Ranma & Kaneda
By Ron Dow75
From an idea by James M. Zema,
Unauthorized, but allowed.
[Note: If the original body has certain recessive traits,
the curse makes them dominant in the second. Ranma-chan's
red hair comes from Ranma's mother. But if Ranma-chan were
strictly his true female version, she would have black hair and
gray eyes. Then why the changes? Kuno knows some of the
lore.]
[Note: When I can, I've replaced the nameless bit players
with Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri and Yuka.]
03: School is No Place for Challenges
Kaneda asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He was
in his school uniform and wet.
Ranma-chan told him, "I ain't gonna school like this."
She was in her Chinese clothes and wet.
Kaneda said, "We, uh, can get some hot water from Dr.
Tofu!"
The other redhead stopped to grumble, but turned around
to follow.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The local clinic had signs outside that advertised
"Acupressure, Acupuncture, Moxibustion". Kaneda informed
the girl who was barely listening, "Dr. Tofu also knows
several other techniques, but these are what most people
want. He's also a trained GP."
Ranma-chan barely took the gloomy look off her face,
"We'll see. I've run into my share of quacks in my
travels."
Kaneda went inside and called, "Hello! Hello! Anybody
here?!"
Ranma-chan said, "Oh, boy. Now I'm gonna be late.
He went into the infirmary, "Wait here. I'll get you the
hot water."
Ranma-chan stayed at the doorway, "That's okay. Don't
bother!"
Kaneda said, "You don't want to go to school as a girl."
Ranma said, "I thought you wanted me to." When he didn't
answer, she sighed, "Oh, boy! What a way to start things
out. Now I'm going to be late."
Suddenly she felt something lifeless and bony on her
shoulder.
She screamed like a girl and jumped!
Her hands found the top of the open door and held on. Her
slippers were as high up off the floor as she could get
them without going into contortions.
A totally white, totally bony figure without skin or hair
said in a high voice, "Pardon me!"
"Hm, hm, hm!" the tall man in glasses and a black do-gi
laughed. "Hi, don't afraid! This is my skeleton, Beti.
Lovely complexion, don't you think?"
Even when it she realized it was just a Halloween
perversion of a Bunraku puppet show Ranma the great
martial artist had not gotten over his fright.
Kaneda said, "How cute! Just like a girl."
Ranma tired to jump down and challenge that slur...but her
fingers wouldn't let go of the door.
Kaneda gave a respectable bow, "Dr. Tofu, good morning to
you."
The doctor returned the bow, though not as low, "Good
morning to you."
Ranma managed to pry herself off the door, and land with
some dignity on the floor.
But they weren't paying her any attention. Dr. Tofu said,
"You haven't been by lately. Any new 'injuries'?"
Kaneda answered, "No. I've been very careful. I want to
thank you for you helping me, again."
The man smiled, "I am your family physician. I'm here to
do anything I to help a patient."
Ranma looked at the two. She became suspicious. It
sounded like they were talking in code.
Kaneda said, "Then you won't mind if I borrow 'it'?" He
glanced over at Ranma-chan. "I have somebody living with
me that has the same problem."
She was about to protest on two counts. But why let a
strange know any more than he did? When the man looked at
her, she tried to keep from reddening any more.
Dr. Tofu smiled like a doctor now for her, "Of course,
you may borrow it, Kaneda."
Then from the reception area, they heard another patient
come in. "Dr. Tofu? Could you help me?! My back has gone
out again! I was lucky to make it this far!"
When the good doctor left the infirmary, Kaneda hurried
to the sink to get the water. He gotten "it" while Ranma-
chan was on the door. It was in his slacks pocket.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The two teen guys had to hurry if they were going to make
it to school. While Kaneda ran along the narrow street,
Ranma was up running on the cement privacy walls. Despite
his speed he wasn't winded, "So that guy studies martial
arts?"
Though a religious jogger, Kaneda was winded, "Hunh?
How could you tell?"
Ranma the fighter analyzed what he remembered, "I can
tell. Sneakin' up on me that way. I didn't even hear him
comin'.
Kaneda said, "It's true. He's very good. He's a really
strong martial artist. He certainly doesn't look it, does
he?"
Kaneda had his own memories of the doctor, "Ever since I
was little, whenever something was wrong HE'D always make
it better."
Ranma jumped down to run beside Kaneda. "Hey, wait a
minute. ' Sounds to me you might like this guy in a way
GUYS aren't supposed to like other guys." It was both a
tweak and a hope. If he could get Kaneda's girl-half
interested in somebody else, he'd be rid of THAT problem.
Kaneda face and mood darkened. "I don't like guys, I HATE
guys! Hate guys!!" She looked at the school gate at the
end of the corridor that was the street. "And I'll SHOW
you how much I hate guys! --Look!!"
Ranma looked and saw a horde of fit-looking teen guys
dressed in just about every imaginable sports club a
school could have charging out from the grounds in their
direction. All had their own battle
cry.
Ranma said, "Wha the--"
Splish!
Too late, Ranma-chan noticed "it". Kaneda had pointed an
air-powered water gun at her at point blank range.
Kaneda had timed this so he could pick Ranma-chan up,
carry her for a few paces, and toss her for the high
concrete wall around the school before she or anybody
else could fight him.
Ranma-chan landed feet first on top of the wall like a
cat, and turned to yell, "Hey! What'd you do that..." Her
voice trailed off when she Kaneda dodge a boxer and send
his gloved punch at the panda. The panda wasn't
prepared; it was still dealing with surprised attack of
the fencer with two swords Kaneda had sent it.
Kaneda quickly had the fencer, and boxer out on the
panda. Spilled hot water and an empty teakettle were on
the ground, too.
Kaneda then leaped over the gate's threshold and, his
longhair flying, single-handedly took on five tennis
players, three rugby players, a hockey player, a
wrestler, two martial artist, two baseball batters, one
Greco-Roman and one sumo wrestler, two American football
players, and a half-a-dozen others whose uniforms Ranma
didn't recognize.
Ranma despite herself she had crouched down on the wall
and watched. "He's something else. I didn't give him
enough credit for knowing how to fight. But what's it all
about??"
Nabiki called out from window seat she had on the second
floor, "Ranma! Don't interfere, this is Kaneda's fight."
By force of training Ranma had to study everybody's moves
and techniques. Anyone of them could be an opponent in
the future. Kaneda had definitely shown himself to be
one. ...Still, so many against one? He called back at
Nabiki, "Yeah, but-"
Nabiki assured him, "It's OK! He knows what he's doing.
This happens EVERY morning!"
Ranma looked at Kaneda with even more respect. Well,
maybe not respect. The guy was showing off as he was
beating up the 24 guys. He was putting in moves and
techniques he didn't need to. They were a waste of time
and effort.
Finally, everybody but Kaneda was laid low and
motionless. The only sounds that could be heard were the
cars in the background and Kaneda's panting. But instead
of using his breathing exercises to replenish his energy,
he wasted his breath by saying, "You'd think they
would've all learned by now." Kaneda HAD been showing
off. But Ranma hadn't been a girl long enough to see why
he'd been doing it. The martial artist thought the "Heir
to the Tendou Dojo" just wanted to prove to Ranma he did
know how to fight.
Suddenly something came flying at Kaneda while he wasn't
looking.
But he caught it: It was a metal gauntlet a European armored
knight once wore. Kaneda raised his eyes and groaned, "Too
much French food."
As the thunder of a storm rolled in, a distinctly male
voice came out from behind the nearby tree. "What earthly
matters not when honor withers on vines untested by
night."
