ Thanks for reviewing =)
Bloodlust Night- Hmmm will it work out? Dum, dum dum~ we never know =P Yes, I want to shoot Yori too, but then the story would go no where so I guess I can't shoot him yet ^^
Aaruki-chan- Hai, hai, very poor Sakura -_- But she gets Syaoran so she's very lucky ^.^|| Thanks so much for your support =)
Christina- Yep, things like this happen all the time, sadly. You're saying exactly what I've been trying to explain 8) Yes, Yori needs help...but you'll have to see what happens as the story goes on. I loved your review, it was so long and meaningful =) Arigatou~
LiL DuDeTte- meheheh thankies for z comments! Also, thanks for sticking to my fic since Ch.1 =)
Kristi- Really? Your birthday is on Sept 20? Kewlio! One of my best friends have that b-day too =) I'm glad to have updated right before it. Think of it as a birthday present from me, lol ^.^ Happy Birthday!!
BlackSpark- Yay, I'm glad you weren't confused either ^^ Ah, so you have spotted a twist? *wonders what you are thinking* mehehehe, thanks for reviewing eversince some couple of chapters ago! Keeps me going and going...
Skylover- LOL, yes Yori is psycho ^^;; I'm imagining you running around in circles for some odd reason...anywho, thanks a bunchies for reviewing!
Lavender-Lilacs- Wow, you know what Sakura's feeling? Oh dear, hope you're feeling better and getting through whatever it is. Yes, things like this happen everywhere, and sometimes you just can't find a way out...thanks for reviewing =)
AnimeObsessionFantasy- Tee-hee, confused? Oh wellz, I'll my best in clearing it up in later chapters okai? Hehe...
arrow-card- nope he's not gonna shoot himself. Sadly. Thanks for reviewing eversince Ch.1 =)
Onigiri Momoko- LoL, unique and creative guess there. You will just have to see if you are correct by reading this chapter...moohahahaha...
cherry li- Aw, you don't have e-mail? Pooey. And ya!!! Satay!! That rang a bell...ya, it's malay food...I remember having it at some Malaysian cuisine called Tropika. Darn good restaurant! Wa, you are Singaporean, Canadian, and Chinese? Wow, lotsa nationalities there =) Ya, Canadians rock ^O^
Crazy-cherry- Yes...I am so very evil ^^;; But I'll try to update as fast as I can -_- Me and my lazy bum...ladedadeda...
TaoRen- Yep, YAY Syaoran's back ^O^ There's actually S+Sness in this chapter...thanks for reviewing and not running away from my crazy fic...mehehehe ^^
Yue's Lady- Mehehehe thanks for reviewing my fic eversince Ch.1! Aiya, I lurve loyal reviewers =) Mehehehe I'll try not to leave cliffies yet we never know when z evil side of me may appear...
Rogue Pryde- Ahahaha, you get the chills? Ahahaha, I get the chills writing it 0.o|| Maybe I'm a bit crazy myself...oh dear . But thanks for reviewing! I really enjoyed reading it =P
FlameSolo- Yesh, the bad part cannot be skipped. Because then it wouldn't make sense...but I would like to skip it, but then the story would have a big hole in it ^^;; Yes, this is the darkest thing I've written ever...mohahaha, thankies for the wondeeful review~!
aZnDrEaMeR1788 - Ohoho yesh Yori is veree...bad. LoL, is he going to suicide? Hmmm...guess you'll have to read this chapter...^^
bloodstain5- mehehehe, yes I hate Yori too...and yet I don't since he's kind of crazy and doesn't really get what he's doing -_- Lol, thanks for the reviews and enjoy z chapter =)
lavenderalana- yesh, it's sad, happy and creepy...mehehehe I guess I wanted it to be that way 8) Hope you enjoy the rest of the fic~!
liteblossomyugiluver- tee hee, thankies =) Hmmm what did Yori mean? Weeell read on and you shall findith out~ ^^
BlakBluNailPolish45- yeah, it was annoying having to write so much stuff without the S+S, but then there's Yori so S+S had to wait a bit...-_- But do not worry, I shall figure things out...somehow...yesh...thankies for reading =)
Goodness I'm tired of writing messages. LOL. Um, if I missed anyone that thinks they are a recent reviewer, just leave a little message in a review, alriterz? Okai, back onto the story ^^
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(
Chapter Eight: Drowning
I was rather annoyed by the fact that I didn't have my roller-blades. Having to walk with a swelling cheek was rather distracting. What if I bumped into someone I knew? What if I bumped into onii-chan? All these what-ifs spun in my head as I pretended to be blocking the sun from my face, but really I was blocking my probably bruised cheek. Anger boiled in me as I thought about Yori. Or should I say, Nishio-kun.
