Disclaimer: I do not own, so do not sue.
This is my first fanfic and I've decided to post it, go easy on me, it may be corny…Here it is!
The Hurt of Gain and Loss: chapter 1
He didn't know why he felt this way, especially since he knew that it wasn't mutual. Goku had almost immediately taken a liking to Vegeta, his feelings had grown deeper over the years and it seemed that he couldn't be away from the saiyan prince for too long. Perhaps that's why they sparred so often, but he didn't care if it showed, nobody was ever there to notice his odd mood around Vegeta, and so his obsession unfolded.
Even though Goku and Chichi were together, the time that Goku and Vegeta had spent together had strengthened their friendship. Goku had known for quite sometime that Vegeta had no feelings for him but still he didn't seem to mind. Vegeta, however, looked upon their relationship as one of his only good friendships even though he treated Goku like shit, which he usually regretted. The time they had spent training had been an odd experience for Vegeta lately because Goku had made a point that he hadn't been able to catch. The two of them had been through so much together, and yet Vegeta still pushed Goku away, and it hurt him, greatly.
It was barely after dawn and Goku stared at the burning orb that stained the sky shadows of pinks, oranges, and reds. Insomnia stunk, he knew for a fact, for he had been battling it for quite some time now. He slept about twice a week at night with small naps during the bright summer days. Chichi would always get Goku moving again, however, not liking to see the man doing nothing. Goten was no longer around so it was just the two of them getting along with their older years.
'It really is just a ball of fire,' he thought to himself, 'those colors…so bright and so beautiful…' he stared as long as he could before the suns bright rays burnt through the atmosphere making it painful to the eyes. Goku heaved a sigh and got to his feet, looking down the large hill he made his way slowly towards home. 'Chichi will be upset, I wonder if I should even go home today. But if I wait she'll just be even worse tomorrow…' His thoughts trailed off once more, 'Maybe Vegeta…would spar with me today.' Trying to be hopeful he followed this chain of thought, 'But he knows something is up, wonder if he even gives a shit, doubt it.'
In conclusion he ended up at home.
"GOKU! Where have you been?!" Chichi inquired as soon as the doorknob turned.
"I'm sorry Chichi, I couldn't sleep, you know I haven't been able to lately…" Goku replied meekly, trying to avoid her temper.
Chichi sighed, "At least you could try couldn't you?"
"I have Chichi! I'm doing everything I can!!" he paused for a breath and continued to speak his voice growing in volume as the sentence went on, "I would think even you would know that! I hate not being able to sleep!"
Chichi gave up and turned back to cleaning her dishes from breakfast, "You can find something to eat on your own, I already had breakfast." With that she left to do house cleaning and laundry, like she did every day.
Groaning Goku grabbed a banana off the counter and left again knowing he wouldn't be back for a while. He had to try and talk to somebody, he needed advice, or just some support. Lifting off he almost unconsciously turned towards Capsule Corp. and the only person who might go for a fight. While he ate his banana he looked to the ground watching it speed by in a blur of dirt, grass, trees, and roads. The sky was blue again with a few white clouds speckling the morning sky, the sun burned still slightly low in the atmosphere making it hard for Goku to see as he passed silently on.
Landing softly in the yard in front of Capsule Corp. Goku stepped silently up the steps and rang the intercom/buzzer-like thing. Bulma's voice soon followed;
"Bulma here!"
"Hey Bulma, it's Goku, is Vegeta around?" He asked, almost hesitantly.
"Hey Goku! Yea, he should be in the gravity room like usual, go right on up!" There was a small click as the front door unlocked and Goku let himself in. Walking up to the gravity room he paused in front of the window watching Vegeta train under the intense stress of extra gravity. Enthralled, Goku could only stare longingly at the man from the window as he moved smoothly through his routine fighting skills. Sweat beading on his forehead as he pushed harder, throwing punches and kicks, muscle moving swiftly under battle scarred skin. Goku stared mouth open slightly as he witnessed every movement with his trained eyes. Trunks happened to walk down the hallway and catch Goku with that amazed look on his face. Trunks, however, thought he was just amazed by his increase in power or something, oblivious to his real reasons.
