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"Taihen Beef"
Fanfic Anime Ranma Ranma & Kanedafont size: (+) : (-)
Author: Ron Dow751. Default Chapter2. 02: Ranma's Girl Problem3.
03: School is No Place for Challenges4. 04: Hot Water5. 05: The
Tendou Trick6. 06: The Answer7. 07: Taihen Beef8. 08: A Sight Best
Not Beheld9. 09: May The Goddess Bless10. 10: A Doll For Two11.
11: Go Ahead, Try to Take Her12. 12: Check Mate13. 13: Tomobiki
the 13th14. 14: When Martial Artists Assemble!15. 15: Fight Karma
with Karma
PG-13 - English - Humor/Action/Adventure - Reviews: 40 - Publish
date: 08-04-02 - Updated: 12-06-02 storyid: 892133
Ranma & Kaneda
By Ron Dow75
From an idea by James M. Zema,
Unauthorized, but allowed.
07: Taihen Beef
Twice the usual number of uniformed jocks was waiting at
the Furinkan's gate and along its walk to the front
doors. Reinforcements had been called in after
yesterday's challenge for the title "Best Athlete" had a
new winner. Nobody had heard of the new guy Kei Tendou.
He hadn't even introduced himself with a proper
challenge. The guy had no right to come out of nowhere to
make his reputation. He had to be taught a lesson. "Do
you think this Kei Tendou is related to Kaneda Tendou?"/
"What a dumb question: Of COURSE they're related!"/ "As
a martial arts fan, I say he has the same fighting style
as Kaneda Tendou."/ "Didn't you hear about the story
Nabiki Tendou's telling?"/ "The one where Kei Tendou is
on the run from his clan?"/ "--And is hiding with his
cousin, Kaneda."/ "Well, Greater Tokyo IS far from
Fukuoka."/ "And ALL because of an arranged marriage with
some girl!"/ "Yeah, a girl named, uh, Akane Saotome!"/
"Do you think Akane Saotome is related to Ranma Saotome?"
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Kaneda's feet barely touched the ground as he raced to
school. I've done it! I took the next step, and it feels
okay! The first step had been when he had ASKED to be
engaged to Ranma-chan. I'm actually thinking of marrying
her!
In his head the a scenario unfolded:
Ranma-chan's father challenges Kaneda in a duel for the
hand of his daughter. As they face off in the Tendou
Dojo, he declares, "I will never let you take my daughter
away from me. She has belonged to me all of her life: And
she will be ALL of her life." He charges with, "THAT'S
why she must be the husband!!"
Kaneda answers, "That's why she MUST be a wife!!"
Before Kaneda reaches Mr. Saotome, he falls hard onto
the floor. Ranma-chan had landed on his back. She cries,
"That's for ME to decide!!"
Kaneda has no time to stop. Ranma-chan throws a fist to
his throat and gut. "Anybody that wants to be MY better
half HAD better be better 'n me!" Kaneda ducks the upper
fist, and shoves on the lower. Ranma-chan is spun like a
turnstile. Kaneda tramples over Mr. Saotome.
Ranma-chan stops her spinning and attacks him from
behind, "If you think I'm gonna let you make me the
traditional Japanese wife, you got another think comin'!"
Kaneda manages to dodge her blows. He strikes back. As
she deflects them with her palms, Kaneda tells her,
"Walk three paces behind? Keep your eyes lowered?
Don't talk? Do nothing to attract attention to yourself?
--That's only in public!" Kaneda's fear of becoming a
girl had latched onto horror stories like that.
The blows have been pushing small Ranma-chan back. She
counters by kicking, "OH!!? ONLY in public!?!"
Kaneda blocks her kicks with his kicks of his own,
"Haven't you heard the news stories about quiet, little
wives who beat their husbands at home?!"
Ranma-chan goes on the offensive, speeding up her attacks,
"But if I don't marry you, I can beat the crap outa you in
public, TOO!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, outside of Kaneda's head:
On the school grounds, the guys who had already been put
down by Kaneda groaned, "That wasn't KEI Tendou!"/
"Kaneda's gotten even BETTER!!"/ "Kei must be giving
Kaneda martial arts tips!"/ "And we thought we could
take KEI!?"/ "As a martial arts fan, I think Kaneda has
attained the ultimate fighting state of mind."/
"Meaning?"/ "He's not thinking about us at ALL! His
body is acting on pure conditioned reflexes!!" / "Ow.
Now, that hurts."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda says to Ranma-chan, "Fine: You can be an American-
style wife--But if I beat you, you have to BE my wife!"
Ranma-chan answers, "Come and get it! I'm ready for--"
Mr. Saotome suddenly tosses Ranma-chan out the dojo's
door. "No American-style: You have to get by the father
first!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The P.E. Teacher Mr. Shuaatsuneiga stood on top of the
front steps of the school, "You down there! Class in
session, you know! Come in here this second!"
The well-built man was bumped aside and off the stoop
as Kuno charged out of the building behind him.
Kuno ran toward the daydreaming Kaneda, his wooden sword
ready to deliver its blow, "Kaneda Tendou, I challenge
you! Give over Ranma Saotome!"
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Kaneda leaps, feet out towards the man who stands in the
way of his dreams, "Ha! Make that Ranma Tendou!!"
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Up at her usual place of the second story window, Nabiki
saw her brother's foot hit Kuno-baby's face. No sooner
had her classmate's head hit the ground, but Kaneda
pushed off on it. But what really caused the samurai-boy
to lose face was what Kaneda then yelled: "Come back
here, Ranma! I promise to beat you gentle like! All I
want to do is win you!!"
Nabiki commented, "Little brother has really fallen for
Ranma."
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Nabiki had sized up the situation. Turning from her spot
by the window, she saw the same old, substitute teacher
as they'd had for homeroom period as yesterday. She
seized on the opportunity. She called out, "Come on,
girls! This is an emergency! There are a pack of 52 hunks
laying out there that's going to need some attention!"
More girls than just her vice presidents followed her out
the door.
Taken by surprise, the only thing the teacher could think
to say was, "Hey! No running in the halls!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Standing beside a basin on a stand, Nabiki wrung out its
cold water from a towel. She took the cloth to the chair
beside the bed Kuno was laid out on. Seating herself, she
said, "Kuno, take my advice. You've REALLY got to work on
your technique."
