Ranma & Kaneda
By Ron Dow75
11: Go Ahead, Try to Take Her
Ranma-chan grabbed a fist full of fur on the panda's
back, "C'mon! We're gonna have a long talk, and YOU ain't
gonna say a word!"
Angry, Kane-chan had pulled out a mallet; "Promise me
you'll kill me!!" But Ranma continued to ignore her as
she drug the panda out of the narrow alley between the
windowless buildings.
As Ranma-chan disappeared around the corner, Kane-chan
yelled, "I won't let you ignore me!!" She lifted her
mallet, and began to run--
Her dad cried, "Akane!!?"
'Akane' cringed. Reflexively, she stopped and lowered her
"equalizer".
Soun Tendou asked, "What do you mean by asking Ranma to
kill you?!" He had just entered the other end of the
alley.
Kane-chan hid the mallet out of sight; "Er, in case I,
uh, do seppuku. As a test of honor."
Soun Tendou shook his head sadly, "Seppuku is not a
"test"." He sighed, "Akane, have your unnatural
inclinations lead you to contemplate--"
Kane-chan cried, "No!! It's not like that!" as she waved
her empty hands about. So much about leaving Dad behind
to follow Ranma. "It's just that I want Ranma to think
of me, differently." She drew in her breath and risked
her dad hearing her say, "Like a real man."
Soun Tendou came to her like a concerned parent, "Akane,
don't throw your womanliness away! Ranma is not who you
think she is."
Kane-chan told him, "I know." For a moment she thought he
was going to put an arm around her; "But I KNOW Ranma can
be womanly! We just have to find out what it takes to
overcome her male-conditioning."
Before Soun could correct the beautiful stranger, they
heard Kasumi call, "That's right! Ranma can, and must,
try being a girl!" She wasn't in the alley, but the
sounds had echoed out to where Oneesan could hear them.
Soun turned and headed for the voice, "Are you SURE,
Kasumi??"
Kane-chan joined him, "Are you saying I don't have to be
the girl?!"
Kasumi was on the grass level below the tier where her
family was; "The goddess will only help Ranma find her
feminine side, if YOU agree to find it as well!"
Kane-chan cried, "What!??! I can't be the man!?!"
At the end of the alley, Soun reached for Kasumi's hand
below; but to Akane said, "So, even in...those kinds of
relations, one is 'the man'."
Kasumi waited for Kane-chan to offer help with her other
hand; "Mrs. Priestess assures me one of you will be the
man. But not until you've both passed the tests of being
a woman. Only then can you come to a mutual agreement on
which ones you two will be."
By now, Kane-chan had her other hand and arm, and was
prepared to help her dad lift her up the stone terrace
wall; "But I'M the one in dresses!"
(Soun said, "And you look lovely in a dress. My dear,
beautiful wife, Kimiko, always wore dresses. (Except when
she was practicing her martial arts, of course.)")
The two martial artists lifted Kasumi quickly and easily
up onto their level. They had to hold her aloft, though,
until she had carefully set her pumps down; she didn't
want to twist an ankle. "Oh, my, yes; it would be easier
if Ranma changed clothes as easily as you, Akane. Perhaps
we can find a way. But as Mrs. Priestess said, there is
more to girls than just clothes."
Kane-chan agreed, "Yes. When I think of girls, I prefer
to think of something else besides clothes."
Kasumi was now standing as firmly as one could in heels;
"Just as with that tale of the tortoise and the bunny,
the contest is not won by who has the head start...or
something like that."
Kane-chan liked the analogy, And I WON'T win the race to
be the girl if I am the hare.
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Meanwhile, Ranma-chan was telling the panda, "...that's
why you'll leave this to me!" Again, she broke the
panda's sign. "...I let you arrange a marriage for me
before I was born," She smashed another sign, "but WHICH
one I'm gonna get stuck with is still up to me!" As soon
as the panda raised a sign, it was kindling. "And as long
as that crazy Kaneda stays up at bat," She splintered the
someteenth one. "I just hafta make sure I'm the same
sex," She karate chopped down this sign's post. "and I
NOTHING can be official!" Using her arms violently while
she had boobs didn't help her mood.
"HMF! The one I marry hasta respect me as a man." It was
a mistake to be talking about one's manhood and kicking a
sign apart. "And, right now, *I* don't even respect me as
a man: I need the cure." This last sign, she broke over
the panda's head. "Or SOMETHING that'll let me forget
what it feels like to be so...." There was a thesaurus of
words to describe a woman; but Ranma had never been good
with words, even when she became a girl, "DIFFERENT than
a guy!!"
A guy called, "Ranma!? It is Ranma!!"
A Yuka answered, "You're right, Hiroshi; it is Ranma!"
Those two guys and two girls from Ranma's class were less
than 10 meters away.
The dark-haired Caucasian girl with them asked in a
strange accent, "What is-a Ranma doing out of the zoo? I
thought-a pandas were an endanger species."
Daisuke mind was elsewhere, "Gee, I guess Ranma DOESN'T
have any dresses or anything."
Sayuri said, "Before you ask about a panda wearing
dresses, Leonora, Ranma is the girl with it."
The black-haired Leonora said, "Nice 'air color! Do you
think-a she will tell me what-a she uses?"
Sayuri said, "You're not more interested in finding why
she's with a panda? I am."
Hiroshi asked, "What's all that wood doing around you,
Ranma?"
Daisuke said, "I thought pandas only ate bamboo."
Hiroshi asked, "Is busting up wood practice for some
special martial arts technique, Ranma?"
Ranma-chan looked down and saw that not all of the words
on the signs were obliterated. "Er, that's right!" she
said, stomping the nearest boards into splinters.
Sayuri said with satisfaction, "And with her barefoot,
too!" Ranma-chan had lost her slippers somewhere.
(Daisuke muttered, "That's just about the only part of
her bare." Still, feet could be sexy, too.)
Leonora said, "I 'ave-a seen anime about-a martial
artists, ah, but I never thought I would-a see a real
LIVE one!"
Yuka noted, "The panda is knocking the wood into the
canal. Doesn't it know that's littering?" It had been
swiping pieces of the sign past the rail and down the
levee.
Sayuri asked, "Now, about why you're with a panda--"
Kane-chan called, "Hiroshi! Daisuke! Everybody!"
Everybody turned to see a longhaired girl in a fancy,
white dress jogging toward them.
Yuka asked, "Who is that?"
Hiroshi said, "That voice. I think I've heard that voice
before."
Daisuke said, "What are you doing paying attention to
girls' VOICES!?!" The white dress was too long. Calves
weren't very sexy, but, on the other hand, dresses were
always suggestive.
Sayuri said, "Look, maybe she's with the Tendou's." And
she pointed, "There are Kaneda's dad and sister." And
they were dressed in their best, Japanese-style clothes.
They watched as Kane-chan ran right past them.
Kane-chan was too late: Ranma-chan had used Kane-chan's
distraction to make her escape. As for the panda:
Splash!
Kane-chan ran to the railing overlooking the canal.
Quickly looking around, she picked up the last large
piece of unbroken wood. Threatening to throw it, she
yelled at the panda in the water, "Don't even THINK of
coming back with your wet fur!!"
The panda growled, but then waded away in the shallow
water.
Leonora was confused, "Japanese are cruel to endanger
species?...Japanese believe in 'aving a danger animal out
of a cage?" Then she grinned, "Japan IS-a like their
anime!"
Hiroshi came up to Kane-chan and asked, "Haven't we met
before?"
Soun Tendou had come close enough to say, "Akane, we
still haven't talked."
Kane-chan turned around to look at him and the others.
The piece of sign she held in front of her read, [...kane
is a GUY!]
Kasumi took her father by an arm and gently pulled him
away from the young people, "You'll have your chance,
Father. Akane will be visiting our home quite often, I
assure you."
Daisuke moved in, "So: Your name is Akane, hunh?"
Sayuri read, and asked, "Somebody is a guy??"
Kane-chan realized what she was holding in front of her--
and chucked the words into the canal. Kane-chan's escape
wasn't going to be as easy as Ranma's. "Uh, who's THIS
new girl? She's not from around here, is she?"
Yuka said, "This is the daughter of a business associate
of my Daddums. She's from Florence, Italy."
Leonora said, "Before Yuka can give-a me any more of a
grandioso introduction, my name is Leonora da Vinci."
Kane-chan thought she'd heard of her, "Oh? It's not
Leonardo?"
Leonora laughed, "He's a Great-a great-relative of mine!"
Sayuri explained, "She's interested in the same things as
he was, so we tried to show her the "Castle of Kuno"."
A little pouty, Yuka said, "Only they don't let tourists
inside, even for international good-will!"
Hiroshi filled Akane in, "Besides being an artist,
Leonardo da Vinci was an inventor. He would LOVE to see
"The House of Gadgets" the Kuno place is supposed to be."
Daisuke added, "And not "Gadgets" like the Japanese are
famous for nowadays: Gadgets as in deadly traps, and
weapons that make sure unwanted guests DON'T check out
more than the smallest fraction of its secrets."
