Part 13, Ver. 2.0 Jack Daniels You Lied To Me Again.
It was the night of a big party because school was out. (Um, teachers quit, or something, maybe, whatever, who is following the continuity? Not I.) Being it was thrown by the jocks, whose intelligence levels weren't exactly high, there was plenty of brain cell deadening (and humor inducing) alcohol about. Which is why this part is being written.
(Story) You aren't going to do this, are you?
(Author) Sure am.
(Story) Okay, but when they burn you at the stake, I don't want to be there. In fact, I'm going to go hide.
This was the night of the evil wrath of blondes. Or something. All the aliens, having learned from what Max had done, were doing their best to avoid the alcohol. Kyle was as well, since he wasn't sure how his newly acquired alien DNA would handle the booze. So, they all watched everyone else make complete fools of them drinking. The guys were all huddled together, the girls were huddled elsewhere, when Tess and Maria broke from the pack.
"Tess, you sure this will work and they won't know?"
"I'm sure Maria, it's simple. They won't know what hit them until we tell them."
Dramatic music plays. Then someone puts in a better cd and 3 Doors Down blasts.
The two devilish women, wait, isn't that redundant? Well, anyway. As the story was going. The two devilish women approached their men, separated them from the protection of the pack and proceeded to devour them.
Oop, sorry, too much National Geographic.
The two devilish women took their men from the safety of other males and led them to the No-Man's land known as the dance floor. Once their, they forced the men to dance, stupidly.
While watching the ritual slau… dancing thing, Max commented to Alex. "They're up to something."
"How do you know?" Alex said, gently nursing his mildly alcoholic drink, since he was able.
"They're women, when aren't they? But watch them, when we aren't dancing with our ladies, let's keep watch on them."
"Sure thing boss man."
Half an hour and several humiliating dances later, it happened. Tess and Maria both got drinks for their guys, who they dearly loved, and thus must totally destroy of any self-esteem. The guys though had no idea that the girls had secretly spiked their drinks with some Jack Daniels whiskey (Maria also added some roofies to them, but that's another story)… They knew what would happen with the guys, thus they led them away from the dance floor.
Unbeknownst to them, Alex and Max followed behind from a distance to see what happened.
The ladies led their now extremely inebriated mates out to the SUV the guys had taken, though now the backseats were removed leaving plenty of room in the back. Looking around to see if anyone was watching, and missing as Alex and Max hid, they put their boyfriends in the back of the SUV. Then Tess, using her wonky alien powers knocked them both unconscious… with a wrench.
"Was that necessary? You could have just used your mind warp." Maria complained.
"True, but I really wanted to hit them." Tess said, smiling like a crazy women. Wait, that was redundant.
"Oh well. We ready now?"
"Yep. You take off Michael's clothes and I'll strip Kyle."
"Boxers too?"
"Of course, we want this to look real."
With that, the two girls stripped their boyfriends completely naked, then put them in a spooning position, Kyle on the outside. To complete things they scattered the clothes in the vehicle and added a little booze.
"There's something missing Mar."
"What else could we add?"
"I know! Maria, go to the store and get a large zucchini, a snow ball, Tabasco sauce, petroleum jelly, peanut butter, weed eater, a frozen chicken, peach preserves, some carrots and a pair of pantyhose."
"Oh god, you aren't going to…"
"NO, oh lord no, but I'm going to make it look like THEY did."
"Tess, remind me to never, ever piss you off. Okay?"
"Sure thing."
Fifteen minutes later, after having used Tess' gold card, Maria returned with all the mentioned items.
"Did you ever see the movie 'The Last Boy Scout' with Bruce Willis?"
"I don't think so, why?"
"Well Tess, at the beginning you see Bruce drunk and passed out, and these kids toss a dead squirrel on him. When he wakes up he sees it and later he says he thinks he screwed it to death."
"Ew, Maria, I am not killing a squirrel."
