The Real Part 11 You can go home again, but why?
Where were we? Oh yeah…
Driving home after being sprung from the joint was little fun for Michael and Kyle after their make ou… run in with the transvestites…
"My dad is going to kill me, that's all there is to it." Kyle was scared of his dad, since, you know, his dad has a gun and is a rough rugged "Man's man" and his son was in a transvestite club, and got into a brawl… and made out with some dude… Ick.
"Makes me glad I'm an orphan. Have I said that before?" Michael ponders, while the Author whistles innocently and acts like he did nothing. "The memory of what happened is punishment enough."
"Well, at least I had some fun on this trip. And I have such great blackmail material now, aside from the whole 'you're-illegal-aliens-on-a-global-scale' thing." Alex was kicking back and enjoying the ride home.
"I didn't have too bad a time, I think Liz groping me was the best. Right up there with watching Kyle and Michael make out with dudes." Max added, having gotten some evil from Alex and other places. (HINT HINT: It was the Author)
"We'll be home tonight, but the only thing I fear more than my dad is Tess… did you all forget we abandoned our girlfriends during… (insert dramatic music here) THAT TIME OF THE MONTH?!?!?" Kyle reminded, as he began to weep in fear like the girly boy he is.
(Story) HEY, most of the women like Kyle. You're going to tick them off doing that Author.
(Author) So? They like the abuse he's taken so far. Face it, women enjoy abusing the women they love.
(Story) That is so not true.
(Author) Then why do so many women like my story? In fact, why is it only women?
(Story) They're all PMS'ing and thus not responsible for their actions.
(Author) Bite me, now back to the story.
"Oh come on, they couldn't know what we've been up too and they'll be so happy to have us back that they wouldn't care anyway…" Michael spoke those words, and thus earned himself a place among the All Time Stupidest Men Ever To Have Existed…
Meanwhile back at the Motel…
(Story) Huh? What motel?
(Author) In joke for fans of Ray Stevens, reference to the song "Shriner's Converention"
(Story) Okay, you're insane.
(Author) Duh.
Meanwhile back in Roswell…
"Sheriff, I hate to interrupt your make out session with Amy, but I'd like to talk to you about Kyle."
"Sure thing Tess, hold on a minute Amy. I'll be back and we can… pick up where we left off." With a very unsubtle wink the Sheriff got off the couch and went into the kitchen to talk to his quasi-daughter. "What are you needing? I'm already preparing a punishment for his incident with the transvestites."
"Transvestites!?!? Wow, okay, that story you need to tell me later. First, I was wondering if it'd be okay if Maria and I punished Kyle and Michael. After that we'll tell Liz and Isabel about them stripping so they can have it out on them." Tess, the little blonde who actually as able to think, was thinking up a devious plan.
"Stripping!?!? They did what? Okay, that story YOU have to tell me later. And I guess I'll let you punish him, you might as well get used to it since you'll probably end up marrying him. Now, I have to get back to Amy."
"Thanks Sheriff!" Tess replied, and then what the Sheriff sunk in. "MARRIED?!?!" And then, talking to herself as she left the Jim and Amy to, um, do grown up NC-17 cable things, she mulled over what he said. "That doesn't sound bad, Mrs. Tess Valentie… Mrs. Tess Harding-Valentie… Mrs. Tess Harding and he could be Mr. Kyle Harding… or if he whined Mr. Kyle Valentie-Harding… Oh and we could have lots of little ones of us…" And she went on like that… like all girls do… planning out her life down to the most annoyingly minuet details… Later she remembered to call Maria to let her know they were a go…
Just outside the Roswell City limits…
"Okay guys, here we are. Are you ready to face our girls?" Kyle said as he stopped by the green alien with a boner sign (no one ever really took the device out, they figured the alien was part of an add for Viagra) and prepared.
"I'm ready, I fear no death, I fear no girls, I fear no one…" Michael lied to himself…
"Michael, you date a fate worse than death, she is no mere girl, she is THE HURRICANE." Alex said, while suddenly Bob Dylan started singing from the radio.
