Interlude: XXX (a.k.a. A Shameless Attempt To Boost Ratings)
Michael: Another frelling interlude?
Max: Yep, seems like. Um, what is frelling?
Alex: I bet he's been watching Farscape again.
Kyle: That Aeuryn Sun chick is hot man, Claudia Black… YUM-YUM-GIMME-SUM. Oh, and that cool grey alien chick, Chianna… Dude, all alien chicks are hot.
Michael: Ahem, anyway. Frell is basically a curse word, like hell or worse. It's fun.
Max: You're all odd.
Alex: Hey Kyle, did I show you those pictures of Gigi Edgely from that Aussie mag? Chianna naked man, beautiful site.
Kyle: You don't got that.
Alex: I do man, no lie.
Kyle: Dude, you are like so my hero.
Alex: Don't thank me, thank the Internet.
Kyle: I love the internet man, saves us from having to buy porn, now we just download.
Alex: Amen.
Max: Michael, are all humans like them?
Michael: No, all males are like them. I ain't exactly sure what you is though.
Max: Nice grammar.
Michael: Grab this you panty wearing pansy.
*Spike Stumbles In, Bruised, Battered, Somewhat Bloody And Wearing A Pink Leather Tutu And A Flowery Hawaiian Shirt
Spike: Dear Lord they make kids kinky at such young ages anymore.
Max: Have fun Spike?
Alex: You look tired.
Michael: Did you live up to your name?
Kyle: Gotta know about the outfit.
Spike: Shut up, all of you, or I'll tell everyone what you really do when you're not being written.
Group: Sorry.
*Spike Goes And Changes Into Regular Clothes
Spike: So, what's up for today?
Max: Special guest stars, he's trying to boost ratings.
Kyle: Cheap ploy.
Michael: Only fools would really fall for it.
Alex: Which of course is his key demographic.
Spike: Could be worse, so, who's going to be the first guest.
Max: We find out when we all sit at the table.
Spike: Let's do it then.
*Guys Sit Around A Table
*Lights Go Out And Author's Voice Comes Over Like An Announcer.
AUTHOR: OUR FIRST SPECIAL GUEST STAR TODAY IS A STAR OF TWO OF THE BEST TEEN COMEDIES EVER. PLEASE WELCOME "AMERICAN PIE" AND "AMERICAN PIE 2"'S FAMOUS STAR… STEVEN STIFLER.
*Stifler Sits At The Table.
Stifler: Call me Stifler you fuckface Author.
Author: Stifler, I can do to you worse than they did in the movies.
Stifler: Like I care, I got laid, that's enough for me.
Kyle: Dude, you are like so my hero! I'd totally have done the same for the chicks man.
Stifler: Thanks little dude, they were hot bi-babes weren't they?
Kyle: The best man.
Alex: Dude, did you really do all that stuff?
Stifler: **** yeah! You do what they tell you to and you get ******* laid man! I'm not going to be a sissy and pass up a chance to get some. Do I look like some ******* ******?
Max: Actually you do.
Stifler: I guess you'd know, you see one enough in the mirror.
Max: Those are just rumors.
Stifler: Yeah, and Liz is actually innocent.
Max: What's that supposed to mean?
Stifler: Dude, she's like the exact ******* copy of Michelle. You're going to turn around and be playing ass trumpet while she's playing with her reeds.
Max: **** you man.
Michael: I don't know man, it is always the quiet geeky ones. But I doubt the Liz with a flute thing…
Max: Thanks.
Michael: …she'd probably just use a telescope. Then she'd really see Uranus man.
Stifler: Dude! Good one man. Hell, since I'm talking about your girlfriends, what's the deal with you geek boy?
Alex: What? Nothing's wrong.
Stifler: Dude, that girl is just begging to get laid. Just get a couple of beers in her, once she'll be all over you man.
Alex: That's not how I want it.
Stifler: That's not how you want it? ****, what you want her brother instead? That must be the case for you to avoid a chance to get some like that.
Max: That's my sister.
Stifler: All the more reason you'd want her boyfriend, sibling rivalry.
Spike: This is going to get messy, call me in for curtain call.
*Spike Leaves
Stifler: You all should be like Spike, you think he passes up a chance for some *****? Hell no, he ***** it then eats it, hell, maybe even in different orders.
Alex: Man, that's just sick.
Stifler: Whatever. And you, you going for the extra kinky there boy?
Kyle: What do you mean?
Stifler: You get the ***** in the house staying with her, do a whole sister thing, you know you're going to bone her. You wanting that kinky incest stuff? You some Southerner or something?