But then, the night of the dinner came floating into my mind and I saw all the things he had to suffer from. Maybe he just had to release it somewhere, or to someone. And I happened to be that someone...I shook my head as I rounded the corner nearing Tomoyo's house. These thoughts didn't matter. Everything was done and gone. I was once again Sakura Kinomoto...flying solo?
I stopped in front of Tomoyo's gates, looking up at the looming mansion in the distance. My finger reached for the doorbell but hesitated. She would be awfully worried at how I got a bruise on my cheek...and Syaoran...would he be worried? They would get suspicious...but something inside me was itching for me to ring the doorbell. I wanted to tell someone. I wanted to let it out and not coop it all up inside of me. Tomoyo was the one I talked to...
But I didn't want her to be worried.
Maybe I'd go home and rest...yes, that was a plan. I would go home and rest, do some homework, and maybe call Tomoyo after dinner before I visited. Yes, that sounded much more pleasant than prancing into her house at the very moment. Stuffing my cold hands into my pockets, I hurried past her house and down the familiar road in the direction of my house.
Hoping that Touya or otou-san wasn't around, I cautiously opened the front door while pocketing my keys. They jingled lightly as I sucked in a breath. No footsteps, no loud scream of 'kaijuu' (monster). I was safe.
Dropping my hand from blocking my left cheek, I hastened upstairs and crept into my room. I wasn't so sure why I was so alert, but I didn't want onii-chan questioning me. He was always the one that could see through my lies, just like Tomoyo. Afterall, he was my brother.
Sighing, I walked towards my mirror and glanced at my reflection. I looked tired...a bruise mixed with blue, green, and yellow was forming near the lower portion of my left cheek. Frowning deeply, I rummaged through my drawers and finally found a bottle of foundation. It had been a present from Tomoyo, but I had rarely used it. Unscrewing the black shiny cap, I took a sponge and dabbed some of it over my bruise.
I winced.
I wasn't an expert on make-up and when I had finished covering my bruise, it looked like I had a circle of lighter skin on my left cheek. Groaning, I rubbed a bit off and turned my face around. It wasn't too noticeable, I convinced myself. Or maybe it was. But it was better than nothing. Satisfied, I spun the cap back on and stuffed the bottle into the depths of my messy drawers. Hopefully I wouldn't be needing any more of that.
Stretching, I flopped onto my bed and sniffed the smell of laundry. My thoughts were a blur on Yori...but Syaoran...I sat up and glanced at the small bottle of pretty pink stars. A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips as I took the bottle from its sitting place and took the cork off the jar. Taking one star out, I squished it and unwrapped the knots made in the paper. When the paper star disappeared to be a strip of star paper, I read:
"Remember the time at the beach? When you went into the ocean to try and save Rika Sasaki and ended up getting caught on the rocks?"
I smiled and closed my eyes. Distant memories came together in my head, like a puzzle. Yes, I remembered. Rika was never a very good swimmer, and she was drowning that day...I had went after her and tried to save her, but I was nine then and I ended up getting my shirt caught on some of the jagged rocks. What Syaoran forgot to mention on that slip of star paper was the fact that he had saved me.
I remembered how I admired his strength and bravery, the determination flaring in his young amber eyes. I re-made the paper star and tossed it back into the jar. Maybe I'd read more later, but right now I was going to get something to eat.
As I headed downstairs, a note on the fridge caught my attention.
"Kaijuu, make dinner and eat. I'm out with Yuki at the library. Don't ask why (you can't anyways since I'm probably out already). Otou-san will be back at 9:30 or so, don't get scared. -Touya."
I glared at the word 'kaijuu' and took a pen left on the kitchen counter. Crossing it out with red ink, I stuck my tongue out back at the paper. So, I was going to be home alone until 9:30. I glanced up at the clock; 5:55.
It was almost six...maybe I'd just grab a sandwich and phone up Tomoyo. Nodding to myself, I threw together a lousy sandwich consisting of cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes. Biting into it, I took the phone from the living room and speed-dialed Tomoyo's.