"Hey Goku, whatcha doin?" Trunks asked, startling Goku from his reverie.
"Er…Hey Trunks!" Goku tried his best to recover and hope the young man didn't see the look in his eyes, "just coming to see if Vegeta wanted to spar, but I got sidetracked…heh…"
"Ah, well you might as well open the door and ask Goku, won't get his attention by standing out here." Trunks replied.
"Uh, yea!" Goku stumbled, trying to think of something to do, or say for that matter.
"Well, see you later Goku," Trunks ended the conversation and went downstairs to leave a few moments later.
"Bye Trunks…" Goku replied, almost to himself. Then turning again he took one last glance at Vegeta before heading towards the door to the room, but suddenly realized Vegeta was now staring at him. He put on one of his goofy smiles and waved to Vegeta, he smirked in return and went towards the door himself knowing Goku probably wouldn't now.
"Kakarott?" Vegeta asked in a semi-greeting.
"Hey Vegeta…uh, just came by to see if you might want to spar, but since you were already working out…" Goku was about to continue but Vegeta cut off the end of his sentence.
"Sorry Kakarott, you should have come sooner, I could have gone for a good fight."
Goku's eyes dropped to the floor, and sighed, "I thought I might be able to catch you before you got too far into it, but I guess not, I'll just head home."
Vegeta raised an eyebrow at Goku's halfhearted response, "Something the matter Kakarott?"
"Nah, nothin I can't handle, 'I think' just didn't sleep so well last night."
"Hn."
Goku was confused, was he actually worried about it? Slowly he lifted his head to look into Vegeta's eyes, not realizing that he might give away some of his own feelings. What Goku saw in Vegeta's eyes quickly covered his own feelings, Vegeta, was worried about him? But still, even before Goku sheathed his own feelings from his eyes, Vegeta caught a glimpse of something near pain.
"Are you sure you're all right, Kakarott?" He asked not quite believing the man's words.
"I…I guess so," Goku's voice dropped, he couldn't say anything but that to the prince, Vegeta nodded then and said he would see him later on. Goku nodded in return and headed towards home veering off course, to land near a lake at the base of the mountains near their home. He sat on the shore and stared at the water sparkling in the day's sunlight, and his mind wandered once again to that plaguing subject of his royal prince.
'He would never accept me that way…but, in a way, that look he gave me…was he worried? If I could just have that little…little piece…of hope, maybe I can live with it…'
His mind wandered along other pathways and he was in a daze for quite sometime. When he finally realized the sun was now at least three hours from where it had been before, he moved himself. Getting slowly—weakly—to his feet, he flew home.
"I'm home Chichi," he called quietly, hoping she may not hear him.
"Goku! Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!" she ran straight at him arms spread wide, "I'm so sorry honey! I didn't mean to snap like that, I didn't even consider you were having trouble sleeping!" She grabbed hold of him and hugged him, "Are you okay?"
"I really don't know Chichi" he replied, "I don't know what to do about any of it, don't know what's causing it…"
"Well, I'll start a nice big dinner, and you can go relax on the couch, I have a fire started and everything, you just relax a while, alright?" she pushed him gently towards the couch in an effort to get him moving.
"Thanks Chichi," he murmured, leaning over he gave her a light kiss on the cheek and went to sit on the couch and stare at the firelight.
Goku lay awake that night, after a huge, and early, dinner Chichi had tried to comfort him, but try as she might it was hard to get any reaction for the exhausted man. Now he lay awake after many attempts at falling asleep, his stomach in knots of anxiety, his head ached and his muscles were tired. He moved anyway. Sitting up he kicked his feet over the side of the bed and got up, his muscles needed coaxing, they wanted rest just as much as the rest of him did. Groaning he left the house and flew in the direction of the lake, as soon as it came into view he fell straight for it splashing loudly into the water, he sunk for a ways and then pulled himself back to the surface. Now about as awake as he could get he sat and dried on the shore, as he thought of any way out of his current situation.