Sayuri wrinkled her nose, "Boys!"
But Kane-chan was interested, "Gadgets!! REALLY!?!"
Maybe I could learn something I could add to my dojo's
gimmicks.
Leonora giggled, "That's-a why Hiroshi and Daisuke were
invited with us. Guys generally know more about-a science
of war than girls."
(Sayuri said, "I prefer to watch the ART of unarmed
combat.")
Yuka smiled, "Besides, they're boys!"
Hiroshi was less happy, "AND we're considered "safe"."
He, Daisuke and Kaneda had reputations for being
perverts, but also harmless ones. Of course, they weren't
going to tell that to Akane. (Little did they suspect yet
SHE was largely responsible for those reputations.)
Leonora asked, "We 'ave-a been wandering, and looking for
some other Nerima land-a-mark of interest. What is over
there?"
Kane-chan quickly got between them and the way to the
Temple of the Nine Abilities, "There's nothing good in
this direction! Have you visited the Zoo? The "Temple of
the Wild Horse"? --I know: Lovers' Woods!"
Hiroshi cried, "Yes! Lovers' Woods! That's the perfect
place to go!"
Leonora said, "'Ey, uno momento! We Italiani may speak a
Romance language, but--"
Daisuke told her, "No, you don't understand: The Woods
are haunted! It's better than taking your date to a
haunted house!"
Sayuri told the idiots, "Like THAT'S going to help,
either." She explained to Leonora, "There's an
undeveloped wooded area behind the high school. The
reason it stays that way in the middle of Greater Tokyo
is because of the Phenomenon."
Yuri said, "The Phantom!" The strange word was close
enough to "Phenomenon" for her.
Hiroshi said, "Where it is exactly keeps shifting around
within the woods, even disappearing for a while. But when
you find it, you can't stand up, sit, or lay down
straight. It's a gravitational anomaly where up is almost
down, and a right angle is 135 degrees. If anybody builds
anything, it fails the building codes."
Leonora was very interested now, "If-a things like-a that
'appen, why is it not-a famous?"
Yuri said, "The Phantom! You know what phantoms do."
Sayuri said, "Not because of a "phantom". It's
because..."
Daisuke said, "Akane's gone now, too!"
Hiroshi got serious, "Next time, we're going to keep our
eyes on those cute girls."
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Ranma-chan was in no mood to test if the huge compound
was really as much of a fortress as it looked. If it
wasn't, she could've saved time going through it. She
would've lost time, if it were. She decided there was no
real reason why she had to save time. More important was
not to draw unnecessary attention. The more of that she
got, the more chances her secret would be found out. She
should lay off getting into fights for a while.
She was standing on a two-story rooftop across from the
compound. She looked at the thick, plastered stonewall
with the clay tiles that formed a roof along its top. She
said to herself, "If I'm gonna let my secret out, it's
gonna be on my terms."
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Despite the feeling of a corset, Ranma-chan learned a new
route (by rooftop, walls, fences and rails) to the Tendou
compound. But when she got there, she was too tired to
leap over its more modest fortress walls. The gate was
closed with a large, old padlock. "Maybe I will have to
jump it." When she tested it, though, she found it hadn't
locked.
The thing about houses with fusuma/paper doors, it is
always easy for anybody to break in. The Tendous had
large ones that opened onto their garden. They cost money
to replace. That was why Ranma expected and found the
front door open.
She went straight for the hot water in the bathroom.
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Nabiki checked in the bathroom. "Well, Ranma's been here.
She had followed Ranma-chan's dirty barefoot prints to
there. And the girl hadn't cleaned them before she went
into the furo. There was still some grime on them when he
got out and left a few guy-sized prints." She
congratulated herself on her detective skill. "Now that I
know he's here, all I have to do is find where he is."
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Ranma-kun was in a lotus position upside down, resting
his weight on his forearms: For the fourth time that
afternoon. "Aaarrr!!" he cried, rolling forward onto his
butt, his ankles still on his thighs. "It's no good!!" He
looked down at his stomach, "This invisible corset is
drivin' me crazy! I'm a guy, but I feel like I STILL got
the girl's middle!" He pulled up his shirt and looked at
his waist, for the tenth time. "I can see my abs and
sides come in. If it wasn't for my bigger muscles and
lower fat, it COULD be the girl's waist!" Disgusted, he
shoved the shirt back down; "Not that I took the time to
study anything of that other body." As far as he was
concerned the best way of dealing with becoming a girl
was to ignore as much of it as he could.
He sat lotus like with his head bent over as he rubbed
the back of his neck and shoulders with his hands. "What
to do!?! This is just another challenge. All I gotta do
is figure out how to deal with it."
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Nabiki waited in the threshold of the open Tendou
fortress gate. She idly fanned herself with the long,
Japanese-style envelope she held in her hand. Finally her
patience was rewarded.
She ducked into the front courtyard, and then through the
gate that led to the dojo.
When she got there, she saw Ranma-kun still in the lotus
he was in the last time she'd seen him; only now his back
was on the floor. The top of his head was pointed towards
the door, so she just had to walk up to him. He looked up
at the envelope she lowered before his eyes. [To Kei
Tendou]
Nabiki presented the envelope, "Here!"
Ranma-kun asked, "What is it?" He had managed to find
some meditative peace.
Nabiki answered, "It's from Kuno."
Ranma said, "Him, again?"
Nabiki, enjoying the unfolding plot, informed him, "It's
for your MALE half, Kei Tendou."
Ranma-kun frowned, "My MALE "half" is named Ranma
Saotome."
Nabiki said, "Yeah, yeah: The same as your GIRL half.
Don't tell me, tell Kuno." She smirked, "But if you do,
he'll always know where to find his "Pig-tailed Venus".
Anybody have any water?"
Ranma-kun got a thoroughly disgusted grimace. Maybe there
WAS something to be said about having a secret identity.
Meanwhile, Kaneda in his school uniform had heard
everything from just outside the dojo door. He had
followed Nabiki from the gate, wondering what she was up
to now.
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Ranma cried out loud as he leaped out of the way of a
sudden blast of steam just in time.
Across the street from where he'd landed, the oblivious
man and his machine that was steam cleaning the grim off
of one of the many concrete buildings in this area of
town. Ranma-kun said, "MAN! What am I gettin' jumpy
about!!?! That wasn't COLD water!"
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Ranma-kun reached the address given in Kuno's letter.
Whether it was a challenge, Ranma wasn't sure. Kuno's
elegant calligraphy had left out a lot of the fancy kanji
he probably preferred and stuck with basic elementary-
school hiragana. He had even toned down the ornate
samurai dialect. (All of which meant Kuno was treating
Ranma-kun like a semi-illiterate peasant, implying Ranma-
kun was a simpleton, too.) Even so, Kuno had a way of
making any declaration sound like a challenge. Ranma-kun
reminded himself about keeping a low profile for a while.
Kuno was waiting in the in front of a modern, six-story
condo. Ranma-kun had to wonder why the samurai had chosen
this place of all places, beyond the fact that he
probably owned it. The martial artist thought it wasn't a
typical place for a fight. The paved plaza around the
block-long building was open. The only place outside an
accomplice could be hiding was around the corner of the
building.
Then again, Kuno WAS waiting near the corner. The front
doors were at the corner, too. They were all glass;
Ranma-kun could see that there was nobody in the lobby.
But that only meant any henchman inside would not be in
the first assault wave. THEN there were the balconies
above.
Whatever the guy's tactics were he was facing in the
wrong direction. If it were samurai arrogance, Kuno
spoiled the effect by turning around before Ranma-kun was
within striking distance. Then again, Kuno had written
the letter, and HE wanted to set the agenda,
"Salutations, Saotome." (Also spoiling it was the blond
doll in the long pink dress and white frilly apron he
carried in his arm.)
Ranma-kun matched Kuno's superior samurai attitude with
peasant casualness, "NOW what is it, Kuno. What'd you
call me out here for?"
Kuno said seriously, "You will address me as Lord Kuno."
Ranma-kun said to "Kuno-sama", "Yeah, WHATEVER. What--"
Then it registered, "What did you call me?"
Kuno said, "I gave you no slight, NOR honorific. Until I
know where we stand, I give you no form of address. I
merely call you Saotome."
Puzzled, Ranma-kun looked down at his normal, male body,
"Weren't you told my name was Tendou?"
Kuno said, "That I was. But Nabiki Tendou has told me the
truth."
Ranma-kun became worried now, "She did!?! How much did
she tell you?!"
Kuno said, "She told me the whole, tragic tale."
Ranma-kun cried, "She had no RIGHT to do that!!"
Kuno said, "Fear, not, Saotome. For the proper
incentives, LORD Kuno can provide the patronage you need
to obtain what has been taken from you."
Ranma-kun didn't believe him, "How? The only way I can
think of getting my cure is--" He sucked in his breath,
"China! You'd loan me the money to get back there?!" Now
that Ranma had that thought, he'd have to struggle with
how much foot kissing he could stand. (Anything higher,
and he'd kick it before he'd kiss it.)
