Every lie contains a truth and every truth contains a lie. Shu, Suikoden II
Shared Feelings
Written by Terra Trepe
Chapter 6: End of Eternity
Squall walked slowly along the circled corridor of the centre of the Balamb Garden and he turned toward the corridor that led to the silent training-centre, his intentions to go to the secret meeting place where he had an important appointment.
It was his personal affairs, as he was going there to talk with his girlfriend, who had invited him there. He felt curious to know why she wanted to meet him there, but then he felt also scared to meet her like this.
It was only a week ago, when she had the sudden painful strokes and when she had lost their baby. They hadn't talked very much about that, actually they had only been silently in each other warm and comforting embraces, not sharing even a word between them, as they were so shocked from the accident
Perhaps Rinoa thought that now was the time to talk about it and that's why she wanted him to come to the silent secret meeting place where they could talk peacefully, but still he suspected that she had something else to say to him Something that he perhaps wouldn't want to hear That was why he tried to walk slowly, but soon enough he found himself going through the doorway that led to the secret meeting place.
He took a deep breath, letting his shadowy eyes rest on this beautiful view that this open place offered to him, the Garden being seen on its superior form perfectly from here, the glowing spiral around it moving slowly on top of the big Garden as that moving spiral send relaxing winds toward his face, slightly moving his short ebony hair.
He turned his face toward one of the dark corners of this place and he found her shrugging form sitting on the floor, her arms around her knees that were up to her chest, her raven-haired head resting on top of them.
Squall approached her slowly and kneeled down to her, starting to circle his hands around her, but then she just suddenly started to get up, and passed him to the centre of this room, not saying anything.
He traced his eyes up to her as he was still kneeled down and he got up to his feet, taking a step closer to her, looking her figure in silence, seeing the tension on her that she was radiating around her form.
Her back was toward to him and she was hugging herself with her shaking arms, her little hands placed on the soft meat of her arms, hugging them close to her She seemed so lonely, lonelier than he was
He once again took a step toward her and turned her to face him. He pushed her body against himself gently, landing a simple kiss to her rosy lips that sent shivers through his body, hoping she would answer him.
She shook her head softly and started to back away from him, raising her shoulders and twisting his hands away from her waist, accidentally making their lips brush against each other in this fleeting contact, before she slipped herself away from his embrace that tried to comfort her, that tried to love her.
She turned her back toward him again, making him feel somehow abandoned Just like he had felt those so many years ago in the orphanage when Ellone had left him, and when he heard about his father who had always been so close to him but had still never taken connection to his own son. But this felt more bad, this was what he had always feared and this was why he had never let anyone close to him before he had met Rinoa Now he feared to lose her too, but this time he wasn't going to let it happen not without a fight.
He looked her softly with his greyish eyes that now held a fear of losing her for good, and he gulped softly, as he kept on staring her, his breathing slowing down gradually.
What's wrong, Rinoa? Talk to me Her form was seemingly shaking when he asked that, and then she started slowly to turn toward him, preparing herself to face his solemn figure that wanted her to say something to him.
Squall looked her as she turned slowly, still hugging herself protectively, and when their gazes finally met each other, his breath caught on his throat, as he wasn't prepared to see those wonderful dark eyes filled with heartbreaking tears.
her voice faded as she dropped her gaze down to her boots, feeling his deep gaze upon her fragile body that had gone difficult times through The times of hurting miscarriage
Tell me, Squall Tell me everything These words were silent and it sounded like she had difficulties to ask this, and they surprised him completely off-guard.
Tell you what, Rinoa
About the day of the Seed graduation ball This time she snapped to him angrily as she raised her gaze back to him quickly. He was still confused but he knew that she wasn't stupid and that she already knew what had happened but she wanted to hear it from him, she needed to hear it from him so she could do her final decision.
After our fight about Quistis, you went to see her, didn't you she finally asked this in a voice that demanded an answer and she felt her heartbeat bouncing wildly against her chest as she looked his figure with her hostile eyes, waiting for a straight answer to her straight question.
