Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Suboshi from Fushigi Yûgi. -.- I wish I could poke them though...

The Death Eater's New Order

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Overhead, the stars glowed like a thousand small nightlights comforting anyone with an intense fear of darkness. Also helping was the moon, which became that hallway light that eased many children into dreamland. The dust from the old dirt road seemed almost like it was rare silver dust thanks to the moon and stars. No matter the color, the gentle summer breezes picked the dust as if it was a child wanting their best friend to come outside and play a game of tag. Warui Hironobu, however, had a bad seat in the crowd and was unable to awe at these August wonders.

Warui's sight was officially snubbed out thanks to the darkness of the potato sack.  Of course, he didn't guess he was in a potato being carried by a wimpy wizard who could turn into a rat. The boy thought of this as a yume or dream in English. He thought he was Tetsou from Akira. In this so-called dream, Warui believed he was being tested by a group of scientists looking for psychic energy. Tetsou (Warui) didn't know why they kidnapped him, but it may have had something to do with that kid he almost ran over with his motorcycle. The constant, random movement of the machine testing him didn't make Tetsou sick. In fact, he barely noticed it. Huh? What was water doing here? He felt it wet his pants. It smelled rather odd, but was still water. Tetsou, then, utterly wished he could get out of this hellhole soon. He didn't like the headaches he received after testing. He hated the way the scientists were so overprotected of him. Just the way Kaneda was... Tetsou wanted to be free and the power to be strong...

Chapter 2: Konnichiwa, Warui-sama! Having no say in life's path...

After about ten to twenty minutes of running west to Death Eater HQ, Mr. Pettigrew became very tired. Any normal person would if you had to carry a 14-year-old boy in a yellow potato sack. Wait, when was the sack... eww! Anyway, Mr. Pettigrew was no normal person...

Peter stopped running and looked up at the author. "I'm not?" he questioned in a clueless voice.

The author rolled her eyes and continued writing. In fact, Peter was a wizard.

"And?"

A wizard who could disappear and instantly appear at Death Eater HQ.

"Oh yeah..." Mr. Dummy began pondering what these facts could mean.

A wizard who better instantly appear at Death Eater HQ before the author suddenly makes a werewolf appear and eat him... GET IT!

Out of great fear, Peter appeared at Death Eater HQ in Bristol. (Oops...don't tell the Ministry!)

DEHQ was the greatest place on earth for all evil dudes who supported Voldemort. Also the smallest with an area about 36 sq. ft. or about the size of a two-person bed, fitting ten people nicely with little room for movement. In addition to being little, DEHQ use to be the girl's bathroom from some old store. The Death Eaters used the store as the HQ, but when Voldemort fell out of power, it exploded (along with the boy's restroom) for no reason. The girl's restroom, though, went undamaged ...spooky kinda.

Peter took a deep breath and trudged reluctantly toward the girl's... I mean DEHQ. Other Death Eaters dressed in dark robes mingled with each other outside. All of them doing this with an "I'm too evil for my robes" impression just like everything they did.

Peter, who lived through all the evil remarks and glares from "fellow" Death Eaters, reached the door. Why they always evilly remarked Peter for everything was obvious. He didn't look or act very evil, but acted like a total coward most of the time.

Guarding the swing door to DEHQ, however, were the biggest but perhaps dumbest Death Eaters. Please put your hands together for Crabbe and Goyle! Well... at this moment they weren't exactly doing their job. Instead, they amused themselves by covering up the 'wo' on the women's sign to form men's. -_-;

"Umm... hello..." The two straighten up in a second and put on serious faces.

"Password?" bellowed Goyle.

"PaSsWoRd?!" screamed Peter. Obviously, he was still nervous about his 'little plan'. If it didn't work he would surly be very screwed. "How come everything in this bloody world needs a password?! I go to a vending machine for a drink and it asks me for a bloody password!! A VENDING MACHINE!!! I dunno maybe it's Pepsi, but no turns out to be some stupid Latin word I can't pronounce! They don't teach Latin at Hogwarts, for heavens sake!!" Steam came rushing out of Peter's now red ears. "So now I'm gonna die from thirst! Really, come on!!"