Kyle: Hey, nothing wrong with a little role playing.
*Max, Michael & Alex Trade Odd Looks
Stifler: There is much hope for you. You shall make me proud, have her call you Stiffmiester in bed sometime.
Kyle: Sure thing man.
Stifler: And you man, you're getting some at least.
Michael: You say one thing about Maria or myself I will rip off your alleged 11 inches and see how you like that Shannon Hamilton treatment with it.
Stifler: Understood.
Author: Stifler's time is up, time for your next guest.
*Lights Go Out And Author's Voice Does The Annoying Announcer Thing Again
AUTHOR: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A FAMOUS SINGER, KNOWN ALMOST AS MUCH FOR HER LOOKS AND THE RUMORS (OR POSSIBLY MORE SO FOR THEM) THAN SHE IS FOR HER SINGING. GENTLEMAN, I PRESENT… BRITNEY SPEARS!
*Britney Enters Smiling And Sits At The Table
Britney: Hi guys, I'm a big fan of your show and this story. You're so much fun.
Max: Whoa, how'd you get drafted into coming here?
Britney: Oh, I wanted to. This sounded like a lot of fun.
Michael: This? Fun?
Britney: Sure, it looks like so much fun while reading it.
*Alex's Hands Move Toward Britney's Chest
Alex: Are they real?
*Britney Slaps Away His Hand
Britney: Behave, and yes, they're real.
Alex: In that one video you remind me so much of my girlfriend. May I feel you to be sure?
Britney: Thanks, and no, you can't. Stop it.
Michael: I'm a Metallica fan myself, but I must say you are hot. And I can listen to you sing without screaming.
*Alex's Hands Again Move Toward Britney's Chest
Britney: Thanks, I think.
Michael: But Max is your biggest fan, I've seen him dress up like you from "Baby, One More Time…" and sing along.
Britney: Really Max? That's so cool.
Max: Oh, it's nothing. I'm just a fan. You're so pretty and so talented. Very down to earth and sweet.
Britney: That's so kind of you.
Kyle: I'm a fan too, though being a jock I usually have to keep it quiet. But I have your cd's and you're just amazing.
Britney: Wow, you guys are so sweet.
*Alex's Hands Yet Again Move Toward Britney's Chest.
Britney: Quit it.
Max: Alex, behave. Stop it man, show some respect.
Michael: Yeah, she's a lovely lady and a virgin, be nice or we'll tell Isabel.
Kyle: Geez Alex, get a grip.
Alex: Sorry, it's just… they're so amazing, and so close.
Britney: It's been great talking to you, but your friend's making me a little uncomfortable so I think I'll go…
*Lights Go Out, Britney Screams
*Lights Come Back On, Britney Jumps Up And Stands Away From The Table
Britney: You all just groped me!
Max: What? Alex, did you grope her?
Alex: No way man.
Michael: Man, that's so uncool.
Kyle: Really Alex, dude, that's just so uncalled for.
Britney: I felt several touches, four pairs of hands. I'm going to make you pay you ******* ************ing bastards. I'll ****ing ruin you!
*Britney Storms Out
Max: Whoa, a whole Jeckyl/Hyde thing going on there man.
Alex: But man, I didn't touch her.
*Stifler Comes Out From Under The Table And Sits In The Seat Britney Was In And Smiles At The Guys
Stifler: Those puppies were real.
Max: Oh yeah, no doubt.
Kyle: Definitely real, can't fake that.
Michael: I know, you just can't create something like that with science.
Alex: You mean you all felt her up and I didn't get any?
The Guys: Yup.
Alex: I ****ing hate you all.
Stifler: Should have grabbed the opportunity while you had the chance. Anyway, I'm leaving for real now.
*Stifler Leaves
*Lights Go Out And Author Announcer Comes On
AUTHOR: AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, OUR FINAL GUEST IS KNOWN FOR HER OUTSTANDING COMMERCIALS AND OUTRIGHT SEXINESS. IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE… THE GREEN M&M!
*Green M&M Comes In And Sits At The Table
Green M&M: Hi guys, it's nice to be here.
*Michael Hits The Light Switch And Four Loud "Crunches" Are Heard And A Scream
*Lights Come Back On And The Green M&M Has Four Bites Taken Out Of Her And The Guys Have Chocolate Around Their Mouths
Green M&M: AHHHHHHH.
*Green M&M Runs Out
Kyle: Hrm, she tasted nice.
Michael: Yeah, good chocolate.
