"Nothing Thicker Than Blood"
Part Six in the "Reflections" Series,
written by Sapphira
Short Story Based on the WB TV Series "Tarzan"
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Disclaimer: Don't own any of it… not the characters, the music, or the series in any form… I am making no profit off of this, or ANY of my other fanfics… I'm writing it purely for my own enjoyment, and hopefully for the enjoyment of some of the fellow fans.
Distribution: If you want it, you can have it… just drop me a line and tell me where it is going… ;)
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Author's Note – This is the sixth part in an on-going series of mine, and is the sequel to "I'm With You", "Lies", "Fallen", "Forever", and "Hollow"… Although all of these stories CAN be read as stand-alone pieces, I do hope that you will take the time and read all of them in order, if you have not done so already…
Even though this isn't a song fic (as there was no song playing during the scene) there IS a song that really influenced my writing of this story, and that would be a song by Sarah McLachlan entitled "Answer" which off of her brand new album 'Afterglow'… I happened to be listening to Sarah's new album while I was writing this story, and then it came to this song, and somehow or other my mind started picking up on the lyrics even as I was typing… and then it clicked. And it clicked BIG time. This song fits perfectly the emotions that I was trying to get across in this story, and I really believe that it is what inspired me to write this as quickly as I did. It is truly a beautiful song that I think fits Kathleen very well, so if you are fortunate enough to have Sarah's new album this soon after it having just been released (it's only been out for less than a week) then pop it in and listen to it while you read... It adds another facet to this piece.
Lyrics can be found at the end of the story…
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Summary – "I see what you are… And I hate you…" Based on Kathleen's thoughts after Richard and Tarzan's confrontation in the fifth episode entitled "Emotional Rescue"… Part Six in the Reflections Series…
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Standing there, alone in the atrium, abandoned by the only two other members of her family still alive in this world, Kathleen couldn't help the fact that for a few moments her gaze swept back and forth between the door and the window in which the two so incredibly different men in her life had departed by.
How could it have come to this?
Reaching a hand up to wipe away the stray tears still clinging to her lids, she then wrapped her arms around her stomach. Staring at the cracked stone tiles beneath her feet, as a faint breeze stirred her pale hair. The argument that she had had with Richard echoing painfully in her mind.
"You kept him locked in a cage!"
"I saved his life! I kept looking long after you gave up. I found him filthy and alone in that jungle, and I saved him."
"And you brought him back to get what you've wanted for twenty years. It was all about control of Greystoke then, and it still is now."
She didn't recognize the man that had been standing in front of her just then. She hadn't been able to recognize him now for a long time. She didn't understand how he could have changed so drastically from whom she had once known.
Had it been the death of their brother and what they had thought at the time was his entire family that had done it? He and John had always been close, and Richard had seemed to grieve just as much as Kathleen had when the news had been received. But why would he have chosen to become something that was such a complete contradiction to the person that had been their sibling?
She knew if John had still been alive, he would have been horrified… but she also knew that if John had still been alive, there never would have been a chance for things to have turned out the way they had. He never would have allowed Richard to become the callous man that he had. He would have been much stronger than Kathleen had been, and would have stopped it from ever having gotten this far.
Maybe it was because Richard had now been shouldering the burden of being in charge of Greystoke for so long. How did the saying go? Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Is that what had happened? She no longer knew, but she had always hoped that he would snap out of it. That one day he would wake up and realize what his life had been like for the past two decades, and that he would once again come back down to earth with some semblance of humanity…
But when she had found out what he had done with their brother's son and the cold treatment of John Jr. – treatment that the young man just might never fully recover from – it had struck her so deeply to suddenly learn that he had fallen that far.
And that he had kept from her the fact that their nephew was still very much alive, when the loss of his father had bruised her so deeply, had shattered any sense of hope for him that she might have carried secretively for the past endless years.