Squall nodded his head slowly; there were no reason to lie to her anymore.
she tried to courage him continue, even when she knew that she wouldn't like what he was going to say, and this time she felt the tears, that she so tried to keep inside her, sliding painfully down her cheeks.
I kissed her he frown his face down, feeling her crying eyes look up to him with disappointment reflecting from them. Rinoa, I never he tried to explain himself as he came toward her, trying to take her into his gentle grasp, as he wanted to comfort her when he saw her eyes filling with more tears. She backed away shaking her head so her raven hair bounced on her shivering shoulders, and she just said coldly, not wanting to feel his touch on her, as she knew she couldn't bear that right now: Just continue please
He looked her for awhile, feeling his own eyes burning with tears, as he understood what he had done to her. He wanted to make it up to her so badly So badly that it hurt his very soul.
He still kept his broken gaze on her, seeing her biting her lips hardly as she tried to hold her breaking coulisse up, not wanting him to see how much she just wanted to cry all out, but he knew that she was broken, as he saw those tears sliding down her face so slowly, and he just wanted to hold her close and to stop their hurtful coming.
I asked her to come with me to the graduation ball and then then I kissed her he heard his words straining and quivering and that was something that his strong voice had never done He was truly hurting and he didn't know what to think or say, so his words were unstable as he was too.
But as soon as I went away from her room I felt so guilty and ashamed about it and I just wanted to go back to that moment and tell myself not to kiss her he tried to explain himself, but then he stopped again when he looked her and saw her expressions coming tougher, like she wasn't interested to hear his empty explains. She didn't care to hear them.
I went to my room and found you there You looked so sad and I just wanted to hold you, Rinoa Then you told me that--- his words strained again, as he wasn't sure if he should say it, but she understood what he was trying to say and she just nodded her head slowly saying softly under her weighted tears: You can say it, Squall
He stopped for a second again, before continuing: --- You told me you were pregnant I- I was so happy to hear it Our baby was going to be the prove of our love and just then I knew I wanted to devote my whole life to you To you, me and the baby To our family.
But you love Quistis You do, don't you she finally drew his eyes into a gaze with her as she asked this question that had tormented her mind for a long time already.
He went completely silent, only proving her that she was right, and then he continued, not knowing what his feelings truly was toward Quistis: I do love her, but I love you and that's all that matters, Rinoa My feelings for Quistis are complicated and I haven't yet discovered their true meaning but I don't want to discover them then he stopped again and continued silently: I love you, Rinoa I know I do And what I feel toward Quistis doesn't matter
She looked him deeply, some far part of her mind saying that she should forgive him, but then she finally knew what to do and she was sure that it was the right decision Rightful to everyone
Squall was trembling softly when Rinoa started to come toward him slowly, putting her arms around him. He felt a sigh of relieve going through his body, as he had finally told her everything It felt good to talk things through and that was something that Squall had avoided doing all his life.
She pressed herself against him, feeling his hands enfold her into his embrace as she brushed her lips gently against his before she backed slightly, starting to trace the scar with her finger that went across his forehead down to his nose, her touch sending twinkles up his spine.
This scar It was made by Seifer she took his hand in hers and leaded his hand to her chest, right to the place where her bounding heart was, before she continued: But this scar on my heart was made by you
He was shocked from these words and he just looked her silently, feeling his eyes burning with tears again as he knew what she was trying to do now. She took a step back and now she looked straight toward his greyish eyes with her dark ones, saying softly these words that were meant to courage him to live his life like she thought he had always wanted: The baby is death, so there is nothing that would stop you from starting your life with her I'm going away too, so I'm not a burden to you, Squall I don't want to see you ever again, you understand her words were sure and there were no hint of regret, but her eyes told otherwise.
Those dark brown eyes were filled with tears and they were desperate as she looked to his cold-blue eyes, before she turned her back to him and ran away.
