Part 10: Uneasy Riders '01
On a long stretch of nowhere the SUV loaded with the minors speeded down the road. Alex had somehow gotten behind the wheel and was tapping the gas to the beat of a Hank Jr. song. His friends were cringing and even praying as Kyle tried to sing along. Suddenly a blinking red light caught the guys attention and he pulled over for the Cop car.
"Alex you dumbass, you got us pulled over." Kyle said from back as he hit Alex.
"Trust me guys, there won't be any trouble, okay? Just stay cool and don't act like aliens." Alex smart mouthed the guys. To which Max and Michael raised a one finger response.
"Kid you were doing 75 in a 65, but I'll let you go this time. Just watch it next time, okay? I'm just stopping you for a warning." Said the nice Officer Dudley Doright of the Highway Patrol.
"Thank you Sir." Alex said and slowly pulled away.
"That was close. Just watch it, okay Alex?"
"Sure thing Max, anyone else needing a pit stop by the way?"
"I could, shouldn't have had the 32ouncer back there." Michael said.
"Same here, I shouldn't have had two of them." Said Kyle.
"I could stand for one." Max chimed in.
"Okay, next place we come to we stop to empty and refill."
Story here. Yep, this sucks. Poor Alex has no idea what's going to happen to him.
Twenty minutes later and close to bursting the guys came upon the first sign of life… A place called the "Cloud Nine Bar And Grill." So, pulling in there the guys brandished their fake id's and two went to the bar while the others went to relieve themselves and rotated back out when the others got back. Soon all four were sitting at the bar nervously.
This feller came up and sat down by Alex, he looked like a girl but talked like a guy, had lipstick on and mascara in his eye and everyone in the place looked just about like him. The guys took a look around and got up to leave when these two beautiful women asked Michael and Kyle to dance.
"Guys, sit and have a round. We'll dance with these ladies and then be on our way." Kyle said as he and Michael walked away with the ladies. Max and Alex looked at each other and considered warning the guys, but decided against it.
As Kyle and Michael danced on a feller sat on down by Max too and started talking real sweet to him. All of a sudden their were hands on their knees, to which Max said "If you don't get away from me I'm going to beat the hell out of you."
The two fellers smiled real nice, one said to the other "We got us some live ones today." While the other said "I love it when you get that fire in your eye." Oh Max said "Well dude try this on for size." He punched the dude and he went out like a light. Following Max's cue Alex downed his guy and knocked over a couple others too.
Everybody in that place must have been their friends, they all headed for them and it was the end. Alex and Max stood back to back hitting anything that came in sight. Michael and Kyle came running out of the blue and the girls they were with came running up too and proceeded to beat on them with high healed shoes. Alex punched one and off went her hair while Max grabbed the other by the hair and it came off in his hand. Those beautiful women were just beautiful men… Ol' Kyle and Michael got sick right there on the floor. Punching their dates they joined the fight, they all went out like a light and the guys fought their way out the door and into the SUV.
Traveling down the road doing about 110 they all sat shocked at what had happened, when that red light flashed in the rearview, it was that same Cop again. Next thing they knew they were in the county jail, and old Kyle had to call his dad to throw the bail.
"Um, hey dad?" Kyle said into the phone.
"Yeah? You guys doing okay?" Jim said as he smiled at Amy while holding the phone.
"Well, um, we're kind of in jail…"
"YOU'RE WHERE?!?" Amy knew Jim's son had done screwed up good.
"Dad, it's a long story, but do you think you could pull some strings and get us released? We'll come straight home and I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Let's just say it involved a bar room brawl, speeding ticket and transvestites."
"Kyle, son, are you saying you're in jail because of a bar room brawl with transvestites?" Jim was trying to decide whether to laugh or to kill his kid. Amy, having heard that, decided to laugh but kept it low enough that Kyle couldn't hear.
"Oh, no dad. We're in jail because we were speeding away from the bar after the brawl. Look, I'll tell you all about it when we get home okay? Could you just get us out?"
"Sure thing son, but you come straight home or I'll come looking for you. Do I make myself clear?" Jim shook his head at the giggling Amy, whose state of dress or undress will not be mentioned.
"Believe me dad, we'll be happy to come home. We want back where the women are women and men are men." With that they hung up.
"Amy, I think my son is insane." Jim said as he walked back toward her.
"Who isn't in this town?"
TBC… After an interlude… yes, we are nearing the end of the story…
Here's the song I stole to make this.
"Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money
And a whole lot of show
And with Hank Jr. blaring on the radio
We got us a tank full of gas
And we was on our way
We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barrelling down old 17
When a man with a blinking red light
Was on our tail
He said you were doing 60 in a 45
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again
I'm gonna slap you in the county jail
We said thank you sir you sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice
And we were Southbound and down with the wind
Blowing in our faces
We kept on rolling and pretty soon
The radio was cooking out a Haggard tune
And we were pulling into Houston
Checking out all them places
I was feeling dry and I said I think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink
And old Jim said yeah 'cause we got time to kill
We kept on rolling and I seen this spot
And we pulled into the parking lot
Of this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill
We walked through the door
And the place was jammed
The lights were low they had a punk rock band
And some orange haired feller singing about suicide
I said Jim this ain't our kind of place
He said well let's just have one round anyway
So against my better judgement we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This feller walked up and said I'll buy this round
And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim
He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes
And everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said Jim this ain't our kind of bar
Let's just go on out and get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble
Ain't no sense in taking a chance
We was getting up getting ready to leave
When somebody grabbed old Jim by the sleeve
And this good looking girl was asking my buddy to dance
I said Jim don't do it there's something missing
There's fellers dancing and fellers kissing
There's a feller in high heeled shoes wearing panty hose
He said partner I just can't turn this down
You just go over there and have one more round
And I'll dance with the lady
And we'll get on down the road
So he walked away and left me alone
But this funny looking feller kept coming on
And he was making me mad with some of the things he said
Then he put his hand on my knee
I said if you don't get your paw off me
I'm gonna locate your nose around
The other side of your head
He said I love it when you get that fire in your eye
I said well partner try this on for size
And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must have been his friend
They all headed for me I said this is the end
But where I come from we don't give up
Without a fight
They were screaming and yelling and scratching and clawing
I was punching and hitting and kicking and pawing
I was holding my own 'cause I've been in a scrap or two
Old Jim come running up out of the blue
And that gal he was with come running up too
And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe
I grabbed her by the hair it came off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
And old Jim just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick made his makeup run
And me and old Jim started fighting our way to the door
We lit out of there in that Chevrolet
I put in on the floor and it stayed that way
We were going down the highway
Doing about a hundred and ten
We were headed for home and we was getting nearer
Then a red light came on the rear view mirror
And that same blame cop was pulling us over again
Now I'm sitting here in this county jail
I had to call my daddy to go our bail
But I learned me a lesson
That I never will forget again
I've done give up drinking I've give up bars
And running around the country in souped up cars
I'm going back where the women are women
And the men are men"
"Uneasy Rider '88" by the Charlie Daniels Band
On a long stretch of nowhere the SUV loaded with the minors speeded down the road. Alex had somehow gotten behind the wheel and was tapping the gas to the beat of a Hank Jr. song. His friends were cringing and even praying as Kyle tried to sing along. Suddenly a blinking red light caught the guys attention and he pulled over for the Cop car.
"Alex you dumbass, you got us pulled over." Kyle said from back as he hit Alex.
"Trust me guys, there won't be any trouble, okay? Just stay cool and don't act like aliens." Alex smart mouthed the guys. To which Max and Michael raised a one finger response.
"Kid you were doing 75 in a 65, but I'll let you go this time. Just watch it next time, okay? I'm just stopping you for a warning." Said the nice Officer Dudley Doright of the Highway Patrol.
"Thank you Sir." Alex said and slowly pulled away.
"That was close. Just watch it, okay Alex?"
"Sure thing Max, anyone else needing a pit stop by the way?"
"I could, shouldn't have had the 32ouncer back there." Michael said.
"Same here, I shouldn't have had two of them." Said Kyle.
"I could stand for one." Max chimed in.
"Okay, next place we come to we stop to empty and refill."
Story here. Yep, this sucks. Poor Alex has no idea what's going to happen to him.
Twenty minutes later and close to bursting the guys came upon the first sign of life… A place called the "Cloud Nine Bar And Grill." So, pulling in there the guys brandished their fake id's and two went to the bar while the others went to relieve themselves and rotated back out when the others got back. Soon all four were sitting at the bar nervously.
This feller came up and sat down by Alex, he looked like a girl but talked like a guy, had lipstick on and mascara in his eye and everyone in the place looked just about like him. The guys took a look around and got up to leave when these two beautiful women asked Michael and Kyle to dance.
"Guys, sit and have a round. We'll dance with these ladies and then be on our way." Kyle said as he and Michael walked away with the ladies. Max and Alex looked at each other and considered warning the guys, but decided against it.
As Kyle and Michael danced on a feller sat on down by Max too and started talking real sweet to him. All of a sudden their were hands on their knees, to which Max said "If you don't get away from me I'm going to beat the hell out of you."
The two fellers smiled real nice, one said to the other "We got us some live ones today." While the other said "I love it when you get that fire in your eye." Oh Max said "Well dude try this on for size." He punched the dude and he went out like a light. Following Max's cue Alex downed his guy and knocked over a couple others too.
Everybody in that place must have been their friends, they all headed for them and it was the end. Alex and Max stood back to back hitting anything that came in sight. Michael and Kyle came running out of the blue and the girls they were with came running up too and proceeded to beat on them with high healed shoes. Alex punched one and off went her hair while Max grabbed the other by the hair and it came off in his hand. Those beautiful women were just beautiful men… Ol' Kyle and Michael got sick right there on the floor. Punching their dates they joined the fight, they all went out like a light and the guys fought their way out the door and into the SUV.