The ringing of the phone met my ears.
After several rings, I wondered if no one was home until finally I heard a click on the other end and a male voice answered.
"Moshi moshi? Daidouji residence."
I recognized that voice. Smiling ear to ear, I answered back cheerfully, "Konnichiwa Syaoran-kun!"
I heard a kind of squeak or yelp from the other end and wondered what was wrong. After a few seconds, his voice finally answered, "Ah, er, Sakura! You want to talk to Tomoyo?"
"Well, yes, sort of," I answered and another thought sprung up in my mind. "Actually, I didn't really get to talk to you this morning. I'm so sorry about the whole Yori thing but it's all good now."
"Oh," his voice was flat. "So how...is he?"
I bit my lip. "He's...just a friend now."
"What?" I heard the confusion in his voice. "Isn't he your...boyfriend?" The word seemed strained.
"Um, ex-boyfriend I guess you could say..." I sighed and breathed deeply. "Maybe I'll tell you some other time...but I want to talk about happier things!" I said on a lighter tone. "I really want to catch up with you! Are you busy?"
I heard another weird noise from the other end until his voice answered, "Of course! I mean, sure, I'm not busy," he coughed.
I giggled and felt my mood brighten. "Sugoi! Maybe I can meet you...at Penguin Park? Hoe...do you still remember where that is?" I questioned uncertainly as I remembered how long he hadn't been there.
"Duh, of course, how many times did we go there when we were young?" His voice was cheerful and kind. I smiled and felt a weird flutter in my stomach, but I guessed it was probably my hunger from only eating a sandwich.
"Great! Then I'll see you in a minute or two?"
"Hai."
I smiled to myself, "You sure you don't need directions?"
"Positive," he chuckled. "Talk to you later."
"Later," I waited until I heard a click on the other end before placing the receiver down. Stuffing the last bit of sandwich into my mouth, I hurried to get my jacket and decided to walk to the park. Afterall, it wasn't that far away and twilight air was so sweet and refreshing. Opening the door, the pink and orange sky met my eyes as I stared in awe at its beauty. Some things, no matter how many times you saw them, would always be beautiful.
Watching my own shadow, I saw the top of the Penguin slide coming into view. Memories came flooding back to me like a tidal wave as I entered the park's premises. The slide, the penguins, the swing set. And that was when my eyes landed on another figure clad in that same green sweater and khakis. Happiness surged through me as I headed towards the figure's back.
Creeping up to his still figure silently, I slapped both my hands onto his shoulders in quick motion. "Boo!"
"Neeargh!!" I watched as he flailed his arms and stumbled forward, off the swing and spun around with his eyes alert and surprised. I broke out laughing until he finally realized I was not some attacker.
"Sakura! You! I thought--you! Scared me," he panted and took in a breath, composing himself before he glared at me. That same old glare made me laugh even harder. "What's so funny?"
"You! I mean, I'm laughing with you," I corrected myself quickly as Syaoran continued to glare.
"But I'm not laughing!" He pointed out obviously.
I laughed and edged closer before striking out a tickle attack. "Now you are!"
"Sa--ku! Ra!" He was choking on his own words as he tried in vain to get away from my fingers. Suddenly, I felt my feet lift from the ground and the scenery spin around me as if it were on fast forward. Yelping in surprise, I heard laughing below and realized that he had picked me up and was spinning me around.
Kicking and pouting, I stuck out my tongue. "No fair! I can't pick you up."
He placed me back onto the ground, his cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkling with that same sparkle I remembered five years ago. "It's good to see you again, Sakura."
I forgot about being mad at him and smiled back, "Same here, Syaoran," I giggled. "You haven't changed much neh? At least you haven't gone backwards! That was what I was afraid of."
"What do you mean backwards?" He asked in an offended voice.
"You know, as in back to shy little Syaoran. The Syaoran I first met," I explained teasingly. "You were such a shy little boy before! I wished Tomoyo had a camera already back then! You'd be so embarrassed!"
"Oh really?" He grunted and laughed. "How about you? You don't seem to have grown."
"Mou!!" I whacked him on the arm as he continued to laugh. "What do you mean I haven't grown? You must be blind," I shot back though I was smiling mischievously.
"Really?" He pretended to be surprised as he squinted his eyes at me. "Well...you do seem to have grown a bit taller...if I do recall...you use to be the height of that penguin over there," he pointed towards a small blue penguin structure nearby.