Squall looked after her, his eyes filled with tears and his mind filled with confusion, as he still didn't knew what to think from everything He didn't understand his feelings, but now the only thing that mattered to him was to go after her and to stop her from going away from him for eternity He started to run as fast as he could after her.
He ran through the training centre, the green plants passing his sight as he tried to see her figure, he ran and ran, and then he finally were on the corridor that leaded to the Garden's centre and he could see her figure disappearing behind the corner, and he shouted, not caring about the people who were walking on these corridors: ! Wait
She didn't wait up for him and then when he had passed to this corridor's end he looked around in strange confusion when he couldn't see her There were so many people, but she was nowhere to be seen She had just disappeared
Rinoa Don't go away
~ Three months later ~
The commander's working office was very big and it had beautiful green plants around the room, not too much but just enough so the room looked lively. There was a really big window that served a refreshing view, behind the dark wooden table that had some pencils, papers, phone and some more of things that came handy when doing paperwork and other work that must be done.
This one beautiful paperweight was on the table too. It was a beautiful bird completely made from crystal glass, and there were a dedication scratched on the bottom of it with beautiful little golden letters.
He had gotten it from Rinoa, right after the day when he had became commander, and right now he was looking it again, remembering that day with fondness, knowing that those days were over.
So, what should we do, Commander Leonhart This girl's voice was sweet and playful, when she said this to the broody young man who's short brown, almost silver grey hair, was messed up, some of the hairs covering his face slightly and also his greyish eyes that held a piercing gaze.
He shifted uncomfortably on his chair and landed this bird back to the table, looking toward this brown haired girl, seeing her smile spreading even more, as she knew that he didn't like to be called as that.
A grey haired, plump man came toward these two now, putting his arms around himself as he started to say, softly laughing to himself from this sight: Xu, don't you tease Squall anymore You know well that he doesn't like to be called with that name
Xu raised her pale green eyes toward this old man, who was like a father to her, and she smiled, saluting him by raising her hand to her forehead and straightening her back: Good morning, Headmaster Cid.
Cid had his usual red sweater waistcoat on top of his white long sleeved shirt and he had a dark tie on, like always, and he had dark trousers. Well, what do you think about this situation about Galbadian Garden, Squall? He walked closer to Squall's work desk, this time sounding serious again as he reminded them all why they had this meeting in the first place.
Squall got up from his chair and moved to look out of his work office's big window that gave a breathtaking view from this beautiful place of nature that the Balamb Garden offered, and he sighed, keeping his back toward Cid and Xu, who looked at him, waiting for his opinion: These can be just rumours but I think we should go and confirm that by ourselves.
There had been a rumour spreading around Galbadian and Balamb that told that the Galbadian Garden had started its own military plans by making new nuclear weapons and everyone knew what that would mean. It would mean that the world could once again be in war, but this time it would be started by the humans.
They had tried to contact Galbadian Garden, but they hadn't got any answer from them, and that if nothing was suspicious, as the Gardens had always worked close together and they kept no secrets between them. Trabia Garden had also tried to contact them, but with no avail.
As we all know, the rumours usually contains some kind of truth Not that I believe that Galbadian would be starting a some kind of battle, not to mention a worldwide war, but--- his voice strained away and he turned back to Cid and Xu, before continuing, locking his determined gaze with them both: --- We haven't heard of them for awhile and they haven't answered to our signals so its just a good thing to send a patrol there just in case.
Cid nodded his head to Squall, signalling his approval, and Xu started immediately to write these orders to the notepad she had in her hand, making sure she wrote everything up with her little and tidy handwriting.
So, who do you want to send there? she asked as she kept on writing, waiting for him to order the crews.
Headmaster Cid Squall turned to the older man, catching his attention, before continuing: The group will have five SeeDs. One experienced in charge and four other members. You decide who they are and then give them the orders.
He nodded his head again and then asked: And what are the orders?
