AN: Ok, the big question: Why was the door open to Syaoran's house? LOL er, because Syaoran was silly and forgot to lock it ^O^;; Good for him actually, since if he did he'd probably be dead -_- Aiyz, I feel like bawling because there's only one more "real" chapter after this one and then an epilogue thing =_= *sigh* This fic has been fun to write, and some of you have been asking where I got an idea like this. Er...well mainly it's from my head o.0;; And why paper stars? Well, I had this HUGE obsession with making them back in Gr.5 and I'm still pretty obsessed with them since they're scattered everywhere in my room =P So paper stars just because I like them =) If I liked tin foil then the story would have been called tin foil. Yes...all of you have been really supportive and I can't thank you all enough for reviewing and giving me feedback =) Love you all!
Disclaimer: CCS doesn't belong to me, it belongs to CLAMP =(
Chapter Twelve: Fantasy
Syaoran's Point of View
I didn't know what was going on. It just kind of...happened. Everything had been going smoothly and it was just my typical boring afternoon. Then everything kind of flipped and I found myself in a building of white. Literally. White uniforms, white walls, white tiles, white sheets, white toilets. You name it. But I wasn't part of the sickly that lay in the white beds of the hospital. I was a visitor, you may say.
A visitor of Sakura's.
Like I said, it just happened.
Nishio had come over to my house and we had got our notes laid out and ready to go. I decided to be at least a bit polite and offered if he wanted anything to drink. Oddly, he said sure and said he wanted tea. I had nodded and gone off to the kitchen and noticed all my cups were unwashed. Grumbling, I had hastily begun to wash one and I guess my thoughts started to drift towards Sakura. Sakura and her well-being. I was still worried.
And that was when my concentration left me too as I remembered Sakura's brilliant smile and flushed face. Just a few weeks ago. And now? What could I say? Pale and dead, ghost-like Sakura. And maybe I was thinking about Sakura too much because the real Sakura actually just appeared out of nowhere. Seemingly.
And saved me from death's grip.
But you should have seen my face. At first I was in complete shock as I felt something soft push against me. Then I turned around and I wanted to shut my eyes but couldn't. Sakura had sort of leapt on me and was pressing herself against me, and much to my horror there was Nishio swinging this baseball bat that I usually kept in the living room right down on us. But then I realized what was going on and started to fall so Sakura would fall with me.
But we were a bit too late.
Sakura still got hit with the bat.
And I didn't hear her scream. When I finally recovered from shock, I immediately turned around and grabbed Sakura, frantic about her life. I immediately checked her breath which was still there but shallow. The bat didn't seem to have met her head though, which was good or else who knows what would have happened?
And it was also then that I looked up fleetingly at Nishio who kind of held the bat in a shocked silence. It was like that for a good while before he dropped the bat and crouched down to look at Sakura's closed eyes and smiling lips. I instantly pulled her away from his reach, knowing now that this person was mad. Insane. A murderer. I had hastily picked up Sakura and dialed the police and an ambulance.
And all this seemed so surreal that I couldn't even feel my own racing heart and my own fright biting at me. I just felt a strange calmness in me as I finished the calls and in a matter of minutes the authorities had arrived and taken the still silent Nishio away. I didn't know what was going to happen to him, but I didn't care. I just wanted Sakura to be alright.
The paramedics came rushing to me and I was reluctant to let go of her still form. Somehow, I was suddenly able to feel my senses and emotions again and it all came at me in full force. I finally let go of her and followed them out the apartment and into the ambulance. I sat with her all the way there. I couldn't tell why she was smiling, nor could I tell why she seemed so peaceful whereas she seemed to be living in hell when she was awake.
And that was where I was now. The hospital. I could only think about the feeling of having Sakura on my back, saving me from a bloody death. I thought that if she was permanently hurt...I would promise to stay by her side because it should have been me in her place. I was sitting on one of those uncomfortable plastic chairs in the hall, just outside of the room Sakura was in.
I couldn't help but feel tired. It had been two hours just sitting and waiting, not knowing what was going on. My patience was running thin as I got up and paced. That was also when Sakura's father and brother appeared. Her brother didn't look too different, nor did her father. I could sort of recognize them as their anxious faces appeared out of the elevator.
