Part 6: Do The Hokey Pokey.
And now for what you really wanted. Gratuitous male nudity! The song belongs to Bif Naked.
The time was approaching, a small crowd had already congregated in the strip club as music was playing. The show was going to start before long. And four nervous guys stood behind the curtain peeking out at the crowd.
"Okay, I think those seven over at the corner table will be heavy tippers."
"Which ones?"
"See the ones over there? One's wearing orange, they're drinking Smurfs and stirring them with Pixie Sticks. Their shirts have 'R.R. Board Members' in bold on the front."
"Alex, first off, how would you know they would tip and second what are 'Smurfs' since I see no annoying blue things over there singing."
"Oh, Smurfs are a drink; vodka, orange juice, grenadine and strawberry margarita mix."
"And you know that how?"
"Same way I know they'll be great tippers."
"Which is?"
"Trick of the trade."
"And that is…"
"Oh hell."
"What Kyle?"
"Look at the four women who just walked in."
"&*%#"
"&*%#"
"&*%#"
"&*%#"
"Since we're all in agreement, now what?"
"Well, I have an idea…"
"Oh great, another Kyle idea."
A couple of acts into the show the crowd was quite worked up. The regulars and the new patrons were drooling in their drinks. At one table, four underage girls sat ogling the fine specimens of manhood that were gyrating by them. They were lucky as they had a table front row center.
"Tess, this was such a great idea. These guys, I mean, I still want my Max, but DA-AMN are these boys FIIIIIINE." Liz was slightly over excited and it seemed slightly drunk.
"Thanks Liz, and I think you've drank enough for tonight girl. You handle your alcohol like we do." Tess said as she took the Screwdriver away from Liz. Everyone else was drinking plain OJ, but Liz tempted fate and got some alcohol.
"These guys are good and all, but I liked Alex's performance better. At least until he spotted my mom."
"Well, there are no moms here tonight, so let's cut loose and grope some hunks!"
"Shh, some more guys are coming."
"PATRONS OF OUR FINE ESTABLISHMENT, tonight we have a special treat for you. Making their stage debut, straight from the mothership… I present you with… THE ALIENS." The MC stepped off stage and the music and lights came on showing four men in silver jumpsuits and helmets on.
"Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!"
Four girls looked at each other at the beginning of the song and broke out laughing before jumping up and waving their money. The four guys began moving to the beat as they unzipped their tops and exposed their chests to the now screaming females. Splitting up they each took a section of the club and began gyrating for the ladies. Sure enough, the table of seven groped the alien they got all the while shoving money in his slightly exposed thong. With the others doing well also they continued to ignore the four girls who they knew.
"I see your face on the television, almost everyday
in magazines and on the big screen
close yet far away
I wonder why you choose those others
and you never come to call on me
when I'm the one who's waiting for you
I really need you-please pick me!"
Having done a good bit of gyrating they again got back on stage directly in front of the inflamed familiar females. Each helmeted head looked to one another before moving in unison to pull their helmets off to reveal one head covered in a Yoda mask, one in an Alf mask, another in an E.T. mask and the last head in an Elvis mask. The crowd erupted even more at this turn as they did more on stage dancing.
"Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!
Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!"
The four dancers who were now focusing on the girls who were about to burst took a step forward, blew the girls a kiss then gave a quick yank to their silver pants leaving them there shaking their money makers directly to their ladies. Now left wearing only shining silver thongs, the guys turned around to give a good cheek show. This action caused the seven at the back table to rush to the stage beside the other four and shower the guys with money.
"Remember that night at my window
when i waved at you?
I must have been only five, or so,
but I never forgot you.
I wonder why you choose those others
and you never come to call on me
when I'm the one who's waiting for you
I really need you-please pick me!"
As the guys were doing their dancing at the edge of the stage a tipsy Liz reached up and tried to yank off Yoda's thong. Quickly stepping back after being partially stripped (and flashing little Yoda to the crowd) Yoda tried to resume dancing. Another woman in the crowd did the same thing to the guy in the Elvis mask as she yelled "BE MY WUV WOOZLE!" He tried to remain calm, just like Yoda. Unfortunately, Liz tried to crawl on stage to get Yoda. Her friends tried to hold her back, but by then a riot had been started as the other women tried to get on stage also to get at the guys and an all out brawl commenced and the guys just tried to back away as the bouncer tried to break it up.
"Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!
Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!…"
The guys left the stage to much applause as the song ended and the bouncer escorted the eleven women out of the club. Backstage, almost naked and with papercuts from the money in places they didn't want to think about, the guys started talking. Elvis began pulling off his mask to reveal Kyle, who said "Max, I can't believe Liz tried to strip you!"
Max, who just took off his Yoda mask, was disbelieving. "I can't believe my sweet innocent Liz tried to maul me! And she didn't know it was me!"
"And she won't know either, no one will know it was us." Said Alf, as he pulled off his mask to reveal Michael, with a similar hairdo to his mask.
"That is the second time I've stripped for Isabel, and I think she liked me better this time." Said Alex as he removed his E.T. mask. "I'm just glad they didn't know it was us."
A chorus of "Amen" greeted that comment. As the guys tallied up their money they saw that they had raked in over twelve hundred dollars, ten phone numbers, seven home addresses and three hotel keys. As Kyle looked over the loot he couldn't help but look at the money and then the guys and say, "You know, a guy could make a good living at this…"
Hi there, this is the story. You know, we coooooouuuuuuuuld leave it at that, but the Author wants to hint at something that will be happening much later in the story. So, now for a moment of foreshadowing.
MEANWHILE, with Isabel and Liz in the backseat, one asleep and the other passed out after having tossed her cookies, Tess and Maria sat talking in the front seat. Tess spoke, not taking her eyes off the dark road. "I can't believe Liz, sweet innocent Liz, got us kicked out of a strip club for molesting the dancers."
"I know chica, I've never been so proud of her in all my life. I seriously considered doing the same to Alf."
"Well, you know of course who they were don't you?"
"Of course I did, I recognized my Spaceboy immediately. I don't think Liz and Isabel caught them though."
"Oh, I know they didn't and I don't think we should tell them. I recognized my Woozle's body instantly. But I did not like them groping him. We simply have to get revenge on them for stripping though."
"I agree, but what can we do?"
"Oh, I have an idea. When they get home your boyfriend and mine are going to get a little mind warp…"
And now for what you really wanted. Gratuitous male nudity! The song belongs to Bif Naked.
The time was approaching, a small crowd had already congregated in the strip club as music was playing. The show was going to start before long. And four nervous guys stood behind the curtain peeking out at the crowd.
"Okay, I think those seven over at the corner table will be heavy tippers."
"Which ones?"
"See the ones over there? One's wearing orange, they're drinking Smurfs and stirring them with Pixie Sticks. Their shirts have 'R.R. Board Members' in bold on the front."
"Alex, first off, how would you know they would tip and second what are 'Smurfs' since I see no annoying blue things over there singing."
"Oh, Smurfs are a drink; vodka, orange juice, grenadine and strawberry margarita mix."
"And you know that how?"
"Same way I know they'll be great tippers."
"Which is?"
"Trick of the trade."
"And that is…"
"Oh hell."
"What Kyle?"
"Look at the four women who just walked in."
"&*%#"
"&*%#"
"&*%#"
"&*%#"
"Since we're all in agreement, now what?"
"Well, I have an idea…"
"Oh great, another Kyle idea."
A couple of acts into the show the crowd was quite worked up. The regulars and the new patrons were drooling in their drinks. At one table, four underage girls sat ogling the fine specimens of manhood that were gyrating by them. They were lucky as they had a table front row center.
"Tess, this was such a great idea. These guys, I mean, I still want my Max, but DA-AMN are these boys FIIIIIINE." Liz was slightly over excited and it seemed slightly drunk.
"Thanks Liz, and I think you've drank enough for tonight girl. You handle your alcohol like we do." Tess said as she took the Screwdriver away from Liz. Everyone else was drinking plain OJ, but Liz tempted fate and got some alcohol.
"These guys are good and all, but I liked Alex's performance better. At least until he spotted my mom."
"Well, there are no moms here tonight, so let's cut loose and grope some hunks!"
"Shh, some more guys are coming."
"PATRONS OF OUR FINE ESTABLISHMENT, tonight we have a special treat for you. Making their stage debut, straight from the mothership… I present you with… THE ALIENS." The MC stepped off stage and the music and lights came on showing four men in silver jumpsuits and helmets on.
"Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!"
Four girls looked at each other at the beginning of the song and broke out laughing before jumping up and waving their money. The four guys began moving to the beat as they unzipped their tops and exposed their chests to the now screaming females. Splitting up they each took a section of the club and began gyrating for the ladies. Sure enough, the table of seven groped the alien they got all the while shoving money in his slightly exposed thong. With the others doing well also they continued to ignore the four girls who they knew.
"I see your face on the television, almost everyday
in magazines and on the big screen
close yet far away
I wonder why you choose those others
and you never come to call on me
when I'm the one who's waiting for you
I really need you-please pick me!"
Having done a good bit of gyrating they again got back on stage directly in front of the inflamed familiar females. Each helmeted head looked to one another before moving in unison to pull their helmets off to reveal one head covered in a Yoda mask, one in an Alf mask, another in an E.T. mask and the last head in an Elvis mask. The crowd erupted even more at this turn as they did more on stage dancing.
"Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!
Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!"
The four dancers who were now focusing on the girls who were about to burst took a step forward, blew the girls a kiss then gave a quick yank to their silver pants leaving them there shaking their money makers directly to their ladies. Now left wearing only shining silver thongs, the guys turned around to give a good cheek show. This action caused the seven at the back table to rush to the stage beside the other four and shower the guys with money.
"Remember that night at my window
when i waved at you?
I must have been only five, or so,
but I never forgot you.
I wonder why you choose those others
and you never come to call on me
when I'm the one who's waiting for you
I really need you-please pick me!"
As the guys were doing their dancing at the edge of the stage a tipsy Liz reached up and tried to yank off Yoda's thong. Quickly stepping back after being partially stripped (and flashing little Yoda to the crowd) Yoda tried to resume dancing. Another woman in the crowd did the same thing to the guy in the Elvis mask as she yelled "BE MY WUV WOOZLE!" He tried to remain calm, just like Yoda. Unfortunately, Liz tried to crawl on stage to get Yoda. Her friends tried to hold her back, but by then a riot had been started as the other women tried to get on stage also to get at the guys and an all out brawl commenced and the guys just tried to back away as the bouncer tried to break it up.
"Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!
Spaceman, oh spaceman!
come rescue me from this!
calling all aliens!
come rescue me!…"
The guys left the stage to much applause as the song ended and the bouncer escorted the eleven women out of the club. Backstage, almost naked and with papercuts from the money in places they didn't want to think about, the guys started talking. Elvis began pulling off his mask to reveal Kyle, who said "Max, I can't believe Liz tried to strip you!"
Max, who just took off his Yoda mask, was disbelieving. "I can't believe my sweet innocent Liz tried to maul me! And she didn't know it was me!"
"And she won't know either, no one will know it was us." Said Alf, as he pulled off his mask to reveal Michael, with a similar hairdo to his mask.
"That is the second time I've stripped for Isabel, and I think she liked me better this time." Said Alex as he removed his E.T. mask. "I'm just glad they didn't know it was us."
A chorus of "Amen" greeted that comment. As the guys tallied up their money they saw that they had raked in over twelve hundred dollars, ten phone numbers, seven home addresses and three hotel keys. As Kyle looked over the loot he couldn't help but look at the money and then the guys and say, "You know, a guy could make a good living at this…"
Hi there, this is the story. You know, we coooooouuuuuuuuld leave it at that, but the Author wants to hint at something that will be happening much later in the story. So, now for a moment of foreshadowing.
MEANWHILE, with Isabel and Liz in the backseat, one asleep and the other passed out after having tossed her cookies, Tess and Maria sat talking in the front seat. Tess spoke, not taking her eyes off the dark road. "I can't believe Liz, sweet innocent Liz, got us kicked out of a strip club for molesting the dancers."
"I know chica, I've never been so proud of her in all my life. I seriously considered doing the same to Alf."
"Well, you know of course who they were don't you?"
"Of course I did, I recognized my Spaceboy immediately. I don't think Liz and Isabel caught them though."
"Oh, I know they didn't and I don't think we should tell them. I recognized my Woozle's body instantly. But I did not like them groping him. We simply have to get revenge on them for stripping though."
"I agree, but what can we do?"
"Oh, I have an idea. When they get home your boyfriend and mine are going to get a little mind warp…"