"You don't have to, I had a better idea. Ta-da!" With a flourish Maria produced an inflatable alien sex doll.
"Do I want to know where you got that?"
"My mom sales them, and thinks I don't know. You'd be surprised at what people will buy."
"That is sooooo disturbing. Anyway, how do we make them think they, you know? They'll want some evidence."
"Oh, have that covered too Tess. Got some scentless hand *cough* cream. You toss some of it around and."
"Oh girl, you and I are just too evil. Now, start placing things around. And be sure to take bites out of the carrots and such. And put the snow ball, with a bite taken out of it, on Michael's nipple. I'll smear some peanut butter on Kyle."
After a few more minutes of work, they stood back to look at what they had done.
"Tess, you realize we have officially become evil."
"So? Men like bad girls. And they deserved it."
"I know, but if they find out we did it, they'll try and get even."
"Of course they'll TRY, but they're guys and thus are doomed to fail."
With that Tess closed her eyes and implanted vague memories into the boys minds that they had slept with each other that night and gotten really close.
"I think we're done."
"Cool, let's go home and get some ice cream."
With that, the ladies shut the back door and left the guys asleep in the SUV…
After they were gone, the two witnesses came to the SUV, Alex now had a camera he had run and gotten when he saw what they were doing. Opening the back door/trunk they looked at the guys, in peaceful slumber.
"You know what this means, don't you Alex?"
"Yeah, they know we stripped. Now we must confess, fast, to our girls and beg forgiveness before they can punish us."
"Exactly. Now, snap some pictures so we can blackmail them later."
"You think we should tell them tomorrow what happened?"
"No way, this is going to be too funny. Let's concentrate on saving our own asses."
With that, several pictures were taken and the guys shut the door and left.
A few moments later a Smurf hopped out of the drivers seat, looked and the naked guys, shook his head, drank a bit of the booze that was left and stole one of the carrots…
That morning all of Roswell heard a most peculiar duet of screams going "WHAT THE ****************!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????"
It was the night of a big party because school was out. (Um, teachers quit, or something, maybe, whatever, who is following the continuity? Not I.) Being it was thrown by the jocks, whose intelligence levels weren't exactly high, there was plenty of brain cell deadening (and humor inducing) alcohol about. Which is why this part is being written.
(Story) You aren't going to do this, are you?
(Author) Sure am.
(Story) Okay, but when they burn you at the stake, I don't want to be there. In fact, I'm going to go hide.
This was the night of the evil wrath of blondes. Or something. All the aliens, having learned from what Max had done, were doing their best to avoid the alcohol. Kyle was as well, since he wasn't sure how his newly acquired alien DNA would handle the booze. So, they all watched everyone else make complete fools of them drinking. The guys were all huddled together, the girls were huddled elsewhere, when Tess and Maria broke from the pack.
"Tess, you sure this will work and they won't know?"
"I'm sure Maria, it's simple. They won't know what hit them until we tell them."
Dramatic music plays. Then someone puts in a better cd and 3 Doors Down blasts.
The two devilish women, wait, isn't that redundant? Well, anyway. As the story was going. The two devilish women approached their men, separated them from the protection of the pack and proceeded to devour them.
Oop, sorry, too much National Geographic.
The two devilish women took their men from the safety of other males and led them to the No-Man's land known as the dance floor. Once their, they forced the men to dance, stupidly.
While watching the ritual slau… dancing thing, Max commented to Alex. "They're up to something."
"How do you know?" Alex said, gently nursing his mildly alcoholic drink, since he was able.
"They're women, when aren't they? But watch them, when we aren't dancing with our ladies, let's keep watch on them."
"Sure thing boss man."
Half an hour and several humiliating dances later, it happened. Tess and Maria both got drinks for their guys, who they dearly loved, and thus must totally destroy of any self-esteem. The guys though had no idea that the girls had secretly spiked their drinks with some Jack Daniels whiskey (Maria also added some roofies to them, but that's another story)… They knew what would happen with the guys, thus they led them away from the dance floor.