Traveling down the road doing about 110 they all sat shocked at what had happened, when that red light flashed in the rearview, it was that same Cop again. Next thing they knew they were in the county jail, and old Kyle had to call his dad to throw the bail.
"Um, hey dad?" Kyle said into the phone.
"Yeah? You guys doing okay?" Jim said as he smiled at Amy while holding the phone.
"Well, um, we're kind of in jail…"
"YOU'RE WHERE?!?" Amy knew Jim's son had done screwed up good.
"Dad, it's a long story, but do you think you could pull some strings and get us released? We'll come straight home and I'll tell you all about it when I get there. Let's just say it involved a bar room brawl, speeding ticket and transvestites."
"Kyle, son, are you saying you're in jail because of a bar room brawl with transvestites?" Jim was trying to decide whether to laugh or to kill his kid. Amy, having heard that, decided to laugh but kept it low enough that Kyle couldn't hear.
"Oh, no dad. We're in jail because we were speeding away from the bar after the brawl. Look, I'll tell you all about it when we get home okay? Could you just get us out?"
"Sure thing son, but you come straight home or I'll come looking for you. Do I make myself clear?" Jim shook his head at the giggling Amy, whose state of dress or undress will not be mentioned.
"Believe me dad, we'll be happy to come home. We want back where the women are women and men are men." With that they hung up.
"Amy, I think my son is insane." Jim said as he walked back toward her.
"Who isn't in this town?"
TBC… After an interlude… yes, we are nearing the end of the story…
Here's the song I stole to make this.
"Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figured we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet
We had a little bit of money
And a whole lot of show
And with Hank Jr. blaring on the radio
We got us a tank full of gas
And we was on our way
We figured we'd go down to New Orleans
We were barrelling down old 17
When a man with a blinking red light
Was on our tail
He said you were doing 60 in a 45
But I'm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again
I'm gonna slap you in the county jail
We said thank you sir you sure been nice
And you ain't gonna have to tell us twice
And we were Southbound and down with the wind
Blowing in our faces
We kept on rolling and pretty soon
The radio was cooking out a Haggard tune
And we were pulling into Houston
Checking out all them places
I was feeling dry and I said I think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink
And old Jim said yeah 'cause we got time to kill
We kept on rolling and I seen this spot
And we pulled into the parking lot
Of this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill
We walked through the door
And the place was jammed
The lights were low they had a punk rock band
And some orange haired feller singing about suicide
I said Jim this ain't our kind of place
He said well let's just have one round anyway
So against my better judgement we walked on inside
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This feller walked up and said I'll buy this round
And he sat down on the barstool next to Jim
He looked like a girl but he talked like a guy
He had lipstick on and mascara in his eyes
And everybody in that place looked just about like him
I said Jim this ain't our kind of bar
Let's just go on out and get back in the car
'Cause there's gonna be trouble
Ain't no sense in taking a chance
We was getting up getting ready to leave
When somebody grabbed old Jim by the sleeve
And this good looking girl was asking my buddy to dance
I said Jim don't do it there's something missing
There's fellers dancing and fellers kissing
There's a feller in high heeled shoes wearing panty hose
He said partner I just can't turn this down
You just go over there and have one more round
And I'll dance with the lady
And we'll get on down the road
So he walked away and left me alone
But this funny looking feller kept coming on
And he was making me mad with some of the things he said
Then he put his hand on my knee
I said if you don't get your paw off me
I'm gonna locate your nose around
The other side of your head
He said I love it when you get that fire in your eye
I said well partner try this on for size
And I unloaded on him and he went out like a light
Everybody in that place must have been his friend
They all headed for me I said this is the end
But where I come from we don't give up
Without a fight
They were screaming and yelling and scratching and clawing
I was punching and hitting and kicking and pawing
I was holding my own 'cause I've been in a scrap or two
Old Jim come running up out of the blue
And that gal he was with come running up too
And proceeded to beat on me with a high heel shoe
I grabbed her by the hair it came off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
And old Jim just got sick right there on the floor
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun
Smeared his lipstick made his makeup run
And me and old Jim started fighting our way to the door
We lit out of there in that Chevrolet
I put in on the floor and it stayed that way
We were going down the highway
Doing about a hundred and ten
We were headed for home and we was getting nearer
Then a red light came on the rear view mirror
And that same blame cop was pulling us over again
Now I'm sitting here in this county jail
I had to call my daddy to go our bail
But I learned me a lesson
That I never will forget again
I've done give up drinking I've give up bars
And running around the country in souped up cars
I'm going back where the women are women
And the men are men"
"Uneasy Rider '88" by the Charlie Daniels Band