Ranma-chan wondered if that haiku was meant to mean
anything.
The orator was dressed in a kendo-gi and holding his
bokken/wooden sword down in one hand, "These...Weaklings!
Such a boorish lot, truly. They fought for the privilege
of being recognized as this school's top athlete ...if they
could manage to defeat you, that is. What fools these
mortals be."
Kaneda told the other, slightly taller boy, "Oh, Kuno, do
we HAVE to go through this again?" He backed up towards
the wall Ranma-chan was staring from.
Kuno readied his weapon, "Always! Though their quest was
sparked by my own, my challenge is of a more noble nature
than the rabble's." He approached Kaneda as a samurai
stalks his prey, both hands on the sword, now. "I seek to
eliminate the greatest lecher on the face of this
unfortunate orb."
Ranma-chan jumped down beside the red haired boy,
"Lecher? I KNEW you were a pervert!"
Kaneda told her, "Wait until you get to know Kuno before
you judge me."
Kuno blinked at the pigtailed girl, "Fair Damsel! I would
advice you steer wide berth of this...debaucher of women!"
Ranma-chan looked at Kaneda, "I've been too easy on you.
Pervert doesn't even begin to cover what you are. No wonder
you wanted me this way."
Kaneda grew angry enough to ignore Kuno, "It's not LIKE
that!! I'm NOT! I've never been! I only--"
Kuno gave his battle cry, "You force her to cross-
dress!!?!"
Reflexively, and because her keenly trained senses told
her how close it was going to be, Ranma stepped in front
of Kaneda. The pervert hadn't yet deserved an attack
while he was worn and distracted. She stopped Kuno's
bokken just in time: Trapping it along its sides between
her palms.
Kuno was stunned. "That's not is how it is meant to
be... The whole order of the world is turned upside down: By
a, a FEMALE, this time..."
Kaneda cried, "Now, look what you've done!"
Ranma-chan said, "Geez! If it's going to upset you guys
that much." And she let go.
Kuno had gone from pushing to pulling to free his sword.
The sword came back and whacked him on the head. Hard.
Kuno refused to fall.
Kaneda told Ranma-chan, "Kuno's hardheaded. We won't get
to the front doors before he's after us."
Ranma looked around for an idea. She got it, "He likes
trees, does he?" For somebody who fought a giant panda,
picking up the teenage boy wasn't too much of an effort.
Kaneda saw where she was dragging Kuno, and picked up by
his ankles.
By the time Kuno had stirred, he'd been tossed up over a
limb of the tree he'd been hiding behind.
Kaneda looked up at the giant clock on the school's
tower. "We're already late!" And he picked Ranma-chan up
in his arms and carried her towards the threshold of her
new school.
Ranma-chan cried, hitting at him with her little fists,
"Let me go, you womanizer! I ain't gonna school like
this!!"
The blows hurt, but not enough to make Kaneda let her go,
not when he was so close to getting her just where he
wanted her. "Remember, Ranma, I'm really a girl! Your
Code doesn't let you beat up girls!"
Ranma reared back her head, and bellowed, "What about
YOUR Code!!?!"
Kaneda's twisted logic was, "But YOU'RE not a girl,
right?!"
WHONG! Kuno had fallen out of the tree just then. A
second person joined Kaneda in Ranma's entourage.
The thunder roared, and the lightning flashed: *KRAKKA!*
RRRRMMMM!
Looking at the scene upside down on his throbbing head,
he said, "That infamous lecher Kaneda has stolen away the
fiery maiden! It is the Rape of the Sabine Women all over
again! The distressed damsel needs rescuing!" He finally
toppled over, and rolled--until he was sitting up, his hand
reaching to his sword. "It looks again as if only the one
true samurai around, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder
of Furinkan High, has the fortitude to take on and punish
the moral degenerate Kaneda Tendou!"
Nabiki rested her chin in her hand as she gazed down at
the captain of the school's kendo club. "I think zealots
are far more dangerous than perverts."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Inside Room 1-F, the middle-aged teacher read from the
form he was given and announced to the class, "It seems
we have a new student here at Furinkan High. Her name is
Ranma Saotome...an unusual name for a girl. She's just
returned from China. So let's all give her a warm nihao
welcome."
Hiroshi and Daisuke led the stirs among the boys; Sayuri
and Yuka led grumbles from the girls.
The teacher added, "However, that does not excuse the
fact that she and Kaneda Tendou were late. So go stand in
the hall."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
They stood in silence for a few minutes, holding their
buckets of water, and looking out the third floor window.
The storm had left as quickly as it had come. The sun was
bright.
Ranma-chan couldn't remain quiet. "This is all your
fault."
Kaneda said, "Not entirely. Nabiki has favors out all
over school. When she saw that you came as a girl, she
must have been prepared to call one in and had them
change your sex on the records."
Ranma grumbled, low and menacing, "It's a conspiracy. I
bet it started before I got to China."
Kaneda cleared his throat, and ventured, "Look, Ranma,
I'm not really a pervert. Kuno just thinks so because--"
Ranma snapped, quietly, "I don't care what HE thinks you
are. I KNOW you're a pervert. What I WANNA know is--what
were you doin' shooting me like that!"
Kaneda said, "Shoot you!? It was just a high-powered
water gun."
It was Ranma's turn to, "SHH! Keep it quiet. And I KNOW
it was a water gun: That's why I'm a girl."
Kaneda said, "You know Dr. Tofu's a martial artist." He
looked towards the windows. "Well, he's also been my
coach. He really doesn't have the time to be my sensei,
but he does give me help. Without him, I wouldn't be
nearly the martial artist I am today."
Ranma said, "Stop the cello music, and tell me about that
"it" of yours."
Kaneda glanced around then looked over his shoulder.
There was no one near the windows that looked into the
classroom. He looked back, and down into the bucket. "He
IS my doctor. He knows about my...problem. He shoots the
gun at me so I can practice getting out of the way of
water."
Ranma almost bought it. "But as long as you WANNA be a
guy, you don't HAFTA keep away from cold water."
Kaneda looked into his bucket, "You haven't had the
problem long enough, I guess. I'm always getting splashed
with water for no good reason: Out of nowhere, when I
least expect it. True it's usually cold and doesn't
change me, but it does get annoying." He held up the
bucket, careful to keep it away from him, "I don't know
how, I don't know when, but I'm willing to bet with
Nabiki that I get splashed with this water."
Ranma still hated him for making everybody at this school
think she was a girl, but at least she saw that point.
Ever since she started having her water problem, it was
hard staying dry.
Kaneda said, "Now, I'm going to tell you why Kuno's after
me."
Ranma turned her head away, and hummed
Kaneda continued anyway, "At the beginning of the
semester, Kuno made this stupid speech..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
At "The Voice of Youth" Public Speaking Contest, Kuno
slammed his palm down on the podium to demand the
attention of the audience. "The Vengeance of Heaven is
the duty of the samurai! Thus it has been through time
immemorial in this, the Most Noble of Lands, Our Japan.
"...Am I making myself absolutely clear!?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda fell silent. His face hidden behind his long hair.
Ranma-chan was left to pretend she hadn't heard what she
didn't understand.
Finally, she had to say, "So!?!! What does that hafta do
with anything!?!"
Kaneda turned to Ranma, "You're a martial artist. You
know how they were developed by Buddhist monks and taught
to anybody willing to train. The idea challenged the idea
of a warrior class."
Ranma nodded, "And martial arts were highly developed in
Okinawa, where the samurai forbid the peasants to use any
weapon."
