Interlude 33 1/3: You Wish It Were The Final Insult.
Setting: The Bronze, or the college hangout, the author is feeling vague. Five figures are sitting around the table.
Michael: So, Spike, will you help us kill the Author of our story?
Spike: No, he's written me well so far and he's written me well elsewhere. Let sleeping Author's lie I say. Besides, I like him having "Tepes" in his name, good vampire stuff.
Max: After what he's done to us, that simply isn't an option.
Alex: Only problem is we have no way to get to him.
Kyle: Although we can bad mouth him here. And have been raiding his computer. After how he wrote me last part, I want him hurt.
Spike: Too bad you don't have any witches or magick mojo that you could use, borrow Q from Star Trek or something.
Alex: HEY, I've got an idea.
Kyle: This should be good, what is it?
Alex: I can't say right now, I'll tell you when the time is right.
Michael: Just tell us, don't hide it.
Alex: I can't, the owls are not what they seem and the walls have ears.
Michael, Kyle and Max: Huh?
Spike: I bloody liked that show, damn ABC for screwing it. I liked that Audrey chick. And guys, what he means is that the author could be listening in. Don't you know better than to give away your plan before the villain/hero/whatever is dead? I'm surrounded by amateurs.
Max: Okay… Just make it good Alex.
Alex: Don't worry, it is. The Author won't know what's coming.
Spike: This plan of yours', can you get me out to the real world with you? I want to find Joss and have words with him. This bleedin' chip was one thing, but an android? $#!% Someone must have slipped him some bad dope.
Kyle: I know, you're getting screwed there lately. Doesn't Joss realize just how much the women love you? You're my hero, you're evil, fun and get babes.
Kyle Gets Odd Looks From His Friends
Spike: Being a vamp is good. Lots of violence, no remorse, no sexual frustration and a long time to be undead.
Michael: No sexual frustration?
Spike: Sure, you become a vamp and you're automatically willing to have sex with anything. Dead, living, male, female, human, animal, demon… Hell, you find a tree with a nice knot hole and you'll be happy, but the splinters could kill ya.
The Roswell Guys Look Around Uncomfortably
Spike: Man, I really need a fag. Any of you got what I need?
Max, Kyle and Alex All Look At Michael
Michael: HEY, damn you guys.
Spike: I mean cigarettes. I can't believe how insecure teenage humans are. It's really sad, when I was a kid… things were different, I'll leave it at that. Want to know more, read some of Saber's fanfic.
Max: Um, yeah, moving on… What do you think we'll be doing next part?
Kyle: Maybe get to see some more girl/girl action?
Alex: I could go for that.
Michael: Is Buffy wearing her mini-skirt? Maybe she can do some high kicks.
Max: I am ashamed to know them.
Spike: They're just being normal. You've got that bloody soul mate Angel/Slayer deal going. So you're worse off.
Max: Hey…
Alex: He has you Max, you know it.
Kyle: Not like you're much better, I think the only differences between us and Max is that while he's totally comfortable with what he's got, we still like to window shop and realize we like what we have more.
Michael: That was actually intelligent Valenti, I'm surprised. Yeah, I'll look up Buffy's skirt, but I won't do more. Maria is more dangerous than Buffy.
Spike: I wouldn't bet on that mate, you should try having a jones for her. She can be evil when she wants.
Max: I watch the show, I know.
Alex: That reminds me, is the mall in Sunnydale close or far from where you usually see the stuff. You know, the college and magic shop and all.
Spike: Ah, the place where the Slayer blew up the Smurf Demon? It's not far.
Roswell Guys Scream
Spike: That was random, why?
Alex: They're nuts, it seems we're being haunted by Smurfs.
Spike: Could be worse, Dru used to sing that bloody song for hours, just the "lalala" $#!%, I almost staked myself. Now for the rest of my unlife that song will be in my head.
Kyle: That would be bad.
Michael: I have to use my alien powers to block the song out.
Spike: The worse part is Smurfs really exist, and the real ones are even more annoying.