Frowning, Kuno was now puzzled, "China? How Japanese are
you? I thought your clan was from Fukuoka."
Ranma-kun joined in, " "Fukuoka"? Where--" Nabiki! "O-OH!
THAT tale." She HAD said something about Fukuoka to the
Two Fathers. That was why they couldn't make Kaneda marry
herself. Then he told him quite firmly, "I'm a hundred
percent JAPANESE, Kuno. Don't you forget it!" He didn't
need the samurai idiot questioning his patriotism on top
of everything else. It was bad enough he was forced to
wear Chinese clothes.
Kuno was suspicious, "Then what does China have to do
with your problem, Saotome?"
Ranma-kun had no ideas, but he knew that "China has a
longer history of martial arts than Japan." THAT'S how
Ranma's most recent curse began! Stupid Old Man!! He'd
run out of places in Japan to steal techniques from; he
HAD to go to countries where you couldn't even understand
they might be in trouble BEFORE they got into it!
Kuno's frown became scornful, "Humph! "Martial Arts"." As
far as he was concerned the only skills deserving of that
term were those taught to the samurai warriors of old;
ways that were all but unique in the world. He didn't
even respect the impure Chinese warrior-class. "You wish
to go to China? No doubt, you have kin in China bowing
before foreign teachers."
Ranma-kun decided he couldn't kiss this jerk's feet.
"Okay, we've established you're not gonna send me to
China. Now tell me what you called me here for."
Kuno tossed the cute, blond doll, "This!" Ranma-kun
caught the thing. At least it wasn't booby-trapped. (At
least that, like using ninja assassins, didn't look to be
the samurai's style.)
Ranma-kun asked, "What is "this"?"
Kuno told him sarcastically, "It's a cute dolly."
So much for respecting him; Ranma-kun answered, "I know
that, you jerk! What's it for?!"
Kuno told him, "It is for Akane. For my advocacy of your
cause to the nobility of Fukuoka, I merely require you to
give up your claim to her hand." Fukuoka nobility? Ranma
wasn't about to ask this idiot what that meant.
Ranma-kun tossed it back to Kuno; "Forget it. As much as
I'd like to get rid of her, I can't. As long as I have
her, I don't have to worry about the other fiancees
waitin' to take her place."
Kuno cried, " "O, other, fi-ancees"!!? You have more than
ONE fiancée!?!!"
Ranma-kun pushed past him, "GEEZ! I hope not." Not after
the fiancée fiasco that happened LAST year. "But I'll
tell you what. You can DATE her all you want."
Kuno squeezed the doll in his hand; he said with
indignation, "You unspeakable CAD, you!! You ADMIT that
you are merely using poor, benighted Akane for your own
ends!! You have no intention to.... Did you say I can,
DATE her??"
Ranma-kun said, "Well, sure! I as heck don't plan on
goin' on any. And as for 'Akane', I doubt she'd WANT me
to, lookin' like I do now." Not that she'd want to go out
with this GUY any better. Ranma was in no danger of
losing his anti-marriage insurance.
Still slightly confused, Kuno said, "THAT I can well
understand. You ARE lacking in sartorial je ne sais quoi,
as well as mannerly panache, my uncouth peasant."
Ranma-kun turned the corner, "Yeah, yeah. You've got all
that--" He bumped into a rack of clothes. It was the kind
on wheels he'd seen in garment districts and the like,
and he'd actually managed to nearly knock it over.
Keeping them from falling, "Wow! Some woman's--" he
corrected himself when he saw three Furinkan girls'
uniforms, and one fuku that was a brown skirt and a white
middy with a brown sailor collar and red sailor scarf,
"Some GIRL'S a real clothes horse in this place."
Kuno was reminded, "That is the other matter I wished to
bring up with you, Kei Saotome."
Ranma-kun told him, "My name ain't "Kei" Saotome."
Another step towards dealing with what had happened to
him.
Kuno said, "As you wish. I can understand how you would
take a vow to foreswear your proper appellation until you
can savor it as victory when your true birth name is
awarded you."
Not sure exactly sure what was just said, Ranma said, "If
you say so." With the crowded clothes rack back up, Ranma
eyed it briefly before having to listen to the idiot
again. Besides the school uniforms, it had a wide of
assortment of the kind of clothes girly girls were
expected to wear. (There were street dresses, a few
skirts and blouses, a tennis outfit, a sundress, a
yukata, a couple of gowns, and a frou-frou dress-
something; there was even a shelf underneath them with
shoes and boxes with things inside Ranma didn't want to
think about.) The thought of them made his stomach
tighten even more under the corset.
Kuno informed him, "I had the town's only haute couture
boutique send over an assortment. Money was no object,
but time was."
Ranma-kun eyed the taller guy; "They're yours?" What is
he, some cross-dresser? THAT thought made his stomach
feel like doing worse than just turn.
Kuno said, "Only until such time as they meet with your
approval, Tendou nee Saotome."
Ranma-kun raised his voice, "MY approval!!?! What'd you
need MY approval for!?!! You don't think I'm gonna WEAR
any of that, that--STUFF!!?!"
Kuno's face was screwed in a grimace; "Of course not! I
have thought many ill things of you, Kei Tendou, but
CROSS-DRESSING hadn't been one of them. Can you REALLY
fit into a petit size?"
Ranma-kun, now, did yell, "How should *I* know!!?! I don't
know anything about how stretchable modern fabrics are!!
-- What am I sayin'!!? *I* don't wear girls' ANY things!!"
Kuno's grimace eased, "Then you are the man to pass them
on to the lady I bought them for."
Ranma-kun was still loud, "Akane?! SURE! She'd LOVE more
girly clothes!" Ranma-kun said it with sarcasm to make
himself feel better.
Kuno heard something different. For the sake of his
objectives, he had laid his opinion of the Tendous aside.
He had not seen Akane lately in the dresses Kasumi was
putting in Kaneda's magic tool chest. He still thought
the Saotome women were being forced to endure unfeminine
roles. To Kuno, the mockery was a confirmation of his
fears about where the Tendou men got their extraordinary
prowess, namely by destroying reputations. They used the
sheer perverse thrill they got from it to tap into their
chi. That would make it a base, infernal martial arts
technique. Or they ACTUALLY consumed reputations. That
would make Kaneda and Kei in league with evil spirits.
Kuno began to see where his thinking had gone astray,
"No, not the Wild Haired Huntress, Akane." Nabiki hadn't
told him to buy clothes for Akane. "Though I would not
mind providing a wardrobe that matched this one in
substance and generosity. After all, I cannot allow any
misunderstanding of favoritism to creep into my bi-
fractured relationships. Yes: I WILL call the boutique
and have them deliver--"
Ranma-kun said, "Later, Kuno, alright?! Just TELL me
already how do I come in, if this poodle-dog fluff ain't
for Akane?"
Kuno drew himself up and said with all samurai dignity,
"As I displayed my superior honorableness by approaching
Akane through you, her fiance, I now do the same by
asking you to intercede with your erstwhile kinfolk on my
behalf. I wish them to condone my dating your cousin, the
pig-tailed beauty, Ranma Saotome."
Ranma cried, "WHAT!?!! Date you!!? You're out of your
stupid mind, if you think I'm gonna allow that!"
Kuno yelled back, "You are willing to let me date with
your fiance, but not your cousin!?!!"
Ranma-kun told him, "That's right! Akane means nothing to
me: RANMA is FAR more important!"
Kuno cried, "FA-AR more important!!? Just HOW close a
cousin is Ranma to you!?!! Perhaps you would treat her as
something OTHER than hallowed kin!"
Ranma-kun walked away, "You've got that right. And to
you, PAL, Ranma's gonna be so off limits you'll never see
her again, if *I* have anything to say about it."
Kuno clenched his fist and lowered eyes in righteous
fury, "THAT is why you treat poor, feral Akane so
shamefully! You have captured her spirit, giving her no
avenue out of your maze of deceit. NOW, you would do the
same with fiery Ranma!!"
Ranma-kun stopped, sensing danger. A stainless steel
washtub crashed to the pavement in front of him from a
condo apartment above. It landed on a damp splatter where
water had come down not long ago.
Nabiki appeared from behind the short hedge planted along
the side of the condo's plaza; "I guess you can't always
trust the curse to get the timing right." She used a
spray bottle to get Ranma wet. "Then again, you two were
talking so long, the curse probably got tired of
waiting."
Kuno broke out of his monolog: "Nnn, NEVER! *I*, Lord
Tatewaki Kuno, will personally save the world from the
Tendous!! I would spend ALL of my own and my family's
immense reputation to save the Saotomes! I will live to
see--" He spun the now much shorter Kei Tendou around. He
was amazed to notice the red haired "Ranma Saotome!!?"
Kuno's attack mode took a moment to shift gears; "My
love! My Pig-tailed Venus!" He reached to pull her small
body to his manly one, "How I've longed--"
Ranma-chan punched him hard enough in the face to break
any normal person's nose.
Absorbing the blow, Kuno quickly did a counter-move; he
hugged her tightly to his bosom. "I shall never let you
go again!"