She would admit it. She was ashamed that she hadn't been searching herself in that forsaken jungle. But she couldn't handle the constant emotional bombardment of wondering day after day after day if this was going to be the one that she found their graves. She had tried for a long time, but eventually, when it had all seemed so hopeless, she had stopped, and had been all too willing to leave it to Richard.
She couldn't have taken it anymore, and not have it continue to effect severely the life she had tried to make for herself regardless of the highly publicized family tragedy. And she thought she had finally succeeded, despite the war between her and Richard over their brother's shares in Greystoke.
That is, until she had found a certain female cop waiting for her in her office, and everything that she had thought was important in her life had fallen away in the wake of her now grown and emotionally scarred nephew, who now needed her far more than possibly even he realized.
Everything had changed. Having John Jr. here had been a dream come true, despite the rather… difficult adjustment period that they were still working on.
She had a family again. It was an incredible feeling. And she saw so much of John in the depths of his innocent son's eyes, that sometimes it was as if he was the one looking back at her through them.
Throughout the entire inevitable confrontation between John Jr. and Richard, she had held her tongue. Letting it be her nephew's moment. A moment in which he had been forced to make a difficult choice.
Richard had known exactly where to strike. John wanted Jane in a way that even surprised Kathleen at times. At first she hadn't believed that a man that had grown up in the jungle, completely isolated from the rest of the world for almost twenty years, could have a concept of love beyond whatever faint memories he might have carried in regards to how his six year old eyes had viewed the relationship of his loving parents. But he did… He loved Jane. It went beyond simple attraction or even lust. It went deep inside of him. It was the type of love that you could only have once in a lifetime, if you were fortunate enough to find it.
Over the last few weeks she had seen what the separation between them had done to him. Despite her attempts to keep him preoccupied with the life that had once belonged to his father, and the way he had begun to slowly open up to her, she could still see it. It was always there, haunting his expressive eyes… and then when he wasn't distracted, but alone with his thoughts, he was depressed. Hurting. And not even she could do anything about it.
"Something's wrong, isn't it? You haven't seen Jane Porter in a while… This wouldn't have something to do with her, would it?"
"She doesn't want to see me."
"She said that?"
"…No…"
"Then how do you know?"
"When I'm with her… she's sad."
"John, she cares about you. She wouldn't have gone to all this trouble for you if she didn't care."
"Then why do I make her unhappy?"
"People can feel two things at once. Even opposite things."
"I only feel one thing... Why can't Jane?"
She hadn't known how to answer that. Didn't think she should. She didn't really know Jane that well, but she figured that there was a lot more than was immediately obvious going on just beneath the surface… and she could understand what that woman must have been going through for the last month.
Other than the night that John had been brought to her, she had yet to really see the two of them together, but if what John had said to her was any hint, then she knew that he wasn't alone in what he was feeling… it would just take time for them to figure it all out. If they were given the chance to, that is.
In a way, what Jane and what Kathleen were going through were rather similar, despite the different situations surrounding them. They had both been forced to deal with choosing between two very different men in their lives, and Kathleen had already made hers. She had sacrificed any chance of getting through to Richard for the right to provide and care and rehabilitate John.
Now it was Jane's turn. Granted, she had already chosen to do whatever she had to, to keep John safe, and for that alone, Kathleen would always be grateful… But it was the memories of what she had already experienced with one man, and her guilt over what she was feeling with John, that were hurting her now.
And just like Kathleen, she would have to make a choice between the memories of the past and her inhibitions… and the man who she knew would gladly give his life to protect hers.
Richard's words in regards to Jane had stuck home. She had seen it, he had seen it… John wanted nothing more than to be with her. Kathleen's throat had tightened achingly when she had seen the inner turmoil in those enraged yet hurting and confused eyes.
And then Richard had added insult to injury, by bringing their brother into this. Richard had always been adept at reading another's weaknesses and exploiting it back on them.
"I knew your father. I knew him better than anyone else alive. I know who he'd want you to be."