'I wonder what would happen if I told him, is it smart? Hn, probably not. But those dreams, I can't sleep with those dreams! They just go too far…too arousing…probably the whole reason behind insomnia.'
Goku sighed and sat up, he wandered the forests the rest of the night and returned before dawn to lay back in bed. Chichi stirred a few hours later and got up to make breakfast. It was going to be another long day…
"Gokuuu!" Chichi called, "Breakfast, honey!"
Goku moaned a response, muffled by his pillow, then moved to sit and then to stand. Pain lanced up his back and through his muscles. 'Ooh, this is going to be painful.' Another moan and Goku struggled across the room and into the kitchen. After some resting and lunch he attempted to stretch out and got a call from Vegeta to go spar. Goku, of course, agreed and went to meet Vegeta in a clearing nearby.
Vegeta nodded in his direction, acknowledging him "Kakarott."
"Hey, Vegeta," Goku greeted as he landed, but immediately fell onto one knee "Agh! Maybe not…"
"What's wrong Kakarott?" Vegeta stepped over and helped him onto his feet again.
"Sorry Vegeta…I guess this is really getting the best of me," Goku struggled to a tree and sat down with Vegeta's help.
"What is?"
"Insomnia…"
"You? Have insomnia?! Impossible." Vegeta was slightly shocked that his friend would have trouble sleeping. "What, too much energy?" he said almost mockingly.
"No!" pain filled his voice as he continued knowing Vegeta may never understand, "I just can't sleep, been thinking too much I guess…"
"Hm,"
'There's that worried tone of voice again!'
"Well, Kakarott, seeing as you are in no shape to fight, do you need help home?"
"Well…I can just…I'd appreciate it…"
"Very well then,"
Vegeta positioned himself next to Goku and set him up so he could support his weight easily. Before he could lift off, though, Goku started to turn a bright red.
'Oh god, I shouldn't have said that…'
"Wait, Vegeta!"
"What's wrong with you, Kakarott?"
"Instant Transmission! I can use Instant Transmission!"
"Alright! No need to get so excited about it, relax!"
Vegeta was slightly taken aback at Goku's sudden reaction to his touch, but immediately dropped his arms and stood up waiting for Goku to stand also, but he didn't.
'Is he breathing heavily? What is he so worked up about?!' Vegeta thought to himself. 'There is something wrong, but I can't put my finger on it, baka…'
"Kakarott, dammit! What's wrong with you?!"
Goku jumped, "I! Uh…I don't know."
"Get up, baka."
Goku hauled himself to his feet with much difficulty and steadied himself before straightening and putting his fingers to his forehead.
"Sorry Vegeta, didn't mean to drag you out here for nothing, but thanks for your help."
"Hn, whatever, see you later Kakarott. And don't go hurting yourself! Sleep more…"
With that Goku blinked out of sight, as soon as he was gone Vegeta went home. When Goku arrived at home he went inside and straight for the couch, saying hello to Chichi, he collapsed and lay, unmoving until dinner was ready, completely missing lunch and most of the afternoon.
"Something the matter, Goku?" Chichi asked, seeing Goku's stressed state.
"Ah, it's getting worse…" He replied, poking at his food, "and I need to eat, but…I can't."
"I'm sorry, honey. We'll get you to fall asleep!"
'Lets hope so…'
After dinner Goku helped with dishes and they sat on the couch a while relaxing, by 9:00 they had gone to bed. For hours Goku twisted and turned, his eyes seemingly glued open. When he did manage to fall asleep, he just saw Vegeta…
A fantasy materialized from the depths of Goku's mind, bringing forth his deepest wishes…
With a start Goku was awake again, waking Chichi in the process of his swift movement. Goku moaned realizing that he was aroused by the dream, and began to get out of bed.
"Goku…?" Chichi questioned.
"Go back to sleep Chichi…I just need some air, I still can't sleep."
"Alright, don't stay up all night…" with a yawn she was asleep again.
Goku moved to the window and looked outside to the sky, to the stars, tiny little specks wrapped in deep blue heavens. He pulled on some pants and went outside, he needed to relieve himself first, try sleeping again later. He reached the edge of the woods and kneeled near a bush, pulling his pants down just enough to have access and not make a mess in his pants.