The two guards stared at the tired man, flabbergasted by his screaming. Crabbe leaned close to Peter and whispered, "You shouldn't say the password so loud."

Despite this, Peter took note to it, but combined weight of actually doing something sneaky and this boy would make anyone jumpy. Also sweaty... Time to invest in some soap or something that smells nice.

"Thank you for that remark, Crabbe and Goyle." He shot a weird but cunning smile at the ape-like guards. He's going OC again. Be very afraid! "But if I were you, I would let me inside, beau-"

"That made no sense." abruptly added Goyle. Scary enough, Mr. Crabbe bobbed his head up and down in agreement.

"It doesn't follow the rules of Algebra and Geometry." he oddly chirped still bobbing.

Like you, Mr. Wormtail's life has just shorten twenty years from the abrupt shock that these two "morons" knew about math higher than what they teach in first grade.

"There are three rules of equality."

"These are 'a=a', 'a=b, b=a', and 'a=b, b=c, c=a'." 

For those of you who have taken Algebra, you should know these simple rules. For those in Geometry, you about using the little boogers for proofs. God, math is everywhere...

"Look!" Little Peter was so frustrated and insanely tired that he stomped his foot as he shouted. "This is not math class with Ms. Gorf! It is the Death Eater headquarters! We're suppose to be planning evil things like how to kill Harry Potter, torturing Muggles, and how to beat the cutting knife when cutting vegetables! Math class is for geeks!"

Crabbe & Goyle rolled their eyes and said, "Geeks rule the world, Peter. Not stupid preps. Geeks. Look at Bill Gates for bloody sakes..."

Peter had enough of those two and their math rules. He was as mad as bull, blind as a bat, and about as insane as a first grader on sugar-high. He wanted to *censor* them and *censor* their *censor* off a *censor*.

The author placed those censors in to protect the readers fragile mind from violent images of Peter cutting Crabbe and Goyle up with a Swiss army knife and hanging their heads off a waterslide. Wait! The author thinks she just defeated the purpose of the censors. Oopsie! Remember there's no point in suing the author, because she's broke. Hahahahahaha!!!

Since the plot line of this fic needed to actually get inside DEHQ, the author creates a fifthteen year old with brown-blond and blue eyes out of nowhere. He wore an orange and blue Chinese uniform and looked very pissed. I think I forgot to mention he has a scary string with two balls on it. (Don't take that the wrong way) He glared at Crabbe and Goyle with a mad fire of vengeance in his eyes and says, "You killed my brother..."

"Uh... no we didn't." they lied. "Wait. We're not lying..." Wrong answer. The boy screamed a war cry and insanely chased after the two guards wanting to kill them. "WE DIDN'T KILL YOUR BROTHER!!!"

Peter questioned what that was about. He figured it was one of those weird anime jokes the author was talking about earlier. Making a P.O. Suboshi from Fushigi Yûgi appear out of nowhere shows that fan fic writing is a form of torture for the characters. Of course, if Peter tried to rebel against my great, immortal power, I would send Veggie from Dragonball Z to beat him up. That's always a good threat. 

With the door guard-less, Peter slowly pushed them open. It was pitch black! He settled the bag down on the floor and began wonder where the stupid light switch was? While trying to find the answer to that mythical question, Wormtail ran into a wall. He cursed the wall and bumped into someone. Uh oh... Only the most important and totally evil Death Eaters were actually inside DEHQ. He shivered very scared of who he ran into.

Click! Someone turned on the lights. Before Wormtail stood a man. A tremulously evil man whose dark robes covered his creepy, shaved legs. A hand reached up to take off the hood and uncovered the man's face. The curly hair wanted to make Peter shriek in uncontrollable fear. That fake, perky smile that would never go away made him almost pee in his robes. Lo and behold! This man was wickedness at it's scariest. Who was he? Richard Simmons.

"Oh come on, guys." he said in that annoying, happy-go-lucky voice to the two Death Eaters behind him. "What happened to our ripple?"