Unbeknownst to them, Alex and Max followed behind from a distance to see what happened.
The ladies led their now extremely inebriated mates out to the SUV the guys had taken, though now the backseats were removed leaving plenty of room in the back. Looking around to see if anyone was watching, and missing as Alex and Max hid, they put their boyfriends in the back of the SUV. Then Tess, using her wonky alien powers knocked them both unconscious… with a wrench.
"Was that necessary? You could have just used your mind warp." Maria complained.
"True, but I really wanted to hit them." Tess said, smiling like a crazy women. Wait, that was redundant.
"Oh well. We ready now?"
"Yep. You take off Michael's clothes and I'll strip Kyle."
"Boxers too?"
"Of course, we want this to look real."
With that, the two girls stripped their boyfriends completely naked, then put them in a spooning position, Kyle on the outside. To complete things they scattered the clothes in the vehicle and added a little booze.
"There's something missing Mar."
"What else could we add?"
"I know! Maria, go to the store and get a large zucchini, a snow ball, Tabasco sauce, petroleum jelly, peanut butter, weed eater, a frozen chicken, peach preserves, some carrots and a pair of pantyhose."
"Oh god, you aren't going to…"
"NO, oh lord no, but I'm going to make it look like THEY did."
"Tess, remind me to never, ever piss you off. Okay?"
"Sure thing."
Fifteen minutes later, after having used Tess' gold card, Maria returned with all the mentioned items.
"Did you ever see the movie 'The Last Boy Scout' with Bruce Willis?"
"I don't think so, why?"
"Well Tess, at the beginning you see Bruce drunk and passed out, and these kids toss a dead squirrel on him. When he wakes up he sees it and later he says he thinks he screwed it to death."
"Ew, Maria, I am not killing a squirrel."
"You don't have to, I had a better idea. Ta-da!" With a flourish Maria produced an inflatable alien sex doll.
"Do I want to know where you got that?"
"My mom sales them, and thinks I don't know. You'd be surprised at what people will buy."
"That is sooooo disturbing. Anyway, how do we make them think they, you know? They'll want some evidence."
"Oh, have that covered too Tess. Got some scentless hand *cough* cream. You toss some of it around and."
"Oh girl, you and I are just too evil. Now, start placing things around. And be sure to take bites out of the carrots and such. And put the snow ball, with a bite taken out of it, on Michael's nipple. I'll smear some peanut butter on Kyle."
After a few more minutes of work, they stood back to look at what they had done.
"Tess, you realize we have officially become evil."
"So? Men like bad girls. And they deserved it."
"I know, but if they find out we did it, they'll try and get even."
"Of course they'll TRY, but they're guys and thus are doomed to fail."
With that Tess closed her eyes and implanted vague memories into the boys minds that they had slept with each other that night and gotten really close.
"I think we're done."
"Cool, let's go home and get some ice cream."
With that, the ladies shut the back door and left the guys asleep in the SUV…
After they were gone, the two witnesses came to the SUV, Alex now had a camera he had run and gotten when he saw what they were doing. Opening the back door/trunk they looked at the guys, in peaceful slumber.
"You know what this means, don't you Alex?"
"Yeah, they know we stripped. Now we must confess, fast, to our girls and beg forgiveness before they can punish us."
"Exactly. Now, snap some pictures so we can blackmail them later."
"You think we should tell them tomorrow what happened?"
"No way, this is going to be too funny. Let's concentrate on saving our own asses."
With that, several pictures were taken and the guys shut the door and left.
A few moments later a Smurf hopped out of the drivers seat, looked and the naked guys, shook his head, drank a bit of the booze that was left and stole one of the carrots…
That morning all of Roswell heard a most peculiar duet of screams going "WHAT THE ****************!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????"