Nabiki had planned for this as well; using towels to hold
the family teakettle, she poured its contents over Ranma.
Ranma screamed and flailed her arms, "YE-OWW,W!!"
Nabiki 'apologized', "I'm sorry, Ranma: Was that too
hot?"
Kuno was slow to realize, "Ranma, you said??"
Ranma-kun got loose from the now weakened embrace, and
brought his foot up to meet the guy's face. (Still no
broken nose!) "How long do you plan on holdin' me, PAL!"
Ranma-kun replanted his foot, and made ready to leave by
the concrete stairs to the lower tier of the condo's
plaza. "Do you get it now? My secret." So much for the
jerk not knowing where "his Pig-tailed Venus" could be
found. Puke!
Kuno watched Kei descend. "I shall not call you Saotome
again. You do not deserve to share the same name as my
two faultless loves. For you have learned the ways of the
Tendous too well: You have become a practitioner of their
black magic."
In his sudden stop, Ranma-kun almost stumbled down the
stairs, "Argh!!"
Kuno challenged him, "Where have you hidden my goddess,
Ranma?!! Do not try to fool ME with your petty trickery,
Evil One!!"
Ranma-kun couldn't believe what this dangerous whacko was
saying; he attempted a smile, "Oh, come on! It's not like
that!"
Nabiki knew Kuno had gone off into his world of Japanese
legends-and-folklore (with, no doubt, some European
myths-and-tales thrown in out of his confusion). She
could make use of Kuno-baby's delusions. But, first,
there were her plans for Ranma. For those, she needed
Kuno to back off, and RANMA to think she could be on his
side. "Hmm! Looks like we're going to have to spell
everything out for him." She took her finger away from
her lips, and motioned, "Come here, Kuno-baby." When he
did come, she told him, "Here's thing. You know that girl
you like?" She couldn't resist the temptation to be
melodramatic (and ambiguous). "Well, her body and, soul,
BOTH belong to Kei." Why be any clearer? If the two heard
her the way she wanted them each to, her options would be
kept open. "And you know what THAT means?"
Whunkle! A second stainless steel washtub fell on Kuno's
head.
The newlywed husband said from above, "Be careful! Now
you've dropped the one my mother gave us!"
His wife answered, "Why do we need things like that in a
modern condo, anyway? Is our budget THAT tight we can't
use the Laundromat!"
As the lovebirds started yet another round of
communication up above, Kuno was struggling with the idea
of, "Her, body...and her, soul!..." It was as evil as
he'd thought. It was as intolerable as he thought: He
tossed the washtub from his head for the, "Svengali!! "
Ranma-kun jumped over it, and backwards to the lower
plaza. Landing, he pointed, "Ghugh! Kuno! How STUPID can
you be!?!"
Kuno ran up to the low hedge, "Silence, wretch! I can see
all too well what your evil has done!" He ducked down out
of sight.
Up came the cute, little dolly, followed by Kuno. (Nabiki
was standing there where she could see all of Kuno. She
wondered where the toy had come from all of a sudden. Did
he have the same way with dolls as Kaneda had with
mallets?) Using the hedge as a puppet stage, Kuno did the
voices, " "Hello, there, Pig-tailed girl"." And he gave a
"Punch" slap to its face. The "Judy" cried, "Eee." The
lecher voice said, "Hey! Just be quiet and do as you're
told!" The blue-eyed imitation girl answered, "Ye, ye,
yes, Master!" The evil master said, "Here I come," and
pulled his plaything down out of sight. It pleaded, "Oh,
me! Oh, oh: Mother!"
A flower was plucked and tossed up on the hedge top. A
cold, sick shiver went through Ranma-kun.
Nabiki clapped. Ranma was not amused.
It was Kuno not his depiction of Kei that returned,
sobbing, "Oh-ow! It's so terrible."
Ranma-kun told him, "Leave me outa your sick fantasies,
pal!"
Kuno rose, "SILENCE, you enslaver of women!" And he
leaped over the hedge, his hard wooden sword now in his
hand. He landed slashing.
Ranma-kun leaned this way and that, avoiding each wind-
cutting blow.
Kane-chan watched from one of the stele-like posts that
flanked this street's official entrance to the condo's
plaza. She had not been as lucky as Ranma in avoiding the
steam that was cleaning the building a couple of blocks
down. As soon as she changed into a girl, she had
discovered that Kasumi had returned home; she had
replaced the more formal white dress for the pink jumper
and white dress she had Kane-chan in yesterday.
Kuno told Kei, "I shall SMITE thee, then I shall rescue
Ranma Saotome!!"
Ranma-kun answered, "Oh, I get it: If you lose, you'll
forget all about her, right!?" And he grabbed the top of
Kuno's bokken, using it to vault his legs up. Both feet
struck Kuno solidly in the chest.
As Kuno recoiled to absorb the blow, small squares came
out of his kendo-gi's sternum-baring coat.
Ranma-kun caught the glint of gloss-and-color from one of
those square fluttering down. He took it and looked.
It was a photo of HIM! SHE was taking off her wet
undershirt! There was a flash of one of her boobs. But
the camera was at an angle where the only one with a good
view of them was Mr. Tendou. (He must've gotten a good
peek; he was spewing milk.)
Kuno saw the opportunity distractions brought: His battle
cry was "Fortune smiles!!" as he smote the pervert caught
by his own impurity.
Ranma-kun was hit in a 'corset' rib. It's force caused
him to stumble away. But he refused to fall. He recovered
enough to continue to dodge the samurai's sword.
The bokken created enough of the wind to blow five more
of the photos within Ranma's grasp. They weren't all of
him as a girl. There were some of Kaneda as an uncute
tomboy. HEY! These are--"
Though Kei had more cause to be distracted, his skills
now allowed him to easily keep the sword from touching
him. A somewhat winded Kuno cried, "You insult me with
your inattention!? I shall teach you not to take Tatewaki
Kuno so lightly!" This time the samurai thrust the point
of his weapon forward with all of his speed.
Ranma-kun tumbled backward. He HAD been distracted. His
momentum carried his tumble meters away.
It carried him straight to the feet of some girl. But it
wasn't just some girl; "Hello. Akane!" Akane?? All that
talk of Akane must have stuck in Ranma's mind. Well, it
WAS better than thinking of himself being engaged to a
"Kaneda".
Kane-chan frowned down on him, "EXCUSE me, but I think
there's something you ought to know. When Kuno gets
really mad about something he's REALLY hard to beat.
You'd better start paying attention to what you're doing
or he's going to make you regret it."
Ranma-kun noticed that Nabiki was coming. He answered
'Akane' with, "And there's something I think you ought to
know. You're still wearing those polka-dotted panties and
they still don't suit you, even from this angle."
He HAD to remind Kane-chan she was wearing girls'
underwear! It was bad enough being stuck into a dress:
"Say things like that when YOU'RE wearing them!!" Ranma
was so low she couldn't attack him with any of the
standard Tendou techniques. "Tendou Upper Body Whip-
Crack, REVISED: Tendou LOWER Body Whip-Crack!!"
KICK!!
It, it worked! Ranma-kun was sent flying up into the air.
Ranma-kun landed almost where his tumble had begun.
And he was smiling: Obviously Kane-chan would have to
work on perfecting the technique she'd just came up with.
Kuno was smiling, too, "At last this game ends!" And he
chuckled confidently.
He attacked! HAD he found Ranma's weak point: He was
attacking with stab after rapid stab of the point of his
bokken. What was one looked to the untrained eye like ten
swords! Ranma-kun had to really work to avoid the
advancing wall of jabbing spikes. He was forced to
backtrack as he looked for an opening in the offense.
The stele-like post beside Kane-chan suddenly developed
deep cracks.
Nabiki said, "Whoa! From just the air pressure alone!"
Pieces shattered off of the post. Kane-chan gasped in
surprise.
Ranma-kun saw that Akane had barely moved away from it OR
the way he was being backed into. He was going down! "Out
of the way stupid!!"
Kuno at last raised his sword for the final slash, "I
have you!!"
Kane-chan cried, "Look NOW!! The opening!!"
Ranma had hoped something like that would happen when he
went down. In a handstand, he brought one leg up. From
lower abdomen to face, it was one fluid motion to the
untrained eye. They wouldn't even be certain if Ranma-kun
had struck ANY blow at all.
Ranma-kun somersaulted away using just that one hand, to
land meters away. The scion of samurai was still
standing, though, his sword still poised.
Kane-chan sucked in her breath. DID I see what I thought
I saw?!! Or was it just wishful thinking!? Damn!! I wish
my senses were better trained!
Nabiki was even more uncertain, "HUNH?"
Ranma-kun said with a slight smirk, "It's all
over...Kuno."
Kuno lowered his bokken. "You will address me as Lor,
Lord...." He collapsed face forward onto the pavement.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, a Mercedes-Benz had pulled up to a stop not
too far down the block. The man who got out of it had
already been following the fight. His punch-perm hair,
overly expensive suit, and hint of tattoos around the
cuffs suggested that if he wasn't a stereotypical member
of the Yakuza/Japanese mafia, he wanted others to think
he was.