Group Stops In Shocked Silence
Elsewhere…
LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA…
They live…
Setting: The Bronze, or the college hangout, the author is feeling vague. Five figures are sitting around the table.
Michael: So, Spike, will you help us kill the Author of our story?
Spike: No, he's written me well so far and he's written me well elsewhere. Let sleeping Author's lie I say. Besides, I like him having "Tepes" in his name, good vampire stuff.
Max: After what he's done to us, that simply isn't an option.
Alex: Only problem is we have no way to get to him.
Kyle: Although we can bad mouth him here. And have been raiding his computer. After how he wrote me last part, I want him hurt.
Spike: Too bad you don't have any witches or magick mojo that you could use, borrow Q from Star Trek or something.
Alex: HEY, I've got an idea.
Kyle: This should be good, what is it?
Alex: I can't say right now, I'll tell you when the time is right.
Michael: Just tell us, don't hide it.
Alex: I can't, the owls are not what they seem and the walls have ears.
Michael, Kyle and Max: Huh?
Spike: I bloody liked that show, damn ABC for screwing it. I liked that Audrey chick. And guys, what he means is that the author could be listening in. Don't you know better than to give away your plan before the villain/hero/whatever is dead? I'm surrounded by amateurs.
Max: Okay… Just make it good Alex.
Alex: Don't worry, it is. The Author won't know what's coming.
Spike: This plan of yours', can you get me out to the real world with you? I want to find Joss and have words with him. This bleedin' chip was one thing, but an android? $#!% Someone must have slipped him some bad dope.
Kyle: I know, you're getting screwed there lately. Doesn't Joss realize just how much the women love you? You're my hero, you're evil, fun and get babes.
Kyle Gets Odd Looks From His Friends
Spike: Being a vamp is good. Lots of violence, no remorse, no sexual frustration and a long time to be undead.
Michael: No sexual frustration?
Spike: Sure, you become a vamp and you're automatically willing to have sex with anything. Dead, living, male, female, human, animal, demon… Hell, you find a tree with a nice knot hole and you'll be happy, but the splinters could kill ya.
The Roswell Guys Look Around Uncomfortably
Spike: Man, I really need a fag. Any of you got what I need?
Max, Kyle and Alex All Look At Michael
Michael: HEY, damn you guys.
Spike: I mean cigarettes. I can't believe how insecure teenage humans are. It's really sad, when I was a kid… things were different, I'll leave it at that. Want to know more, read some of Saber's fanfic.
Max: Um, yeah, moving on… What do you think we'll be doing next part?
Kyle: Maybe get to see some more girl/girl action?
Alex: I could go for that.
Michael: Is Buffy wearing her mini-skirt? Maybe she can do some high kicks.
Max: I am ashamed to know them.
Spike: They're just being normal. You've got that bloody soul mate Angel/Slayer deal going. So you're worse off.
Max: Hey…
Alex: He has you Max, you know it.
Kyle: Not like you're much better, I think the only differences between us and Max is that while he's totally comfortable with what he's got, we still like to window shop and realize we like what we have more.
Michael: That was actually intelligent Valenti, I'm surprised. Yeah, I'll look up Buffy's skirt, but I won't do more. Maria is more dangerous than Buffy.
Spike: I wouldn't bet on that mate, you should try having a jones for her. She can be evil when she wants.
Max: I watch the show, I know.
Alex: That reminds me, is the mall in Sunnydale close or far from where you usually see the stuff. You know, the college and magic shop and all.
Spike: Ah, the place where the Slayer blew up the Smurf Demon? It's not far.
Roswell Guys Scream
Spike: That was random, why?
Alex: They're nuts, it seems we're being haunted by Smurfs.
Spike: Could be worse, Dru used to sing that bloody song for hours, just the "lalala" $#!%, I almost staked myself. Now for the rest of my unlife that song will be in my head.
Kyle: That would be bad.
Michael: I have to use my alien powers to block the song out.
Spike: The worse part is Smurfs really exist, and the real ones are even more annoying.
Group Stops In Shocked Silence
Elsewhere…
LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA…
They live…