'Oh, I hate doing this…'
After a few moments, he was finished, and pulled his pants back only to hunch over as he threw up into the bushes. Pain shot through his throat as the acids made their way up for a second time, convulsing, he dumped into the bushes again, and once more before sitting back, breathing heavy.
At Capsule Corp. Vegeta woke to the sharpest crack of pain in his mind. 'Kakarott…what's wrong with you?!' He felt Goku's emotions fill his mind, 'He doesn't know how to control them....Ever since that damned fusion!' Sighing Vegeta got up put some clothes on and went outside, another stitch of pain, 'What is he doing to himself?' Vegeta hurried as quickly as he could to help Goku, something was very wrong. When he landed again he could see Goku, hunched over a bush, throwing up.
"Kakarott!" he rushed to Goku's side and knelt down, "What's wrong?"
Before he answered, Goku threw up once more and sat back, looking into Vegeta's eyes, his throat burning from the constant flow of acid.
"I was having trouble sleeping again…had a dream…"
"And?" he persisted.
"And…I wandered outside to get some air and had to land, and I started to throw up…"
"Why are you having so many problems sleeping, Kakarott?"
"I…well…I don't know…"
Goku lifted his eyes to look at Vegeta again, and Vegeta wondered at the look he saw there; filled with pain, you could tell he hadn't slept in days, plus…admiration? No, he was asking Vegeta something.
"What, Kakarott?" he asked still keeping eye contact with the other saiyan.
"Vegeta…Can I tell you something?"
"I suppose…" Vegeta was getting uneasy…'That look, it's…unsettling.'
"Well…I know why I haven't been able to sleep…" he paused, not sure how to put his emotions into words.
"And? Why haven't you?" Vegeta pushed, his uneasiness growing.
"Because I…" he paused again, "Vegeta…I…"
"Spit it out Kakarott!"
"I'm trying…" his voice strained to just say it, 'but what if you hate me for it…what if you never speak to me again, I couldn't live with that!' "I…" 'Say it! But if I do. Shimatta! What do I do…'
"Would you just say it already?" Vegeta let his voice drop slightly as not to scare him into silence. "I don't know what you're so worried about."
'I'm worried,' "I'm worried…" 'about losing you!' "about your reaction…I feel like you'll hate me for even thinking it…" before Vegeta could react, Goku bent forward again and began vomiting once more into the bushes, his back moving as he convulsed.
"Relax Kakarott." He moved to kneel beside Goku, rubbing his back, trying to relieve the pain and stress, "I won't hate you, or rather, I will not hold it against you, please…tell me."
Goku's eyes shot open at Vegeta's words. 'He asked…I have to tell him, he has the right to know…but what will he do? His hands…he's being so gentle.' When Goku stopped throwing up he sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to piece together a good explanation.
"Vegeta, I really don't know if I can even say it…Or how to say it…" he looked into Vegeta's eyes once more, sighing, his gaze returned to the ground. Vegeta also sighed.
"Kakarott, what could be so horrible?"
"The fact that if I say it you could hate me, and I couldn't live with that, Vegeta, I just couldn't deal with that for the rest of my life…" Vegeta could hear the pain strung through Goku's voice as he spoke. His heart stung hearing the all too cheerful man sound so sorrowful.
"Come on, Kakarott, is it really that bad?" he instantly regretted asking, for Goku made a choking sounds as tiny crystals fell from his eyes, onto the grass, "I'm sorry…Will you wait here for a moment? I'd like to go get something…"
"Wha..?" Goku looked up at Vegeta, tears still falling down his cheeks.
"Just wait here, I'll be back in a moment, alright?"
Goku nodded, "alright…"
Vegeta heard the tone of worry in Goku's voice and tried again to comfort him as best he could, "I'll come back, so just stay here, I'm just getting something from home, I wont be long, so just relax."
Goku rubbed his nose and sniffled a little, "Okay,"
"Okay, don't go anywhere." And Vegeta flew off towards Capsule Corp. in hopes he would be able to coax the answer out of Goku when he returned…
This is my first fanfic and I've decided to post it, go easy on me, it may be corny…Here it is!