Before she could put the damp cloth on his brow, Kuno
suddenly gained semi-consciousness. He sat up in bed,
"Ah, my goddess in pigtails, I shall never let you go, My
Love!" He then lay back on the pillow.
Nabiki stared at him, "Hmm?! Pigtailed girl?"
Kuno heard, and rose up again, "No, my wild haired
huntress, you don't understand. I love you, Akane, like
no other," he declared, crossing his arms over his heart.
He lay back down.
Nabiki eyed the guy who wasn't living up to her plans.
She crossed her arms. Kuno was rich. But he was also
unstable. He would most likely become possessive and
attack any guy who showed an interest in 'his' girl.
Which would be bad for business. With the right kind of
promotion, the volume of guys willing to pay for Ranma-
related merchandise would more than make up for the loss
of Kuno's money...
Kuno was back up, "Oh, you pigtailed goddess. Ranma, I
would date with you." He lay back down.
... But why couldn't Nabiki have Kuno as a client, TOO?
There was always 'Akane Saotome'. --AND by giving Kuno
Akane, his new sweetheart would be taking his mind off of
Ranma. Akane would WORK at it, in fact! Meanwhile Nabiki
would actually be doing Akane a favor. Nabiki wasn't
throwing HER to the school's wolves. There would be only
ONE guy after Akane, and she had proven many times she
could take him.
He came back up, "Wild haired huntress, allow me to date
with you." This time he gently took Nabiki's hand.
With her free hand, Nabiki took the basin from the stand,
and jarred the dreamer out of his delirium.
Frowning at the jerk, she said, "Are you quite finished
now, Kuno?"
The crumpled basin still on his head, Kuno told her,
"That hurt, Nabiki Tendou."
Testily, Nabiki asked, "Is dating girls the only thing
you think about, Kuno?"
His arms crossed, Kuno told her, "Fear not, Nabiki. I
have no intention of asking you out."
Nabiki answered with sarcasm, "Oh, I am SO disappointed."
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After homeroom period was over, Kaneda started doing the
math. What fantasy world was *I* in!!?! I know how good
Ranma is! Genma is her sensei! I've seen them spar
against each other: They do things I thought were only
legendary!!
He hung his head. His battle aura dimmed like a candle
flame not drawing enough wax. Who am I kidding? I HAVE
to worry about being challenged by them. Get beat, then
get lost. Those will be the terms.
The bell at last announced the first period was over.
Hiroshi came over, "Where's Ranma?!"
Daisuke joined him, "Your houseguest didn't LEAVE
already?!"
Kaneda, still slumped forward in his desk, said, "No. But
she might as well, for all of the chance I have with
her."
Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other: "They had a
fight."
Sayuri said, "I shouldn't wonder."
Yuka joined her on the other side of Kaneda, "The way you
let the guys treat her yesterday."
Sayuri said, "Just because she's a martial artist...."
Sayuri waited. Yuka didn't finish her thought.
Finally, Sayuri had to say, "Well!?! Aren't you going to
say "...doesn't mean she is isn't a woman inside"?"
Yuka answered, "But you've said martial arts makes a girl
different from ordinary women."
Sayuri asked, "What!? I meant it gives her confidence."
Yuka said, "But she bailed on us between classes. Ranma
couldn't face the pressure of being the new girl."
In the other aisle, Hiroshi would've liked to have had a
chance to 'console' her, "Yuka, you KNOW what a martial
arts fan Sayuri is."
Daisuke said, "It's blinded her to the softness a TRUE
girl must have."
Sayuri scorned, "And if a girl isn't, then she's a bitch,
I suppose!?!"
Daisuke said, "It makes her hard. Isn't that right,
Hiroshi?"
Hiroshi hesitated. Daisuke tended to be more tactless
than he liked to be. "Er, well, in a...relationship,
somebody has to be the one that yields."
Yuka's ears perked up. He'd actually said the R-word.
Sayuri demanded, "And WHY can't it be the guy who gives
in!?!"
Hiroshi said, "Because that makes him a wimp."
Daisuke said, "And only a bitch would want a wimp."
Sayuri cried, "What!? A man isn't a man unless he's "The
man"!? It's the WOMAN who has to jump through the
hoops!?..."
As they argued around him, Kaneda heard...and thought.
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By the end of the third class, Kaneda was still thinking.
The only reason he moved from his desk was because it was
the cleaning period. Hiroshi had lifted a desk and was
ready to put it on top of Kaneda's. "Come on, so we can
sweep and mop and get out of here."
Kaneda nodded, "...Out of here." And that's what he
absent-mindedly did, taking her schoolbag with him.
As Kaneda was leaving, Daisuke cried, "Hey! You can't get
out of work detail THAT easy!" And he sloshed some of the
water from his mop bucket at Kaneda's back.
Mr. Egami yelled, "Koyasu! The floor hasn't even been
swept yet! Why are you wasting hot water!?"
Daisuke pointed in the direction of the classmate who was
already out of sight. But he decided he wasn't allowed to
snitch on his friend.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The red haired Kaneda was gone. The black haired Kane-
chan Saotome walked down the hall, barely aware she was
in a Furinkan girls' uniform. Ranma does respect
strength, doesn't she? Look what happened when she wanted
to try out her "Saotome Hot Water Attack". Because I was
a guy and didn't wimp out, SHE stayed around. We had a
fair and honorable (and exhausting) battle. Then when it
was time to sleep, she let me. She didn't try to attack
me in my bedroom. Kane-chan didn't really consider her
battles with Ranma-kun as battles with the same person.
And since that Ranma was a male, Kane-chan was free to do
things against HIM that she wouldn't think of doing
against a girl (especially the one she had feelings for).
She clenched her hand, I HAVE to stand up to her. I may
not win, but I will definitely lose her, if I don't.
She walked down the school stairs, And I must not lose
her. Ranma's had a hard life. That's what she was raised
with. That's all she knows for herself. I can't offer her
a softer life until she thinks she wants it.
