A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews! I have been mad because of some
certain fans of a another couple on 'Friends.' (I think most of you know
what couple I speak of.) I had a really hard time with this chapter because
all of a sudden, I got so critical with my writing. So, reading and
reviewing is very important to me. This chapter is truly zany. There maybe
some unrealistic things, but its my world, get used to it. J/K! I have
been trying to think about the WAY future of this story. I might go past
Season 7 with this. I think that I have the guts to say it now, but I
think I'll do it. As for the current situation, things are gonna get a
little wilder. I'm probably torturing you with the tension and no real JnR
action yet, but give me time. Nothing comes easy. Anyway, enjoy another
chapter from yours truly. Read and review!
**************************************************************************** ** We begin the next day....
Joey was on the set of "Days Of Our Lives." He was getting his make up done. Joey couldn't believe it. He felt that Rachel might be on the same wavelength. Could she be wanting the same thing as him? 'No. It can't be.' Joey thought. 'Why would she like me? I'm not the brightest of people and I haven't had anything serious. What would she want to do with me? She doesn't like me.' Joey concluded.
Joey headed off to wardrobe. Today, he was getting measurements done for a suit he was going to wear in an upcoming, special episode. He entered the room and saw a woman getting out her measurement tape. She was about 5'5'' and had light brown hair, and had the same fashion sense.
The woman turned around as soon as Joey entered.
"Oh you must be Joey Tribbiani. My name is Raquel. I'll be taking your measurements today." Raquel said, reaching her hand out to shake his hand. She looked almost exactly like Rachel, only she had black, square glasses, her hair was up in a bun, and she had a slightly smaller nose. She wore a black turtleneck, black pants, and black boots, all very stylish, like Rachel.
"Oh. So is this your day job?" Joey said, flirting a little and stepping up onto the platform in the center of the room.
"No. Normally, I work in an office, but I do this to meet all the cute soap opera stars." Raquel said, while measuring Joey for his pants and shirt.
"Oh." Joey said, with a hint of laughter. "Where do you usually work?"
"I work in the offices of Kenneth Cole. I work for the marketing department there."
"Really? I have a friend who works for Ralph Lauren."
"No! I always wanted to work there."
"Oh yeah? Well, maybe we can catch up on some dinner and you can meet my friend. Say tommorow night at 6:00?"
"Is a certain someone asking me out on a date?"
"He might be."
"I'd love to go." Raquel said, putting her measuring tape down. "Okay, we are done. Here's my card, just call me with the details." Raquel said, jotting down the the numbers from the measuring.
Joey leaned over to see the numbers.
"You know, those numbers can be applied somewhere else."
"You got the date. Don't ruin it." Raquel said, still writing down the numbers.
"Right." Joey said and left to do his scene.
It was about 5:30 and Monica was in her kitchen preparing food for the dinner that her and Chandler will be having tonight, with Ross and Elaine.
"Hopefully, we won't have a fiasco like last night." Monica said.
"Yeah." Chandler said, looking below the sink. "Oh my God! We don't have any napkins!"
"What?!" Monica said, kneeling down below the sink.
"Gotcha!" Chandler said, laughing. Monica shot him a glare. "I'll just go sit over here, where I'll curl up in a ball and die." Chandler said, sitting down on the sofa chair.
Phoebe came in the apartment a few seconds later.
"Hey." Phoebe said, putting her purse on the coat rack
"Hey." Monica and Chandler said.
"Oh, Mon. I can't make it to the dinner tonight." Phoebe said.
"Why?"
"I have a date tonight!"
"That's great Pheebs. Is he dead?" Chandler asked.
"No. He's very much alive." Phoebe said, giving her signature smile.
"Okay, too much info, even if he is alive."
At that moment, Rachel came walking in.
"Hey." Rachel said, all happy and cheerful.
"Hey Rach, did you just smoke on something?" Phoebe asked.
"No. I have a date tonight."
"Wow. Good for you Rach, you're moving on." Monica said.
"Moving on from what?" Chandler asked.
"From...her...imaginary boyfriend..." Monica looked around the room for some kind of name "...Orville" Monica said, trying to cover tracks. Chandler had a confused look on his face. (A/N: Just to be clear, Monica knows about Rachel's feelings, Chandler knows about Joey's feelings. They don't know about each other. Carry on...).
"Anyway, I brought him up so you can meet him." Rachel opened the door and brought her date in. "Everyone, this is Joel." Rachel said, interlinking her arm with his.
Joel was about 6'0'', dark brown hair and dark eyes. His hair was a little past his ears, and had very broad shoulders. Monica looked on with confusion. This guy looked almost exactly like Joey, except for the longer hair and the clothes. Joel was dressed in dark drown corduroy pants with a black long sleeve cashmere sweater.
"What's up, lady?" Joel said, winking at Phoebe.