He seemed to think the orders awhile, before he told them calmly: They will go to the Galbadian Garden to check how the things are around there. They can go inside there if the leader thinks it is necessary but they should avoid any havoc. If there really is something weird going on there, I'm sure they will find it out just by going there.
He paused for a second before continuing: Tell them to contact us frequently through this mission, so we know how things are going. The detonation is tomorrow morning
Squall turned to Xu now:
she raised her gaze from the papers in her hands to him, waiting for the orders.
Detect the Galbadian Garden's current location code from the map and feed the signals to the crew's detectors. Make sure that everyone of the five SeeDs will get one.
And what about you, Squall You're going there too, right? Xu was truly surprised that Squall wasn't going to be the leader of this mission and she asked this, wanting to make sure that she had understood him right.
He looked her with his usual cold gaze, his expressions steady as he answered this short and simply answer:
He walked away from the room, his stern image fading to the light shadows of the corridor, leaving Xu and Cid look after him, Xu's pale eyes staring after him with confusion in her eyes.
Well let's go on with the preparations Cid turned to the work desk, taking the pile of papers that had all the information considering this mission and Xu turned to him, saying with a frown: Don't you think that Squall is acting somehow strangely, I mean He isn't going to participate this mission That's not like him.
Cid turned to this girl, saying with a tone that told that he understood Squall perfectly: These past three months, he has never left away from this office and he has worked days and nights It's only fair that he takes a break, don't you think
Xu bit her lips softly, changing her gaze to the floor, sighing: The work has been the best way for him to drown his sorrows It's been three months when Rinoa left
Cid looked her softly, knowing that this break was going to do just good for Squall. Rinoa wasn't coming back and Cid knew Squall understood that.
Squall got deep wounds from her leaving, but he was strong and he had gone this kind of things through when he was just a child and he was going to get through this too.
* * * * *
Quistis walked down the silent and empty corridors of the Balamb Garden. She had her dark SeeD-uniform on, the one that she usually wore when she kept classes, and she had her long brown boots on her long legs, caressing her legs with their smooth and soft brown leather.
She had her golden blond hair up, few strains of her long front hair landing down her perfect face, framing their beauty, and the end of these front hairs settled down to the upper curves of her breasts.
She was coming from the cafeteria, where she had ate her late breakfast, and now she was just walking around aimlessly, not really knowing where to head.
After her suicide attempt about four months ago, she was temporally laid off from her position as one of the Garden's instructors, but now she had gotten the post back to herself, as she had proven being one of the best instructors and fighters in Balamb.
There were conditions of course. She had to go visit a psychiatrist at least once in a month and she got only few classes in the beginning, but if there weren't any problems, then she would have her teacher licence completely back, and that was something that she was truly waiting for.
She hadn't realise how much she had missed being as instructor, but now these past days, even when she had only two hours a day, she had noted how much it really meant to her.
After a long walk, she found herself walking past the training centre and her head was filled with many thoughts of her future life, thinking what she was going to do with her life that desperately needed another meaning than just teaching.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted, when she heard voices of fighting from the training centre and she turned her head toward the corridor that led to these voices. She just looked toward there, thinking who it might be.
She walked slowly toward this voice of gasps and low groans, and she slowly peeked behind the corner carefully, laying her hands to the cold stonewall, feeling herself very cautious from spying like this.
Then her blue eyes landed to the most wonderful picture she had ever seen in her life and her breath was suddenly taken away from her as her jaw dropped slowly down.
It was a man who was training with his gunblade, his well-trimmed arms shoving, as he had thrown his jacket to aside. He was swinging his gunblade through the air, the sharp blade cutting the invincible air around him, making weak slashing voices.
His muscles were tense whenever he swung the blade and then they relaxed again when he dropped the blade down, still holding his firm hold from it.
His brown hair was tangled with animal sweat, his silent face holding a stern look as the sweat drops slid down them, his whole body being covered with this burning sweat.