Kane-chan continued her thinking right through to the
shoe lockers. ...No, she'd just scoff at the considerate
suitor act. --Being romantic!? Flowers, candy, gifts
wouldn't go down right with her. I can't see Ranma as
being that kind of girl.
She took off her school slippers and put them in the
small locker as she took her shoes out, Ha! I can JUST
imagine her reaction if I did try any of that gooey
stuff.
Kane-chan stopped her musing as she took the first shoe
off, and put it back on, then took them off again. She
looked at the cross-trainers to see why it was so loose.
"It's MY shoe! I mean, the ones I wear when I'm me,
Kaneda. Oh, great! I wasn't wearing them when I changed."
She slammed the shoe locker closed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kane-chan headed for the nearest restroom.
But which one should she go in, the men's or women's?
Down on the main floor, there were more people out in the
hall...and more adults. It was important she make her
decision quickly.
Before she had made up her mind, two of those adults came
out of each door. They each stopped to look at her.
Kane-chan turned, and said, waving, "Never mind! I can
use one of the lavs on the way home."
The man called after her, "You're not suppose to leave
the grounds until after the afternoon recess on
Saturdays!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kane-chan left the school grounds on barefoot. Tying the
laces together, she had her guy-shoes draped over her
schoolbag. "This is 'nice'!" she thought as she stepped
on a particularly knobby pebble. "I haven't been a girl
enough! My feet are too soft!"
But that thought led to a smile, "Ranma doesn't have any
trouble going without shoes." That brought her attention
to her boobs, "AND she doesn't wear a bra." She adjusted
the bra she was wearing, "That just shows Ranma's is a
better girl than I am." Or she's bothered by constant
little irritations more. To Kane-chan bras were a
necessary evil. And right now she was having a hard time
getting comfortable in the evil thing. It's a wonder
bras find the right place. It's not like they're like
anything Kaneda wears.
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Swinging her bookbag ahead of her, Kane-chan ran around a
street corner. There she had to slow to a stop.
Kane-chan leaned against a privacy wall to rest. She was
tired, sweaty, and her naked feet hurt. "I think I lost
her."
She clenched her fist and glared at it, "All I did was
try and use the men's room. That waitress made me feel
like a pervert. I WASN'T a pervert! I was a girl! It's
not like I was going to be a GUY in the woman's room!"
From above Ranma-chan said, "Hmf! Some martial artist you
are."
Frowning, Kane-chan looked up. Looking like the last time
she saw her, Ranma was squatting on the wall just near
her head. "Oh!? And YOU'D beat up on a waitress!?!"
Ranma-chan jumped down. She barely bent anything to
absorb the impact, and immediately stood more erect than
she usually did, "A true martial artist doesn't have to beat
PEOPLE up."
Kane-chan crossed her arms, "And I--" She took her bare
arms away from her chest, "--suppose you threaten people
all the time? Considering how you were raised, you
probably--"
Ranma-chan leaned forward as she swung her fist down to
her side, "No! Where would the honor be in THAT!?!"
Kane-chan hesitated for a second, then threw her nose up,
"Hmph! I'll bet." She did her best to ignore her as she
walked away, "What did you do then?"
Fuming, Ranma-chan followed, "Usually we RAN, if you have
to know!"
Kane-chan's anger did increased, "That's what *I* did!
What makes YOU any different!?!"
Ranma-chan ran up in front of the girl, "Me and Pop don't
run UNTIL we get what we're after!" There was a "usually"
in there, but Ranma didn't like qualifying her arguments.
It didn't sound as forceful. Besides those times they
DIDN'T achieve their goals, it was because POP chickened
out.
Kane-chan went around her, " "Get what you're after"?
Hmph! It makes you seem like thieves."
Ranma yelled in frustration, "I'm NOT a thief!!" Pop, on
the other hand.... "Honor is important to me!" Loyalty to
family was more honorable than loyalty to the law.
Kane-chan thought, If I wasn't angry, I'd be pleased.
She noticed they were passing a restaurant, The "Taihen
Beef". She nodded towards it, "Okay, go into THEIR men's
room."
Ranma-chan hesitated only because it wasn't HER idea. But
it WAS a challenge. Grumbling, Ranma-chan tromped into
the restaurant.
Kane-chan walked towards the door, So that IS the way to
handle Ranma. Being nice will probably only get me
ignored and dismissed, because I wouldn't register on her
martial arts radar. It didn't help her mood. She thinks
life is a challenge. I have to GIVE her ones to keep her
attention. I just wish I were smart enough to know how to
maneuver her into the life I want to give her.
Kane-chan stuck her head under the noren/door curtain.
Ranma-chan WAS headed for the restrooms. The redhead had
to move back, though, to let a very large, very muscular
man wearing sweats and a wrestler's mask get by.
Kane-chan felt for her wallet. Crap! Why can't girls
have pockets!? "Sir!" she said to the wrestler. "My
friend, the one just going in the men's room, she hasn't
eaten since lunch, yesterday. Will you tell her to wait
here, while I find some money? There is no reason to
commit suicide!" All of it IS the truth.
The man said, "That was a girl??" He looked in time to
see her go in. "The poor, little thing." Nodding, he
headed for the restroom. "I, the Great Beef Bowl, will
save her!" He puffed out his chest as he sucked in his
belly. He had a lecherous look on his face, though, told
what his real intentions were.
Kane-chan blinked, "Beef Bowl"?? That guy is WAY too
much of an "Urusei Yatsura" fan. But, then, he may have
just hated teachers. Mr. Onsen-Mark got beat up by a
wrestler by that name.
Kane-chan stepped back outside to where she could see the
restaurant's sign. "Of course, where ELSE would a "Lum"
fan want to eat at? "Taihen" not only means "A Lot of",
it also means "Terribly Weird"." But she failed to see
that the owner was from Okinawa. The owner knew the
double meaning the English word "Beef" had for Americans.
Song refrain:
"Let's put weird and weird together
And make it even weirder!
Weird, weird space is
Terribly weird!"
Kane-chan heard Ranma yell, "PERVERT!!" There was a
*Kvang*, *Glahott* and a *Flush*, as somebody big was
thrown into a toilet stall.
Kane-chan hurried to stand outside, looking as innocent
as she could.