It had been all she could do not to protest openly at those words. Knew him better than anyone else alive? That was a lie, and it was one that had cut her to the quick. Bringing tears rushing to the surface. Yes, Richard may have known him well… and he probably did know the man that he would have wanted his son to be... But so did she…
And it wasn't the one that Richard wanted to make him into.
And then he had something that he hadn't told his own sister in ages… he had told John that he loved him. And he did. Kathleen could see it. But it was the love of an individual who had become twisted and cold.
And it was a tainted love that John had thrown back in his face.
"I love you. I just want to help you."
"No."
"Please, just give me a chance."
"Never."
…. "Why?"
"I see what you are... And I hate you."
Something in the general vicinity of her heart had clenched painfully at the harsh honesty in those words… but it was the look of stunned pain in Richard's eyes when he had switched his look over to her that had forced her to finally turn her eyes away as her tears began to fall.
In that moment, in that ravaged gaze, she had caught a glimpse of the man she had once known and still loved. A man who, in some corner of whatever portion of his heart still remained, still felt guilt and remorse over what he had become, even though there didn't seem to be a way – or the desire – to turn back.
In that rare, brief moment in time when he had laid himself vulnerable and open, he had had a mirror made up of watered down sapphires held up in front of his soul… and he hadn't liked what he had just been forced to see reflected there in those intense depths.
Then he had left. John had left. They had both been hurting, but a gulf had opened between them that could never be crossed… and maybe that was for the best, considering what Richard had become.
She wished that her brother could tell her what to do. Wish he was here to guide her and his son. Give her the answers that she sought to questions that she was afraid to ask.
But she knew who he would have chosen, if he could have seen what had happened to Richard. She knew that without a doubt in her mind or heart.
And she intended to honor that. No matter what she had to sacrifice, no matter what it cost, she would protect his son. She would be his family. She owed them all – John, Alice, John Jr. … and herself – at least that much.
Even if she had to admit to the obvious loss of her surviving – yet still, in a way, dead – sibling to do just that.
In her heart, both of her brothers were gone… Now she would have to fight for her nephew's sake, against the monster that had been left in the wake of one of them.
Because if there was one thing she knew to be true at that moment, was that it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. Richard had been humiliated. Hurt. Injured. He would lash out, and when he did, it was going to bad. Really bad.
She had thought she had known what it was like to battle against her brother. But she had a sinking suspicion that she may have never really known what he was capable of. This war was, in fact, only beginning.
And it had just become very personal.
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I will be the answer… at the end of the line.
I will be there for you… while you take the time.
In the burning of uncertainty… I will be your solid ground.
I will hold the balance… if you can't look down.
If it takes my whole life… I won't break… I won't bend…
It'll all be worth it… Worth it in the end.
Cause I can only tell you what I know…
That I need you in my life…
When the stars have all gone out…
You'll still be burning so bright.
Cast me gently into morning…
For the night has been unkind.
Take me to a place so holy…
That I can wash this from my mind…
The memory of choosing not to fight.
If it takes my whole life… I won't break… I won't bend…
It'll all be worth it… Worth it in the end.
Cause I can only tell you what I know…
That I need you in my life…
And when the stars have all burned out…
You'll still be burning so bright.
Cast me gently into morning…
For the night has been unkind…
~Lyrics to "Answer" sung by Sarah McLachlan, and on the album "Afterglow"~
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Whoa… I can't believe I wrote that in one sitting. I guess I had a more of a desire to get inside Kathleen's head than I originally realized! lol!
So, What did ya think??? Still good? Took a little detour from the whole Jane/Tarzan reflections (was a little afraid it might be getting repetitive and/or old)… but I really did want to write this the moment I watched that scene, so I hope everyone likes.
The next story, tentatively entitled "Parallels" will be based on none other than Sam's thoughts at the end of "Emotional Rescue"… and then I will be moving onto the famous shower scene (hubba hubba) in a story entitled "Breathe In", that I'm REALLY looking forward to sharing!! (grin)
So stay tuned… but please, PLEASE let me know what you thought of this one! Reviews mean the world to me, and as long as I keep getting them, I'll keep writing…