She knew he was strong and his health was beyond perfect, his physical abilities were one of the best, thanks to the hours of training that he had luckily gone through.
His muscles were absolutely amazing, those tight peaces of meat clenching muscularly in a way that draw the admiring gazes toward their sweating surface The sight was just breathtaking as ever.
Squall, you're so
She hadn't saw him stopping his fighting exercises and now he was raising his gaze slowly up, piercing her spying figure with his greyish eyes, and she suddenly backed away against the cold wall, making a stumbling voice that most certainly told him that someone was there.
Who is it he asked this loudly, perfectly knowing that there was someone, and his voice was somehow demanding as he was looking toward these shadows, waiting for the figure step to his sight.
I can't just stand here Hell
She slowly turned to look at him and she took a deep breath almost as preparing herself, and she truly hoped that he wouldn't saw the light blush that now crept up her face, as she was embarrassed from being caught from spying him.
It's just me she walked toward him, seeing his face held a look of surprise. His fast breathing slowed down, as he kept his gaze on her lovely silhouette and sighed, almost as he had ever said that name before:
She looked straight to his eyes, feeling herself trembling softly from this gaze they held for each other. That silent and deep gaze, that drew their souls toward each other, and they didn't share any words for awhile, as that gaze told them everything that they needed to know right now.
How are you doing he asked this slowly, not being sure how to talk to this woman. He had never been sure how to talk to her as she wasn't sure how to talk to him.
I'm doing much better. Thank you from asking
Why am I thanking him
That's good
Still they looked each other deeply. Only standing there, not sharing any word for awhile, both of them searching their voice, their future
I- I heard about Rinoa I'm sorry, Squall she finally said this, feeling her voice coming back to her.
He looked down to the ground, searching for his towel that was on top of the green grass, and he picked it up to his hands, starting to wipe some of the sweat he had on his face, before saying, avoiding her blue eyes: It's alright
Again the depressing silence landed between them and Quistis just looked him, feeling her mind straining into other thoughts, as he looked him with her cornflower shaded eyes, being drawn to the lovely sight of him.
He was wiping his head from sweat and then he started to move the towel to his muscled arms, wiping them from the burning sweat too, before he started to say, this time locking his gaze with her and keeping it up: I We need to talk There is so much for me to say to you
As I've got many things to say to you too she said this softly, knowing that there were many things that they needed to talk through, and some of the topics weren't so easy to talk about.
This is the first time we have met in almost four months, Squall... Things have changed
Then why am I still hopelessly in love with this man who has given me so much pain?
You want to talk now he asked this softly, not being sure how to react to her words so far away from his reach.
She looked him deeply, taking a breath before she shook her head softly.
I can't talk now, Squall I've was just going to see Seifer
What did I say?!
Let's talk later then, alright he was surprised from her answer, deciding that she said it because she wasn't ready to talk now not yet.
Yeah, let's do that, Squall These words were just coming from her. She didn't thought what she was saying and she felt like hitting herself from saying no to this attempting offer of spending time with Squall. Am I stupid!?
He still looked her for awhile in silence, his eyes asking her for forgiveness, before he picked his jacket from the ground, starting to walk to the depths of the training centre's green jungle.
She looked after him as long as she could see his back, but when he had finally disappeared from her sight, she sighed angrily, turning on her heels and starting to walk toward the elevator hastily, heading to her room.
I'm not going to go see Seifer! Where the hell did that come anyway?! I hate me!
* * * * *
Author's note: I LOVE the next chapter, I just love it and I hope that I can write another chapter like it someday again! Did I catch you're attention? Yes, the next chapter is something special, first of all I can finally write the scene that I've planned inside my twisted mind for GOD knows how long! And the other thing is that I've always loved the main idea that the next chapter contains, so you just wait and see I'm coming back here and update this story soon enough!
Goodbye again and thank you from the lovely reviews, I love them and I love you guys!