The Hurt of Gain and Loss: chapter 1
He didn't know why he felt this way, especially since he knew that it wasn't mutual. Goku had almost immediately taken a liking to Vegeta, his feelings had grown deeper over the years and it seemed that he couldn't be away from the saiyan prince for too long. Perhaps that's why they sparred so often, but he didn't care if it showed, nobody was ever there to notice his odd mood around Vegeta, and so his obsession unfolded.
Even though Goku and Chichi were together, the time that Goku and Vegeta had spent together had strengthened their friendship. Goku had known for quite sometime that Vegeta had no feelings for him but still he didn't seem to mind. Vegeta, however, looked upon their relationship as one of his only good friendships even though he treated Goku like shit, which he usually regretted. The time they had spent training had been an odd experience for Vegeta lately because Goku had made a point that he hadn't been able to catch. The two of them had been through so much together, and yet Vegeta still pushed Goku away, and it hurt him, greatly.
It was barely after dawn and Goku stared at the burning orb that stained the sky shadows of pinks, oranges, and reds. Insomnia stunk, he knew for a fact, for he had been battling it for quite some time now. He slept about twice a week at night with small naps during the bright summer days. Chichi would always get Goku moving again, however, not liking to see the man doing nothing. Goten was no longer around so it was just the two of them getting along with their older years.
'It really is just a ball of fire,' he thought to himself, 'those colors…so bright and so beautiful…' he stared as long as he could before the suns bright rays burnt through the atmosphere making it painful to the eyes. Goku heaved a sigh and got to his feet, looking down the large hill he made his way slowly towards home. 'Chichi will be upset, I wonder if I should even go home today. But if I wait she'll just be even worse tomorrow…' His thoughts trailed off once more, 'Maybe Vegeta…would spar with me today.' Trying to be hopeful he followed this chain of thought, 'But he knows something is up, wonder if he even gives a shit, doubt it.'
In conclusion he ended up at home.
"GOKU! Where have you been?!" Chichi inquired as soon as the doorknob turned.
"I'm sorry Chichi, I couldn't sleep, you know I haven't been able to lately…" Goku replied meekly, trying to avoid her temper.
Chichi sighed, "At least you could try couldn't you?"
"I have Chichi! I'm doing everything I can!!" he paused for a breath and continued to speak his voice growing in volume as the sentence went on, "I would think even you would know that! I hate not being able to sleep!"
Chichi gave up and turned back to cleaning her dishes from breakfast, "You can find something to eat on your own, I already had breakfast." With that she left to do house cleaning and laundry, like she did every day.
Groaning Goku grabbed a banana off the counter and left again knowing he wouldn't be back for a while. He had to try and talk to somebody, he needed advice, or just some support. Lifting off he almost unconsciously turned towards Capsule Corp. and the only person who might go for a fight. While he ate his banana he looked to the ground watching it speed by in a blur of dirt, grass, trees, and roads. The sky was blue again with a few white clouds speckling the morning sky, the sun burned still slightly low in the atmosphere making it hard for Goku to see as he passed silently on.
Landing softly in the yard in front of Capsule Corp. Goku stepped silently up the steps and rang the intercom/buzzer-like thing. Bulma's voice soon followed;
"Bulma here!"
"Hey Bulma, it's Goku, is Vegeta around?" He asked, almost hesitantly.
"Hey Goku! Yea, he should be in the gravity room like usual, go right on up!" There was a small click as the front door unlocked and Goku let himself in. Walking up to the gravity room he paused in front of the window watching Vegeta train under the intense stress of extra gravity. Enthralled, Goku could only stare longingly at the man from the window as he moved smoothly through his routine fighting skills. Sweat beading on his forehead as he pushed harder, throwing punches and kicks, muscle moving swiftly under battle scarred skin. Goku stared mouth open slightly as he witnessed every movement with his trained eyes. Trunks happened to walk down the hallway and catch Goku with that amazed look on his face. Trunks, however, thought he was just amazed by his increase in power or something, oblivious to his real reasons.