Alex: First time I've ever eaten a wo…
*Max Interrupts
Max: Don't do that joke Alex.
Alex: Okay. But can I do one about "melting in your mouth, not in your hand"?
Michael: Don't.
Kyle: Really, it's in poor… taste.
Max: That was a bad pun.
*Author Returns To Regular Voice
Author: Well, that's all for the guests now. Though you do have some visitors.
*A Door Opens And Britney Spears Walks In With Lance, Justin and Joey Behind Her, She Points At Max, Michael, Kyle And Alex
Britney: Those are the ****ing guys!
Justin: We'll take care of them.
Kyle, Max, Michael & Alex: Oh ****!
*A Large Fight Ensues Which Includes Much Cursing And Violence
*A Little Later, Spike Returns And Sees The Guys Beaten, Bruised And Bloody
Spike: What the hell happened here?
Max: We got beat up by N`Sync.
Spike: So five guys did this to you?
Michael: Not exactly.
Kyle: It was only three of them. The cute ones.
Spike: Cute ones?
Kyle: Lance, Joey and Justin.
Alex: They were pissed because these guys felt Britney's tits.
Spike: Britney Spears was here? I missed her. Damn, I love her music. And I missed N`Sync too? I like those guys.
Max: What?
Spike: You feel up the tits of a guy's girlfriend, what do you expect? Be glad they didn't kill ya.
Michael: I thought you'd be on our side.
Spike: I can understand the copping a feel, but you need to learn about consequences mates, things happen.
Kyle: Wait, you like their music? I thought you liked hard rock and Goth.
Spike: I like it all, besides, teenie-bopper music makes it easier to seduce the youth out there.
Alex: Makes sense. But man, I got beat up and didn't even get a feel.
Spike: If she was here why didn't you grab a handful?
Alex: They all told me not to, but as soon as the lights went off they mauled her. Even Stifler got a feel.
Spike: Should have seized the opportunity, or tit as the case may be, should have been ready. And Stifler was here? **** I love that man, he's so funny.
Max: Yeah, he was here.
Spike: Too bad I missed the show.
Michael: We're sorry too, we could have used your help when our asses were getting kicked.
Kyle: Yeah, but that's the past.
Alex: I can't believe I didn't touch her tits.
Spike: Well, I got one question for you all. Are they real?
Max, Michael & Kyle: Oh Yeah…
Michael: Another frelling interlude?
Max: Yep, seems like. Um, what is frelling?
Alex: I bet he's been watching Farscape again.
Kyle: That Aeuryn Sun chick is hot man, Claudia Black… YUM-YUM-GIMME-SUM. Oh, and that cool grey alien chick, Chianna… Dude, all alien chicks are hot.
Michael: Ahem, anyway. Frell is basically a curse word, like hell or worse. It's fun.
Max: You're all odd.
Alex: Hey Kyle, did I show you those pictures of Gigi Edgely from that Aussie mag? Chianna naked man, beautiful site.
Kyle: You don't got that.
Alex: I do man, no lie.
Kyle: Dude, you are like so my hero.
Alex: Don't thank me, thank the Internet.
Kyle: I love the internet man, saves us from having to buy porn, now we just download.
Alex: Amen.
Max: Michael, are all humans like them?
Michael: No, all males are like them. I ain't exactly sure what you is though.
Max: Nice grammar.
Michael: Grab this you panty wearing pansy.
*Spike Stumbles In, Bruised, Battered, Somewhat Bloody And Wearing A Pink Leather Tutu And A Flowery Hawaiian Shirt
Spike: Dear Lord they make kids kinky at such young ages anymore.
Max: Have fun Spike?
Alex: You look tired.
Michael: Did you live up to your name?
Kyle: Gotta know about the outfit.
Spike: Shut up, all of you, or I'll tell everyone what you really do when you're not being written.
Group: Sorry.
*Spike Goes And Changes Into Regular Clothes
Spike: So, what's up for today?
Max: Special guest stars, he's trying to boost ratings.
Kyle: Cheap ploy.
Michael: Only fools would really fall for it.
Alex: Which of course is his key demographic.
Spike: Could be worse, so, who's going to be the first guest.
Max: We find out when we all sit at the table.
Spike: Let's do it then.
*Guys Sit Around A Table
*Lights Go Out And Author's Voice Comes Over Like An Announcer.
AUTHOR: OUR FIRST SPECIAL GUEST STAR TODAY IS A STAR OF TWO OF THE BEST TEEN COMEDIES EVER. PLEASE WELCOME "AMERICAN PIE" AND "AMERICAN PIE 2"'S FAMOUS STAR… STEVEN STIFLER.