"Oh, Joelesph" Phoebe giggled. Phoebe then left for her date.
Joel winked at Chandler.
"Why are you winking at me?" Chandler asked.
"You just seem like the kind of guy to wink at." Joel said.
Joel walked over to the fridge and started looking through.
"Um, excuse me? Why are you going through my fridge?" Monica asked with confusion.
"Oh, I needed to remind myself that I have to go food shopping. Oh, I need some turkey, mustard, and bread." Joel said, taking out those items and started making a sandwich.
Monica pulled Rachel aside.
"Rachel, where did you get this guy?"
"Well, he came into Ralph Lauren to do some modeling and--"
"No Rach, I mean, who is this guy? Doesn't he remind you of someone?"
"Oh, you know what? He does remind me of Chris Farrow, you know the guy from high school with the whole lazy look and--"
"No, I mean does he remind you of someone we know and hang out with right now?"
With that, Joey comes walking in with Raquel.
"Hey." Joey said.
"Hey." Everyone said.
"Hey." Chandler said, turning around. He turned back around and stared in shock, his mouth gaping open. The woman on Joey's arm looked almost exactly like Rachel.
"Oh, this is Raquel." Joey said, as he and Raquel took a seat on the couch. Joey noticed Chandlers open mouth. "Dude, you're drooling all over." Chandler quickly wiped himself up.
Joel finished making his sandwich and took a seat next to Raquel on the couch.
"Hey, aren't you that dude on Days Of Our Lives?" Joel said, to Joey, taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Yeah, I'm that dude. Hey aren't you that dude who plays that dude on that show about that dude who takes 'the dude' to that place every week?" Joey asked.
"No. I'm the dude on the show who plays the dude who talks about that dude who is against one of my dudes and then I try to kill that dude."
"Oh! I love that show!" Joey replied, enthusiastically.
Monica noticed this conversation and couldn't take it anymore.
"Rachel, you're dating Joey." Monica said.
"No I'm not. I'm dating Joel." Rachel said.
"Don't you see it? The mannerisms, the 'dude', the food."
Rachel glanced over and saw Joel and Joey reaching for the remote. Joel took the remote and turned on the TV to a rerun of "Baywatch". "Nice." Joel and Joey said.
"No. I don't see it." Rachel said.
Phoebe was having a good time on her date.
"So, um, what do you do for a living?" Phoebe asked
"I um, teach a product demonstation class." Chris said.
"A product demonstration class?" Phoebe said, puzzled.
"Yeah. I get good money for it. Which is why I think you can use the new product I'm promoting." Chris said.
"Oh, so, thats why you brought me out on a date?"
"Um, pretty much, but let me show you one thing."
Chris beckons the waiter to come over. He has a remote control that says "I-Know-You-2000" on the top of the remote.
"Phoebe, have you ever had trouble trying to figure out what someone is thinking?"
"Not really, I'm psychic." Phoebe said.
"Well, just work with me here. Let's say you don't know what to eat for dinner and you want to ask your waiter, but he is too damn cute to ask. So you dial in a certain code." Chris aimed the remote for the waiters head, and a voiceover that says 'I would suggest the grilled salmon and vegetable broth.'
"Wow. Impressive. So I can use this to get peoples secrets? Like find out if Jacque Costeau is really dead? Or if I could find out the truth about Boca burgers?"
"Um, sure yeah. Whatever."
"Great." Phoebe said. "Thanks a bunch." Phoebe kissed Chris on the cheek and took the remote and pamphlet and was about to leave.
"Wait! Where are you going?"
"Well, you said you only brought me on a date to give me the remote so, bye bye." Phoebe said and left.
Raquel and Joel are sitting on the couch. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen.
"Hey Rach, why don't we all go on a double date?" Joey said, asking Rachel.
'There's no harm in asking a double date, I mean, you're already with Raquel.' Joey thought.
"That'd be great. Where did you plan on going?" Rachel said.
'Maybe I can give some excuse like, I'm becoming a vegetarian or I don't believe in dinner anymore. Or eating for that matter because I can't stop thinking about you...stop it Rach.' Rachel thought
"I was thinking of that burger joint, Blue Duck." Joey said.
'Yeah. Make yourself seem even more childish around her. That'll push her away. Good thinking Joe.' Joey thought
"Really? Joel was thinking of going there too." Rachel said. 'Wow. Joey and Joel have the same taste in food. I loved that pick up line Joel used. 'What's up, lady?' And the way he holds me close and when he smiles and....oh my god. Joel is Joey. Joey is Joel. Monica is right. What do I do?!"
"...and thats how I met Raquel." Joey said. He noticed Rachel off in a daze. "Rach? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. So Blue Duck." Rachel said.
Joey sat next to Raquel on the couch and Rachel next to Joel. Rachel still seemed to be in a daze when Raquel started talking to her.