"Hey Goku, whatcha doin?" Trunks asked, startling Goku from his reverie.
"Er…Hey Trunks!" Goku tried his best to recover and hope the young man didn't see the look in his eyes, "just coming to see if Vegeta wanted to spar, but I got sidetracked…heh…"
"Ah, well you might as well open the door and ask Goku, won't get his attention by standing out here." Trunks replied.
"Uh, yea!" Goku stumbled, trying to think of something to do, or say for that matter.
"Well, see you later Goku," Trunks ended the conversation and went downstairs to leave a few moments later.
"Bye Trunks…" Goku replied, almost to himself. Then turning again he took one last glance at Vegeta before heading towards the door to the room, but suddenly realized Vegeta was now staring at him. He put on one of his goofy smiles and waved to Vegeta, he smirked in return and went towards the door himself knowing Goku probably wouldn't now.
"Kakarott?" Vegeta asked in a semi-greeting.
"Hey Vegeta…uh, just came by to see if you might want to spar, but since you were already working out…" Goku was about to continue but Vegeta cut off the end of his sentence.
"Sorry Kakarott, you should have come sooner, I could have gone for a good fight."
Goku's eyes dropped to the floor, and sighed, "I thought I might be able to catch you before you got too far into it, but I guess not, I'll just head home."
Vegeta raised an eyebrow at Goku's halfhearted response, "Something the matter Kakarott?"
"Nah, nothin I can't handle, 'I think' just didn't sleep so well last night."
"Hn."
Goku was confused, was he actually worried about it? Slowly he lifted his head to look into Vegeta's eyes, not realizing that he might give away some of his own feelings. What Goku saw in Vegeta's eyes quickly covered his own feelings, Vegeta, was worried about him? But still, even before Goku sheathed his own feelings from his eyes, Vegeta caught a glimpse of something near pain.
"Are you sure you're all right, Kakarott?" He asked not quite believing the man's words.
"I…I guess so," Goku's voice dropped, he couldn't say anything but that to the prince, Vegeta nodded then and said he would see him later on. Goku nodded in return and headed towards home veering off course, to land near a lake at the base of the mountains near their home. He sat on the shore and stared at the water sparkling in the day's sunlight, and his mind wandered once again to that plaguing subject of his royal prince.
'He would never accept me that way…but, in a way, that look he gave me…was he worried? If I could just have that little…little piece…of hope, maybe I can live with it…'
His mind wandered along other pathways and he was in a daze for quite sometime. When he finally realized the sun was now at least three hours from where it had been before, he moved himself. Getting slowly—weakly—to his feet, he flew home.
"I'm home Chichi," he called quietly, hoping she may not hear him.
"Goku! Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry!" she ran straight at him arms spread wide, "I'm so sorry honey! I didn't mean to snap like that, I didn't even consider you were having trouble sleeping!" She grabbed hold of him and hugged him, "Are you okay?"
"I really don't know Chichi" he replied, "I don't know what to do about any of it, don't know what's causing it…"
"Well, I'll start a nice big dinner, and you can go relax on the couch, I have a fire started and everything, you just relax a while, alright?" she pushed him gently towards the couch in an effort to get him moving.
"Thanks Chichi," he murmured, leaning over he gave her a light kiss on the cheek and went to sit on the couch and stare at the firelight.
Goku lay awake that night, after a huge, and early, dinner Chichi had tried to comfort him, but try as she might it was hard to get any reaction for the exhausted man. Now he lay awake after many attempts at falling asleep, his stomach in knots of anxiety, his head ached and his muscles were tired. He moved anyway. Sitting up he kicked his feet over the side of the bed and got up, his muscles needed coaxing, they wanted rest just as much as the rest of him did. Groaning he left the house and flew in the direction of the lake, as soon as it came into view he fell straight for it splashing loudly into the water, he sunk for a ways and then pulled himself back to the surface. Now about as awake as he could get he sat and dried on the shore, as he thought of any way out of his current situation.
'I wonder what would happen if I told him, is it smart? Hn, probably not. But those dreams, I can't sleep with those dreams! They just go too far…too arousing…probably the whole reason behind insomnia.'