Kaneda said, "There has been an ages old contest between
certain samurai and what we represent. Of all the
students here at Furinkan, I am the only one whose family
has a dojo."
Kaneda bowed his head, "...And I was the next one scheduled
to speak..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As Kaneda walked towards the podium, Kuno was walking
back to his seat. He cried, "Be warned, varlet!" and
slashed down with his sword.
Kameda stopped it between his bare hands.
...There, on stage, in front of the assembled school. Soon
the whole town would know...and further.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda asked, "Have you ever seen or read "Urusei
Yatsura"? Rumiko Takahashi's story about Lum, the green-
haired alien girl with powers?"
The red-haired Ranma-chan said, "No. I've heard of it.
Pop's cheap. If I read any manga, it's borrowed. And I
never had a TV what with our travelin' for ten years. And
just about the only movies Pop'll let me see has martial
arts in it."
Kaneda said, "Well, in it there's this rich samurai,
Shutaro Mendou. His sworn enemy, Ataru Moroboshi, is
always stopping him from killing him with a real sword."
Ranma-chan 'guessed', "With his bare hands"."
Kaneda nodded, "And feet, and just about every other
way." Ranma looked down at her very loose slippers. She
remembered moves like that in one or two martial arts movies.
She'd never yet let herself be in a position where she had to
use the technique herself.
Kaneda said, "Well, the Lum Fan Club noticed the
similarity in technique. But to Kuno that made me
immediately like Moroboshi in EVERY way. And he was the
biggest lecher in the Galaxy."
Ranma-chan blinked at him with her big blue eyes. "You're
kidding."
Kaneda said, "I wish I were. But Kuno doesn't kid. He's
insane, but he doesn't kid."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In Room 2-E, Kuno was dressed in the same school uniform
as Kaneda. The sempai/upperclassman cried, "Fiancee!!?
She's, his, fiancée!?!!"
Sitting next to him, Nabiki Tendou said, "Unh, hunh, our
daddies decided since before they were born the son would
marry a daughter of the two families. And Ranma's an only
child."
Kuno raised his fists in fury, "Mm-Vah!! Not KANEDA!!" --
he slammed both hands down on his desk.
The teacher threw a piece of chalk hard enough that it
snapped the teen's head back as it broke against it. It
did not help the headache that went down to his heart.
"Kuno! Go stand in the hall!"
Nabiki was looking away and innocent. She hoped her plan
would do something to help get Kuno off of Kaneda's back.
But she hadn't had the chance to get to the part where
Kaneda had 'decided to stop being a lecher and settle
down'.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda was still looking glum. "Sometimes I think Kuno
would be different if he had something to take his mind
off of the History, Antiques and Code of the Samurai. A
girl, maybe."
Ranma-chan looked at guy standing beside her, and
remembered he was a she, "You mean a guy who looks like
that, doesn't have a girlfriend?"
Kaneda said, "Handsome, rich, cultured, connected...the
list goes on. But I don't think he's ever even been on a
date."
That gave Ranma-chan another chance, " "A list", hunh? Do
anything on the list ever make you wish you were a--"
Splash!
Suddenly Ranma-chan was damp on one side. But it was
Kaneda that was wet. He held up the even fuller bucket he
was holding, "Another bet I would've lost to Nabiki."
Kuno was back in his black-under-blue kendo-gi, and in
the stance of just having tossed water from his bucket.
His weapon of choice, the bokken, was slung over his
back. "Never Kaneda Tendou!"
Kaneda groaned, "Not again, Kuno."
Kuno continued in a serious rumble, "I shall never accept
your engagement to Ranma, nor any other fair flower! I
Tatewaki Kuno shall never allow you to prey upon the
innocent!"
Ranma tossed her bucket straight at the samurai-kid,
"Hey, you jerk! I ain't--"
Kuno sliced through both bucket and water with his wooden
sword.
And the windows of the classroom slid open. Their
classmates squeezed their bodies out, boys on one side,
girls on the other: "Kaneda has a girl!?!"/ "His dad had
to pick her, I'll bet!"/ "Jealous? Look at her!"/ "She looks
like she'd rather be a guy."/ "What better girl for
Kaneda!"/ "Be careful what you say around her."/ "Yeah!
She's a martial artist, too!"/ "Don't listen to those idiots,
Ranma."/ "Right, we'll help you fit in with us girls."/ "I know
just what your complexion needs!"/ "Oo, red hair! Do you
dye it?"/ "Why didn't they give you a school dress?"/
"Yeah! I want to see her legs!"/ "I want to see her panties!"...
Ranma-chan screamed, "That does it!!" And she issued her
challenge to Kuno, "I ain't interested in ANY jerk. I may
not be able to beat up Kaneda, but I ain't got no problem
doin' it to you!"
Kuno stood there confused. "What??"
Ranma-chan walked past him. "This is no place for a
fight, Kuno. If you want to fight, follow me."
Kuno's throbbing head and heart began to pound, "She
would date with me! She has issued a challenge in the
manner of the Valkyrie! Then, when I am fallen in
battle, she will sweep me up to Valhalla: Paradise of
Heroes!"
(It was Kaneda's turn to be confused, "Japanese folklore
aren't enough for him? He has to use Western ones, too?")
Ranma-chan yelled back at Kuno, "I don't know what you're
talkin' about! I ain't a Valkyries: I'm Ranma Saotome of
the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts! Now, are you
gonna fight me, or not!?!"
The already smitten Kuno answered, "That I shall, My
Brunhilde!"
(Hiroshi said, "I always thought Brunhilde was more
zaftig than that."
Daisuke said, "I'd rather my battle maidens be petit,
anyway.")
Suddenly Kaneda realized, "Wait, Ranma!!" He began to run
after them, "Ranma! Beat Kuno up all you want--But DON'T
win!!"
From down the hall Ranma called back, "Ranma Saotome
never loses!"
Kaneda called, "Fine! Just don't win!!" But his shout was
lost among those of the students pouring out of the 1-F's
windows into the hall behind him: "Now the jerk's going
to fight a girl!"/ "She's the one who wanted the fight!"/
"That's because she wants him!"/ "KUNO!?? Why would ANY
girl in her right mind--"/ "She ISN'T in her right mind,
if she WANTS to fight!"/ "But when Kuno wins, he can't
ask her out!"/ "But what if she wins!?!"/ "Then she ISN'T
in her right mind!"...
Kaneda picked up his speed to sprint out ahead of crowd,
"Ranma!!"
Ranma-chan heard and saw all of the commotion over her
shoulder. She raced to an open sliding window. "Here's a
nice short cut," she told Kuno as she leaped out of it.
Kuno leaped after.
Panic pumped adrenaline into Kaneda's body, "When I said
you needed a girl, I didn't mean RANMA!!"
Before his brain had caught up with his body, he'd leaped
out the window himself.
He heard Daisuke, above, say, "Hey, this is the third
floor!"
Too late he heard Ranma-chan, below, say, "Water!? Even
when all it can do is make me wet, it's THERE!!?!"
Far too late he heard Hiroshi pointed out, "Look, they're
going to land in the pool." Kaneda's doom was sealed.
SPLASH!
SPLASHHHH!
KER-SPLASHHHH!
Hiroshi announced, "Look! Kuno's floating to the
surface."
Daisuke did color, "Yeah, but where's Saotome!?!"
Yuka asked, "Where's Kaneda??"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ranma-chan swam. "Gotta get out! ' Can't stand being
wet!"