"Are you the one who works in Ralph Lauren?" Raquel asked Rachel.
"Yes I am." Rachel said, sitting up to face Raquel. "Was I mentioned somewhere around your office?" Rachel was starting to get interested.
"No. I work at Kenneth Cole, and I've been wanting to work at Ralph Lauren for such a long time." "Oh my god! I've always wanted to work at Kenneth Cole! Oh, I wish I could switch with you." "Like it would make a difference." Chandler said.
"I got the job from a friend of mine. Unfortunately, I had to sleep with him. Such a bed hog." Raquel said.
"Luckily, I never had to sleep with a guy. Rumor had it, that someone who did have to sleep with a guy, from some other office was such a bitch in bed, that she only got an assistant job. And when the guy tried to apologize to her, she threw his clothes out on the street after her dog peed on them." Rachel said, laughing and sitting back.
"Um...that wasn't a rumor. That was quite true. I happened to think that he was a real bed hog and tried to get the dog involved with the sex."
"How would you know about the dog getting involved with the sex?"
"Well, the...uh...girl involved....happened to um....you know what, I hate Ralph Lauren...it's so rugged and very manly. And plaid? Who wears that stuff?"
"I do." Joey and Joel responded. They looked at each other.
"Well, Kenneth Cole should call their new line "Funeral Home Attaire."
"Well, your fashion style is so damn slutty."
Rachel gasped, and stood up.
"That's right. You shouldn't be working for Ralph Lauren. You should be working for the store where you get the cheap underwear you are wearing." Raquel said, pointing to where Rachel's underwear was showing.
"Oh really? Well, you should be working for 'Nerds 'R' Us' with the glasses you're wearing." Rachel said. Rachel and Raquel were staring each other down.
"Okay, I think its time to go for dinner." Joey said, grabbing Raquels hand, and Joel grabbing Rachels hand and heading out the door.
A few minutes later, Ross and Elaine came in the door.
"Hey" Ross and Elaine said.
Ross and Elaine noticed that no one was in the kitchen or the living room. And the bedroom door was open. And the guest room door was closed.
"Where is everyone?" Elaine questioned.
"I don't know. But I do know something. We don't just have to sit around and wait for them." Ross said, walking towards the guest room.
"Well, I don't know, it seems so....forbidden." Elaine said, making her way slowly towards the guest room.
"Oh well, who cares, Monica likes to change the sheets anyway." Ross said, running over and grabbing Elaine. They went into the guest room, and closed the door.
At that moment, Chandler and Monica opened the window and came in from the balcony.
"I'm so glad you finally agreed to do it on the balcony." Chandler said, beaming.
"I didn't agree. You threatened to put a stain on the couch and buy another barcalounger." Monica said.
"Well, thats the magic of Chandler." Chandler said, making gestures.
"That's the only magic you have, Houdini." Monica said, sarcastically.
Monica starts to make dinner, while Chandler goes to the bathroom.
Ross opened the door and noticed Monica starting dinner. He quickly shut the door, quietly.
"Where did they come from?" Ross said, his back against the door.
"It is their apartment." Elaine said, putting her hands on her hips.
"They must've been in another part of the apartment or something." Ross said.
"So what are we gonna do?"
"Maybe we can wait until they go out."
"Or we could go out the window."
"Oh, sweetie. You must be tired." Ross said, hugging a confused Elaine.
It is now 6:00. All 4 of them were sitting at the bar. Rachel, Joel, Raquel, and Joey are all sitting at the burger joint, Blue Duck. Rachel and Raquel were still arguing. Rachel has had about 5 glasses of wine. Joel and Joey were discussing acting things.
"So you were on 'All My Children?" Joey said.
"Yeah. I also had a brief stint on a local cable channel. The show was called 'How To Do.'"
"Was it some kind of advice show?"
"Yeah. Only I never gave advice. I was the guy in the background as the girls talked about sex. Not a bad gig, my friend." Joel said, drinking some Coke.
"Yous know whats?" Rachel said.
"What?" Raquel said, ticked off.
"I thinks thats you, you, you, are a tight ass." Rachel said, to Raquel.
"What?! I am not a tight ass." Raquel said, with disgust.
"Oh, yeesss you ares. You ands your hair up tight, and your glasses. Oh and may I talk about that outfit. Why does your date seem like a funeral to you?" Rachel said, standing up and taking another drink of her wine.
"Ugh! You know what? I think that you are one of the most selfish people I have ever met in my life. I have listened to you talk about your wedding you ran out on, your break up with this Ross person, and how you are having trouble finding love. Well you know what? You don't know what love is. You fall for someone and expect them to take over the role as your father. You want everyone to wait on you hand and foot. You may feel like you're not selfish, but you are. And frankly, I think that you and this Ross person were on a break."