"Look, Richard. No one's in the mood for your idiotic ripple thing." With that, another hood came off. Defiantly not the ugliest Death Eater around, but the most beautiful. Long, flowing black hair with two strands poking up out of place... Bright green eyes with a constant flare of wit and smart-ass rebellion...  Long, smooth legs, curves in all the right places, and big... WHAM! A red hand mark showed brightly on Peter's cheek. "You stupid pervert!" screamed the woman. "How dare you try to check me out! I swear if you do it again, I give you a personal sex change with an ax!!" She gave him threatening hiss and probably would have tried wringing his neck if the third Death Eater didn't hold her back.

GLOMP! "Calm down, Neko." advised her fellow Death Eater. SMACK!

"Hey!" Neko pulled out of his little hug of love. "Just because you're some rich bastard doesn't mean I'll hurt you too, Malfoy! No one's allowed to stare at me, put me in their perverted fantasies, glomp me, or crop a feel."

"You can at least let the sorry people live in their fantasies." Lucius Malfoy sneered removing his hood.

Her green eyes narrowed dangerously as she quietly answered. "Shut up."

Okay now for a Lucius Malfoy description...

Lucius Malfoy also known as Mr. Cocky, Mr. Rich, Mr. I Just Act Evil On The Outside But I'm Really A Sissy On The Inside... I could just go on about how this guy is just unlikable by my standards. Sadly, that would be more than 400 kb.

"Watch it, chicky, or I'll send my loyal fan base to kill you." The author laughed off this weak threat knowing she's immortal by fan fic character standards and continued writing.

Maybe now's the time to set things into action. I mean, Peter had nothing else to lose. No friends because he betrayed them all. No family because they all thought he was dead. Not even his life was worth a sickle, because that just totally sucked. Now that's depressing. Nevertheless not feeling the twisted, sick pain of torture from the Death Eaters was high on his list of things to avoid. "Excuse me but have news..."

Not many, however, were listening. Malfoy was double counting the names of those in his loyal fan base. No remark on the number. Neko was muttering something about guys never being perverted in America. No remark on the truthfulness of that. Richard was bouncing in an energetic manner, but was listening.

"Three. What news do you bring, Peter? One. Two." Again with that happy, cheerful voice! Peter really was scared of this guy. Maybe he could set this plan the right way to get rid of Simmons...

"I bring news of Lord Voldemort's murder." Perhaps, a tad too cocky by Pettigrew's standards, but as long as it worked.

Silence mixed with alarm and uncertainty. "Voldy-chan?" Neko whispered. She shot a dirty glare at Peter as if it was a sick joke. "Voldy-chan and murder are two words that do not need to be in the same sentence." Pause. "Unless Harry Potter's been murder by Voldy-chan..."

"He is?" Malfoy glided over to the now trembling Peter. He should have known Malfoy was too smart to be tricked. "Weren't you suppose to be watching Lord Voldemort at his birthday party?"

Excuse... need an excuse for not watching Lord Voldemort better than playing his Game Boy in the basement...

"Well, Lucuis... That son of yours..."

"Yes, Draco. What about Draco?"

Think, Peter! Think! "Well... He dress up like the yellow M&M and tempted his lordship to chase him." Deadly pause. "Lord Voldemort chased after him, but by a freak accident got his tongue stuck to an icy truck on its way to Toyland. The truck dragged him all the way to Toyland where Simmons," He jabbed a finger at the hyperactive Richard Simmons. "ran him over with one of Santa's reindeer."

Malfoy's cold gray eyes examined Peter. No twitching, no fearful whispering, and no hectic breathing. Oh my! Peter must be telling the truth! How out of character for him! "Well, Simmons. I never thought you sink to something so low." he snidely remarked, smiling deviously. "Neko, if you will execute the punishment."

The raven-haired woman glanced up from her sadness about Voldy-chan's death. She quickly stood up and kicked Simmons through the roof with such a force that will probably take him onto Mars. "That's for killing Voldy-chan, stupid jerk!" she screamed after him.

"Uh, Neko."

"What?" she asked in a nice halfway cute tone while turning around to Malfoy dramatically flipping her long hair. Was she smiling?