"YOU! GAKI!" Some people never change, I decided, as Touya Kinomoto came charging at me. "Are you responsible for my sister being here?! ARE YOU?"
I didn't flinch as I glared at him and muttered, "We're in a hospital."
Sakura's father, much more gentle and kind, came up to his son and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Touya, calm down. Like Li-kun said, we're in a hospital. I'm sure Sakura is fine..." his voice trailed off as his eyes looked at me, as if wanting me to tell him he was right.
I nodded slowly, "...I have faith in Sakura. She'll be ok."
The annoying brother seemed to calm down a bit as a worried look crossed his face. "How long have you been here?"
"Two hours or so," I answered and looked at the closed doors of the room. "...Sakura will be alright..." I repeated under my breath. She had to be ok. She just had to.
"What happened?" Fujitaka Kinomoto asked gently.
I looked up at his fatherly eyes. I suddenly missed my father. The father I couldn't even remember. I suddenly wanted to spill everything out to this man in front of me. But then again, I didn't know everything. Only Sakura did. And maybe Nishio. I suddenly realized how little I really saw of what Sakura felt. I suddenly realized that I had been conversing with the shell of her, and never penetrating through that fake plastic mold she made to hide away her grief.
I felt like an idiot then. I really did.
I felt like running out of the hospital, felt like doing something, anything to release the confusion I suddenly felt. What had gone on all those times Sakura smiled at me? What had gone on everytime Sakura turned to look at me? Could I not read her mind? Her eyes? Was I stupid enough to let whatever happened slip by me just like that? Had Sakura been calling out to me all along?
I didn't know.
"Gaki, my dad just asked you something," came Touya's annoying voice, though he was actually not glaring at me when I turned to look at him.
I swallowed, my throat tight and dry as I looked at Sakura's father. "I don't know what happened...I just know that I owe Sakura my life."
"So you did have something to do with this!" Touya pointed an accusing finger at me.
I felt tired, exhausted from whatever mental battle I was having within myself. Grumbling, I shrugged, "It just happened. Nishio suddenly became murderous and wanted to...kill me?" It finally dawned on me...that Nishio-kun had intended to hurt me. Not Sakura. Not anyone else. But me. My brow furrowed in more confusion. What had I ever done to him?
"Nishio?" Touya looked just as confused. "That must be the new student Sakura vaguely mentioned..."
"Vaguely?" I blinked and smirked. "He's her damn boyfriend."
I thought the expression on Touya Kinomoto's face was priceless. Wide-eyed and jaw dropped, he looked like a cartoon character. Smirking to myself, I simply shook my head as Touya and his father mumbled something to one another. Fujitaka stepped forward and placed a strong hand on my shoulder. I looked up and he simply nodded. I suddenly felt as if I had someone's trust. Had Sakura's father's trust. That whatever happened, whatever we were going to find out, would be ok.
We were all on the same boat of confusion.
Only Sakura knew the story.
The white doors swung open and the doctor came out.
I literally popped out of my seat as Sakura's family rushed over to the doctor first. I floated behind, eager to hear about Sakura's condition but knowing her family had the right to hear first. I didn't hear the details, but the one phrase that caught my ear and let the rush of relief wash through me was, "but she's going to live."
That was all that mattered to me.
I didn't expect anything else. I was just happy she was breathing, blood pumping, alive.
But then when her brother and her father turned around, I saw a strange look in their eyes. Relief, fright, grief? It was a strange mix of emotions I couldn't read, and I wondered what I had missed. Loosing patience, I forcefully asked, "What's wrong?"
I was sort of surprised that Touya bothered to answer. He looked up briefly at me, the fire gone in his eyes. "She's...going to be ok."
Somehow I knew that wasn't the whole story. I felt angry. Why were they hiding things from me? I was Sakura's best friend. I loved her even if she didn't know, didn't care. I had a right to know too...at least I thought I did. Anger flaring, I pushed the two aside and stormed into the room, not caring about the shouts of complaint coming from behind me.
I wanted to see for my own eyes what was wrong with her. Why should there be anything wrong with her? She was alive.
Why would there be any other problems?