The End of this chapter
By Ron Dow75
11: Go Ahead, Try to Take Her
Ranma-chan grabbed a fist full of fur on the panda's
back, "C'mon! We're gonna have a long talk, and YOU ain't
gonna say a word!"
Angry, Kane-chan had pulled out a mallet; "Promise me
you'll kill me!!" But Ranma continued to ignore her as
she drug the panda out of the narrow alley between the
windowless buildings.
As Ranma-chan disappeared around the corner, Kane-chan
yelled, "I won't let you ignore me!!" She lifted her
mallet, and began to run--
Her dad cried, "Akane!!?"
'Akane' cringed. Reflexively, she stopped and lowered her
"equalizer".
Soun Tendou asked, "What do you mean by asking Ranma to
kill you?!" He had just entered the other end of the
alley.
Kane-chan hid the mallet out of sight; "Er, in case I,
uh, do seppuku. As a test of honor."
Soun Tendou shook his head sadly, "Seppuku is not a
"test"." He sighed, "Akane, have your unnatural
inclinations lead you to contemplate--"
Kane-chan cried, "No!! It's not like that!" as she waved
her empty hands about. So much about leaving Dad behind
to follow Ranma. "It's just that I want Ranma to think
of me, differently." She drew in her breath and risked
her dad hearing her say, "Like a real man."
Soun Tendou came to her like a concerned parent, "Akane,
don't throw your womanliness away! Ranma is not who you
think she is."
Kane-chan told him, "I know." For a moment she thought he
was going to put an arm around her; "But I KNOW Ranma can
be womanly! We just have to find out what it takes to
overcome her male-conditioning."
Before Soun could correct the beautiful stranger, they
heard Kasumi call, "That's right! Ranma can, and must,
try being a girl!" She wasn't in the alley, but the
sounds had echoed out to where Oneesan could hear them.
Soun turned and headed for the voice, "Are you SURE,
Kasumi??"
Kane-chan joined him, "Are you saying I don't have to be
the girl?!"
Kasumi was on the grass level below the tier where her
family was; "The goddess will only help Ranma find her
feminine side, if YOU agree to find it as well!"
Kane-chan cried, "What!??! I can't be the man!?!"
At the end of the alley, Soun reached for Kasumi's hand
below; but to Akane said, "So, even in...those kinds of
relations, one is 'the man'."
Kasumi waited for Kane-chan to offer help with her other
hand; "Mrs. Priestess assures me one of you will be the
man. But not until you've both passed the tests of being
a woman. Only then can you come to a mutual agreement on
which ones you two will be."
By now, Kane-chan had her other hand and arm, and was
prepared to help her dad lift her up the stone terrace
wall; "But I'M the one in dresses!"
(Soun said, "And you look lovely in a dress. My dear,
beautiful wife, Kimiko, always wore dresses. (Except when
she was practicing her martial arts, of course.)")
The two martial artists lifted Kasumi quickly and easily
up onto their level. They had to hold her aloft, though,
until she had carefully set her pumps down; she didn't
want to twist an ankle. "Oh, my, yes; it would be easier
if Ranma changed clothes as easily as you, Akane. Perhaps
we can find a way. But as Mrs. Priestess said, there is
more to girls than just clothes."
Kane-chan agreed, "Yes. When I think of girls, I prefer
to think of something else besides clothes."
Kasumi was now standing as firmly as one could in heels;
"Just as with that tale of the tortoise and the bunny,
the contest is not won by who has the head start...or
something like that."
Kane-chan liked the analogy, And I WON'T win the race to
be the girl if I am the hare.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, Ranma-chan was telling the panda, "...that's
why you'll leave this to me!" Again, she broke the
panda's sign. "...I let you arrange a marriage for me
before I was born," She smashed another sign, "but WHICH
one I'm gonna get stuck with is still up to me!" As soon
as the panda raised a sign, it was kindling. "And as long
as that crazy Kaneda stays up at bat," She splintered the
someteenth one. "I just hafta make sure I'm the same
sex," She karate chopped down this sign's post. "and I
NOTHING can be official!" Using her arms violently while
she had boobs didn't help her mood.
"HMF! The one I marry hasta respect me as a man." It was
a mistake to be talking about one's manhood and kicking a
sign apart. "And, right now, *I* don't even respect me as
a man: I need the cure." This last sign, she broke over
the panda's head. "Or SOMETHING that'll let me forget
what it feels like to be so...." There was a thesaurus of
words to describe a woman; but Ranma had never been good
with words, even when she became a girl, "DIFFERENT than
a guy!!"
A guy called, "Ranma!? It is Ranma!!"
A Yuka answered, "You're right, Hiroshi; it is Ranma!"
Those two guys and two girls from Ranma's class were less
than 10 meters away.
The dark-haired Caucasian girl with them asked in a
strange accent, "What is-a Ranma doing out of the zoo? I
thought-a pandas were an endanger species."
Daisuke mind was elsewhere, "Gee, I guess Ranma DOESN'T
have any dresses or anything."
Sayuri said, "Before you ask about a panda wearing
dresses, Leonora, Ranma is the girl with it."
The black-haired Leonora said, "Nice 'air color! Do you
think-a she will tell me what-a she uses?"
Sayuri said, "You're not more interested in finding why
she's with a panda? I am."
Hiroshi asked, "What's all that wood doing around you,
Ranma?"
Daisuke said, "I thought pandas only ate bamboo."
Hiroshi asked, "Is busting up wood practice for some
special martial arts technique, Ranma?"
Ranma-chan looked down and saw that not all of the words
on the signs were obliterated. "Er, that's right!" she
said, stomping the nearest boards into splinters.
Sayuri said with satisfaction, "And with her barefoot,
too!" Ranma-chan had lost her slippers somewhere.
(Daisuke muttered, "That's just about the only part of
her bare." Still, feet could be sexy, too.)
Leonora said, "I 'ave-a seen anime about-a martial
artists, ah, but I never thought I would-a see a real
LIVE one!"
Yuka noted, "The panda is knocking the wood into the
canal. Doesn't it know that's littering?" It had been
swiping pieces of the sign past the rail and down the
levee.
Sayuri asked, "Now, about why you're with a panda--"
Kane-chan called, "Hiroshi! Daisuke! Everybody!"
Everybody turned to see a longhaired girl in a fancy,
white dress jogging toward them.
Yuka asked, "Who is that?"
Hiroshi said, "That voice. I think I've heard that voice
before."
Daisuke said, "What are you doing paying attention to
girls' VOICES!?!" The white dress was too long. Calves
weren't very sexy, but, on the other hand, dresses were
always suggestive.
Sayuri said, "Look, maybe she's with the Tendou's." And
she pointed, "There are Kaneda's dad and sister." And
they were dressed in their best, Japanese-style clothes.
They watched as Kane-chan ran right past them.
Kane-chan was too late: Ranma-chan had used Kane-chan's
distraction to make her escape. As for the panda:
Splash!
Kane-chan ran to the railing overlooking the canal.
Quickly looking around, she picked up the last large
piece of unbroken wood. Threatening to throw it, she
yelled at the panda in the water, "Don't even THINK of
coming back with your wet fur!!"
The panda growled, but then waded away in the shallow
water.
Leonora was confused, "Japanese are cruel to endanger
species?...Japanese believe in 'aving a danger animal out
of a cage?" Then she grinned, "Japan IS-a like their
anime!"
Hiroshi came up to Kane-chan and asked, "Haven't we met
before?"
Soun Tendou had come close enough to say, "Akane, we
still haven't talked."
Kane-chan turned around to look at him and the others.
The piece of sign she held in front of her read, [...kane
is a GUY!]
Kasumi took her father by an arm and gently pulled him
away from the young people, "You'll have your chance,
Father. Akane will be visiting our home quite often, I
assure you."
Daisuke moved in, "So: Your name is Akane, hunh?"
Sayuri read, and asked, "Somebody is a guy??"
Kane-chan realized what she was holding in front of her--
and chucked the words into the canal. Kane-chan's escape
wasn't going to be as easy as Ranma's. "Uh, who's THIS
new girl? She's not from around here, is she?"
Yuka said, "This is the daughter of a business associate
of my Daddums. She's from Florence, Italy."
Leonora said, "Before Yuka can give-a me any more of a
grandioso introduction, my name is Leonora da Vinci."
Kane-chan thought she'd heard of her, "Oh? It's not
Leonardo?"
Leonora laughed, "He's a Great-a great-relative of mine!"
Sayuri explained, "She's interested in the same things as
he was, so we tried to show her the "Castle of Kuno"."
A little pouty, Yuka said, "Only they don't let tourists
inside, even for international good-will!"
Hiroshi filled Akane in, "Besides being an artist,
Leonardo da Vinci was an inventor. He would LOVE to see
"The House of Gadgets" the Kuno place is supposed to be."
Daisuke added, "And not "Gadgets" like the Japanese are
famous for nowadays: Gadgets as in deadly traps, and
weapons that make sure unwanted guests DON'T check out
more than the smallest fraction of its secrets."
Sayuri wrinkled her nose, "Boys!"