Kuno saw her from the surface, "Ranma, I fight on! Defeat
me!"
He swam for her, his hands reaching for more than just
water. He grabbed a bare arm. He spun her around to face
him.
That's when Ranma-chan caught sight of the flailing
movement of somebody sinking to the bottom: Kaneda!
Ranma-chan broke Kuno's hold. She brought her legs up,
and pushed off against him at the correct angle! She then
swam harder than she would if she were a guy, "Girls
WOULD be more buoyant!"
Kuno saw the girl he would make a lady put all of her
thought on the task of saving the vile Kaneda Tendou. "Of
course! Red hair, as with twins, are eldritch! The ally
of demons has placed his mark upon her head to enslave
her!"
But his expressed thoughts had taken that last of his
air. He would have to drown the evil sorcerer after he'd
been brought to the surface.
What he found when he raised his head above the water was
a very wet panda. And it was holding a...teakettle?
The girl he'd only momentarily forgotten yelled out,
"Hey, Pop! Help me with Kaneda!"
Kuno said, "The beast is the demon! I shall retake your--
"
Ranma-chan didn't want him taking ANYthing of hers: She
knocked him across the pool...where he managed to get
entangled in the ladder out.
When Ranma-chan looked, the panda was still holding up
its sign, [Why help him? Look what he's done to you!]
Ranma-chan had pulled Kaneda over near the pool's edge,
"Well, for one, how's your friend gonna take it if you
let his kid stay drowned!?!"
Bending to reason, the panda lift the two out of the pool
together.
But it put them both over its shoulders, held them there
with his paws and took off!
Ranma yelled, "Pop!! You're not helpin'!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lucky for Kaneda he wasn't as 'drowned' as might have
been suspected. The rough trip to the school's empty
athletic fields had forced him to cough up most of the
water he'd taken in.
When he was finally laid down among a few trees out of
sight of most of the school. Ranma-chan had jumped off
his pop. "I'll hit you in the gut to get the rest of the
water out. But don't expect me to put my lips on yours!"
Ranma was surprised she was upset that the jerk had
nearly killed himself.
Kaneda tried to say something, but hadn't quite the
breath for it. He heard Ranma-chan say, "Don't go back
for the teakettle, Pop! I'm wet and this wind'll just
cool the hot water."
But the panda didn't listen, of course.
Glowering after the creature, Ranma-chan took off her
pants. "You'd think THIS'd be enough of an excuse not to
go back inside!" On guard against anything girly, she did
her best to she forget she wasn't a guy.
Kaneda looked at her legs and drew his breath in. -- And
coughed!
Getting her feet out, Ranma-chan scowled, "That WAS
stupid! Jumpin' in like that when you can't swim!"
Kaneda groaned: Another black mark against him in Ranma's
eyes. "I *Cough!* was trying to warn you. I, uh, have
been fighting Kuno longer than you have."
Ranma's opinion of the Kaneda was only slightly raised.
But, "I know how to pick up on an opponents style while
we fight. I've been in enough of them." She twisted the
pants and squeezed the water out. "He doesn't have a
special technique, does he?"
Kaneda said, "Other than being too stupid to know when to
quit?" He shook his head. He sat up, "But it's Kuno's
MOTVATION that's the threat!"
Ranma felt the pants, and bent over to put them back on.
I've never been any good about understanding motivations.
You hafta fight no matter why you do." Kaneda got a good
look at her boxer shorts.
He blushed and turned away, trying not to think about
what the pigtailed girl's ass would look like in panties.
"You know that YOU challenged HIM?"
Pulling up the damp pants Ranma said, "Yeah. So?"
Kaneda stood up, still looking away, "What happens when
you win a fight?"
Ranma started unfastening her Chinese shirt, "I send them
away. I don't want to see them again until they've
learned their lesson." Of course, sometimes it didn't
work out that way.
Kaneda said, "That's OUR Code. "The Anything-Goes School
of Martial Arts Code of Grace". We repeat their name to
show respect, not arrogance.
"But that's NOT Kuno's Code..." Kaneda turned around, saw
Ranma-chan's bared boobs, and immediately turned around
again. "If you defeat him, HE thinks you have to date
him."
Ranma-chan spun him back around, "That's HIS problem! I'm
not gonna do that with any guy, even OVER my beaten
body!"
Ranma was demanding Kaneda look at her in the eye, as if
she were a guy. Kaneda began to sweat as he struggled to
keep his eyes from lowering past her face. His thoughts
started to wonder, too, "Well, there's your reputation...as
a, fighter, that is. Kuno will spread the, uh, word that
you broke honor, and you'll lose shirt--I mean lose face
between, I mean--"
Ranma-chan glared intensely at him. She grabbed him by
his white shirt and yanked him down to her level. She
snarled, "How come you're DRY!?!!"
Kaneda looked down at the still damp, and topless, girl.
"How come you aren't?"
Ranma-chan yelled, "Because I went for a SWIM!" The force
of her answer caused her boobs to bob.
Kaneda tore his eyes away, and tried to gently pry her
little fists off of his shirt. "It just happens! It
doesn't always happen this quick. It doesn't happen when
I think about it too hard. I thought it might have to do
with my red hair. Red hair appears all around the world,
and they're often thought to have powers."
Ranma-chan let him get loose. But her mood hadn't
changed, "Magic! Damned thing mocks ALL the laws of
physics! Once the curse gets you wet it doesn't need to
stay. It probably goes to the same place Pop gets his
signs." Ranma remembered that Pop hadn't pulled his first
written sign out of thin air until he met his first
countryman. The sheer frustration of not being able to
communicate with another Japanese did it. "As long as you
stay cursed, it lets your subconscious do some things,
I'll bet." The curse gave you greater access to 'hammer
space' than others, perhaps.
PO-UR!
The panda had returned with the teakettle. Kaneda no
longer had to pretend that Ranma's boobs weren't a
bother. But Kane-chan had to pretend HER boobs weren't a
bother.
She also had to grab her slacks to keep them from falling
down.
Kane-chan cried, "Why did you do that!!?!"
The panda held up a green flag, and waved it.
Kuno's voice cried, "The signal!!"
The shirtless Ranma-kun yelled, "Pop!! What'd you go and
do that for!!?! ' You TRYIN' to sic Kuno on Kaneda!?!"
The panda held up its sign, [What's good for the gander
is good for the goose.]
Ranma-kun gaze went back to Kane-chan, "I can't say she
doesn't have it comin'." Then he shoved her away. "But
all she did was turn me into a girl. It's MY fault Kuno's
after me." He set about for the nearest puddle. "And I
ain't run away from a fight, yet." Not for long, anyway.
The panda threw itself over the puddle on its back. It
raised its long sharp claws to protest its son decision
to be a girl.
Ranma-kun yelled at it, "There's plenty more water out
here! We just had a storm!"
Suddenly: "Hey! Look at ME, Kuno!"
Ranma-kun groaned. He didn't want to look. That idiot
wasn't...?
Still dripping wet, Kuno's eyes nearly popped out of
their sockets when he saw the topless girl finding the
extra hole in her belt. "Miss! I do not know why you
address me in this, uh, manner, but it is not, uh,
proper..."
Her pants secure, Kane-chan said, "Do you remember me?"
Kuno struggled to put his gaze on her face. "Uh, yes. I
do believe I, uh, have. Seen you, that is. (Though not
this much of you.)"
The longhaired girl struck her pose, hands up, but hiding
nothing. "My name is Akane Saotome: And I challenge you!"