Rachels eyes started to swell up. She was drunk, but she could comprehend what Raquel was saying. She couldn't stand to hear the truth, or what sounded like it.
"Come on Joey, lets leave." Raquel said.
"I think I'm gonna stay." Joey said. Joey got up and went over to a crying Rachel, and hugged her.
"Fine! Joel, are you coming?" Raquel said.
"Sure." Joel said. "Bye Rach." Joel winked at her goodbye.
Joel and Raquel left.
"Are you okay?" Joey said.
"Yeah. I'm fine." Rachel said, through sniffling.
"Let's get you home." Joey said.
Joey was holding a drunk Rachel in his arm.
Monica and Chandler had been sitting down waiting for about an hour for Ross and Elaine.
"Where are they? My lasagnas getting cold." Monica said, sitting at the dinner table.
"Well, if we had dinner yesterday, instead of the whole grocery fiasco, we would've had room in the fridge to put the lasagna in it." Chandler said.
"Wow..." Monica said.
"What?"
"That made no sense."
At that moment, Phoebe came in the door. She had the remote in her jacket pocket and the pamphlet as well.
"Hey." Phoebe said
"Hey." Monica and Chandler replied.
"Where are Ross and Elaine?" Phoebe questioned.
"I don't know. We tried calling them at Ross' place, but there's no answer." Monica said.
"Maybe my magical remote can help you find them." Phoebe said, pulling out her remote.
"I'm sorry Pheebs, but Joey is the TV star, not Ross." Chandler said.
"No, Mr. Wrong Pants. This is a remote that tells you what people are thinking. It's totally illegal but fun." Phoebe said. "All you have to do is figure out the persons channel and then you press 'Enter.' See watch." Phoebe presses 19.
'God, this is stupid. Oh, a remote control that tells you what people are thinking. I wish I could turn back time to see if Jill Goodacre had feelings for me.' Chandler's voiceover said.
"Chandler!" Monica said.
"What? It was just a test." Chandler said. Monica gave him a glare. Chandler made his way to the main bedroom. Monica got up to put the dinner away.
"Uh, I think I'm gonna go take a nap." Phoebe said, she started to head towards the guest bedroom.
"Oh god, someones coming." Ross said, he and Elaine, crawled under the bed, as Phoebe came in, shut the door and lied on the bed.
"What are we gonna do?" Elaine said, quietly.
"We're just gonna have to sneak out." Ross said. He crawled out from under the bed, and opened the door slightly. He noticed Chandler wasn't in the room, but Monica was still in the kitchen.
"OW!" Chandler yelled from the bedroom.
"What is it?" Monica said, from the kitchen.
"I think I just got a splinter from the treasure chest. Oh yeah....its a big one." Chandler said, in some pain.
"Let me get my first aid kit." Monica went into the bathroom.
"Okay all clear." Ross said. He and Elaine were making their way out. Monica came out of the bathroom, and Ross and Elaine quickly got down on the side of the couch. Monica then walked into the bedroom to assist Chandler. Ross and Elaine quickly made a beeline for the door.
Seconds later, Monica came out with some blood soaked tissues.
"Ugh! I've got to take the garbage out." Monica said.
"Aww honey. We share other fluids." Chandler said. Monica stared at him, in confusion. "But of course blood is gross, I don't know why you would like blood. Blehuk!" Chandler said, making a face.
Joey and Rachel came up the stairs to their apartment.
"I can't believes that you, you, had to take allllll those karatay classes to beat Randall up on the show." Rachel said, laughing, while half drunk.
"Yeah, I don't have many moves left, but the belts good to show off to the ladies." Joey said, not realizing he was coming on to Rachel.
'Is he coming on to me?' Rachel thought. 'That's nice.'
"Rach, are you okay? You look like you've lost it." Joey said, joking.
"No. I'm not lost. I feel found." Rachel said, looking up at Joey.
Rachel and Joey stared at each other. They felt something going on. The space between them was very small.
'I feel so close to her, yet so far away.' Joey thought. 'I'm a fool if I don't kiss her.'
'What's going on? Where's the kiss?' Rachel thought, half drunk.
At that moment, Monica came out with a big, black garbage bag.
"Hey, you two. How'd your dates go?" Monica said, standing next to Rachel.
Rachel felt like she was going to throw up. She opened the garbage bag and threw up in it.
'Oh great Rach! So fucking smooth! What next, you're gonna start humping is leg?' Rachel thought, yelling at herself. Rachel leaned her head on Joey's arm, and started to fall asleep.
"I guess she had a rought night." Monica said, staring at the contents in the garbage.
"Yeah. I'll explain more tommorow morning. G'night." Joey said, to Monica.
"'Night." Monica said, proceeding to the stairs.
Joey picked up Rachel and took her to her room. He laid her down on her bed. She moved a little to get comfortable on the bed. Joey placed a blanket over her.
'She's still beautiful, even in her worst hour.' Joey said.