But Kane-chan was interested, "Gadgets!! REALLY!?!"
Maybe I could learn something I could add to my dojo's
gimmicks.
Leonora giggled, "That's-a why Hiroshi and Daisuke were
invited with us. Guys generally know more about-a science
of war than girls."
(Sayuri said, "I prefer to watch the ART of unarmed
combat.")
Yuka smiled, "Besides, they're boys!"
Hiroshi was less happy, "AND we're considered "safe"."
He, Daisuke and Kaneda had reputations for being
perverts, but also harmless ones. Of course, they weren't
going to tell that to Akane. (Little did they suspect yet
SHE was largely responsible for those reputations.)
Leonora asked, "We 'ave-a been wandering, and looking for
some other Nerima land-a-mark of interest. What is over
there?"
Kane-chan quickly got between them and the way to the
Temple of the Nine Abilities, "There's nothing good in
this direction! Have you visited the Zoo? The "Temple of
the Wild Horse"? --I know: Lovers' Woods!"
Hiroshi cried, "Yes! Lovers' Woods! That's the perfect
place to go!"
Leonora said, "'Ey, uno momento! We Italiani may speak a
Romance language, but--"
Daisuke told her, "No, you don't understand: The Woods
are haunted! It's better than taking your date to a
haunted house!"
Sayuri told the idiots, "Like THAT'S going to help,
either." She explained to Leonora, "There's an
undeveloped wooded area behind the high school. The
reason it stays that way in the middle of Greater Tokyo
is because of the Phenomenon."
Yuri said, "The Phantom!" The strange word was close
enough to "Phenomenon" for her.
Hiroshi said, "Where it is exactly keeps shifting around
within the woods, even disappearing for a while. But when
you find it, you can't stand up, sit, or lay down
straight. It's a gravitational anomaly where up is almost
down, and a right angle is 135 degrees. If anybody builds
anything, it fails the building codes."
Leonora was very interested now, "If-a things like-a that
'appen, why is it not-a famous?"
Yuri said, "The Phantom! You know what phantoms do."
Sayuri said, "Not because of a "phantom". It's
because..."
Daisuke said, "Akane's gone now, too!"
Hiroshi got serious, "Next time, we're going to keep our
eyes on those cute girls."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ranma-chan was in no mood to test if the huge compound
was really as much of a fortress as it looked. If it
wasn't, she could've saved time going through it. She
would've lost time, if it were. She decided there was no
real reason why she had to save time. More important was
not to draw unnecessary attention. The more of that she
got, the more chances her secret would be found out. She
should lay off getting into fights for a while.
She was standing on a two-story rooftop across from the
compound. She looked at the thick, plastered stonewall
with the clay tiles that formed a roof along its top. She
said to herself, "If I'm gonna let my secret out, it's
gonna be on my terms."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Despite the feeling of a corset, Ranma-chan learned a new
route (by rooftop, walls, fences and rails) to the Tendou
compound. But when she got there, she was too tired to
leap over its more modest fortress walls. The gate was
closed with a large, old padlock. "Maybe I will have to
jump it." When she tested it, though, she found it hadn't
locked.
The thing about houses with fusuma/paper doors, it is
always easy for anybody to break in. The Tendous had
large ones that opened onto their garden. They cost money
to replace. That was why Ranma expected and found the
front door open.
She went straight for the hot water in the bathroom.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nabiki checked in the bathroom. "Well, Ranma's been here.
She had followed Ranma-chan's dirty barefoot prints to
there. And the girl hadn't cleaned them before she went
into the furo. There was still some grime on them when he
got out and left a few guy-sized prints." She
congratulated herself on her detective skill. "Now that I
know he's here, all I have to do is find where he is."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ranma-kun was in a lotus position upside down, resting
his weight on his forearms: For the fourth time that
afternoon. "Aaarrr!!" he cried, rolling forward onto his
butt, his ankles still on his thighs. "It's no good!!" He
looked down at his stomach, "This invisible corset is
drivin' me crazy! I'm a guy, but I feel like I STILL got
the girl's middle!" He pulled up his shirt and looked at
his waist, for the tenth time. "I can see my abs and
sides come in. If it wasn't for my bigger muscles and
lower fat, it COULD be the girl's waist!" Disgusted, he
shoved the shirt back down; "Not that I took the time to
study anything of that other body." As far as he was
concerned the best way of dealing with becoming a girl
was to ignore as much of it as he could.
He sat lotus like with his head bent over as he rubbed
the back of his neck and shoulders with his hands. "What
to do!?! This is just another challenge. All I gotta do
is figure out how to deal with it."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nabiki waited in the threshold of the open Tendou
fortress gate. She idly fanned herself with the long,
Japanese-style envelope she held in her hand. Finally her
patience was rewarded.
She ducked into the front courtyard, and then through the
gate that led to the dojo.
When she got there, she saw Ranma-kun still in the lotus
he was in the last time she'd seen him; only now his back
was on the floor. The top of his head was pointed towards
the door, so she just had to walk up to him. He looked up
at the envelope she lowered before his eyes. [To Kei
Tendou]
Nabiki presented the envelope, "Here!"
Ranma-kun asked, "What is it?" He had managed to find
some meditative peace.
Nabiki answered, "It's from Kuno."
Ranma said, "Him, again?"
Nabiki, enjoying the unfolding plot, informed him, "It's
for your MALE half, Kei Tendou."
Ranma-kun frowned, "My MALE "half" is named Ranma
Saotome."
Nabiki said, "Yeah, yeah: The same as your GIRL half.
Don't tell me, tell Kuno." She smirked, "But if you do,
he'll always know where to find his "Pig-tailed Venus".
Anybody have any water?"
Ranma-kun got a thoroughly disgusted grimace. Maybe there
WAS something to be said about having a secret identity.
Meanwhile, Kaneda in his school uniform had heard
everything from just outside the dojo door. He had
followed Nabiki from the gate, wondering what she was up
to now.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ranma cried out loud as he leaped out of the way of a
sudden blast of steam just in time.
Across the street from where he'd landed, the oblivious
man and his machine that was steam cleaning the grim off
of one of the many concrete buildings in this area of
town. Ranma-kun said, "MAN! What am I gettin' jumpy
about!!?! That wasn't COLD water!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Ranma-kun reached the address given in Kuno's letter.
Whether it was a challenge, Ranma wasn't sure. Kuno's
elegant calligraphy had left out a lot of the fancy kanji
he probably preferred and stuck with basic elementary-
school hiragana. He had even toned down the ornate
samurai dialect. (All of which meant Kuno was treating
Ranma-kun like a semi-illiterate peasant, implying Ranma-
kun was a simpleton, too.) Even so, Kuno had a way of
making any declaration sound like a challenge. Ranma-kun
reminded himself about keeping a low profile for a while.
Kuno was waiting in the in front of a modern, six-story
condo. Ranma-kun had to wonder why the samurai had chosen
this place of all places, beyond the fact that he
probably owned it. The martial artist thought it wasn't a
typical place for a fight. The paved plaza around the
block-long building was open. The only place outside an
accomplice could be hiding was around the corner of the
building.
Then again, Kuno WAS waiting near the corner. The front
doors were at the corner, too. They were all glass;
Ranma-kun could see that there was nobody in the lobby.
But that only meant any henchman inside would not be in
the first assault wave. THEN there were the balconies
above.
Whatever the guy's tactics were he was facing in the
wrong direction. If it were samurai arrogance, Kuno
spoiled the effect by turning around before Ranma-kun was
within striking distance. Then again, Kuno had written
the letter, and HE wanted to set the agenda,
"Salutations, Saotome." (Also spoiling it was the blond
doll in the long pink dress and white frilly apron he
carried in his arm.)
Ranma-kun matched Kuno's superior samurai attitude with
peasant casualness, "NOW what is it, Kuno. What'd you
call me out here for?"
Kuno said seriously, "You will address me as Lord Kuno."
Ranma-kun said to "Kuno-sama", "Yeah, WHATEVER. What--"
Then it registered, "What did you call me?"
Kuno said, "I gave you no slight, NOR honorific. Until I
know where we stand, I give you no form of address. I
merely call you Saotome."
Puzzled, Ranma-kun looked down at his normal, male body,
"Weren't you told my name was Tendou?"
Kuno said, "That I was. But Nabiki Tendou has told me the
truth."
Ranma-kun became worried now, "She did!?! How much did
she tell you?!"
Kuno said, "She told me the whole, tragic tale."
Ranma-kun cried, "She had no RIGHT to do that!!"
Kuno said, "Fear, not, Saotome. For the proper
incentives, LORD Kuno can provide the patronage you need
to obtain what has been taken from you."
Ranma-kun didn't believe him, "How? The only way I can
think of getting my cure is--" He sucked in his breath,
"China! You'd loan me the money to get back there?!" Now
that Ranma had that thought, he'd have to struggle with
how much foot kissing he could stand. (Anything higher,
and he'd kick it before he'd kiss it.)
Frowning, Kuno was now puzzled, "China? How Japanese are
you? I thought your clan was from Fukuoka."