The End of this chapter
By Ron Dow75
From an idea by James M. Zema,
Unauthorized, but allowed.
[Note: If the original body has certain recessive traits,
the curse makes them dominant in the second. Ranma-chan's
red hair comes from Ranma's mother. But if Ranma-chan were
strictly his true female version, she would have black hair and
gray eyes. Then why the changes? Kuno knows some of the
lore.]
[Note: When I can, I've replaced the nameless bit players
with Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri and Yuka.]
03: School is No Place for Challenges
Kaneda asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He was
in his school uniform and wet.
Ranma-chan told him, "I ain't gonna school like this."
She was in her Chinese clothes and wet.
Kaneda said, "We, uh, can get some hot water from Dr.
Tofu!"
The other redhead stopped to grumble, but turned around
to follow.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The local clinic had signs outside that advertised
"Acupressure, Acupuncture, Moxibustion". Kaneda informed
the girl who was barely listening, "Dr. Tofu also knows
several other techniques, but these are what most people
want. He's also a trained GP."
Ranma-chan barely took the gloomy look off her face,
"We'll see. I've run into my share of quacks in my
travels."
Kaneda went inside and called, "Hello! Hello! Anybody
here?!"
Ranma-chan said, "Oh, boy. Now I'm gonna be late.
He went into the infirmary, "Wait here. I'll get you the
hot water."
Ranma-chan stayed at the doorway, "That's okay. Don't
bother!"
Kaneda said, "You don't want to go to school as a girl."
Ranma said, "I thought you wanted me to." When he didn't
answer, she sighed, "Oh, boy! What a way to start things
out. Now I'm going to be late."
Suddenly she felt something lifeless and bony on her
shoulder.
She screamed like a girl and jumped!
Her hands found the top of the open door and held on. Her
slippers were as high up off the floor as she could get
them without going into contortions.
A totally white, totally bony figure without skin or hair
said in a high voice, "Pardon me!"
"Hm, hm, hm!" the tall man in glasses and a black do-gi
laughed. "Hi, don't afraid! This is my skeleton, Beti.
Lovely complexion, don't you think?"
Even when it she realized it was just a Halloween
perversion of a Bunraku puppet show Ranma the great
martial artist had not gotten over his fright.
Kaneda said, "How cute! Just like a girl."
Ranma tired to jump down and challenge that slur...but her
fingers wouldn't let go of the door.
Kaneda gave a respectable bow, "Dr. Tofu, good morning to
you."
The doctor returned the bow, though not as low, "Good
morning to you."
Ranma managed to pry herself off the door, and land with
some dignity on the floor.
But they weren't paying her any attention. Dr. Tofu said,
"You haven't been by lately. Any new 'injuries'?"
Kaneda answered, "No. I've been very careful. I want to
thank you for you helping me, again."
The man smiled, "I am your family physician. I'm here to
do anything I to help a patient."
Ranma looked at the two. She became suspicious. It
sounded like they were talking in code.
Kaneda said, "Then you won't mind if I borrow 'it'?" He
glanced over at Ranma-chan. "I have somebody living with
me that has the same problem."
She was about to protest on two counts. But why let a
strange know any more than he did? When the man looked at
her, she tried to keep from reddening any more.
Dr. Tofu smiled like a doctor now for her, "Of course,
you may borrow it, Kaneda."
Then from the reception area, they heard another patient
come in. "Dr. Tofu? Could you help me?! My back has gone
out again! I was lucky to make it this far!"
When the good doctor left the infirmary, Kaneda hurried
to the sink to get the water. He gotten "it" while Ranma-
chan was on the door. It was in his slacks pocket.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The two teen guys had to hurry if they were going to make
it to school. While Kaneda ran along the narrow street,
Ranma was up running on the cement privacy walls. Despite
his speed he wasn't winded, "So that guy studies martial
arts?"
Though a religious jogger, Kaneda was winded, "Hunh?
How could you tell?"
Ranma the fighter analyzed what he remembered, "I can
tell. Sneakin' up on me that way. I didn't even hear him
comin'.
Kaneda said, "It's true. He's very good. He's a really
strong martial artist. He certainly doesn't look it, does
he?"
Kaneda had his own memories of the doctor, "Ever since I
was little, whenever something was wrong HE'D always make
it better."
Ranma jumped down to run beside Kaneda. "Hey, wait a
minute. ' Sounds to me you might like this guy in a way
GUYS aren't supposed to like other guys." It was both a
tweak and a hope. If he could get Kaneda's girl-half
interested in somebody else, he'd be rid of THAT problem.
Kaneda face and mood darkened. "I don't like guys, I HATE
guys! Hate guys!!" She looked at the school gate at the
end of the corridor that was the street. "And I'll SHOW
you how much I hate guys! --Look!!"
Ranma looked and saw a horde of fit-looking teen guys
dressed in just about every imaginable sports club a
school could have charging out from the grounds in their
direction. All had their own battle
cry.
Ranma said, "Wha the--"
Splish!
Too late, Ranma-chan noticed "it". Kaneda had pointed an
air-powered water gun at her at point blank range.
Kaneda had timed this so he could pick Ranma-chan up,
carry her for a few paces, and toss her for the high
concrete wall around the school before she or anybody
else could fight him.
Ranma-chan landed feet first on top of the wall like a
cat, and turned to yell, "Hey! What'd you do that..." Her
voice trailed off when she Kaneda dodge a boxer and send
his gloved punch at the panda. The panda wasn't
prepared; it was still dealing with surprised attack of
the fencer with two swords Kaneda had sent it.
Kaneda quickly had the fencer, and boxer out on the
panda. Spilled hot water and an empty teakettle were on
the ground, too.
Kaneda then leaped over the gate's threshold and, his
longhair flying, single-handedly took on five tennis
players, three rugby players, a hockey player, a
wrestler, two martial artist, two baseball batters, one
Greco-Roman and one sumo wrestler, two American football
players, and a half-a-dozen others whose uniforms Ranma
didn't recognize.
Ranma despite herself she had crouched down on the wall
and watched. "He's something else. I didn't give him
enough credit for knowing how to fight. But what's it all
about??"
Nabiki called out from window seat she had on the second
floor, "Ranma! Don't interfere, this is Kaneda's fight."
By force of training Ranma had to study everybody's moves
and techniques. Anyone of them could be an opponent in
the future. Kaneda had definitely shown himself to be
one. ...Still, so many against one? He called back at
Nabiki, "Yeah, but-"
Nabiki assured him, "It's OK! He knows what he's doing.
This happens EVERY morning!"
Ranma looked at Kaneda with even more respect. Well,
maybe not respect. The guy was showing off as he was
beating up the 24 guys. He was putting in moves and
techniques he didn't need to. They were a waste of time
and effort.
Finally, everybody but Kaneda was laid low and
motionless. The only sounds that could be heard were the
cars in the background and Kaneda's panting. But instead
of using his breathing exercises to replenish his energy,
he wasted his breath by saying, "You'd think they
would've all learned by now." Kaneda HAD been showing
off. But Ranma hadn't been a girl long enough to see why
he'd been doing it. The martial artist thought the "Heir
to the Tendou Dojo" just wanted to prove to Ranma he did
know how to fight.
Suddenly something came flying at Kaneda while he wasn't
looking.
But he caught it: It was a metal gauntlet a European armored
knight once wore. Kaneda raised his eyes and groaned, "Too
much French food."
As the thunder of a storm rolled in, a distinctly male
voice came out from behind the nearby tree. "What earthly
matters not when honor withers on vines untested by
night."