"You were supposed to kill him." That was said in cold 'nah dur' voice.

"Oh." Someone turned a light on in the attic. "Well, just shut up you, brainless idiot!" Neko turned back around (yes, she did do that hair flip thing again...) and stamped into a stall cursing men. Malfoy and Peter sweatdropped and stared not quite knowing how to react. After standing awkwardly for a few minutes, the two went back to business.

"So," Malfoy started rather quickly and excitedly. "Did Voldemort mention anything about an heir?" Did he just go up the C Major scale while asking that? Of course! Why didn't Peter see this before? Lucuis Malfoy wanted to be the next dark lord! What an "in your face" plot turn! Despite that, it meant he had to break Malfoy's long awaited dream. Oh, what wonderful revenge he was given!

"Yes, he did mention something about an heir about he said nothing about you." Malfoy suddenly went very downcast very quickly then furiously flared up with rage. He snatched Peter up by his shabby robes and shoved him against the sink.

"But why? I'm the best Death Eater there is!" Peter smirked. He'd really guessed it. Malfoy pushed him even harder against sink, very pissed that things were not going his way.

Neko, who was watching from inside the bathroom stall by standing on the toilet, let out a smart-ass answer, "Well, good non-static hair is a trait all dark lords must have."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean, Neko?" He sent her an angry glare that yearned for either justice or vengeance. 

She smiled sweetly. "Look in a mirror, Lucius. Maybe you should stop wearing those robes since they mess up your hair pretty badly." All said with a witty, sarcastic voice. Lucius Malfoy sneered at Peter and his cocky smirk. This buffoon wasn't going to get the best of him. And with that thought driving his body, he violently pushed Peter away from the sink onto the cold tiled floor. He glanced in at his well-groomed blond hair...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Please ignore the adjective 'well-groomed' in the last sentence. It should have said something along the line of "Mr. Malfoy's hair was so full of static that it stood hair on in and even conducted electricity". I always knew if Lucius wasn't an evil, rich guy working for Voldemort, he would do great things with Alabama Power. Peter and Neko could barely hold in their giggles as Malfoy franticly tried fixing his hair.

"So, Rat," Neko began still trying not to laugh. "Who's Voldemort's heir?"

Peter, also still drunk with a case of laughing, dragged his potato bag around to the front. "It's him." he replied rather bubbly as the bag fell open. Neko and Malfoy both cocked their heads, greatly puzzled. They couldn't find the right words to describe their new dark lord until after a few seconds. Malfoy began catching his own case of the snickers and Neko shouted, "All hail the powerful Piss-e-mort!" Then she started giggling right along with Malfoy.

"Piss-e-mort?" Peter repeated to himself quite confused. He slowly looked down at the bag and gasped at the horror within. What was in the bag, anyway? A small puddle of wee-wee.

(@_@) (^_^) (O_o)

Okay, now was the time for a reality check. What he thought was a machine was a potato sack. The bumping motion was caused by the balding guy carrying the sack, not by the machine testing him for increased psychic powers. Moreover, the water that wetted his pants was pee. The lesson learned today is manga, like Akira, is pure fiction.

Of course, Warui wondered why that man kidnapped him as he scrambled clueless through the night. Wouldn't you? Theory one was maybe Kami-sama (God) was punishing him for not doing the dishes. Theory two was that the balding man was some kind of child molester and was trying to... Warui couldn't bring himself to think about it. Way too scary.

"Oh I do say! Look, Harold! A Muggle!" someone gaily cried. Nani?! You mean there were more child molesters! Warui squinted through the darkness infront of him. Yep, there were lots of them all dressed in robes and all coming after the lost Japanese boy with a vicious hunger.

Flipping back around, Warui prayed, "Kami-sama, please help me!! I promised you I've learned my lesson about dishes!" Kuso! Now, the robed men were rushing toward him from his new direction. Left! Right! Front! Back! There was nowhere to run to, and the circle of robed child molesters kept getting tighter and tighter...