"I'm so dead." Michael said before saying as many prayers and he knew and curling into the fetal position in the back seat.
"I'm ready, I'll just explain to Liz that I was forced along to try and keep Kyle out of jail… which I failed to do, but I think she'll understand." Max smiled maliciously as he said this to Kyle and Michael.
"YOU WILL TELL NO ONE ABOUT THE BAR!" Kyle said with a maniacal glare that could melt the panties of a Preacher's daughter.
(Story) WAIT, "melt the panties of a Preachers daughter"? What are you thinking?
(Author) I thought it was funny.
(Story) You're wrong, rewrite it now. You don't want to piss the women off do you?
(Author) Okay okay, sheesh. Stupid story.
(Story) Bite me.
*take two*
"YOU WILL TELL NO ONE ABOUT THE BAR!" Kyle said with a maniacal glare that could melt a glacier, which is almost as cold as the panties of a Preacher's daughter…
(Story) $#@% it, I give up on this part.
"Why not?" Alex piped up, just as mean as Max.
"Because I will tell everyone you two were stripping, yes, and implicate myself. I will tell Isabel how you said that alien women must PMS 28 days a month instead of the usual number to explain how she constantly flip flops about your relationship, and Max, I'll tell Liz how the night we were drunk you paraded around in a bra you stole from her and talked about how good her "silky underthings" felt. Is that understood?" Kyle said with such evilness that Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard, George W. Bush, Al Gore, Jesse Helms, Mickey Mouse and Bill Gates all stood up and applauded.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Max and Alex yelled in unison.
"Try me punks, go ahead, make my day." Kyle said before hitting the gas and heading into town… subsequently causing Michael to fall off the seat and into the floor of the backseat in his fetal position where he later became stuck and felt how it must feel to be a baby and be born.
Meanwhile, behind the welcome to Roswell sign a tiny army trudged along singing their song of solidarity…
"Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala…"
Where were we? Oh yeah…
Driving home after being sprung from the joint was little fun for Michael and Kyle after their make ou… run in with the transvestites…
"My dad is going to kill me, that's all there is to it." Kyle was scared of his dad, since, you know, his dad has a gun and is a rough rugged "Man's man" and his son was in a transvestite club, and got into a brawl… and made out with some dude… Ick.
"Makes me glad I'm an orphan. Have I said that before?" Michael ponders, while the Author whistles innocently and acts like he did nothing. "The memory of what happened is punishment enough."
"Well, at least I had some fun on this trip. And I have such great blackmail material now, aside from the whole 'you're-illegal-aliens-on-a-global-scale' thing." Alex was kicking back and enjoying the ride home.
"I didn't have too bad a time, I think Liz groping me was the best. Right up there with watching Kyle and Michael make out with dudes." Max added, having gotten some evil from Alex and other places. (HINT HINT: It was the Author)
"We'll be home tonight, but the only thing I fear more than my dad is Tess… did you all forget we abandoned our girlfriends during… (insert dramatic music here) THAT TIME OF THE MONTH?!?!?" Kyle reminded, as he began to weep in fear like the girly boy he is.
(Story) HEY, most of the women like Kyle. You're going to tick them off doing that Author.
(Author) So? They like the abuse he's taken so far. Face it, women enjoy abusing the women they love.
(Story) That is so not true.
(Author) Then why do so many women like my story? In fact, why is it only women?
(Story) They're all PMS'ing and thus not responsible for their actions.
(Author) Bite me, now back to the story.
"Oh come on, they couldn't know what we've been up too and they'll be so happy to have us back that they wouldn't care anyway…" Michael spoke those words, and thus earned himself a place among the All Time Stupidest Men Ever To Have Existed…
Meanwhile back at the Motel…
(Story) Huh? What motel?
(Author) In joke for fans of Ray Stevens, reference to the song "Shriner's Converention"
(Story) Okay, you're insane.