Joey kissed Rachel on her forehead, and shut the door to her room. **************************************************************************** **** A/N: I know! I know! Not the greatest of chapters, but I was going through some stuff. I really need reviews for this one. I hope it wasn't too disappointing. I promise a few chapters from now, the torture will be over. Remember nothing comes easy. Please read and review!!
**************************************************************************** ** We begin the next day....
Joey was on the set of "Days Of Our Lives." He was getting his make up done. Joey couldn't believe it. He felt that Rachel might be on the same wavelength. Could she be wanting the same thing as him? 'No. It can't be.' Joey thought. 'Why would she like me? I'm not the brightest of people and I haven't had anything serious. What would she want to do with me? She doesn't like me.' Joey concluded.
Joey headed off to wardrobe. Today, he was getting measurements done for a suit he was going to wear in an upcoming, special episode. He entered the room and saw a woman getting out her measurement tape. She was about 5'5'' and had light brown hair, and had the same fashion sense.
The woman turned around as soon as Joey entered.
"Oh you must be Joey Tribbiani. My name is Raquel. I'll be taking your measurements today." Raquel said, reaching her hand out to shake his hand. She looked almost exactly like Rachel, only she had black, square glasses, her hair was up in a bun, and she had a slightly smaller nose. She wore a black turtleneck, black pants, and black boots, all very stylish, like Rachel.
"Oh. So is this your day job?" Joey said, flirting a little and stepping up onto the platform in the center of the room.
"No. Normally, I work in an office, but I do this to meet all the cute soap opera stars." Raquel said, while measuring Joey for his pants and shirt.
"Oh." Joey said, with a hint of laughter. "Where do you usually work?"
"I work in the offices of Kenneth Cole. I work for the marketing department there."
"Really? I have a friend who works for Ralph Lauren."
"No! I always wanted to work there."
"Oh yeah? Well, maybe we can catch up on some dinner and you can meet my friend. Say tommorow night at 6:00?"
"Is a certain someone asking me out on a date?"
"He might be."
"I'd love to go." Raquel said, putting her measuring tape down. "Okay, we are done. Here's my card, just call me with the details." Raquel said, jotting down the the numbers from the measuring.
Joey leaned over to see the numbers.
"You know, those numbers can be applied somewhere else."
"You got the date. Don't ruin it." Raquel said, still writing down the numbers.
"Right." Joey said and left to do his scene.
It was about 5:30 and Monica was in her kitchen preparing food for the dinner that her and Chandler will be having tonight, with Ross and Elaine.
"Hopefully, we won't have a fiasco like last night." Monica said.
"Yeah." Chandler said, looking below the sink. "Oh my God! We don't have any napkins!"
"What?!" Monica said, kneeling down below the sink.
"Gotcha!" Chandler said, laughing. Monica shot him a glare. "I'll just go sit over here, where I'll curl up in a ball and die." Chandler said, sitting down on the sofa chair.
Phoebe came in the apartment a few seconds later.
"Hey." Phoebe said, putting her purse on the coat rack
"Hey." Monica and Chandler said.
"Oh, Mon. I can't make it to the dinner tonight." Phoebe said.
"Why?"
"I have a date tonight!"
"That's great Pheebs. Is he dead?" Chandler asked.
"No. He's very much alive." Phoebe said, giving her signature smile.
"Okay, too much info, even if he is alive."
At that moment, Rachel came walking in.
"Hey." Rachel said, all happy and cheerful.
"Hey Rach, did you just smoke on something?" Phoebe asked.
"No. I have a date tonight."
"Wow. Good for you Rach, you're moving on." Monica said.
"Moving on from what?" Chandler asked.
"From...her...imaginary boyfriend..." Monica looked around the room for some kind of name "...Orville" Monica said, trying to cover tracks. Chandler had a confused look on his face. (A/N: Just to be clear, Monica knows about Rachel's feelings, Chandler knows about Joey's feelings. They don't know about each other. Carry on...).
"Anyway, I brought him up so you can meet him." Rachel opened the door and brought her date in. "Everyone, this is Joel." Rachel said, interlinking her arm with his.
Joel was about 6'0'', dark brown hair and dark eyes. His hair was a little past his ears, and had very broad shoulders. Monica looked on with confusion. This guy looked almost exactly like Joey, except for the longer hair and the clothes. Joel was dressed in dark drown corduroy pants with a black long sleeve cashmere sweater.
"What's up, lady?" Joel said, winking at Phoebe.
"Oh, Joelesph" Phoebe giggled. Phoebe then left for her date.
Joel winked at Chandler.
"Why are you winking at me?" Chandler asked.
"You just seem like the kind of guy to wink at." Joel said.
Joel walked over to the fridge and started looking through.
"Um, excuse me? Why are you going through my fridge?" Monica asked with confusion.