Ranma-chan came leaping out of the restaurant. She
bounded a sharp left, saw Kane-chan standing near the
door, and did a 180. "That was YOUR idea, wasn't it!!?!"
Kane-chan answered, "You lost!"
Ranma-chan told her, "I did not lose!!"
Kane-chan stepped away from her, "Yes you did. You
fought, you didn't run!"
Ranma-chan took her arm, and spun her around to face her,
"Wrestlers don't count as people! Not one ACTING like
that!!"
Kane-chan got in her face, "AND you didn't get what you
went in there for!!"
Ranma-chan had leaned backwards. But that was ALL the
ground she was prepared to cede, "Yes I did! The bet was
I wouldn't go into the men's room like this!"
Behind Kane-chan, in Ranma's sight, the owner of the
"Taihen Beef" (a squat man in a white t-shirt and short
chef's hat) yelled, "You caused trouble in my place
because of a stupid BET!!?!" He was waving the second
biggest meat cleaver that Ranma had ever seen. "That
is my best customer!!"
Kane-chan picked Ranma-chan up by the shirt material
around her armpits, "The challenge was: You have to
CHANGE in that men's room!!" She swung Ranma-chan around,
out of her way: "You have to STAY like this until you
do!!"
The man with the cleaver ran at Ranma-chan. As she bent,
tumbled, ducked and jumped out of the way of the massive
cleaver, Kane-chan forced herself to walk away. The
commotion behind her went on for at least a minute. When
it stopped, Kane-chan clapped her hands together; she
prayed, Give me the certainty that Ranma IS as great
martial artist as I think she is.
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What Kane-chan had done to Ranma-chan didn't make her
feel good. It slowed her pace, as she brooded. She even
missed a couple of turns, and had to go back the way
she'd come.
Kane-chan didn't feel like making her travel any longer.
She came in the front door this time. It feels strange.
I'm not used to simply walking into the house as a girl.
Before, I always tried to pretend I didn't become a girl.
I wonder what it would be like if I said, "I'm home!"
Kasumi was vacuuming the inner hall. But she heard.
She stopped the machine and said, "Well, hello, Akane
Saotome! Welcome to our home."
Kane-chan walked over to where she could see her oneesan.
" "Hello, Akane Saotome. Welcome to our home"??"
Kasumi explained, "To get Father to accept you, you have
to be a guest in the house. I'm sorry."
'Akane Saotome' sighed, and nodded. "Okay, I'll play
along. It's better than him blanking out on us."
As 'the guest' went to the stairs, Kasumi told her, "Mr.
Saotome's out, but Ranma's up there." (A heavy load went
off of Kane-chan's heart. Ranma had survived after all.)
"Try not to disturb her. The poor dear fell asleep the
moment her head hit the pillow." Her!?!
Kane-chan said, "Yes. I bet she didn't get much sleep
last night outside. I don't think she even had a pillow."
Though relieved, Kane-chan thought, Maybe Ranma ISN'T
the martial artist I thought she was. She couldn't get
hot water in a men's room!? Despite the owner, and maybe
the wrestler, it shouldn't be THAT difficult.
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By the top of the stairs, Kane-chan was thinking, WHY
wouldn't I want Ranma to be the girl? I should be glad
she failed. A hope began to form, Maybe this is an
excuse. Maybe Ranma really WANTS to be a girl.
Subconsciously, anyway.
Kane-chan turned the corner. She saw Nabiki, still in her
school uniform, coming towards her with a camera. It
didn't register how close she was to Ranma's open sliding
door. "Akane--"
Kane-chan stopped, and told her, "Not YOU, too!"
Nabiki said, "There's a name that goes with the body,
now."
Kane-chan thought, And with a different name, a
different attitude from what should be my family.
Nabiki said, "Akane, are you going to do your usual
Saturday afternoon workout?"
Kane-chan said, "If it's any of your business, I feel
like taking a nap."
Nabiki smiled, "Good! Pleasant dreams!" As she let Akane,
she said, "Oh! And don't forget to change into Kaneda!"
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It wasn't long before Kane-chan was out in the arena in
front of the family dojo lifting dumbbells. Dressed in
her usual yellow martial arts uniform. But this time she
was wearing something called a sports bra. She DIDN'T
like it. She wasn't used to wearing regular bras. It
squeezed her. She did her best to ignore her discomforts,
I WASN'T going to work out. But I do need to build-up
this body. I can't always count on being a guy to fight
my battles. She wasn't wearing anything on her feet.
When Nabiki finally showed up with the camera, she
managed to sound almost disappointed, "Akane? What
happened to Kaneda?"
Putting more force into her up-thrusts, Kane-chan told
her, "I don't know why you want to take more pictures of
Kaneda. But I know you're up to something. You have more
than enough all ready. If you want to take pictures, take
them like I am now."
Nabiki said, "You're a girl without makeup, a hairdo, or
even a pretty outfit."
Kane-chan smiled smugly, "That's right. Nobody's going to
want to pay for pictures of me looking like this." Kaneda
DID think that. The girls in the pictures Hiroshi and
Daisuke had shown her didn't look this unsexy...even
those in "less than dignified" poses.
Nabiki started taking pictures, anyway. "If you don't
mind, then. I need to fill up the roll so I can take it
to "Quique-de-Velop"." Nabiki believed in having
negatives.
Frowning, now, Kane-chan wondered what she was really up
to.
Suddenly an arrow came out of nowhere: It struck one of
the posts of the covered walkway between the house and
dojo. Another 30 centimeters and it would've been Nabiki's
face.
Kane-chan said the obvious, "Hey! That could hurt
somebody."
Nabiki barely allowed herself to show any reaction.
Looking for an excuse to do something besides stand
there, she saw the neatly fold paper tied around the
arrow. "Oo, it's a letter."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nabiki opened the folded letter out.
Kane-chan asked, "Who's it from?"
After reading it, Nabiki let Kane-chan see, "Here."
Kane-chan read it, " "Dear Nabiki Tendou"..." It didn't
take long for her to figure out from the florid dialect
who it was from, "..."Oh, how this spring of joy
resembleth the uncertain glory of an April day. Anyway:
Please come to Caf
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"Taihen Beef"
Fanfic Anime Ranma Ranma & Kanedafont size: (+) : (-)
Author: Ron Dow751. Default Chapter2. 02: Ranma's Girl Problem3.