Sakura's Point of View
I felt warm arms holding me. I felt blissful. I was in a happy place. A place radiating with warmth, comfort...joy. My heaven. Then I thought, maybe I was in heaven. My happiness soared at the simple thought. Gone, away, from that horrid world I had been in before. Leaving it behind, running from it, I didn't care how I had ended up in this warm bubble of bliss. I just knew I was free.
Away from the insanity of reality.
I saw trees. Green. I saw the park. Filled with happy children. I wanted to join them, but didn't want to break the picture. I simply watched as they slid down the slide. I suddenly remembered my dream. The slide. The one where you couldn't slide down, because you would never come back again. I suddenly wondered if I had slid down that slide.
And I was never going to go back to where I had come from.
It was a wonderful thought. I wondered who it had been in my dream, that wanted to stop me from sliding down all the way. They didn't know how happy I was, in this blissful world of perfection.
I heard a voice. Calling. I looked up. I couldn't see anyone or anything but blue cloudless sky. That voice was familiar, but I didn't want to recognize it. What if it brought me back to that world I had finally left? I quickly plugged my ears and ran. Ran past the green grass and the laughter of children. Past the empty perfect streets, the perfect smooth pavement.
That voice followed me though.
I stopped running and screamed up to the sky. Why are you calling out to me? Why do you want to bring me back to that horrid place called reality? I wanted to tell that voice to give up. I wasn't going to leave me sanctuary. My dream world. My fantasy.
I looked around me. Was this my dream land? Where buildings had perfect paint on it, where the streets weren't bumpy and the sky never turned grey? I decided that this was indeed my fantasy land. Reality could never be so pleasant.
I sat down on the curb, listening for that male voice. It had stopped calling. I smiled as I listened for more sounds. But there were none.
It was so silent in my dream world. Nothing out of place. Just my perfect picture and silence.
I closed my eyes, humming to myself. If I had known this strange world was so comforting, I would have left reality sooner.
Whatever this strange world was, I didn't want to leave.
Touya's Point of View
She's insane.
That's what the doctor called it.
Insanity.
I was dieing. Dieing to know what happened to my little kaijuu. Why was she insane? How could she be insane? She was always the happy one, the one to smile through everything. Why had she suddenly cracked? Broke? Was the pressure to be happy too hard on her? Had she been too joyful for too long that God wanted her to feel pain? Pain enough to make her go crazy?
I didn't have the strength to stop that gaki as he pushed by me and otou-san. I didn't have too much strength to tell him to leave my sister alone. I just told him to stop, but of course he didn't listen.
He was a determined boy. I didn't think he would have listened even if I did punch him in the face like I wanted to. I could only watch as the white doors swung open and shut, the gaki disappearing through it as it shut behind him.
I wanted to go in. Wanted to see for myself. But then I was afraid. Afraid to see the truth. Maybe if I didn't see her in the state she was in, I could make myself believe that she was okay.
That she was simply sitting up in bed, waiting for us to go in and bring her home.
I guess I was running from the truth. You could call that cowardly, but do I care? At least the gaki's strong enough to push open those doors and see her for himself. But maybe that's just because he doesn't know she's not the same anymore.
She won't be smiling when he enters the room. Or maybe she would be but for a different matter than seeing him.
I looked up to see otou-san, looking forlornly at the tiled floor. I wondered if he was thinking about mother. I was thinking about her too. Maybe if mother was here, Sakura would have had someone to talk to...or maybe I was just chasing possibilities that weren't possible.
The doctor said that they couldn't do anything. It was all up to Sakura. If Sakura wanted to come back to us, she would. If she didn't, then she didn't.
They say it so simply.
They don't care. They merely tell us the bad news, let us suffer, and the world still goes on.
Maybe that was why Sakura decided to leave this world. It was cruel and cold.
Maybe where she was now was her heaven. Her world.
Syaoran's Point of View
It was a strange feeling. To enter thinking I would see Sakura lying asleep under the snow white covers of the hospital bed. Yet to enter and see her sitting up and smiling, humming a happy tune to herself somewhat chilled me. I stood in front of the closed doors for a few seconds, watching her as she stared ahead, humming steadily, the smile never leaving her lips.
She seemed happy. Very happy.