"Oh, I needed to remind myself that I have to go food shopping. Oh, I need some turkey, mustard, and bread." Joel said, taking out those items and started making a sandwich.
Monica pulled Rachel aside.
"Rachel, where did you get this guy?"
"Well, he came into Ralph Lauren to do some modeling and--"
"No Rach, I mean, who is this guy? Doesn't he remind you of someone?"
"Oh, you know what? He does remind me of Chris Farrow, you know the guy from high school with the whole lazy look and--"
"No, I mean does he remind you of someone we know and hang out with right now?"
With that, Joey comes walking in with Raquel.
"Hey." Joey said.
"Hey." Everyone said.
"Hey." Chandler said, turning around. He turned back around and stared in shock, his mouth gaping open. The woman on Joey's arm looked almost exactly like Rachel.
"Oh, this is Raquel." Joey said, as he and Raquel took a seat on the couch. Joey noticed Chandlers open mouth. "Dude, you're drooling all over." Chandler quickly wiped himself up.
Joel finished making his sandwich and took a seat next to Raquel on the couch.
"Hey, aren't you that dude on Days Of Our Lives?" Joel said, to Joey, taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Yeah, I'm that dude. Hey aren't you that dude who plays that dude on that show about that dude who takes 'the dude' to that place every week?" Joey asked.
"No. I'm the dude on the show who plays the dude who talks about that dude who is against one of my dudes and then I try to kill that dude."
"Oh! I love that show!" Joey replied, enthusiastically.
Monica noticed this conversation and couldn't take it anymore.
"Rachel, you're dating Joey." Monica said.
"No I'm not. I'm dating Joel." Rachel said.
"Don't you see it? The mannerisms, the 'dude', the food."
Rachel glanced over and saw Joel and Joey reaching for the remote. Joel took the remote and turned on the TV to a rerun of "Baywatch". "Nice." Joel and Joey said.
"No. I don't see it." Rachel said.
Phoebe was having a good time on her date.
"So, um, what do you do for a living?" Phoebe asked
"I um, teach a product demonstation class." Chris said.
"A product demonstration class?" Phoebe said, puzzled.
"Yeah. I get good money for it. Which is why I think you can use the new product I'm promoting." Chris said.
"Oh, so, thats why you brought me out on a date?"
"Um, pretty much, but let me show you one thing."
Chris beckons the waiter to come over. He has a remote control that says "I-Know-You-2000" on the top of the remote.
"Phoebe, have you ever had trouble trying to figure out what someone is thinking?"
"Not really, I'm psychic." Phoebe said.
"Well, just work with me here. Let's say you don't know what to eat for dinner and you want to ask your waiter, but he is too damn cute to ask. So you dial in a certain code." Chris aimed the remote for the waiters head, and a voiceover that says 'I would suggest the grilled salmon and vegetable broth.'
"Wow. Impressive. So I can use this to get peoples secrets? Like find out if Jacque Costeau is really dead? Or if I could find out the truth about Boca burgers?"
"Um, sure yeah. Whatever."
"Great." Phoebe said. "Thanks a bunch." Phoebe kissed Chris on the cheek and took the remote and pamphlet and was about to leave.
"Wait! Where are you going?"
"Well, you said you only brought me on a date to give me the remote so, bye bye." Phoebe said and left.
Raquel and Joel are sitting on the couch. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen.
"Hey Rach, why don't we all go on a double date?" Joey said, asking Rachel.
'There's no harm in asking a double date, I mean, you're already with Raquel.' Joey thought.
"That'd be great. Where did you plan on going?" Rachel said.
'Maybe I can give some excuse like, I'm becoming a vegetarian or I don't believe in dinner anymore. Or eating for that matter because I can't stop thinking about you...stop it Rach.' Rachel thought
"I was thinking of that burger joint, Blue Duck." Joey said.
'Yeah. Make yourself seem even more childish around her. That'll push her away. Good thinking Joe.' Joey thought
"Really? Joel was thinking of going there too." Rachel said. 'Wow. Joey and Joel have the same taste in food. I loved that pick up line Joel used. 'What's up, lady?' And the way he holds me close and when he smiles and....oh my god. Joel is Joey. Joey is Joel. Monica is right. What do I do?!"
"...and thats how I met Raquel." Joey said. He noticed Rachel off in a daze. "Rach? Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. So Blue Duck." Rachel said.
Joey sat next to Raquel on the couch and Rachel next to Joel. Rachel still seemed to be in a daze when Raquel started talking to her.
"Are you the one who works in Ralph Lauren?" Raquel asked Rachel.
"Yes I am." Rachel said, sitting up to face Raquel. "Was I mentioned somewhere around your office?" Rachel was starting to get interested.
"No. I work at Kenneth Cole, and I've been wanting to work at Ralph Lauren for such a long time." "Oh my god! I've always wanted to work at Kenneth Cole! Oh, I wish I could switch with you." "Like it would make a difference." Chandler said.