Goku sighed and sat up, he wandered the forests the rest of the night and returned before dawn to lay back in bed. Chichi stirred a few hours later and got up to make breakfast. It was going to be another long day…
"Gokuuu!" Chichi called, "Breakfast, honey!"
Goku moaned a response, muffled by his pillow, then moved to sit and then to stand. Pain lanced up his back and through his muscles. 'Ooh, this is going to be painful.' Another moan and Goku struggled across the room and into the kitchen. After some resting and lunch he attempted to stretch out and got a call from Vegeta to go spar. Goku, of course, agreed and went to meet Vegeta in a clearing nearby.
Vegeta nodded in his direction, acknowledging him "Kakarott."
"Hey, Vegeta," Goku greeted as he landed, but immediately fell onto one knee "Agh! Maybe not…"
"What's wrong Kakarott?" Vegeta stepped over and helped him onto his feet again.
"Sorry Vegeta…I guess this is really getting the best of me," Goku struggled to a tree and sat down with Vegeta's help.
"What is?"
"Insomnia…"
"You? Have insomnia?! Impossible." Vegeta was slightly shocked that his friend would have trouble sleeping. "What, too much energy?" he said almost mockingly.
"No!" pain filled his voice as he continued knowing Vegeta may never understand, "I just can't sleep, been thinking too much I guess…"
"Hm,"
'There's that worried tone of voice again!'
"Well, Kakarott, seeing as you are in no shape to fight, do you need help home?"
"Well…I can just…I'd appreciate it…"
"Very well then,"
Vegeta positioned himself next to Goku and set him up so he could support his weight easily. Before he could lift off, though, Goku started to turn a bright red.
'Oh god, I shouldn't have said that…'
"Wait, Vegeta!"
"What's wrong with you, Kakarott?"
"Instant Transmission! I can use Instant Transmission!"
"Alright! No need to get so excited about it, relax!"
Vegeta was slightly taken aback at Goku's sudden reaction to his touch, but immediately dropped his arms and stood up waiting for Goku to stand also, but he didn't.
'Is he breathing heavily? What is he so worked up about?!' Vegeta thought to himself. 'There is something wrong, but I can't put my finger on it, baka…'
"Kakarott, dammit! What's wrong with you?!"
Goku jumped, "I! Uh…I don't know."
"Get up, baka."
Goku hauled himself to his feet with much difficulty and steadied himself before straightening and putting his fingers to his forehead.
"Sorry Vegeta, didn't mean to drag you out here for nothing, but thanks for your help."
"Hn, whatever, see you later Kakarott. And don't go hurting yourself! Sleep more…"
With that Goku blinked out of sight, as soon as he was gone Vegeta went home. When Goku arrived at home he went inside and straight for the couch, saying hello to Chichi, he collapsed and lay, unmoving until dinner was ready, completely missing lunch and most of the afternoon.
"Something the matter, Goku?" Chichi asked, seeing Goku's stressed state.
"Ah, it's getting worse…" He replied, poking at his food, "and I need to eat, but…I can't."
"I'm sorry, honey. We'll get you to fall asleep!"
'Lets hope so…'
After dinner Goku helped with dishes and they sat on the couch a while relaxing, by 9:00 they had gone to bed. For hours Goku twisted and turned, his eyes seemingly glued open. When he did manage to fall asleep, he just saw Vegeta…
A fantasy materialized from the depths of Goku's mind, bringing forth his deepest wishes…
With a start Goku was awake again, waking Chichi in the process of his swift movement. Goku moaned realizing that he was aroused by the dream, and began to get out of bed.
"Goku…?" Chichi questioned.
"Go back to sleep Chichi…I just need some air, I still can't sleep."
"Alright, don't stay up all night…" with a yawn she was asleep again.
Goku moved to the window and looked outside to the sky, to the stars, tiny little specks wrapped in deep blue heavens. He pulled on some pants and went outside, he needed to relieve himself first, try sleeping again later. He reached the edge of the woods and kneeled near a bush, pulling his pants down just enough to have access and not make a mess in his pants.