Ranma-kun joined in, " "Fukuoka"? Where--" Nabiki! "O-OH!
THAT tale." She HAD said something about Fukuoka to the
Two Fathers. That was why they couldn't make Kaneda marry
herself. Then he told him quite firmly, "I'm a hundred
percent JAPANESE, Kuno. Don't you forget it!" He didn't
need the samurai idiot questioning his patriotism on top
of everything else. It was bad enough he was forced to
wear Chinese clothes.
Kuno was suspicious, "Then what does China have to do
with your problem, Saotome?"
Ranma-kun had no ideas, but he knew that "China has a
longer history of martial arts than Japan." THAT'S how
Ranma's most recent curse began! Stupid Old Man!! He'd
run out of places in Japan to steal techniques from; he
HAD to go to countries where you couldn't even understand
they might be in trouble BEFORE they got into it!
Kuno's frown became scornful, "Humph! "Martial Arts"." As
far as he was concerned the only skills deserving of that
term were those taught to the samurai warriors of old;
ways that were all but unique in the world. He didn't
even respect the impure Chinese warrior-class. "You wish
to go to China? No doubt, you have kin in China bowing
before foreign teachers."
Ranma-kun decided he couldn't kiss this jerk's feet.
"Okay, we've established you're not gonna send me to
China. Now tell me what you called me here for."
Kuno tossed the cute, blond doll, "This!" Ranma-kun
caught the thing. At least it wasn't booby-trapped. (At
least that, like using ninja assassins, didn't look to be
the samurai's style.)
Ranma-kun asked, "What is "this"?"
Kuno told him sarcastically, "It's a cute dolly."
So much for respecting him; Ranma-kun answered, "I know
that, you jerk! What's it for?!"
Kuno told him, "It is for Akane. For my advocacy of your
cause to the nobility of Fukuoka, I merely require you to
give up your claim to her hand." Fukuoka nobility? Ranma
wasn't about to ask this idiot what that meant.
Ranma-kun tossed it back to Kuno; "Forget it. As much as
I'd like to get rid of her, I can't. As long as I have
her, I don't have to worry about the other fiancees
waitin' to take her place."
Kuno cried, " "O, other, fi-ancees"!!? You have more than
ONE fiancée!?!!"
Ranma-kun pushed past him, "GEEZ! I hope not." Not after
the fiancée fiasco that happened LAST year. "But I'll
tell you what. You can DATE her all you want."
Kuno squeezed the doll in his hand; he said with
indignation, "You unspeakable CAD, you!! You ADMIT that
you are merely using poor, benighted Akane for your own
ends!! You have no intention to.... Did you say I can,
DATE her??"
Ranma-kun said, "Well, sure! I as heck don't plan on
goin' on any. And as for 'Akane', I doubt she'd WANT me
to, lookin' like I do now." Not that she'd want to go out
with this GUY any better. Ranma was in no danger of
losing his anti-marriage insurance.
Still slightly confused, Kuno said, "THAT I can well
understand. You ARE lacking in sartorial je ne sais quoi,
as well as mannerly panache, my uncouth peasant."
Ranma-kun turned the corner, "Yeah, yeah. You've got all
that--" He bumped into a rack of clothes. It was the kind
on wheels he'd seen in garment districts and the like,
and he'd actually managed to nearly knock it over.
Keeping them from falling, "Wow! Some woman's--" he
corrected himself when he saw three Furinkan girls'
uniforms, and one fuku that was a brown skirt and a white
middy with a brown sailor collar and red sailor scarf,
"Some GIRL'S a real clothes horse in this place."
Kuno was reminded, "That is the other matter I wished to
bring up with you, Kei Saotome."
Ranma-kun told him, "My name ain't "Kei" Saotome."
Another step towards dealing with what had happened to
him.
Kuno said, "As you wish. I can understand how you would
take a vow to foreswear your proper appellation until you
can savor it as victory when your true birth name is
awarded you."
Not sure exactly sure what was just said, Ranma said, "If
you say so." With the crowded clothes rack back up, Ranma
eyed it briefly before having to listen to the idiot
again. Besides the school uniforms, it had a wide of
assortment of the kind of clothes girly girls were
expected to wear. (There were street dresses, a few
skirts and blouses, a tennis outfit, a sundress, a
yukata, a couple of gowns, and a frou-frou dress-
something; there was even a shelf underneath them with
shoes and boxes with things inside Ranma didn't want to
think about.) The thought of them made his stomach
tighten even more under the corset.
Kuno informed him, "I had the town's only haute couture
boutique send over an assortment. Money was no object,
but time was."
Ranma-kun eyed the taller guy; "They're yours?" What is
he, some cross-dresser? THAT thought made his stomach
feel like doing worse than just turn.
Kuno said, "Only until such time as they meet with your
approval, Tendou nee Saotome."
Ranma-kun raised his voice, "MY approval!!?! What'd you
need MY approval for!?!! You don't think I'm gonna WEAR
any of that, that--STUFF!!?!"
Kuno's face was screwed in a grimace; "Of course not! I
have thought many ill things of you, Kei Tendou, but
CROSS-DRESSING hadn't been one of them. Can you REALLY
fit into a petit size?"
Ranma-kun, now, did yell, "How should *I* know!!?! I don't
know anything about how stretchable modern fabrics are!!
-- What am I sayin'!!? *I* don't wear girls' ANY things!!"
Kuno's grimace eased, "Then you are the man to pass them
on to the lady I bought them for."
Ranma-kun was still loud, "Akane?! SURE! She'd LOVE more
girly clothes!" Ranma-kun said it with sarcasm to make
himself feel better.
Kuno heard something different. For the sake of his
objectives, he had laid his opinion of the Tendous aside.
He had not seen Akane lately in the dresses Kasumi was
putting in Kaneda's magic tool chest. He still thought
the Saotome women were being forced to endure unfeminine
roles. To Kuno, the mockery was a confirmation of his
fears about where the Tendou men got their extraordinary
prowess, namely by destroying reputations. They used the
sheer perverse thrill they got from it to tap into their
chi. That would make it a base, infernal martial arts
technique. Or they ACTUALLY consumed reputations. That
would make Kaneda and Kei in league with evil spirits.
Kuno began to see where his thinking had gone astray,
"No, not the Wild Haired Huntress, Akane." Nabiki hadn't
told him to buy clothes for Akane. "Though I would not
mind providing a wardrobe that matched this one in
substance and generosity. After all, I cannot allow any
misunderstanding of favoritism to creep into my bi-
fractured relationships. Yes: I WILL call the boutique
and have them deliver--"
Ranma-kun said, "Later, Kuno, alright?! Just TELL me
already how do I come in, if this poodle-dog fluff ain't
for Akane?"
Kuno drew himself up and said with all samurai dignity,
"As I displayed my superior honorableness by approaching
Akane through you, her fiance, I now do the same by
asking you to intercede with your erstwhile kinfolk on my
behalf. I wish them to condone my dating your cousin, the
pig-tailed beauty, Ranma Saotome."
Ranma cried, "WHAT!?!! Date you!!? You're out of your
stupid mind, if you think I'm gonna allow that!"
Kuno yelled back, "You are willing to let me date with
your fiance, but not your cousin!?!!"
Ranma-kun told him, "That's right! Akane means nothing to
me: RANMA is FAR more important!"
Kuno cried, "FA-AR more important!!? Just HOW close a
cousin is Ranma to you!?!! Perhaps you would treat her as
something OTHER than hallowed kin!"
Ranma-kun walked away, "You've got that right. And to
you, PAL, Ranma's gonna be so off limits you'll never see
her again, if *I* have anything to say about it."
Kuno clenched his fist and lowered eyes in righteous
fury, "THAT is why you treat poor, feral Akane so
shamefully! You have captured her spirit, giving her no
avenue out of your maze of deceit. NOW, you would do the
same with fiery Ranma!!"
Ranma-kun stopped, sensing danger. A stainless steel
washtub crashed to the pavement in front of him from a
condo apartment above. It landed on a damp splatter where
water had come down not long ago.
Nabiki appeared from behind the short hedge planted along
the side of the condo's plaza; "I guess you can't always
trust the curse to get the timing right." She used a
spray bottle to get Ranma wet. "Then again, you two were
talking so long, the curse probably got tired of
waiting."
Kuno broke out of his monolog: "Nnn, NEVER! *I*, Lord
Tatewaki Kuno, will personally save the world from the
Tendous!! I would spend ALL of my own and my family's
immense reputation to save the Saotomes! I will live to
see--" He spun the now much shorter Kei Tendou around. He
was amazed to notice the red haired "Ranma Saotome!!?"
Kuno's attack mode took a moment to shift gears; "My
love! My Pig-tailed Venus!" He reached to pull her small
body to his manly one, "How I've longed--"
Ranma-chan punched him hard enough in the face to break
any normal person's nose.
Absorbing the blow, Kuno quickly did a counter-move; he
hugged her tightly to his bosom. "I shall never let you
go again!"
Nabiki had planned for this as well; using towels to hold
the family teakettle, she poured its contents over Ranma.