"I got the job from a friend of mine. Unfortunately, I had to sleep with him. Such a bed hog." Raquel said.
"Luckily, I never had to sleep with a guy. Rumor had it, that someone who did have to sleep with a guy, from some other office was such a bitch in bed, that she only got an assistant job. And when the guy tried to apologize to her, she threw his clothes out on the street after her dog peed on them." Rachel said, laughing and sitting back.
"Um...that wasn't a rumor. That was quite true. I happened to think that he was a real bed hog and tried to get the dog involved with the sex."
"How would you know about the dog getting involved with the sex?"
"Well, the...uh...girl involved....happened to um....you know what, I hate Ralph Lauren...it's so rugged and very manly. And plaid? Who wears that stuff?"
"I do." Joey and Joel responded. They looked at each other.
"Well, Kenneth Cole should call their new line "Funeral Home Attaire."
"Well, your fashion style is so damn slutty."
Rachel gasped, and stood up.
"That's right. You shouldn't be working for Ralph Lauren. You should be working for the store where you get the cheap underwear you are wearing." Raquel said, pointing to where Rachel's underwear was showing.
"Oh really? Well, you should be working for 'Nerds 'R' Us' with the glasses you're wearing." Rachel said. Rachel and Raquel were staring each other down.
"Okay, I think its time to go for dinner." Joey said, grabbing Raquels hand, and Joel grabbing Rachels hand and heading out the door.
A few minutes later, Ross and Elaine came in the door.
"Hey" Ross and Elaine said.
Ross and Elaine noticed that no one was in the kitchen or the living room. And the bedroom door was open. And the guest room door was closed.
"Where is everyone?" Elaine questioned.
"I don't know. But I do know something. We don't just have to sit around and wait for them." Ross said, walking towards the guest room.
"Well, I don't know, it seems so....forbidden." Elaine said, making her way slowly towards the guest room.
"Oh well, who cares, Monica likes to change the sheets anyway." Ross said, running over and grabbing Elaine. They went into the guest room, and closed the door.
At that moment, Chandler and Monica opened the window and came in from the balcony.
"I'm so glad you finally agreed to do it on the balcony." Chandler said, beaming.
"I didn't agree. You threatened to put a stain on the couch and buy another barcalounger." Monica said.
"Well, thats the magic of Chandler." Chandler said, making gestures.
"That's the only magic you have, Houdini." Monica said, sarcastically.
Monica starts to make dinner, while Chandler goes to the bathroom.
Ross opened the door and noticed Monica starting dinner. He quickly shut the door, quietly.
"Where did they come from?" Ross said, his back against the door.
"It is their apartment." Elaine said, putting her hands on her hips.
"They must've been in another part of the apartment or something." Ross said.
"So what are we gonna do?"
"Maybe we can wait until they go out."
"Or we could go out the window."
"Oh, sweetie. You must be tired." Ross said, hugging a confused Elaine.
It is now 6:00. All 4 of them were sitting at the bar. Rachel, Joel, Raquel, and Joey are all sitting at the burger joint, Blue Duck. Rachel and Raquel were still arguing. Rachel has had about 5 glasses of wine. Joel and Joey were discussing acting things.
"So you were on 'All My Children?" Joey said.
"Yeah. I also had a brief stint on a local cable channel. The show was called 'How To Do.'"
"Was it some kind of advice show?"
"Yeah. Only I never gave advice. I was the guy in the background as the girls talked about sex. Not a bad gig, my friend." Joel said, drinking some Coke.
"Yous know whats?" Rachel said.
"What?" Raquel said, ticked off.
"I thinks thats you, you, you, are a tight ass." Rachel said, to Raquel.
"What?! I am not a tight ass." Raquel said, with disgust.
"Oh, yeesss you ares. You ands your hair up tight, and your glasses. Oh and may I talk about that outfit. Why does your date seem like a funeral to you?" Rachel said, standing up and taking another drink of her wine.
"Ugh! You know what? I think that you are one of the most selfish people I have ever met in my life. I have listened to you talk about your wedding you ran out on, your break up with this Ross person, and how you are having trouble finding love. Well you know what? You don't know what love is. You fall for someone and expect them to take over the role as your father. You want everyone to wait on you hand and foot. You may feel like you're not selfish, but you are. And frankly, I think that you and this Ross person were on a break."
Rachels eyes started to swell up. She was drunk, but she could comprehend what Raquel was saying. She couldn't stand to hear the truth, or what sounded like it.
"Come on Joey, lets leave." Raquel said.
"I think I'm gonna stay." Joey said. Joey got up and went over to a crying Rachel, and hugged her.
"Fine! Joel, are you coming?" Raquel said.
"Sure." Joel said. "Bye Rach." Joel winked at her goodbye.