'Oh, I hate doing this…'
After a few moments, he was finished, and pulled his pants back only to hunch over as he threw up into the bushes. Pain shot through his throat as the acids made their way up for a second time, convulsing, he dumped into the bushes again, and once more before sitting back, breathing heavy.
At Capsule Corp. Vegeta woke to the sharpest crack of pain in his mind. 'Kakarott…what's wrong with you?!' He felt Goku's emotions fill his mind, 'He doesn't know how to control them....Ever since that damned fusion!' Sighing Vegeta got up put some clothes on and went outside, another stitch of pain, 'What is he doing to himself?' Vegeta hurried as quickly as he could to help Goku, something was very wrong. When he landed again he could see Goku, hunched over a bush, throwing up.
"Kakarott!" he rushed to Goku's side and knelt down, "What's wrong?"
Before he answered, Goku threw up once more and sat back, looking into Vegeta's eyes, his throat burning from the constant flow of acid.
"I was having trouble sleeping again…had a dream…"
"And?" he persisted.
"And…I wandered outside to get some air and had to land, and I started to throw up…"
"Why are you having so many problems sleeping, Kakarott?"
"I…well…I don't know…"
Goku lifted his eyes to look at Vegeta again, and Vegeta wondered at the look he saw there; filled with pain, you could tell he hadn't slept in days, plus…admiration? No, he was asking Vegeta something.
"What, Kakarott?" he asked still keeping eye contact with the other saiyan.
"Vegeta…Can I tell you something?"
"I suppose…" Vegeta was getting uneasy…'That look, it's…unsettling.'
"Well…I know why I haven't been able to sleep…" he paused, not sure how to put his emotions into words.
"And? Why haven't you?" Vegeta pushed, his uneasiness growing.
"Because I…" he paused again, "Vegeta…I…"
"Spit it out Kakarott!"
"I'm trying…" his voice strained to just say it, 'but what if you hate me for it…what if you never speak to me again, I couldn't live with that!' "I…" 'Say it! But if I do. Shimatta! What do I do…'
"Would you just say it already?" Vegeta let his voice drop slightly as not to scare him into silence. "I don't know what you're so worried about."
'I'm worried,' "I'm worried…" 'about losing you!' "about your reaction…I feel like you'll hate me for even thinking it…" before Vegeta could react, Goku bent forward again and began vomiting once more into the bushes, his back moving as he convulsed.
"Relax Kakarott." He moved to kneel beside Goku, rubbing his back, trying to relieve the pain and stress, "I won't hate you, or rather, I will not hold it against you, please…tell me."
Goku's eyes shot open at Vegeta's words. 'He asked…I have to tell him, he has the right to know…but what will he do? His hands…he's being so gentle.' When Goku stopped throwing up he sat back on his heels and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, trying to piece together a good explanation.
"Vegeta, I really don't know if I can even say it…Or how to say it…" he looked into Vegeta's eyes once more, sighing, his gaze returned to the ground. Vegeta also sighed.
"Kakarott, what could be so horrible?"
"The fact that if I say it you could hate me, and I couldn't live with that, Vegeta, I just couldn't deal with that for the rest of my life…" Vegeta could hear the pain strung through Goku's voice as he spoke. His heart stung hearing the all too cheerful man sound so sorrowful.
"Come on, Kakarott, is it really that bad?" he instantly regretted asking, for Goku made a choking sounds as tiny crystals fell from his eyes, onto the grass, "I'm sorry…Will you wait here for a moment? I'd like to go get something…"
"Wha..?" Goku looked up at Vegeta, tears still falling down his cheeks.
"Just wait here, I'll be back in a moment, alright?"
Goku nodded, "alright…"
Vegeta heard the tone of worry in Goku's voice and tried again to comfort him as best he could, "I'll come back, so just stay here, I'm just getting something from home, I wont be long, so just relax."
Goku rubbed his nose and sniffled a little, "Okay,"
"Okay, don't go anywhere." And Vegeta flew off towards Capsule Corp. in hopes he would be able to coax the answer out of Goku when he returned…