03: School is No Place for Challenges4. 04: Hot Water5. 05: The
Tendou Trick6. 06: The Answer7. 07: Taihen Beef8. 08: A Sight Best
Not Beheld9. 09: May The Goddess Bless10. 10: A Doll For Two11.
11: Go Ahead, Try to Take Her12. 12: Check Mate13. 13: Tomobiki
the 13th14. 14: When Martial Artists Assemble!15. 15: Fight Karma
with Karma
PG-13 - English - Humor/Action/Adventure - Reviews: 40 - Publish
date: 08-04-02 - Updated: 12-06-02 storyid: 892133
Ranma & Kaneda
By Ron Dow75
From an idea by James M. Zema,
Unauthorized, but allowed.
07: Taihen Beef
Twice the usual number of uniformed jocks was waiting at
the Furinkan's gate and along its walk to the front
doors. Reinforcements had been called in after
yesterday's challenge for the title "Best Athlete" had a
new winner. Nobody had heard of the new guy Kei Tendou.
He hadn't even introduced himself with a proper
challenge. The guy had no right to come out of nowhere to
make his reputation. He had to be taught a lesson. "Do
you think this Kei Tendou is related to Kaneda Tendou?"/
"What a dumb question: Of COURSE they're related!"/ "As
a martial arts fan, I say he has the same fighting style
as Kaneda Tendou."/ "Didn't you hear about the story
Nabiki Tendou's telling?"/ "The one where Kei Tendou is
on the run from his clan?"/ "--And is hiding with his
cousin, Kaneda."/ "Well, Greater Tokyo IS far from
Fukuoka."/ "And ALL because of an arranged marriage with
some girl!"/ "Yeah, a girl named, uh, Akane Saotome!"/
"Do you think Akane Saotome is related to Ranma Saotome?"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda's feet barely touched the ground as he raced to
school. I've done it! I took the next step, and it feels
okay! The first step had been when he had ASKED to be
engaged to Ranma-chan. I'm actually thinking of marrying
her!
In his head the a scenario unfolded:
Ranma-chan's father challenges Kaneda in a duel for the
hand of his daughter. As they face off in the Tendou
Dojo, he declares, "I will never let you take my daughter
away from me. She has belonged to me all of her life: And
she will be ALL of her life." He charges with, "THAT'S
why she must be the husband!!"
Kaneda answers, "That's why she MUST be a wife!!"
Before Kaneda reaches Mr. Saotome, he falls hard onto
the floor. Ranma-chan had landed on his back. She cries,
"That's for ME to decide!!"
Kaneda has no time to stop. Ranma-chan throws a fist to
his throat and gut. "Anybody that wants to be MY better
half HAD better be better 'n me!" Kaneda ducks the upper
fist, and shoves on the lower. Ranma-chan is spun like a
turnstile. Kaneda tramples over Mr. Saotome.
Ranma-chan stops her spinning and attacks him from
behind, "If you think I'm gonna let you make me the
traditional Japanese wife, you got another think comin'!"
Kaneda manages to dodge her blows. He strikes back. As
she deflects them with her palms, Kaneda tells her,
"Walk three paces behind? Keep your eyes lowered?
Don't talk? Do nothing to attract attention to yourself?
--That's only in public!" Kaneda's fear of becoming a
girl had latched onto horror stories like that.
The blows have been pushing small Ranma-chan back. She
counters by kicking, "OH!!? ONLY in public!?!"
Kaneda blocks her kicks with his kicks of his own,
"Haven't you heard the news stories about quiet, little
wives who beat their husbands at home?!"
Ranma-chan goes on the offensive, speeding up her attacks,
"But if I don't marry you, I can beat the crap outa you in
public, TOO!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, outside of Kaneda's head:
On the school grounds, the guys who had already been put
down by Kaneda groaned, "That wasn't KEI Tendou!"/
"Kaneda's gotten even BETTER!!"/ "Kei must be giving
Kaneda martial arts tips!"/ "And we thought we could
take KEI!?"/ "As a martial arts fan, I think Kaneda has
attained the ultimate fighting state of mind."/
"Meaning?"/ "He's not thinking about us at ALL! His
body is acting on pure conditioned reflexes!!" / "Ow.
Now, that hurts."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda says to Ranma-chan, "Fine: You can be an American-
style wife--But if I beat you, you have to BE my wife!"
Ranma-chan answers, "Come and get it! I'm ready for--"
Mr. Saotome suddenly tosses Ranma-chan out the dojo's
door. "No American-style: You have to get by the father
first!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The P.E. Teacher Mr. Shuaatsuneiga stood on top of the
front steps of the school, "You down there! Class in
session, you know! Come in here this second!"
The well-built man was bumped aside and off the stoop
as Kuno charged out of the building behind him.
Kuno ran toward the daydreaming Kaneda, his wooden sword
ready to deliver its blow, "Kaneda Tendou, I challenge
you! Give over Ranma Saotome!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kaneda leaps, feet out towards the man who stands in the
way of his dreams, "Ha! Make that Ranma Tendou!!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Up at her usual place of the second story window, Nabiki
saw her brother's foot hit Kuno-baby's face. No sooner
had her classmate's head hit the ground, but Kaneda
pushed off on it. But what really caused the samurai-boy
to lose face was what Kaneda then yelled: "Come back
here, Ranma! I promise to beat you gentle like! All I
want to do is win you!!"
Nabiki commented, "Little brother has really fallen for
Ranma."
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Nabiki had sized up the situation. Turning from her spot
by the window, she saw the same old, substitute teacher
as they'd had for homeroom period as yesterday. She
seized on the opportunity. She called out, "Come on,
girls! This is an emergency! There are a pack of 52 hunks
laying out there that's going to need some attention!"
More girls than just her vice presidents followed her out
the door.
Taken by surprise, the only thing the teacher could think
to say was, "Hey! No running in the halls!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Standing beside a basin on a stand, Nabiki wrung out its
cold water from a towel. She took the cloth to the chair
beside the bed Kuno was laid out on. Seating herself, she
said, "Kuno, take my advice. You've REALLY got to work on
your technique."