Ranma-chan wondered if that haiku was meant to mean
anything.
The orator was dressed in a kendo-gi and holding his
bokken/wooden sword down in one hand, "These...Weaklings!
Such a boorish lot, truly. They fought for the privilege
of being recognized as this school's top athlete ...if they
could manage to defeat you, that is. What fools these
mortals be."
Kaneda told the other, slightly taller boy, "Oh, Kuno, do
we HAVE to go through this again?" He backed up towards
the wall Ranma-chan was staring from.
Kuno readied his weapon, "Always! Though their quest was
sparked by my own, my challenge is of a more noble nature
than the rabble's." He approached Kaneda as a samurai
stalks his prey, both hands on the sword, now. "I seek to
eliminate the greatest lecher on the face of this
unfortunate orb."
Ranma-chan jumped down beside the red haired boy,
"Lecher? I KNEW you were a pervert!"
Kaneda told her, "Wait until you get to know Kuno before
you judge me."
Kuno blinked at the pigtailed girl, "Fair Damsel! I would
advice you steer wide berth of this...debaucher of women!"
Ranma-chan looked at Kaneda, "I've been too easy on you.
Pervert doesn't even begin to cover what you are. No wonder
you wanted me this way."
Kaneda grew angry enough to ignore Kuno, "It's not LIKE
that!! I'm NOT! I've never been! I only--"
Kuno gave his battle cry, "You force her to cross-
dress!!?!"
Reflexively, and because her keenly trained senses told
her how close it was going to be, Ranma stepped in front
of Kaneda. The pervert hadn't yet deserved an attack
while he was worn and distracted. She stopped Kuno's
bokken just in time: Trapping it along its sides between
her palms.
Kuno was stunned. "That's not is how it is meant to
be... The whole order of the world is turned upside down: By
a, a FEMALE, this time..."
Kaneda cried, "Now, look what you've done!"
Ranma-chan said, "Geez! If it's going to upset you guys
that much." And she let go.
Kuno had gone from pushing to pulling to free his sword.
The sword came back and whacked him on the head. Hard.
Kuno refused to fall.
Kaneda told Ranma-chan, "Kuno's hardheaded. We won't get
to the front doors before he's after us."
Ranma looked around for an idea. She got it, "He likes
trees, does he?" For somebody who fought a giant panda,
picking up the teenage boy wasn't too much of an effort.
Kaneda saw where she was dragging Kuno, and picked up by
his ankles.
By the time Kuno had stirred, he'd been tossed up over a
limb of the tree he'd been hiding behind.
Kaneda looked up at the giant clock on the school's
tower. "We're already late!" And he picked Ranma-chan up
in his arms and carried her towards the threshold of her
new school.
Ranma-chan cried, hitting at him with her little fists,
"Let me go, you womanizer! I ain't gonna school like
this!!"
The blows hurt, but not enough to make Kaneda let her go,
not when he was so close to getting her just where he
wanted her. "Remember, Ranma, I'm really a girl! Your
Code doesn't let you beat up girls!"
Ranma reared back her head, and bellowed, "What about
YOUR Code!!?!"
Kaneda's twisted logic was, "But YOU'RE not a girl,
right?!"
WHONG! Kuno had fallen out of the tree just then. A
second person joined Kaneda in Ranma's entourage.
The thunder roared, and the lightning flashed: *KRAKKA!*
RRRRMMMM!
Looking at the scene upside down on his throbbing head,
he said, "That infamous lecher Kaneda has stolen away the
fiery maiden! It is the Rape of the Sabine Women all over
again! The distressed damsel needs rescuing!" He finally
toppled over, and rolled--until he was sitting up, his hand
reaching to his sword. "It looks again as if only the one
true samurai around, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder
of Furinkan High, has the fortitude to take on and punish
the moral degenerate Kaneda Tendou!"
Nabiki rested her chin in her hand as she gazed down at
the captain of the school's kendo club. "I think zealots
are far more dangerous than perverts."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Inside Room 1-F, the middle-aged teacher read from the
form he was given and announced to the class, "It seems
we have a new student here at Furinkan High. Her name is
Ranma Saotome...an unusual name for a girl. She's just
returned from China. So let's all give her a warm nihao
welcome."
Hiroshi and Daisuke led the stirs among the boys; Sayuri
and Yuka led grumbles from the girls.
The teacher added, "However, that does not excuse the
fact that she and Kaneda Tendou were late. So go stand in
the hall."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
They stood in silence for a few minutes, holding their
buckets of water, and looking out the third floor window.
The storm had left as quickly as it had come. The sun was
bright.
Ranma-chan couldn't remain quiet. "This is all your
fault."
Kaneda said, "Not entirely. Nabiki has favors out all
over school. When she saw that you came as a girl, she
must have been prepared to call one in and had them
change your sex on the records."
Ranma grumbled, low and menacing, "It's a conspiracy. I
bet it started before I got to China."
Kaneda cleared his throat, and ventured, "Look, Ranma,
I'm not really a pervert. Kuno just thinks so because--"
Ranma snapped, quietly, "I don't care what HE thinks you
are. I KNOW you're a pervert. What I WANNA know is--what
were you doin' shooting me like that!"
Kaneda said, "Shoot you!? It was just a high-powered
water gun."
It was Ranma's turn to, "SHH! Keep it quiet. And I KNOW
it was a water gun: That's why I'm a girl."
Kaneda said, "You know Dr. Tofu's a martial artist." He
looked towards the windows. "Well, he's also been my
coach. He really doesn't have the time to be my sensei,
but he does give me help. Without him, I wouldn't be
nearly the martial artist I am today."
Ranma said, "Stop the cello music, and tell me about that
"it" of yours."
Kaneda glanced around then looked over his shoulder.
There was no one near the windows that looked into the
classroom. He looked back, and down into the bucket. "He
IS my doctor. He knows about my...problem. He shoots the
gun at me so I can practice getting out of the way of
water."
Ranma almost bought it. "But as long as you WANNA be a
guy, you don't HAFTA keep away from cold water."
Kaneda looked into his bucket, "You haven't had the
problem long enough, I guess. I'm always getting splashed
with water for no good reason: Out of nowhere, when I
least expect it. True it's usually cold and doesn't
change me, but it does get annoying." He held up the
bucket, careful to keep it away from him, "I don't know
how, I don't know when, but I'm willing to bet with
Nabiki that I get splashed with this water."
Ranma still hated him for making everybody at this school
think she was a girl, but at least she saw that point.
Ever since she started having her water problem, it was
hard staying dry.
Kaneda said, "Now, I'm going to tell you why Kuno's after
me."
Ranma turned her head away, and hummed
Kaneda continued anyway, "At the beginning of the
semester, Kuno made this stupid speech..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
At "The Voice of Youth" Public Speaking Contest, Kuno
slammed his palm down on the podium to demand the
attention of the audience. "The Vengeance of Heaven is
the duty of the samurai! Thus it has been through time
immemorial in this, the Most Noble of Lands, Our Japan.
"...Am I making myself absolutely clear!?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda fell silent. His face hidden behind his long hair.
Ranma-chan was left to pretend she hadn't heard what she
didn't understand.
Finally, she had to say, "So!?!! What does that hafta do
with anything!?!"
Kaneda turned to Ranma, "You're a martial artist. You
know how they were developed by Buddhist monks and taught
to anybody willing to train. The idea challenged the idea
of a warrior class."
Ranma nodded, "And martial arts were highly developed in
Okinawa, where the samurai forbid the peasants to use any
weapon."