"No way! That's more like your height!" I laughed as he laughed along while shaking his head.
"Your a child at heart," he finally admitted and smiled a brilliant smile. I felt another surge of unbelievable happiness. This was Li Syaoran. Li Syaoran who I thought I would never see again. The Li Syaoran I thought that would only visit me in my dreams.
I poked him.
"What are you doing?!" He yelped as he shrunk back from my finger.
I tilted my head and grinned in satisfaction. "You're real."
He blinked at me as if I were crazy. "Of course I'm real, you crazy girl."
"But you're real! Hoeee!!!" I couldn't contain myself as I leaped onto him into another bear hug. "You're real! I mean, you're squishy and pokable and everything! And you're so much more real than in my dreams."
I felt him return the embrace. "So, I was in your dreams?"
I blushed a furious red when I realized what I had confessed. Glad that he couldn't see my face, I coughed lightly and laughed, "Ehehehe, well no...you kind of popped up here and there...you know? Those weird dreams where you kind of end up in random places with random people--"
"Right Sakura, I believe you," his tone dripped with sarcasm as he stepped back. "You're awful at lying."
I felt my cheeks go warm as I looked at the pebbles beneath our shoes. He seemed to sense my uneasiness as he came closer and smiled. "Hey, no worries. I did too."
"...you did?" I blinked in surprise.
He blushed a furious red as he turned away and looked up at the darkening sky. "Nice sky isn't it?"
I laughed and went to stand beside him. Punching him playfully on the shoulder, I mocked, "You're just as bad at me with the whole lying aspect."
"Hey! I didn't lie! I just switched topics," he said in defense.
I giggled and looked up at him. He had grown. He really had. He was no longer the child that was nervous and scared, afraid to look people back in the eye. He was no longer shy and unfeeling. He was grown up. He was a leader of a powerful clan. He had to grow.
"It feels like you've never left," I murmured.
He glanced back at me with his deep amber eyes. "...I agree."
A moment of silence followed as we simply looked at each other. I simply wanted to memorize his every feature. I was suddenly scared. What if he had to leave suddenly? What if he left and never came back? The fear chilled me and I broke the silence.
"So what happened to you all these years?" I didn't want the hurt in my voice to show. "You didn't answer any of my letters, or cards..."
He looked at me and stammered uneasily, "I-I couldn't...the elders of the clan didn't let me. They said I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I did what everyone else did...hang out with friends...talk on the phone..."
I looked down. "Oh," I immediately felt stupid for feeling neglected. He had such a hard life... "Must have been boring, neh?"
"...I guess," he shrugged and smiled meekly. "But then I can't really miss having a normal childhood since I've never had it from the beginning."
"Oh, so you think the years you spent being my 'buddy' wasn't normal?" I pointed out.
He pretended to look as if he didn't care the least bit and retorted, "Of course! I mean, how can I count being friends with a weirdo like you, a normal childhood?" He smirked and looked at me haughtily.
I made a face and broke out giggling, a smile breaking onto his face too. Suddenly we stopped and he simply stared at me with his eyes that twinkled with life and strength. "And how about you, Sakura?"
"What about me?" I questioned hesitantly.
Syaoran's gaze did not waver. "How have you been?"
A tone of seriousness drifted about the air, filling my lungs. How had I been the past five years? I wasn't so sure myself...it had been such a long time, yet now when I stand here and look back, it seemed to have gone by too fast. All those days of yearning for Li Syaoran to come back...and now he had. It kind of felt strange.
"I've been good," I finally answered. How intelligent of me. "But not too good," I added hastily as I glanced at him quickly. "It would have been better if you didn't leave in the first place," I said with a nod of my head.
He laughed, his eyes dancing with happiness that brought joy to my very soul. "That's good to hear," he paused and then continued. "Except for the not being too good part..." his voice trailed off and silence once again embraced us.
I decided to look upwards again and breathed deeply. Closing my eyes for a second, I simply felt the air around me and the moment. The moment I had Syaoran standing beside me in flesh as the sun set in front of us.
"You're not going to leave yet...right?" I found myself whispering.
"I don't want to leave yet," he continued and looked upwards to the sky above. It was now a pink and purple hue, a mix of colours dumped into the sky like splattered paint. "I feel like I can't leave...something's holding me back," he mumbled in a distant voice.