Ranma screamed and flailed her arms, "YE-OWW,W!!"
Nabiki 'apologized', "I'm sorry, Ranma: Was that too
hot?"
Kuno was slow to realize, "Ranma, you said??"
Ranma-kun got loose from the now weakened embrace, and
brought his foot up to meet the guy's face. (Still no
broken nose!) "How long do you plan on holdin' me, PAL!"
Ranma-kun replanted his foot, and made ready to leave by
the concrete stairs to the lower tier of the condo's
plaza. "Do you get it now? My secret." So much for the
jerk not knowing where "his Pig-tailed Venus" could be
found. Puke!
Kuno watched Kei descend. "I shall not call you Saotome
again. You do not deserve to share the same name as my
two faultless loves. For you have learned the ways of the
Tendous too well: You have become a practitioner of their
black magic."
In his sudden stop, Ranma-kun almost stumbled down the
stairs, "Argh!!"
Kuno challenged him, "Where have you hidden my goddess,
Ranma?!! Do not try to fool ME with your petty trickery,
Evil One!!"
Ranma-kun couldn't believe what this dangerous whacko was
saying; he attempted a smile, "Oh, come on! It's not like
that!"
Nabiki knew Kuno had gone off into his world of Japanese
legends-and-folklore (with, no doubt, some European
myths-and-tales thrown in out of his confusion). She
could make use of Kuno-baby's delusions. But, first,
there were her plans for Ranma. For those, she needed
Kuno to back off, and RANMA to think she could be on his
side. "Hmm! Looks like we're going to have to spell
everything out for him." She took her finger away from
her lips, and motioned, "Come here, Kuno-baby." When he
did come, she told him, "Here's thing. You know that girl
you like?" She couldn't resist the temptation to be
melodramatic (and ambiguous). "Well, her body and, soul,
BOTH belong to Kei." Why be any clearer? If the two heard
her the way she wanted them each to, her options would be
kept open. "And you know what THAT means?"
Whunkle! A second stainless steel washtub fell on Kuno's
head.
The newlywed husband said from above, "Be careful! Now
you've dropped the one my mother gave us!"
His wife answered, "Why do we need things like that in a
modern condo, anyway? Is our budget THAT tight we can't
use the Laundromat!"
As the lovebirds started yet another round of
communication up above, Kuno was struggling with the idea
of, "Her, body...and her, soul!..." It was as evil as
he'd thought. It was as intolerable as he thought: He
tossed the washtub from his head for the, "Svengali!! "
Ranma-kun jumped over it, and backwards to the lower
plaza. Landing, he pointed, "Ghugh! Kuno! How STUPID can
you be!?!"
Kuno ran up to the low hedge, "Silence, wretch! I can see
all too well what your evil has done!" He ducked down out
of sight.
Up came the cute, little dolly, followed by Kuno. (Nabiki
was standing there where she could see all of Kuno. She
wondered where the toy had come from all of a sudden. Did
he have the same way with dolls as Kaneda had with
mallets?) Using the hedge as a puppet stage, Kuno did the
voices, " "Hello, there, Pig-tailed girl"." And he gave a
"Punch" slap to its face. The "Judy" cried, "Eee." The
lecher voice said, "Hey! Just be quiet and do as you're
told!" The blue-eyed imitation girl answered, "Ye, ye,
yes, Master!" The evil master said, "Here I come," and
pulled his plaything down out of sight. It pleaded, "Oh,
me! Oh, oh: Mother!"
A flower was plucked and tossed up on the hedge top. A
cold, sick shiver went through Ranma-kun.
Nabiki clapped. Ranma was not amused.
It was Kuno not his depiction of Kei that returned,
sobbing, "Oh-ow! It's so terrible."
Ranma-kun told him, "Leave me outa your sick fantasies,
pal!"
Kuno rose, "SILENCE, you enslaver of women!" And he
leaped over the hedge, his hard wooden sword now in his
hand. He landed slashing.
Ranma-kun leaned this way and that, avoiding each wind-
cutting blow.
Kane-chan watched from one of the stele-like posts that
flanked this street's official entrance to the condo's
plaza. She had not been as lucky as Ranma in avoiding the
steam that was cleaning the building a couple of blocks
down. As soon as she changed into a girl, she had
discovered that Kasumi had returned home; she had
replaced the more formal white dress for the pink jumper
and white dress she had Kane-chan in yesterday.
Kuno told Kei, "I shall SMITE thee, then I shall rescue
Ranma Saotome!!"
Ranma-kun answered, "Oh, I get it: If you lose, you'll
forget all about her, right!?" And he grabbed the top of
Kuno's bokken, using it to vault his legs up. Both feet
struck Kuno solidly in the chest.
As Kuno recoiled to absorb the blow, small squares came
out of his kendo-gi's sternum-baring coat.
Ranma-kun caught the glint of gloss-and-color from one of
those square fluttering down. He took it and looked.
It was a photo of HIM! SHE was taking off her wet
undershirt! There was a flash of one of her boobs. But
the camera was at an angle where the only one with a good
view of them was Mr. Tendou. (He must've gotten a good
peek; he was spewing milk.)
Kuno saw the opportunity distractions brought: His battle
cry was "Fortune smiles!!" as he smote the pervert caught
by his own impurity.
Ranma-kun was hit in a 'corset' rib. It's force caused
him to stumble away. But he refused to fall. He recovered
enough to continue to dodge the samurai's sword.
The bokken created enough of the wind to blow five more
of the photos within Ranma's grasp. They weren't all of
him as a girl. There were some of Kaneda as an uncute
tomboy. HEY! These are--"
Though Kei had more cause to be distracted, his skills
now allowed him to easily keep the sword from touching
him. A somewhat winded Kuno cried, "You insult me with
your inattention!? I shall teach you not to take Tatewaki
Kuno so lightly!" This time the samurai thrust the point
of his weapon forward with all of his speed.
Ranma-kun tumbled backward. He HAD been distracted. His
momentum carried his tumble meters away.
It carried him straight to the feet of some girl. But it
wasn't just some girl; "Hello. Akane!" Akane?? All that
talk of Akane must have stuck in Ranma's mind. Well, it
WAS better than thinking of himself being engaged to a
"Kaneda".
Kane-chan frowned down on him, "EXCUSE me, but I think
there's something you ought to know. When Kuno gets
really mad about something he's REALLY hard to beat.
You'd better start paying attention to what you're doing
or he's going to make you regret it."
Ranma-kun noticed that Nabiki was coming. He answered
'Akane' with, "And there's something I think you ought to
know. You're still wearing those polka-dotted panties and
they still don't suit you, even from this angle."
He HAD to remind Kane-chan she was wearing girls'
underwear! It was bad enough being stuck into a dress:
"Say things like that when YOU'RE wearing them!!" Ranma
was so low she couldn't attack him with any of the
standard Tendou techniques. "Tendou Upper Body Whip-
Crack, REVISED: Tendou LOWER Body Whip-Crack!!"
KICK!!
It, it worked! Ranma-kun was sent flying up into the air.
Ranma-kun landed almost where his tumble had begun.
And he was smiling: Obviously Kane-chan would have to
work on perfecting the technique she'd just came up with.
Kuno was smiling, too, "At last this game ends!" And he
chuckled confidently.
He attacked! HAD he found Ranma's weak point: He was
attacking with stab after rapid stab of the point of his
bokken. What was one looked to the untrained eye like ten
swords! Ranma-kun had to really work to avoid the
advancing wall of jabbing spikes. He was forced to
backtrack as he looked for an opening in the offense.
The stele-like post beside Kane-chan suddenly developed
deep cracks.
Nabiki said, "Whoa! From just the air pressure alone!"
Pieces shattered off of the post. Kane-chan gasped in
surprise.
Ranma-kun saw that Akane had barely moved away from it OR
the way he was being backed into. He was going down! "Out
of the way stupid!!"
Kuno at last raised his sword for the final slash, "I
have you!!"
Kane-chan cried, "Look NOW!! The opening!!"
Ranma had hoped something like that would happen when he
went down. In a handstand, he brought one leg up. From
lower abdomen to face, it was one fluid motion to the
untrained eye. They wouldn't even be certain if Ranma-kun
had struck ANY blow at all.
Ranma-kun somersaulted away using just that one hand, to
land meters away. The scion of samurai was still
standing, though, his sword still poised.
Kane-chan sucked in her breath. DID I see what I thought
I saw?!! Or was it just wishful thinking!? Damn!! I wish
my senses were better trained!
Nabiki was even more uncertain, "HUNH?"
Ranma-kun said with a slight smirk, "It's all
over...Kuno."
Kuno lowered his bokken. "You will address me as Lor,
Lord...." He collapsed face forward onto the pavement.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Meanwhile, a Mercedes-Benz had pulled up to a stop not
too far down the block. The man who got out of it had
already been following the fight. His punch-perm hair,
overly expensive suit, and hint of tattoos around the
cuffs suggested that if he wasn't a stereotypical member
of the Yakuza/Japanese mafia, he wanted others to think
he was.
The End of this chapter