*Stifler Sits At The Table.
Stifler: Call me Stifler you fuckface Author.
Author: Stifler, I can do to you worse than they did in the movies.
Stifler: Like I care, I got laid, that's enough for me.
Kyle: Dude, you are like so my hero! I'd totally have done the same for the chicks man.
Stifler: Thanks little dude, they were hot bi-babes weren't they?
Kyle: The best man.
Alex: Dude, did you really do all that stuff?
Stifler: **** yeah! You do what they tell you to and you get ******* laid man! I'm not going to be a sissy and pass up a chance to get some. Do I look like some ******* ******?
Max: Actually you do.
Stifler: I guess you'd know, you see one enough in the mirror.
Max: Those are just rumors.
Stifler: Yeah, and Liz is actually innocent.
Max: What's that supposed to mean?
Stifler: Dude, she's like the exact ******* copy of Michelle. You're going to turn around and be playing ass trumpet while she's playing with her reeds.
Max: **** you man.
Michael: I don't know man, it is always the quiet geeky ones. But I doubt the Liz with a flute thing…
Max: Thanks.
Michael: …she'd probably just use a telescope. Then she'd really see Uranus man.
Stifler: Dude! Good one man. Hell, since I'm talking about your girlfriends, what's the deal with you geek boy?
Alex: What? Nothing's wrong.
Stifler: Dude, that girl is just begging to get laid. Just get a couple of beers in her, once she'll be all over you man.
Alex: That's not how I want it.
Stifler: That's not how you want it? ****, what you want her brother instead? That must be the case for you to avoid a chance to get some like that.
Max: That's my sister.
Stifler: All the more reason you'd want her boyfriend, sibling rivalry.
Spike: This is going to get messy, call me in for curtain call.
*Spike Leaves
Stifler: You all should be like Spike, you think he passes up a chance for some *****? Hell no, he ***** it then eats it, hell, maybe even in different orders.
Alex: Man, that's just sick.
Stifler: Whatever. And you, you going for the extra kinky there boy?
Kyle: What do you mean?
Stifler: You get the ***** in the house staying with her, do a whole sister thing, you know you're going to bone her. You wanting that kinky incest stuff? You some Southerner or something?
Kyle: Hey, nothing wrong with a little role playing.
*Max, Michael & Alex Trade Odd Looks
Stifler: There is much hope for you. You shall make me proud, have her call you Stiffmiester in bed sometime.
Kyle: Sure thing man.
Stifler: And you man, you're getting some at least.
Michael: You say one thing about Maria or myself I will rip off your alleged 11 inches and see how you like that Shannon Hamilton treatment with it.
Stifler: Understood.
Author: Stifler's time is up, time for your next guest.
*Lights Go Out And Author's Voice Does The Annoying Announcer Thing Again
AUTHOR: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A FAMOUS SINGER, KNOWN ALMOST AS MUCH FOR HER LOOKS AND THE RUMORS (OR POSSIBLY MORE SO FOR THEM) THAN SHE IS FOR HER SINGING. GENTLEMAN, I PRESENT… BRITNEY SPEARS!
*Britney Enters Smiling And Sits At The Table
Britney: Hi guys, I'm a big fan of your show and this story. You're so much fun.
Max: Whoa, how'd you get drafted into coming here?
Britney: Oh, I wanted to. This sounded like a lot of fun.
Michael: This? Fun?
Britney: Sure, it looks like so much fun while reading it.
*Alex's Hands Move Toward Britney's Chest
Alex: Are they real?
*Britney Slaps Away His Hand
Britney: Behave, and yes, they're real.
Alex: In that one video you remind me so much of my girlfriend. May I feel you to be sure?
Britney: Thanks, and no, you can't. Stop it.
Michael: I'm a Metallica fan myself, but I must say you are hot. And I can listen to you sing without screaming.
*Alex's Hands Again Move Toward Britney's Chest
Britney: Thanks, I think.
Michael: But Max is your biggest fan, I've seen him dress up like you from "Baby, One More Time…" and sing along.
Britney: Really Max? That's so cool.
Max: Oh, it's nothing. I'm just a fan. You're so pretty and so talented. Very down to earth and sweet.
Britney: That's so kind of you.
Kyle: I'm a fan too, though being a jock I usually have to keep it quiet. But I have your cd's and you're just amazing.
Britney: Wow, you guys are so sweet.
*Alex's Hands Yet Again Move Toward Britney's Chest.
Britney: Quit it.