Joel and Raquel left.
"Are you okay?" Joey said.
"Yeah. I'm fine." Rachel said, through sniffling.
"Let's get you home." Joey said.
Joey was holding a drunk Rachel in his arm.
Monica and Chandler had been sitting down waiting for about an hour for Ross and Elaine.
"Where are they? My lasagnas getting cold." Monica said, sitting at the dinner table.
"Well, if we had dinner yesterday, instead of the whole grocery fiasco, we would've had room in the fridge to put the lasagna in it." Chandler said.
"Wow..." Monica said.
"What?"
"That made no sense."
At that moment, Phoebe came in the door. She had the remote in her jacket pocket and the pamphlet as well.
"Hey." Phoebe said
"Hey." Monica and Chandler replied.
"Where are Ross and Elaine?" Phoebe questioned.
"I don't know. We tried calling them at Ross' place, but there's no answer." Monica said.
"Maybe my magical remote can help you find them." Phoebe said, pulling out her remote.
"I'm sorry Pheebs, but Joey is the TV star, not Ross." Chandler said.
"No, Mr. Wrong Pants. This is a remote that tells you what people are thinking. It's totally illegal but fun." Phoebe said. "All you have to do is figure out the persons channel and then you press 'Enter.' See watch." Phoebe presses 19.
'God, this is stupid. Oh, a remote control that tells you what people are thinking. I wish I could turn back time to see if Jill Goodacre had feelings for me.' Chandler's voiceover said.
"Chandler!" Monica said.
"What? It was just a test." Chandler said. Monica gave him a glare. Chandler made his way to the main bedroom. Monica got up to put the dinner away.
"Uh, I think I'm gonna go take a nap." Phoebe said, she started to head towards the guest bedroom.
"Oh god, someones coming." Ross said, he and Elaine, crawled under the bed, as Phoebe came in, shut the door and lied on the bed.
"What are we gonna do?" Elaine said, quietly.
"We're just gonna have to sneak out." Ross said. He crawled out from under the bed, and opened the door slightly. He noticed Chandler wasn't in the room, but Monica was still in the kitchen.
"OW!" Chandler yelled from the bedroom.
"What is it?" Monica said, from the kitchen.
"I think I just got a splinter from the treasure chest. Oh yeah....its a big one." Chandler said, in some pain.
"Let me get my first aid kit." Monica went into the bathroom.
"Okay all clear." Ross said. He and Elaine were making their way out. Monica came out of the bathroom, and Ross and Elaine quickly got down on the side of the couch. Monica then walked into the bedroom to assist Chandler. Ross and Elaine quickly made a beeline for the door.
Seconds later, Monica came out with some blood soaked tissues.
"Ugh! I've got to take the garbage out." Monica said.
"Aww honey. We share other fluids." Chandler said. Monica stared at him, in confusion. "But of course blood is gross, I don't know why you would like blood. Blehuk!" Chandler said, making a face.
Joey and Rachel came up the stairs to their apartment.
"I can't believes that you, you, had to take allllll those karatay classes to beat Randall up on the show." Rachel said, laughing, while half drunk.
"Yeah, I don't have many moves left, but the belts good to show off to the ladies." Joey said, not realizing he was coming on to Rachel.
'Is he coming on to me?' Rachel thought. 'That's nice.'
"Rach, are you okay? You look like you've lost it." Joey said, joking.
"No. I'm not lost. I feel found." Rachel said, looking up at Joey.
Rachel and Joey stared at each other. They felt something going on. The space between them was very small.
'I feel so close to her, yet so far away.' Joey thought. 'I'm a fool if I don't kiss her.'
'What's going on? Where's the kiss?' Rachel thought, half drunk.
At that moment, Monica came out with a big, black garbage bag.
"Hey, you two. How'd your dates go?" Monica said, standing next to Rachel.
Rachel felt like she was going to throw up. She opened the garbage bag and threw up in it.
'Oh great Rach! So fucking smooth! What next, you're gonna start humping is leg?' Rachel thought, yelling at herself. Rachel leaned her head on Joey's arm, and started to fall asleep.
"I guess she had a rought night." Monica said, staring at the contents in the garbage.
"Yeah. I'll explain more tommorow morning. G'night." Joey said, to Monica.
"'Night." Monica said, proceeding to the stairs.
Joey picked up Rachel and took her to her room. He laid her down on her bed. She moved a little to get comfortable on the bed. Joey placed a blanket over her.
'She's still beautiful, even in her worst hour.' Joey said.
Joey kissed Rachel on her forehead, and shut the door to her room. **************************************************************************** **** A/N: I know! I know! Not the greatest of chapters, but I was going through some stuff. I really need reviews for this one. I hope it wasn't too disappointing. I promise a few chapters from now, the torture will be over. Remember nothing comes easy. Please read and review!!