I peered up at his gaze, so intense and concentrated. On what? The sky was very mesmerizing to watch. The clouds glided by in such a slow manner... the breeze picked up, as if it were telling the clouds to hurry up.
"I--" We both began in unison.
My gaze didn't leave the sky as I felt his gaze on me. "You first," he said.
I smiled to the sky and to myself. And to Syaoran. The sun was at the edge of the horizon, ready to slip away and leave day and bring night. My lips parted. "I'm very glad that you're back," I said with all honesty. "I missed my best friend in the whole wide world."
I looked back at him and saw him flinch. I stared at him in confusion but he chose to ignore my look of concern. He was looking at the swings with a strange mix of emotions in his eyes. Not the intense gaze. It was something different. Confusion or was it...something else. I couldn't tell. But then again, I wasn't psychic like Tomoyo was. I sensed the tension in the air and shuffled my feet uneasily.
"Hoe? Where's Tomoyo?"
He looked back at me and shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "At home. I asked if she wanted to come but she just broke out giggling and said no. She said something about making clothes."
I sweat dropped and nodded, "Typical Tomoyo."
A small smile graced his lips. I let my shoulders relax in relief but silence enveloped us once more. I looked at him sideways, almost afraid he would catch me looking at him. And yet he still did.
"What?"
"Nothing!" I replied, startled. "You know, I'm kind of hungry since I had a hurried dinner."
"Oh, I'm sorry if I interfered with--"
"No! No, not at all," I cut in and offered a reassuring smile. "It's no big deal. I didn't want to eat that much anyways. Besides, we can go back to Tomoyo's and I'm sure she won't mind me grabbing a snack there."
He nodded as we headed out of the park and onto the sidewalk. The streetlamps flickered on one by one, illuminating the pavement with yellow light. I caught him staring at me curiously and couldn't help but ask. "What? I'm not trying to sound cliché , but is there something on my face?" I asked stupidly.
Syaoran shook his head but placed a finger right where my hidden bruise was. I suppressed a wince and stepped back. "Er--"
"Gomen," he muttered quickly. "You just seemed awfully pale in that particular spot."
I looked away nervously and laughed, "Really? I guess I'm having blood circulation problems," I glanced at him and noticed he did not looked convinced. Sighing, I decided to pick up the pace. "It's getting chilly."
"Want to burrow my sweater?" He offered casually as we crossed the street.
"It's ok," I replied, slightly flushed. "You'll be cold."
"I'm fine," he replied earnestly as he looked at my cheek once more.
I looked away, "Actually, it's really hot," I lied.
Syaoran snorted and rolled his eyes. "Right," he shook his head. "Trying to lie again, Sakura? Oh ho, two lies in a day. Must be a record for you, isn't it?"
"Well it was worth a try!" I retorted and laughed. "Besides, I don't want you to catch a cold on your first day back."
"...Thanks, I guess," he replied rather softly as we reached Tomoyo's house.
We stopped in front of the iron gates, those familiar gates...I took in one last breath of fresh air just as the sun slipped away and night slowly fell. The stars were now slightly visible, tiny jewels in the sky. I automatically reached for the doorbell, but Syaoran stopped my hand.
I blinked at him in confusion. "Hoe?"
He shook his head no. He nodded his head towards the iron gates, and it was then did I notice they were slightly ajar. I blinked at the gate, then looked at Syaoran. It wasn't like Tomoyo or her mother to leave the gates open. But being it was a Saturday, Tomoyo would be home alone since the servants were on their day off and her mother always had meeting on Saturdays.
"Maybe she doesn't want you to have such a hassle in getting into the house," I said, trying to convince myself that it was as simple as that. Yet something was nagging at the back of my head when my eyes had first caught sight of the slightly open gates. Something had surfaced in my mind. Something I didn't want to remember and didn't want to take seriously.
Syaoran looked thoughtful and dug into his pocket. "She gave me keys," he replied.
I swallowed.
"If you walk out of this house, consider yourself a murderer. Remember everything I've told you..."
That voice rang through my mind loud and clear, as if mocking me and my stupidity. I didn't want to think what I really thought, but my thoughts wouldn't go away and my dread grew by the second. I turned my frantic eyes to Syaoran before I pushed open the gates with all my strength and ran the fastest I had ever run.
To Tomoyo.