Before she could put the damp cloth on his brow, Kuno
suddenly gained semi-consciousness. He sat up in bed,
"Ah, my goddess in pigtails, I shall never let you go, My
Love!" He then lay back on the pillow.
Nabiki stared at him, "Hmm?! Pigtailed girl?"
Kuno heard, and rose up again, "No, my wild haired
huntress, you don't understand. I love you, Akane, like
no other," he declared, crossing his arms over his heart.
He lay back down.
Nabiki eyed the guy who wasn't living up to her plans.
She crossed her arms. Kuno was rich. But he was also
unstable. He would most likely become possessive and
attack any guy who showed an interest in 'his' girl.
Which would be bad for business. With the right kind of
promotion, the volume of guys willing to pay for Ranma-
related merchandise would more than make up for the loss
of Kuno's money...
Kuno was back up, "Oh, you pigtailed goddess. Ranma, I
would date with you." He lay back down.
... But why couldn't Nabiki have Kuno as a client, TOO?
There was always 'Akane Saotome'. --AND by giving Kuno
Akane, his new sweetheart would be taking his mind off of
Ranma. Akane would WORK at it, in fact! Meanwhile Nabiki
would actually be doing Akane a favor. Nabiki wasn't
throwing HER to the school's wolves. There would be only
ONE guy after Akane, and she had proven many times she
could take him.
He came back up, "Wild haired huntress, allow me to date
with you." This time he gently took Nabiki's hand.
With her free hand, Nabiki took the basin from the stand,
and jarred the dreamer out of his delirium.
Frowning at the jerk, she said, "Are you quite finished
now, Kuno?"
The crumpled basin still on his head, Kuno told her,
"That hurt, Nabiki Tendou."
Testily, Nabiki asked, "Is dating girls the only thing
you think about, Kuno?"
His arms crossed, Kuno told her, "Fear not, Nabiki. I
have no intention of asking you out."
Nabiki answered with sarcasm, "Oh, I am SO disappointed."
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After homeroom period was over, Kaneda started doing the
math. What fantasy world was *I* in!!?! I know how good
Ranma is! Genma is her sensei! I've seen them spar
against each other: They do things I thought were only
legendary!!
He hung his head. His battle aura dimmed like a candle
flame not drawing enough wax. Who am I kidding? I HAVE
to worry about being challenged by them. Get beat, then
get lost. Those will be the terms.
The bell at last announced the first period was over.
Hiroshi came over, "Where's Ranma?!"
Daisuke joined him, "Your houseguest didn't LEAVE
already?!"
Kaneda, still slumped forward in his desk, said, "No. But
she might as well, for all of the chance I have with
her."
Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other: "They had a
fight."
Sayuri said, "I shouldn't wonder."
Yuka joined her on the other side of Kaneda, "The way you
let the guys treat her yesterday."
Sayuri said, "Just because she's a martial artist...."
Sayuri waited. Yuka didn't finish her thought.
Finally, Sayuri had to say, "Well!?! Aren't you going to
say "...doesn't mean she is isn't a woman inside"?"
Yuka answered, "But you've said martial arts makes a girl
different from ordinary women."
Sayuri asked, "What!? I meant it gives her confidence."
Yuka said, "But she bailed on us between classes. Ranma
couldn't face the pressure of being the new girl."
In the other aisle, Hiroshi would've liked to have had a
chance to 'console' her, "Yuka, you KNOW what a martial
arts fan Sayuri is."
Daisuke said, "It's blinded her to the softness a TRUE
girl must have."
Sayuri scorned, "And if a girl isn't, then she's a bitch,
I suppose!?!"
Daisuke said, "It makes her hard. Isn't that right,
Hiroshi?"
Hiroshi hesitated. Daisuke tended to be more tactless
than he liked to be. "Er, well, in a...relationship,
somebody has to be the one that yields."
Yuka's ears perked up. He'd actually said the R-word.
Sayuri demanded, "And WHY can't it be the guy who gives
in!?!"
Hiroshi said, "Because that makes him a wimp."
Daisuke said, "And only a bitch would want a wimp."
Sayuri cried, "What!? A man isn't a man unless he's "The
man"!? It's the WOMAN who has to jump through the
hoops!?..."
As they argued around him, Kaneda heard...and thought.
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By the end of the third class, Kaneda was still thinking.
The only reason he moved from his desk was because it was
the cleaning period. Hiroshi had lifted a desk and was
ready to put it on top of Kaneda's. "Come on, so we can
sweep and mop and get out of here."
Kaneda nodded, "...Out of here." And that's what he
absent-mindedly did, taking her schoolbag with him.
As Kaneda was leaving, Daisuke cried, "Hey! You can't get
out of work detail THAT easy!" And he sloshed some of the
water from his mop bucket at Kaneda's back.
Mr. Egami yelled, "Koyasu! The floor hasn't even been
swept yet! Why are you wasting hot water!?"
Daisuke pointed in the direction of the classmate who was
already out of sight. But he decided he wasn't allowed to
snitch on his friend.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The red haired Kaneda was gone. The black haired Kane-
chan Saotome walked down the hall, barely aware she was
in a Furinkan girls' uniform. Ranma does respect
strength, doesn't she? Look what happened when she wanted
to try out her "Saotome Hot Water Attack". Because I was
a guy and didn't wimp out, SHE stayed around. We had a
fair and honorable (and exhausting) battle. Then when it
was time to sleep, she let me. She didn't try to attack
me in my bedroom. Kane-chan didn't really consider her
battles with Ranma-kun as battles with the same person.
And since that Ranma was a male, Kane-chan was free to do
things against HIM that she wouldn't think of doing
against a girl (especially the one she had feelings for).
She clenched her hand, I HAVE to stand up to her. I may
not win, but I will definitely lose her, if I don't.
She walked down the school stairs, And I must not lose
her. Ranma's had a hard life. That's what she was raised
with. That's all she knows for herself. I can't offer her
a softer life until she thinks she wants it.