Max: Alex, behave. Stop it man, show some respect.
Michael: Yeah, she's a lovely lady and a virgin, be nice or we'll tell Isabel.
Kyle: Geez Alex, get a grip.
Alex: Sorry, it's just… they're so amazing, and so close.
Britney: It's been great talking to you, but your friend's making me a little uncomfortable so I think I'll go…
*Lights Go Out, Britney Screams
*Lights Come Back On, Britney Jumps Up And Stands Away From The Table
Britney: You all just groped me!
Max: What? Alex, did you grope her?
Alex: No way man.
Michael: Man, that's so uncool.
Kyle: Really Alex, dude, that's just so uncalled for.
Britney: I felt several touches, four pairs of hands. I'm going to make you pay you ******* ************ing bastards. I'll ****ing ruin you!
*Britney Storms Out
Max: Whoa, a whole Jeckyl/Hyde thing going on there man.
Alex: But man, I didn't touch her.
*Stifler Comes Out From Under The Table And Sits In The Seat Britney Was In And Smiles At The Guys
Stifler: Those puppies were real.
Max: Oh yeah, no doubt.
Kyle: Definitely real, can't fake that.
Michael: I know, you just can't create something like that with science.
Alex: You mean you all felt her up and I didn't get any?
The Guys: Yup.
Alex: I ****ing hate you all.
Stifler: Should have grabbed the opportunity while you had the chance. Anyway, I'm leaving for real now.
*Stifler Leaves
*Lights Go Out And Author Announcer Comes On
AUTHOR: AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, OUR FINAL GUEST IS KNOWN FOR HER OUTSTANDING COMMERCIALS AND OUTRIGHT SEXINESS. IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE… THE GREEN M&M!
*Green M&M Comes In And Sits At The Table
Green M&M: Hi guys, it's nice to be here.
*Michael Hits The Light Switch And Four Loud "Crunches" Are Heard And A Scream
*Lights Come Back On And The Green M&M Has Four Bites Taken Out Of Her And The Guys Have Chocolate Around Their Mouths
Green M&M: AHHHHHHH.
*Green M&M Runs Out
Kyle: Hrm, she tasted nice.
Michael: Yeah, good chocolate.
Alex: First time I've ever eaten a wo…
*Max Interrupts
Max: Don't do that joke Alex.
Alex: Okay. But can I do one about "melting in your mouth, not in your hand"?
Michael: Don't.
Kyle: Really, it's in poor… taste.
Max: That was a bad pun.
*Author Returns To Regular Voice
Author: Well, that's all for the guests now. Though you do have some visitors.
*A Door Opens And Britney Spears Walks In With Lance, Justin and Joey Behind Her, She Points At Max, Michael, Kyle And Alex
Britney: Those are the ****ing guys!
Justin: We'll take care of them.
Kyle, Max, Michael & Alex: Oh ****!
*A Large Fight Ensues Which Includes Much Cursing And Violence
*A Little Later, Spike Returns And Sees The Guys Beaten, Bruised And Bloody
Spike: What the hell happened here?
Max: We got beat up by N`Sync.
Spike: So five guys did this to you?
Michael: Not exactly.
Kyle: It was only three of them. The cute ones.
Spike: Cute ones?
Kyle: Lance, Joey and Justin.
Alex: They were pissed because these guys felt Britney's tits.
Spike: Britney Spears was here? I missed her. Damn, I love her music. And I missed N`Sync too? I like those guys.
Max: What?
Spike: You feel up the tits of a guy's girlfriend, what do you expect? Be glad they didn't kill ya.
Michael: I thought you'd be on our side.
Spike: I can understand the copping a feel, but you need to learn about consequences mates, things happen.
Kyle: Wait, you like their music? I thought you liked hard rock and Goth.
Spike: I like it all, besides, teenie-bopper music makes it easier to seduce the youth out there.
Alex: Makes sense. But man, I got beat up and didn't even get a feel.
Spike: If she was here why didn't you grab a handful?
Alex: They all told me not to, but as soon as the lights went off they mauled her. Even Stifler got a feel.
Spike: Should have seized the opportunity, or tit as the case may be, should have been ready. And Stifler was here? **** I love that man, he's so funny.
Max: Yeah, he was here.
Spike: Too bad I missed the show.
Michael: We're sorry too, we could have used your help when our asses were getting kicked.
Kyle: Yeah, but that's the past.
Alex: I can't believe I didn't touch her tits.
Spike: Well, I got one question for you all. Are they real?
Max, Michael & Kyle: Oh Yeah…