Every second felt like a year. Every year felt like a century. As the familiar oak doors met my gaze, I felt the sound of pounding footsteps behind me but I didn't care. I knew it was Syaoran. He caught up to me, his breath not as hard as mine.
"What's wrong?" He asked right away.
I shook my head and placed a hand on the cool wood door. I put a little bit of weight on the doors, and to my dismay, they opened. My dread was eating at me, my heart was killing my chest, my breathing was erratic, but I didn't care.
"I could become all mean again, which I really don't want to be...and I might hurt people that I don't want to hurt. You wouldn't want anyone to be hurt..."
My head was spinning with those menacing words that seemed so gentle and pointless before. Now they seemed like a curse, hanging above me as I stepped into the entrance of Tomoyo's home. How many times had I entered this house? How many times had I seen Tomoyo open this door and greet me with that smile of hers that only Tomoyo had? But never had I entered her house feeling the way I did now.
The house itself didn't seem out of place. In fact, it looked as pristine and normal as ever. Except for the strange feeling that hung in the air. I felt myself shiver and Syaoran stepping in behind me. A little comfort seeped through me but nothing pushed the dread and fright away.
In silence, with no words said, I proceeded up the stairs. Every step was a thud to my heart, every step was a step closer to Tomoyo's room. I didn't know why I was scared. I was in Tomoyo's house afterall...my other best friend's house. I shouldn't be scared...
I hurried up the last few steps and ran down the hall towards Tomoyo's bedroom. Not the slight bit of sound. Not even the breeze rattling the window panes, nor the usual sound of her sewing machine. It was silent, and silence scared me.
I let it sink in. I was scared.
Syaoran placed a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong? Why are you so pale? What--"
"Tomoyo never leaves her doors open," I whispered, not daring to look up at him, showing him my fear. He was clueless, he didn't know the things I knew. He didn't know Tomoyo's habits, he didn't know the threat I had been given. The threat I didn't take seriously.
"You wouldn't want anyone to be hurt..."
"...believe me Sakura, have I ever lied to you?"
I choked on my own breath and pushed the slightly open door. Tomoyo's room came into view, and I stepped in hesitantly. The carpet was still lavender, the walls were still white. The window was open, a breeze blowing the lavender curtains and causing it to flap and sway. The television was on, but no sound came from it. It was at its lowest volume. How strange...
I took another step in. A few magazines laid strewn on the table, a pair of slippers left near the closet. My eyes darted towards the doorway that lead to her bed and washroom. Yes, Tomoyo's room had always been the biggest I had ever seen. That is, out of bedrooms. Everything was in place. I let out a breath and walked softly towards the doorway.
"...Tomoyo?" I called out shakily.
No reply.
I swallowed hard and called out louder, "Tomoyo?"
Syaoran came up to me. "Why are you being so nervous? We're at Tomoyo's house, how many times have you been here? Just shout," he muttered. "Daidouji-san?" And then he stepped through the doorway and I could only watch with the urge to yank him back.
I didn't know why I was so hesitant in entering that doorway. And I didn't know why I had such horror in my eyes as Syaoran entered. I felt my heart sink as Syaoran simply stood there. No more calling Tomoyo's name. Maybe she wasn't in there...
"She's not there right? I guess she went out," I said quickly, not really knowing what I was saying. "How silly of her...she forgot to lock her doors. I better scold her next time, neh Syaoran?"
No reply.
I felt my heart skip a beat.
"...Syaoran," I cried out in a tone filled with anguish.
He finally turned to look at me. His eyes said it all.
I finally felt my feet leave the spot they had been before. It had felt like I was glued to the spot, but now everything seemed to spring with life as I ran into the adjoining room containing Tomoyo's bed and another room to her washroom. I felt myself brush past Syaoran who didn't complain, and I felt myself stop short at the sight that met my gaze like some horror scene playing over and over again.
I felt my hair settle from the short run I had just done. I felt the silence pounding at me, the breeze from the other side of the room blowing in. Suddenly, it felt really cold.
And everything wasn't in place anymore.
No. Not when Tomoyo laid there. Not when Tomoyo laid there in her bed, dressed still in her school uniform and the covers underneath her still as neat and untouched. It wasn't right. Not when Tomoyo laid there pale and not answering us. Not when her hair pooled about around her in black waves, and not when her lips were a bitter snow white.
And now when her pillow was stained with crimson blood.
It was some sick nightmare. It had to be.