Kane-chan continued her thinking right through to the
shoe lockers. ...No, she'd just scoff at the considerate
suitor act. --Being romantic!? Flowers, candy, gifts
wouldn't go down right with her. I can't see Ranma as
being that kind of girl.
She took off her school slippers and put them in the
small locker as she took her shoes out, Ha! I can JUST
imagine her reaction if I did try any of that gooey
stuff.
Kane-chan stopped her musing as she took the first shoe
off, and put it back on, then took them off again. She
looked at the cross-trainers to see why it was so loose.
"It's MY shoe! I mean, the ones I wear when I'm me,
Kaneda. Oh, great! I wasn't wearing them when I changed."
She slammed the shoe locker closed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kane-chan headed for the nearest restroom.
But which one should she go in, the men's or women's?
Down on the main floor, there were more people out in the
hall...and more adults. It was important she make her
decision quickly.
Before she had made up her mind, two of those adults came
out of each door. They each stopped to look at her.
Kane-chan turned, and said, waving, "Never mind! I can
use one of the lavs on the way home."
The man called after her, "You're not suppose to leave
the grounds until after the afternoon recess on
Saturdays!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kane-chan left the school grounds on barefoot. Tying the
laces together, she had her guy-shoes draped over her
schoolbag. "This is 'nice'!" she thought as she stepped
on a particularly knobby pebble. "I haven't been a girl
enough! My feet are too soft!"
But that thought led to a smile, "Ranma doesn't have any
trouble going without shoes." That brought her attention
to her boobs, "AND she doesn't wear a bra." She adjusted
the bra she was wearing, "That just shows Ranma's is a
better girl than I am." Or she's bothered by constant
little irritations more. To Kane-chan bras were a
necessary evil. And right now she was having a hard time
getting comfortable in the evil thing. It's a wonder
bras find the right place. It's not like they're like
anything Kaneda wears.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Swinging her bookbag ahead of her, Kane-chan ran around a
street corner. There she had to slow to a stop.
Kane-chan leaned against a privacy wall to rest. She was
tired, sweaty, and her naked feet hurt. "I think I lost
her."
She clenched her fist and glared at it, "All I did was
try and use the men's room. That waitress made me feel
like a pervert. I WASN'T a pervert! I was a girl! It's
not like I was going to be a GUY in the woman's room!"
From above Ranma-chan said, "Hmf! Some martial artist you
are."
Frowning, Kane-chan looked up. Looking like the last time
she saw her, Ranma was squatting on the wall just near
her head. "Oh!? And YOU'D beat up on a waitress!?!"
Ranma-chan jumped down. She barely bent anything to
absorb the impact, and immediately stood more erect than
she usually did, "A true martial artist doesn't have to beat
PEOPLE up."
Kane-chan crossed her arms, "And I--" She took her bare
arms away from her chest, "--suppose you threaten people
all the time? Considering how you were raised, you
probably--"
Ranma-chan leaned forward as she swung her fist down to
her side, "No! Where would the honor be in THAT!?!"
Kane-chan hesitated for a second, then threw her nose up,
"Hmph! I'll bet." She did her best to ignore her as she
walked away, "What did you do then?"
Fuming, Ranma-chan followed, "Usually we RAN, if you have
to know!"
Kane-chan's anger did increased, "That's what *I* did!
What makes YOU any different!?!"
Ranma-chan ran up in front of the girl, "Me and Pop don't
run UNTIL we get what we're after!" There was a "usually"
in there, but Ranma didn't like qualifying her arguments.
It didn't sound as forceful. Besides those times they
DIDN'T achieve their goals, it was because POP chickened
out.
Kane-chan went around her, " "Get what you're after"?
Hmph! It makes you seem like thieves."
Ranma yelled in frustration, "I'm NOT a thief!!" Pop, on
the other hand.... "Honor is important to me!" Loyalty to
family was more honorable than loyalty to the law.
Kane-chan thought, If I wasn't angry, I'd be pleased.
She noticed they were passing a restaurant, The "Taihen
Beef". She nodded towards it, "Okay, go into THEIR men's
room."
Ranma-chan hesitated only because it wasn't HER idea. But
it WAS a challenge. Grumbling, Ranma-chan tromped into
the restaurant.
Kane-chan walked towards the door, So that IS the way to
handle Ranma. Being nice will probably only get me
ignored and dismissed, because I wouldn't register on her
martial arts radar. It didn't help her mood. She thinks
life is a challenge. I have to GIVE her ones to keep her
attention. I just wish I were smart enough to know how to
maneuver her into the life I want to give her.
Kane-chan stuck her head under the noren/door curtain.
Ranma-chan WAS headed for the restrooms. The redhead had
to move back, though, to let a very large, very muscular
man wearing sweats and a wrestler's mask get by.
Kane-chan felt for her wallet. Crap! Why can't girls
have pockets!? "Sir!" she said to the wrestler. "My
friend, the one just going in the men's room, she hasn't
eaten since lunch, yesterday. Will you tell her to wait
here, while I find some money? There is no reason to
commit suicide!" All of it IS the truth.
The man said, "That was a girl??" He looked in time to
see her go in. "The poor, little thing." Nodding, he
headed for the restroom. "I, the Great Beef Bowl, will
save her!" He puffed out his chest as he sucked in his
belly. He had a lecherous look on his face, though, told
what his real intentions were.
Kane-chan blinked, "Beef Bowl"?? That guy is WAY too
much of an "Urusei Yatsura" fan. But, then, he may have
just hated teachers. Mr. Onsen-Mark got beat up by a
wrestler by that name.
Kane-chan stepped back outside to where she could see the
restaurant's sign. "Of course, where ELSE would a "Lum"
fan want to eat at? "Taihen" not only means "A Lot of",
it also means "Terribly Weird"." But she failed to see
that the owner was from Okinawa. The owner knew the
double meaning the English word "Beef" had for Americans.
Song refrain:
"Let's put weird and weird together
And make it even weirder!
Weird, weird space is
Terribly weird!"
Kane-chan heard Ranma yell, "PERVERT!!" There was a
*Kvang*, *Glahott* and a *Flush*, as somebody big was
thrown into a toilet stall.
Kane-chan hurried to stand outside, looking as innocent
as she could.