Kaneda said, "There has been an ages old contest between
certain samurai and what we represent. Of all the
students here at Furinkan, I am the only one whose family
has a dojo."
Kaneda bowed his head, "...And I was the next one scheduled
to speak..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
As Kaneda walked towards the podium, Kuno was walking
back to his seat. He cried, "Be warned, varlet!" and
slashed down with his sword.
Kameda stopped it between his bare hands.
...There, on stage, in front of the assembled school. Soon
the whole town would know...and further.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda asked, "Have you ever seen or read "Urusei
Yatsura"? Rumiko Takahashi's story about Lum, the green-
haired alien girl with powers?"
The red-haired Ranma-chan said, "No. I've heard of it.
Pop's cheap. If I read any manga, it's borrowed. And I
never had a TV what with our travelin' for ten years. And
just about the only movies Pop'll let me see has martial
arts in it."
Kaneda said, "Well, in it there's this rich samurai,
Shutaro Mendou. His sworn enemy, Ataru Moroboshi, is
always stopping him from killing him with a real sword."
Ranma-chan 'guessed', "With his bare hands"."
Kaneda nodded, "And feet, and just about every other
way." Ranma looked down at her very loose slippers. She
remembered moves like that in one or two martial arts movies.
She'd never yet let herself be in a position where she had to
use the technique herself.
Kaneda said, "Well, the Lum Fan Club noticed the
similarity in technique. But to Kuno that made me
immediately like Moroboshi in EVERY way. And he was the
biggest lecher in the Galaxy."
Ranma-chan blinked at him with her big blue eyes. "You're
kidding."
Kaneda said, "I wish I were. But Kuno doesn't kid. He's
insane, but he doesn't kid."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
In Room 2-E, Kuno was dressed in the same school uniform
as Kaneda. The sempai/upperclassman cried, "Fiancee!!?
She's, his, fiancée!?!!"
Sitting next to him, Nabiki Tendou said, "Unh, hunh, our
daddies decided since before they were born the son would
marry a daughter of the two families. And Ranma's an only
child."
Kuno raised his fists in fury, "Mm-Vah!! Not KANEDA!!" --
he slammed both hands down on his desk.
The teacher threw a piece of chalk hard enough that it
snapped the teen's head back as it broke against it. It
did not help the headache that went down to his heart.
"Kuno! Go stand in the hall!"
Nabiki was looking away and innocent. She hoped her plan
would do something to help get Kuno off of Kaneda's back.
But she hadn't had the chance to get to the part where
Kaneda had 'decided to stop being a lecher and settle
down'.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda was still looking glum. "Sometimes I think Kuno
would be different if he had something to take his mind
off of the History, Antiques and Code of the Samurai. A
girl, maybe."
Ranma-chan looked at guy standing beside her, and
remembered he was a she, "You mean a guy who looks like
that, doesn't have a girlfriend?"
Kaneda said, "Handsome, rich, cultured, connected...the
list goes on. But I don't think he's ever even been on a
date."
That gave Ranma-chan another chance, " "A list", hunh? Do
anything on the list ever make you wish you were a--"
Splash!
Suddenly Ranma-chan was damp on one side. But it was
Kaneda that was wet. He held up the even fuller bucket he
was holding, "Another bet I would've lost to Nabiki."
Kuno was back in his black-under-blue kendo-gi, and in
the stance of just having tossed water from his bucket.
His weapon of choice, the bokken, was slung over his
back. "Never Kaneda Tendou!"
Kaneda groaned, "Not again, Kuno."
Kuno continued in a serious rumble, "I shall never accept
your engagement to Ranma, nor any other fair flower! I
Tatewaki Kuno shall never allow you to prey upon the
innocent!"
Ranma tossed her bucket straight at the samurai-kid,
"Hey, you jerk! I ain't--"
Kuno sliced through both bucket and water with his wooden
sword.
And the windows of the classroom slid open. Their
classmates squeezed their bodies out, boys on one side,
girls on the other: "Kaneda has a girl!?!"/ "His dad had
to pick her, I'll bet!"/ "Jealous? Look at her!"/ "She looks
like she'd rather be a guy."/ "What better girl for
Kaneda!"/ "Be careful what you say around her."/ "Yeah!
She's a martial artist, too!"/ "Don't listen to those idiots,
Ranma."/ "Right, we'll help you fit in with us girls."/ "I know
just what your complexion needs!"/ "Oo, red hair! Do you
dye it?"/ "Why didn't they give you a school dress?"/
"Yeah! I want to see her legs!"/ "I want to see her panties!"...
Ranma-chan screamed, "That does it!!" And she issued her
challenge to Kuno, "I ain't interested in ANY jerk. I may
not be able to beat up Kaneda, but I ain't got no problem
doin' it to you!"
Kuno stood there confused. "What??"
Ranma-chan walked past him. "This is no place for a
fight, Kuno. If you want to fight, follow me."
Kuno's throbbing head and heart began to pound, "She
would date with me! She has issued a challenge in the
manner of the Valkyrie! Then, when I am fallen in
battle, she will sweep me up to Valhalla: Paradise of
Heroes!"
(It was Kaneda's turn to be confused, "Japanese folklore
aren't enough for him? He has to use Western ones, too?")
Ranma-chan yelled back at Kuno, "I don't know what you're
talkin' about! I ain't a Valkyries: I'm Ranma Saotome of
the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts! Now, are you
gonna fight me, or not!?!"
The already smitten Kuno answered, "That I shall, My
Brunhilde!"
(Hiroshi said, "I always thought Brunhilde was more
zaftig than that."
Daisuke said, "I'd rather my battle maidens be petit,
anyway.")
Suddenly Kaneda realized, "Wait, Ranma!!" He began to run
after them, "Ranma! Beat Kuno up all you want--But DON'T
win!!"
From down the hall Ranma called back, "Ranma Saotome
never loses!"
Kaneda called, "Fine! Just don't win!!" But his shout was
lost among those of the students pouring out of the 1-F's
windows into the hall behind him: "Now the jerk's going
to fight a girl!"/ "She's the one who wanted the fight!"/
"That's because she wants him!"/ "KUNO!?? Why would ANY
girl in her right mind--"/ "She ISN'T in her right mind,
if she WANTS to fight!"/ "But when Kuno wins, he can't
ask her out!"/ "But what if she wins!?!"/ "Then she ISN'T
in her right mind!"...
Kaneda picked up his speed to sprint out ahead of crowd,
"Ranma!!"
Ranma-chan heard and saw all of the commotion over her
shoulder. She raced to an open sliding window. "Here's a
nice short cut," she told Kuno as she leaped out of it.
Kuno leaped after.
Panic pumped adrenaline into Kaneda's body, "When I said
you needed a girl, I didn't mean RANMA!!"
Before his brain had caught up with his body, he'd leaped
out the window himself.
He heard Daisuke, above, say, "Hey, this is the third
floor!"
Too late he heard Ranma-chan, below, say, "Water!? Even
when all it can do is make me wet, it's THERE!!?!"
Far too late he heard Hiroshi pointed out, "Look, they're
going to land in the pool." Kaneda's doom was sealed.
SPLASH!
SPLASHHHH!
KER-SPLASHHHH!
Hiroshi announced, "Look! Kuno's floating to the
surface."
Daisuke did color, "Yeah, but where's Saotome!?!"
Yuka asked, "Where's Kaneda??"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ranma-chan swam. "Gotta get out! ' Can't stand being
wet!"