I advanced towards the bed, never letting go of that breath. If this one breath could make Tomoyo open her eyes and smile at me, I would give it to her. If I had to give all my breaths to her, I would.
I was standing over her now. She was still unmoving.
"Tomoyo-chan? Why aren't you answering us? Why are you ignoring us?" I asked shakily.
"Tomoyo!" I cried out loudly as I crouched down to be at her height. "Don't ignore me...never ignore me..." I closed my eyes and felt my world spin and collapse. My perfect world was cracking and I could see the walls ready to crumble. I reached for her hands, so cool and clammy against my own warm ones. I let a cry escape my hoarse throat as I buried my face into the sleeve of her navy sweater.
I felt something damp, and I realized to my horror it was her blood. But I didn't care. I just wanted Tomoyo to be alright. "Syaoran," I called out weakly.
He hurried over, his eyes wide as I turned to him. "Is she..."
He didn't let me finish as he placed a finger beneath Tomoyo's nose and above her lips. After a deafening second of silence, he nodded his head ever so slightly. My lips quivered as I wrapped my arms around Tomoyo's still body. No, I would never describe my Tomoyo as lifeless. Never. She was just still and sleeping. She was...peaceful. She was in her dreamland, wherever that was. She was in a happy place.
I tried to convince myself.
And failed.
"Oh my god...oh my god..." I repeated faintly under my breath as I hugged her, my fingers stained with crimson and my hair mixed with hers. "All my fault...all my fault...Tomoyo..."
I didn't want to accept it. It was absolutely surreal. I didn't know why, but I felt fake. I felt unreal. I felt like I was playing a part in a movie. I felt like this was just all a dream and everything would be alright again. But reality would slowly sink in and I would finally realize that Tomoyo had been murdered. Murdered because of me. Because I hadn't stayed. Because I had left Yori Nishio's house. It was all my fault.
I was a murderer.
I had known this would happen. But did I listen? But no...I couldn't take the blame...I didn't kill my best friend... I didn't. I didn't know he would hurt my loved ones. I didn't know he would kill . That was insane.
He was insane.
Yori was insane.
And it was my fault.
I didn't listen.
"Sakura..." that voice was off in the distant. I didn't hear. I couldn't hear. I didn't want to hear.
"What are you saying? It's not your fault..." came that voice again. It was a familiar voice. I knew that voice. But did I care? No. I just wanted Tomoyo to be alright. I just wanted my best friend to smile and hug me back. I didn't want her arms to hang by her sides. I didn't want any of this. Why did it have to happen to me?
"Sakura?" That voice again. Couldn't that voice just be silent for a second? Couldn't they see that I was distraught? Couldn't anyone see what I had just gotten myself into? I suddenly felt trapped. I suddenly felt lost.
But I realized, at last, that this was true. This was reality. This was no dream. This was some reality nightmare that I had got myself into. Something in me fell. Something in me shattered. That something I didn't know what. Maybe it was that love, that friendship, that bond I had with the girl right before me now. But this important person was gone now. And that bond...
No. It would never break. Our bond was internal.
And yet I had caused her this. I had caused her to loose her life.
"SAKURA!"
Why are you yelling? Please don't yell...I wanted to cry, but no tears came. I was in utter silence now as I stared blankly at the body before me. The yelling continued, that same male voice. Syaoran's voice... But I suddenly was able to block out that voice. I didn't have to listen to that voice scream my name, trying to get me to snap out of it. I could simply sit there and believe that everything was ok.
Tomoyo was just taking nap.
I'd just take a nap with her...and when I would wake up again, the trees would be green, the sun would be up, and there would be no more rain. We would go to the mall, and we'd go shopping like any other day. Tomoyo would groan and protest, saying that she could make better clothes for me. I would tease her and run off, and she would follow. We would go to school and meet our friends. We would pass notes in class and share our happiness.
Yes, that sounded much better. My fantasy land.
AN: No, Sakura isn't completely insane yet. Since this story is not over yet, but she's starting to slip. Oh right, *ducks tomatoes and misc. food*, I'm SO SORRY Tomoyo fans! I love Tomoyo too but her dieing was an important role in this story because it's kind of like...a bang to Sakura, you know? Aiya, please don't kill me. And if you find the death confusing, it will be explained later on...probably the next chapter...in some sickening way -_- Yori is disturbing. Very. Anyways, R+R and please don't kill me -_-"