(Author) Duh.
Meanwhile back in Roswell…
"Sheriff, I hate to interrupt your make out session with Amy, but I'd like to talk to you about Kyle."
"Sure thing Tess, hold on a minute Amy. I'll be back and we can… pick up where we left off." With a very unsubtle wink the Sheriff got off the couch and went into the kitchen to talk to his quasi-daughter. "What are you needing? I'm already preparing a punishment for his incident with the transvestites."
"Transvestites!?!? Wow, okay, that story you need to tell me later. First, I was wondering if it'd be okay if Maria and I punished Kyle and Michael. After that we'll tell Liz and Isabel about them stripping so they can have it out on them." Tess, the little blonde who actually as able to think, was thinking up a devious plan.
"Stripping!?!? They did what? Okay, that story YOU have to tell me later. And I guess I'll let you punish him, you might as well get used to it since you'll probably end up marrying him. Now, I have to get back to Amy."
"Thanks Sheriff!" Tess replied, and then what the Sheriff sunk in. "MARRIED?!?!" And then, talking to herself as she left the Jim and Amy to, um, do grown up NC-17 cable things, she mulled over what he said. "That doesn't sound bad, Mrs. Tess Valentie… Mrs. Tess Harding-Valentie… Mrs. Tess Harding and he could be Mr. Kyle Harding… or if he whined Mr. Kyle Valentie-Harding… Oh and we could have lots of little ones of us…" And she went on like that… like all girls do… planning out her life down to the most annoyingly minuet details… Later she remembered to call Maria to let her know they were a go…
Just outside the Roswell City limits…
"Okay guys, here we are. Are you ready to face our girls?" Kyle said as he stopped by the green alien with a boner sign (no one ever really took the device out, they figured the alien was part of an add for Viagra) and prepared.
"I'm ready, I fear no death, I fear no girls, I fear no one…" Michael lied to himself…
"Michael, you date a fate worse than death, she is no mere girl, she is THE HURRICANE." Alex said, while suddenly Bob Dylan started singing from the radio.
"I'm so dead." Michael said before saying as many prayers and he knew and curling into the fetal position in the back seat.
"I'm ready, I'll just explain to Liz that I was forced along to try and keep Kyle out of jail… which I failed to do, but I think she'll understand." Max smiled maliciously as he said this to Kyle and Michael.
"YOU WILL TELL NO ONE ABOUT THE BAR!" Kyle said with a maniacal glare that could melt the panties of a Preacher's daughter.
(Story) WAIT, "melt the panties of a Preachers daughter"? What are you thinking?
(Author) I thought it was funny.
(Story) You're wrong, rewrite it now. You don't want to piss the women off do you?
(Author) Okay okay, sheesh. Stupid story.
(Story) Bite me.
*take two*
"YOU WILL TELL NO ONE ABOUT THE BAR!" Kyle said with a maniacal glare that could melt a glacier, which is almost as cold as the panties of a Preacher's daughter…
(Story) $#@% it, I give up on this part.
"Why not?" Alex piped up, just as mean as Max.
"Because I will tell everyone you two were stripping, yes, and implicate myself. I will tell Isabel how you said that alien women must PMS 28 days a month instead of the usual number to explain how she constantly flip flops about your relationship, and Max, I'll tell Liz how the night we were drunk you paraded around in a bra you stole from her and talked about how good her "silky underthings" felt. Is that understood?" Kyle said with such evilness that Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard, George W. Bush, Al Gore, Jesse Helms, Mickey Mouse and Bill Gates all stood up and applauded.
"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!" Max and Alex yelled in unison.
"Try me punks, go ahead, make my day." Kyle said before hitting the gas and heading into town… subsequently causing Michael to fall off the seat and into the floor of the backseat in his fetal position where he later became stuck and felt how it must feel to be a baby and be born.
Meanwhile, behind the welcome to Roswell sign a tiny army trudged along singing their song of solidarity…
"Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala…"