Ranma-chan came leaping out of the restaurant. She
bounded a sharp left, saw Kane-chan standing near the
door, and did a 180. "That was YOUR idea, wasn't it!!?!"
Kane-chan answered, "You lost!"
Ranma-chan told her, "I did not lose!!"
Kane-chan stepped away from her, "Yes you did. You
fought, you didn't run!"
Ranma-chan took her arm, and spun her around to face her,
"Wrestlers don't count as people! Not one ACTING like
that!!"
Kane-chan got in her face, "AND you didn't get what you
went in there for!!"
Ranma-chan had leaned backwards. But that was ALL the
ground she was prepared to cede, "Yes I did! The bet was
I wouldn't go into the men's room like this!"
Behind Kane-chan, in Ranma's sight, the owner of the
"Taihen Beef" (a squat man in a white t-shirt and short
chef's hat) yelled, "You caused trouble in my place
because of a stupid BET!!?!" He was waving the second
biggest meat cleaver that Ranma had ever seen. "That
is my best customer!!"
Kane-chan picked Ranma-chan up by the shirt material
around her armpits, "The challenge was: You have to
CHANGE in that men's room!!" She swung Ranma-chan around,
out of her way: "You have to STAY like this until you
do!!"
The man with the cleaver ran at Ranma-chan. As she bent,
tumbled, ducked and jumped out of the way of the massive
cleaver, Kane-chan forced herself to walk away. The
commotion behind her went on for at least a minute. When
it stopped, Kane-chan clapped her hands together; she
prayed, Give me the certainty that Ranma IS as great
martial artist as I think she is.
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What Kane-chan had done to Ranma-chan didn't make her
feel good. It slowed her pace, as she brooded. She even
missed a couple of turns, and had to go back the way
she'd come.
Kane-chan didn't feel like making her travel any longer.
She came in the front door this time. It feels strange.
I'm not used to simply walking into the house as a girl.
Before, I always tried to pretend I didn't become a girl.
I wonder what it would be like if I said, "I'm home!"
Kasumi was vacuuming the inner hall. But she heard.
She stopped the machine and said, "Well, hello, Akane
Saotome! Welcome to our home."
Kane-chan walked over to where she could see her oneesan.
" "Hello, Akane Saotome. Welcome to our home"??"
Kasumi explained, "To get Father to accept you, you have
to be a guest in the house. I'm sorry."
'Akane Saotome' sighed, and nodded. "Okay, I'll play
along. It's better than him blanking out on us."
As 'the guest' went to the stairs, Kasumi told her, "Mr.
Saotome's out, but Ranma's up there." (A heavy load went
off of Kane-chan's heart. Ranma had survived after all.)
"Try not to disturb her. The poor dear fell asleep the
moment her head hit the pillow." Her!?!
Kane-chan said, "Yes. I bet she didn't get much sleep
last night outside. I don't think she even had a pillow."
Though relieved, Kane-chan thought, Maybe Ranma ISN'T
the martial artist I thought she was. She couldn't get
hot water in a men's room!? Despite the owner, and maybe
the wrestler, it shouldn't be THAT difficult.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
By the top of the stairs, Kane-chan was thinking, WHY
wouldn't I want Ranma to be the girl? I should be glad
she failed. A hope began to form, Maybe this is an
excuse. Maybe Ranma really WANTS to be a girl.
Subconsciously, anyway.
Kane-chan turned the corner. She saw Nabiki, still in her
school uniform, coming towards her with a camera. It
didn't register how close she was to Ranma's open sliding
door. "Akane--"
Kane-chan stopped, and told her, "Not YOU, too!"
Nabiki said, "There's a name that goes with the body,
now."
Kane-chan thought, And with a different name, a
different attitude from what should be my family.
Nabiki said, "Akane, are you going to do your usual
Saturday afternoon workout?"
Kane-chan said, "If it's any of your business, I feel
like taking a nap."
Nabiki smiled, "Good! Pleasant dreams!" As she let Akane,
she said, "Oh! And don't forget to change into Kaneda!"
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It wasn't long before Kane-chan was out in the arena in
front of the family dojo lifting dumbbells. Dressed in
her usual yellow martial arts uniform. But this time she
was wearing something called a sports bra. She DIDN'T
like it. She wasn't used to wearing regular bras. It
squeezed her. She did her best to ignore her discomforts,
I WASN'T going to work out. But I do need to build-up
this body. I can't always count on being a guy to fight
my battles. She wasn't wearing anything on her feet.
When Nabiki finally showed up with the camera, she
managed to sound almost disappointed, "Akane? What
happened to Kaneda?"
Putting more force into her up-thrusts, Kane-chan told
her, "I don't know why you want to take more pictures of
Kaneda. But I know you're up to something. You have more
than enough all ready. If you want to take pictures, take
them like I am now."
Nabiki said, "You're a girl without makeup, a hairdo, or
even a pretty outfit."
Kane-chan smiled smugly, "That's right. Nobody's going to
want to pay for pictures of me looking like this." Kaneda
DID think that. The girls in the pictures Hiroshi and
Daisuke had shown her didn't look this unsexy...even
those in "less than dignified" poses.
Nabiki started taking pictures, anyway. "If you don't
mind, then. I need to fill up the roll so I can take it
to "Quique-de-Velop"." Nabiki believed in having
negatives.
Frowning, now, Kane-chan wondered what she was really up
to.
Suddenly an arrow came out of nowhere: It struck one of
the posts of the covered walkway between the house and
dojo. Another 30 centimeters and it would've been Nabiki's
face.
Kane-chan said the obvious, "Hey! That could hurt
somebody."
Nabiki barely allowed herself to show any reaction.
Looking for an excuse to do something besides stand
there, she saw the neatly fold paper tied around the
arrow. "Oo, it's a letter."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nabiki opened the folded letter out.
Kane-chan asked, "Who's it from?"
After reading it, Nabiki let Kane-chan see, "Here."
Kane-chan read it, " "Dear Nabiki Tendou"..." It didn't
take long for her to figure out from the florid dialect
who it was from, "..."Oh, how this spring of joy
resembleth the uncertain glory of an April day. Anyway:
Please come to Caf