I finally snapped out of my thoughts and crept to her side silently. I called out her name. Her smile seemed to flutter a bit. I think she heard me. I called again, and again, and I wondered why she never turned to look at me. Was she purposely ignoring my voice? I didn't understand. Was she mad at me? I asked her if she was.
Her brow furrowed as her lips parted to speak.
"Why are you calling out to me?" Her voice was strained. Hurt that I could even want to call out to her. I sat down on the bed, confusion written all over my face as she spoke to the wall ahead. Never facing me.
"Sakura? It's Syaoran," I spoke tentatively, placing a hand over her's. They were slightly cold, but not too cold. I held her hand tightly, wanting to see any signs of recognition. If this was the definition the doctor called "fine", I couldn't understand it at all. It was as if she couldn't see me. Even if her eyes were opened, her facial expressions lively.
I felt a shiver run down my spine.
"Sakura?" I repeated.
Her fingers twitched slightly, and she finally turned to look at me. I felt relief jump in my heart, but her next words didn't exactly comfort me.
"It's really quiet here," she said lightly. "The grass can't get any greener either."
I stared.
We were in a hospital room. The curtains were drawn. The walls surrounding us were thick and white. You could see no grass. I didn't understand her at all. I looked around me, wondering if I was just missing something. Then I wondered, maybe I was missing something.
Missing Sakura's world. Wherever she was now. I yearned to be in her world. To be with her. But it seemed impossible.
"Actually, it's kind of weird how quiet it is," she continued, as if speaking to herself.
I let go of her hand shakily. I was scared suddenly. Scared of this girl I knew since I was seven? No...I was scared of this stranger that I loved. This stranger that made no sense at all...and yet I still loved this shell of a person. I called out to the doctor. I called out to her brother. I called out to her father. I needed someone to tell me what was wrong.
They all came rushing in.
I turned to them, not caring if they could see the fright in my eyes. Not caring if they could see my shoulders shaking and the paleness in my skin as I asked, "What's wrong with her?"
The doctor stepped up, and I thought he seemed as lighthearted as could be. I hated doctors. They seemed to not care about anything at all. "Are you family?"
"I don't give a damn if I'm family or not," I muttered. "I just want to know what's wrong with her."
"Are you family?" The doctor repeated.
I felt my fists tighten, my eyes suddenly flaring as I stood up quickly from the bed. I wanted to jump at the doctor. He was purposely hiding the truth from me. He wanted to taunt me. He didn't want me to know Sakura's condition. All these outrageous thoughts spun in my head until the tall, lean form of Sakura's brother stepped up in front of me.
"She's out of her mind," he said in a flat tone.
I looked up at him, confused at first. I looked over my shoulder, at Sakura whom I had never seen smile so much ever since Daidouji's death. I turned back to look at Touya. "How can you say that? Don't you see her smiling?" The voice coming out of my mouth betrayed my emotions. My voice seemed delighted, happy to see Sakura smiling. But my insides were crumbling.
Because the truth finally hit me.
She was out of her mind.
"She's smiling because she's insane," her brother repeated with such force that I suddenly felt angry again. Angry at nothing. But I had no right to be angry. They were all angry too. All grieving, all torn. I felt my shoulders sag as I looked at Sakura once more. Somehow, I felt that strange calmness again. That calmness I had felt when Sakura had leapt in the way. The moment she had saved me.
That strange calm before the storm.
I felt as if I had known this would happen. I felt as if this was ordinary. Ordinary that she had slipped away. In fact I started to wonder how she had hung on to reality for such a long time. I suddenly felt proud for her. And I suddenly felt insane myself.
"She'll be transferred to the mental hospital tomorrow afternoon."
I wanted to laugh. Just let go and laugh. I wanted to ask the doctor if I could transfer there too.
"And you are Li Syaoran?"
I heard my name. I turned my head to look at the doctor's inquiring gaze. I simply nodded as he looked down at his clipboard. He scribbled something and spoke again, "The police want a few words with you. Something to do with a boy named Nishio Yori."
I felt a burning hatred at the name. I didn't know why, but I finally realized the missing piece to the massive puzzle I had in front of me. Nishio had something to do with this. He had something to do with taking my Sakura away. He was the cause. I wanted a word with him, if nothing more.
"I want to speak to him," I blurted out without a thought, staring hard at the doctor as if he could dare defy me.