Suddenly, a flash of cream zipped across the black painted sky. It landed directly in front of the trapped Warui and covered him in a protective manner. The men stopped immediately, shocked and afraid. Warui looked at his heavenly rescuer. So much joy and thankfulness over came his heart, he bear-hugged the creature around its neck. "Arigato (thank you), Kami-sama! ARIGATO!!" Grateful tears poured from his coffee colored eyes by the gallons. "Arigato." he repeated again, but this time as a whisper. The Death Eater circle now rang with the chattering teeth of cowardice. The scene was too touching, and the creature was too scary.

"LeGgO oF mY nEcK... yOu'Re ChOkInG mE..." hoarsely commanded the cream colored creature in perfect Japanese. Warui did as asked and stopped hugging it. Warui's rescuer took in deep gulps of oxygen trying to recover from the murderous hug. "Sir, *huff* what's your *huff* name?" it managed to ask.

"Hironobu Warui." With that answer and a few more air intakes, the creature swiftly climbed on top of the short Japanese boy's head and made foot holds on the black tangles of his soft hair.

"ALL HAIL LORD WARUI! HEIR TO LORD VOLDEMORT!!" The cry seemed to echo throughout the all of Bristol and may have been heard in even London. A dead silence hung over the Death Eaters, but gradually, their whispers about this startling news flash filled the cool August air. After a few minutes of discussion, they became quiet again, still unsure on how to handle this.

One Death Eater in the crowd, however, began bravely chanting, "Snuggles the bear lies! Snuggles the bear lies!" Two more chants soon joined the mix with the first and sounded a lot like 'Kill the Muggle" and 'She wore an isty, bitsy, tiney, weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini'. Warui stared up at 'Snuggles' very bewildered. Whatever was going on it was making his cute, small bear rescuer shake with fury. The bear quickly jumped down. Giving them a dirty glare, the bear disappeared with a poof, and a beautiful green-eyed woman stood in its place.

"You asses! You actually thought I was Snuggles the bear?!" she screamed in an irritated voice. "Plus why the heck would I, Twilight Neko, third in command lie to my fellow Death Eaters?" The 'Snuggles the bear lies' chanters promptly closed their mouths and hung their heads in shame. "Yeah, you better feel bad about it." she sneered. "But now, I tell you of terrible news. Lord Voldemort was murdered by Richard Simmons, our fourth in command. For this unspeakable crime, he has been banished to Mars where small aliens will chase him until he dies. Incidentally, Lord Voldemort has left us his heir, Warui Hironobu. From now on, he is the new dark lord." Twilight clearly heard the crickets chirp in the background. How aggravating! Those dopes still didn't believe her. The remaining chants flared back up to max volume, especially 'Kill the Muggle'. "He's not a damn Muggle! He's a wizard!" She shouted.

"But he has no robes or wand! If he isn't a Muggle prove it!" shouted back someone in the crowds. The woman massaged her aching head. Maybe she should just let them kill the boy, already. It was hard to believe what Peter said about this Warui being Voldemort's heir. He didn't even remotely look like he was up for the job, and Peter had been known for lying. Also, she had no way of proving he wasn't just a Muggle.

"I am surrounded by the most idiotic/stubborn men in all of the Wizarding World..." She rubbed harder trying to make her head feel better.

HOOT! HOOT! A large, gray owl flew by Warui and dropped a letter at his feet. The boy picked it up. It was written on what? Parchment... and written in emerald ink... sealed with a stamp... how strange. On the stamp was a lion, badger, snake, and raven all gathered around the English letter 'H'.

Miss Neko gawked at the boy's luck. She snatched the letter away from Warui telling him she'll give back to him later. Jabbing letter so the other Death Eaters could see, she proudly explained, "See! He is a wizard, because only wizards get Hogwarts letters! So, all hail Dark Lord Warui!" Death Eaters all around shouted this new mantra to Warui, pleading their devotion to him. (Or either started singing the yellow polka-dot bikini song again.) Warui however felt differently...

"I know I should have paid attention in English class." he quietly muttered to himself. Yeah, if you did you wouldn't be in this situation, would ya, Warui-sama?