Copyright: Witchblade and its characters © TopCow; the movie and tv show © Warner Bros. The song Short Skirt/Long Jacket © Cake. The only copyright I stake is intellectual. Thank you, drive through.
Notes: I'd call this a work in progress; I present my first mildy-successful attempt to parody. This is a take-off of Cake's song Short Skirt/Long Jacket; sung from Jake's perspective. Based on first-season events, as I never saw the second.
I want a girl with eyes like emeralds,
I want a girl who always knows what's best,
I want a girl with words that cut,
And a tongue that burns like cigarettes.
(I want a girl who has a strange avocation),
(I want a girl who is prone to hallucinations),
Who sees the past,
She's playing with her bracelet again,
She's touring the crime scene
and I'm always picking up the slack,
I want a girl with a short temper and a long sword.
I want a girl whose mentor is Joe Siri, (Joe Siri!)
I want a girl who stays out late, (stays out late!)
I want a girl with uninterrupted paranoia,
Who uses a sword to cut out funny shapes.
And a Blade that shines with justice,
And a voice that is dark like tempered brass,
She is fast, and thorough, and sharp as a tack,
She's touring the crime scene
and I'm always picking up the slack,
I want a girl with a short temper and a long, long sword.
(na na na na...)
I want a girl with the strange connections, (strange connections!)
I want a girl with supernatural friends, (supernatural friends!)
At the station we will meet Captain Dante, (Captain Dante!)
We start to run when he bellows, "PET-ZINNI!"
She wants a life with no funny Periculum-test,
She wants Ian to stop followin' her ev'rywhere,
She's changing her name from Sara to Brood Mare an',
She's trading her dead partner for a surfer fed,
I want a girl with a short temper and a long sword.
(na na na na na...)