The doctor seemed to falter at my gaze. I smirked. He cleared his throat. "I'm afraid that can't be done--"
"I want to speak to him," I repeated.
"...erm, you see, he's not in the condition--"
"He's not in the condition?" I nearly shouted. "Let's look at Sakura over there," I pointed a rigid finger at her figure. "She's the one rocking back and forth talking about trees and grass when there are no trees and grass in this freaking room!" I caught my breath. "I want to speak to him," I repeated once more, gathering myself as I did so.
The doctor's glasses had slipped off the bridge of his nose as he hastily picked them up from the cool ground. Ruffling his white coat, he mumbled something under his breath and finally said, "Very well. Once you get to the police station, they'll let you see him. A car is waiting outside to escort you there."
I couldn't care less if I had to walk. Mumbling a thank you to him as I brushed by him rudely, I only had one goal in mind.
To find Nishio and get to the bottom of it all.
There were no more flashing neon lights when the car pulled up to the station. Just a bunch of men in uniform and police cars parked in place. Just any ordinary view of the station. But when I entered through the automatic doors, chaos seemed to break lose as shouts and screams could be heard from within the office.
"Li Syaoran?"
I turned to look at a well kept man, I nodded slightly and he lead me through another door. I followed, each step a thud in my chest. I didn't know what to ask Nishio. I didn't know what to say. I just knew I was angry. The simple fact that he played a role in this tragedy was enough to bring anger to my soul. The policeman stopped walking and turned the knob of one secluded room off to the side.
I entered without a word and realized this room was the source of all the shouting. I stared for a few minutes, taking in the scene of two policemen trying to restrain a maniacal Nishio Yori, thrashing his arms wildly and shouting the name Sakura. I glared.
"Don't you dare speak her name," I found myself saying icily.
Silence fell upon the room. Even Nishio Yori fell silent.
"You're hear to be questioned," another officer said with authority as he pulled back a chair. "Please sit."
And so I sat, my eyes never leaving those hollow coals of that beast, silently observing me too. I felt all eyes on me, and the lamp above us burning on our heads like the sun. "He tried to kill me," I stated simply.
There was the video camera, rolling, and the scratch of pen against clipboard. I was feeling the placidity again. "Can you please describe the incident? What you can remember?"
"He," I nodded my head towards the silent figure of Nishio, "came over to my house to work on a project for school. It was all fine really, until I went into the kitchen to get him a cup of tea," I paused slightly, watching him for any signs of distress. Anything at all. But there was nothing. "That's when he decided to take the baseball bat in my living room and kill me with it."
More scratching of pen on clipboard. And the camera continued to film everything.
"But as you can see, I'm not dead," I spat bitterly. "But Sakura, is insane."
I waited until the scratching stopped. There was a moment of silence before the officer questioning me spoke up again. "The baseball bat you mentioned has been brought to headquarters for examination. The boy's parents have been called," the officer paused slightly and frowned. "After the call, they did not come to the station. We sent a few men over."
I frowned.
"They were found dead, though it is unclear why. It seems to be suicide," the officer spoke steadily. I glanced at Nishio. He did not frown. He did not smile. He seemed perfectly fine with the fact of his parents' death. I shuddered.
"As you are one of the few people involved, I would like to ask if there has been any signs of...strange behavior from your friend? Kinomoto Sakura, the one injured? Or anything you noticed about Nishio Yori?"
I bit my lip. This was why I had come in the first place. I wanted answers. From him. I turned to look at the officer. "I don't know, but he does," I glared coldly at whom I thought to be the cause of all this.
The officer sighed slightly, tapping his pen on the desk. "But you see Li, he can't answer any of our questions."
"And why is that?" I muttered angrily.
"He's insane."
AN: Duh, we all knew that already -_- But Syaoran didn't ^^;; Ahahaha, what's going to happen to Yori? What's going to happen to everyone? Mahahaha, don't worry, remember, I said happy ending ^^ Hm yes...I decided not to jump right to the point where Sakura was telling the story yet...just so you guys can get to find out what happened after the incident. The next ch. will probably take place in present time, so nothing from the past (which means Meiling will be there too...) I may change my mind but yesh... Tumdedum...R+R, thank you veree much~!