Kuno saw her from the surface, "Ranma, I fight on! Defeat
me!"
He swam for her, his hands reaching for more than just
water. He grabbed a bare arm. He spun her around to face
him.
That's when Ranma-chan caught sight of the flailing
movement of somebody sinking to the bottom: Kaneda!
Ranma-chan broke Kuno's hold. She brought her legs up,
and pushed off against him at the correct angle! She then
swam harder than she would if she were a guy, "Girls
WOULD be more buoyant!"
Kuno saw the girl he would make a lady put all of her
thought on the task of saving the vile Kaneda Tendou. "Of
course! Red hair, as with twins, are eldritch! The ally
of demons has placed his mark upon her head to enslave
her!"
But his expressed thoughts had taken that last of his
air. He would have to drown the evil sorcerer after he'd
been brought to the surface.
What he found when he raised his head above the water was
a very wet panda. And it was holding a...teakettle?
The girl he'd only momentarily forgotten yelled out,
"Hey, Pop! Help me with Kaneda!"
Kuno said, "The beast is the demon! I shall retake your--
"
Ranma-chan didn't want him taking ANYthing of hers: She
knocked him across the pool...where he managed to get
entangled in the ladder out.
When Ranma-chan looked, the panda was still holding up
its sign, [Why help him? Look what he's done to you!]
Ranma-chan had pulled Kaneda over near the pool's edge,
"Well, for one, how's your friend gonna take it if you
let his kid stay drowned!?!"
Bending to reason, the panda lift the two out of the pool
together.
But it put them both over its shoulders, held them there
with his paws and took off!
Ranma yelled, "Pop!! You're not helpin'!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lucky for Kaneda he wasn't as 'drowned' as might have
been suspected. The rough trip to the school's empty
athletic fields had forced him to cough up most of the
water he'd taken in.
When he was finally laid down among a few trees out of
sight of most of the school. Ranma-chan had jumped off
his pop. "I'll hit you in the gut to get the rest of the
water out. But don't expect me to put my lips on yours!"
Ranma was surprised she was upset that the jerk had
nearly killed himself.
Kaneda tried to say something, but hadn't quite the
breath for it. He heard Ranma-chan say, "Don't go back
for the teakettle, Pop! I'm wet and this wind'll just
cool the hot water."
But the panda didn't listen, of course.
Glowering after the creature, Ranma-chan took off her
pants. "You'd think THIS'd be enough of an excuse not to
go back inside!" On guard against anything girly, she did
her best to she forget she wasn't a guy.
Kaneda looked at her legs and drew his breath in. -- And
coughed!
Getting her feet out, Ranma-chan scowled, "That WAS
stupid! Jumpin' in like that when you can't swim!"
Kaneda groaned: Another black mark against him in Ranma's
eyes. "I *Cough!* was trying to warn you. I, uh, have
been fighting Kuno longer than you have."
Ranma's opinion of the Kaneda was only slightly raised.
But, "I know how to pick up on an opponents style while
we fight. I've been in enough of them." She twisted the
pants and squeezed the water out. "He doesn't have a
special technique, does he?"
Kaneda said, "Other than being too stupid to know when to
quit?" He shook his head. He sat up, "But it's Kuno's
MOTVATION that's the threat!"
Ranma felt the pants, and bent over to put them back on.
I've never been any good about understanding motivations.
You hafta fight no matter why you do." Kaneda got a good
look at her boxer shorts.
He blushed and turned away, trying not to think about
what the pigtailed girl's ass would look like in panties.
"You know that YOU challenged HIM?"
Pulling up the damp pants Ranma said, "Yeah. So?"
Kaneda stood up, still looking away, "What happens when
you win a fight?"
Ranma started unfastening her Chinese shirt, "I send them
away. I don't want to see them again until they've
learned their lesson." Of course, sometimes it didn't
work out that way.
Kaneda said, "That's OUR Code. "The Anything-Goes School
of Martial Arts Code of Grace". We repeat their name to
show respect, not arrogance.
"But that's NOT Kuno's Code..." Kaneda turned around, saw
Ranma-chan's bared boobs, and immediately turned around
again. "If you defeat him, HE thinks you have to date
him."
Ranma-chan spun him back around, "That's HIS problem! I'm
not gonna do that with any guy, even OVER my beaten
body!"
Ranma was demanding Kaneda look at her in the eye, as if
she were a guy. Kaneda began to sweat as he struggled to
keep his eyes from lowering past her face. His thoughts
started to wonder, too, "Well, there's your reputation...as
a, fighter, that is. Kuno will spread the, uh, word that
you broke honor, and you'll lose shirt--I mean lose face
between, I mean--"
Ranma-chan glared intensely at him. She grabbed him by
his white shirt and yanked him down to her level. She
snarled, "How come you're DRY!?!!"
Kaneda looked down at the still damp, and topless, girl.
"How come you aren't?"
Ranma-chan yelled, "Because I went for a SWIM!" The force
of her answer caused her boobs to bob.
Kaneda tore his eyes away, and tried to gently pry her
little fists off of his shirt. "It just happens! It
doesn't always happen this quick. It doesn't happen when
I think about it too hard. I thought it might have to do
with my red hair. Red hair appears all around the world,
and they're often thought to have powers."
Ranma-chan let him get loose. But her mood hadn't
changed, "Magic! Damned thing mocks ALL the laws of
physics! Once the curse gets you wet it doesn't need to
stay. It probably goes to the same place Pop gets his
signs." Ranma remembered that Pop hadn't pulled his first
written sign out of thin air until he met his first
countryman. The sheer frustration of not being able to
communicate with another Japanese did it. "As long as you
stay cursed, it lets your subconscious do some things,
I'll bet." The curse gave you greater access to 'hammer
space' than others, perhaps.
PO-UR!
The panda had returned with the teakettle. Kaneda no
longer had to pretend that Ranma's boobs weren't a
bother. But Kane-chan had to pretend HER boobs weren't a
bother.
She also had to grab her slacks to keep them from falling
down.
Kane-chan cried, "Why did you do that!!?!"
The panda held up a green flag, and waved it.
Kuno's voice cried, "The signal!!"
The shirtless Ranma-kun yelled, "Pop!! What'd you go and
do that for!!?! ' You TRYIN' to sic Kuno on Kaneda!?!"
The panda held up its sign, [What's good for the gander
is good for the goose.]
Ranma-kun gaze went back to Kane-chan, "I can't say she
doesn't have it comin'." Then he shoved her away. "But
all she did was turn me into a girl. It's MY fault Kuno's
after me." He set about for the nearest puddle. "And I
ain't run away from a fight, yet." Not for long, anyway.
The panda threw itself over the puddle on its back. It
raised its long sharp claws to protest its son decision
to be a girl.
Ranma-kun yelled at it, "There's plenty more water out
here! We just had a storm!"
Suddenly: "Hey! Look at ME, Kuno!"
Ranma-kun groaned. He didn't want to look. That idiot
wasn't...?
Still dripping wet, Kuno's eyes nearly popped out of
their sockets when he saw the topless girl finding the
extra hole in her belt. "Miss! I do not know why you
address me in this, uh, manner, but it is not, uh,
proper..."
Her pants secure, Kane-chan said, "Do you remember me?"
Kuno struggled to put his gaze on her face. "Uh, yes. I
do believe I, uh, have. Seen you, that is. (Though not
this much of you.)"
The longhaired girl struck her pose, hands up, but hiding
nothing. "My name is Akane Saotome: And I challenge you!"
The End of this chapter