Harry Potter and his whole world belong to JK Rowling. I am borrowing a few characters from her.
Good bye, Dear Friend
Harry didn't remember much in the days following Hagrid's death. He stayed in the hospital wing and refused all visitors, including Ron, Hermione and Ginny. He tried to refuse Remus, but the professor was having none of that.
"Harry, this wasn't your fault," Remus whispered as he sat on the edge of the bed. Harry buried his head under his pillow, refusing to listen.
The Healer from St. Mungo's came to collect Sirius the day after he'd been rescued from beyond the veil. He still hadn't awoken. Harry watched as the Healer puzzled over him before lifting him on to their stretcher.
"He has massive head injuries," Harry overheard the Healer telling Madam Pomfrey. "How he is alive, I don't know."
"He's stubborn," was Madam Pomfrey's reply. Harry couldn't help but smile.
Madam Pomfrey supplied Harry with the potion for Dreamless Sleep. It was a good thing she did, for when Harry was awake, all he could think about was how it felt to cast the Avada Kedavra curse.
He didn't regret killing Bellatrix Lestrange. It had been in self defence. Neither of them had known that she couldn't kill him. However, it left him with an empty feeling, knowing that he'd taken somebody's life. It left him feeling…weak. It was something that he hadn't been able to control, something that he felt he should have been able to.
Finally, four days after they'd rescued Sirius, Madam Pomfrey insisted that Harry get out of bed and go outside for a while.
"I know how you're feeling, Harry," she said softly when he'd just stared at her in silence. "I know you would like to stay here forever, but you need to get up and walk around. You haven't talked to Miss Granger or either of the Weasleys. Go and try to catch them up. Tonight, you may come back for another draught of the potion. Then you may go back to Gryffindor Tower."
So he got up, washed, and went up to Gryffindor Tower. He didn't meet anyone along the way, as he'd hoped. The Fat Lady stared at him as he walked toward her. Her eyes filled with tears when he gave her the password. He ignored her and glanced around before making his way up to the dormitory.
He knew Ron had put his Invisibility cloak in his trunk. He'd asked him to. Harry made his way over to it and grabbed the cloak, slipping it around himself. He made his way back down to the common room, out the portrait hole and down to the Entrance Hall.
The sun dazzled his eyes when he opened the front doors. He shivered and pulled the cloak tighter around himself. The grounds were filled with chattering students, but there wasn't much laughter. People were still reeling from Hagrid's death.
Harry made his way down the lawn slowly, carefully. He didn't want to tread on anybody accidentally and start a panic.
He wasn't even sure where he was going, he just walked. He was quite surprised to find himself standing outside the door to Hagrid's hut. He'd just raised his hand to knock when he remembered. Not that he'd really forgotten. It had been an automatic thing.
Sighing, fighting back tears, he opened the door slowly and slipped inside. Fang started to bark and then went mad when Harry pulled the cloak off. Harry set it on Hagrid's enormous chair. He looked around the room, scratching Fang behind the ears.
There was a bucket-sized tea cup sitting on the table, the teapot next to it. Harry moved toward the table and lifted the lid on the teapot. He gagged as the mouldy smell reached his nostrils. He picked up both and dumped them out the back door, and then he washed them and set them back in the cupboard.
"Why am I cleaning?" he asked himself out loud. It felt strange to hear his own voice. "What good will it do? He's not coming back to use it."
Harry stared at Fang. The boarhound sat there, his tail wagging, making his whole body wriggle. He kept inching toward Harry.
"What am I going to do with you?" he asked the dog. Fang wagged his tail harder. "I can't take you with me, Aunt Petunia doesn't like dogs."
He felt sadness well up inside again. He wiped the table down and filled Fang's dishes, trying to force the sadness back. It worked a bit.
Harry sat in Hagrid's chair while Fang ate. He stared around the small house. What would happen to it now? Would the new Care of Magical Creatures professor live here? Or the new game keeper? Who would that be?
Harry rubbed his eyes. They'd burned like crazy for the last few days and he was tired of it. He was just plain tired. He felt like he hadn't slept in a year.
He rested his head against the back of the chair, listening to Fang grunt and snort. He chuckled to himself at the noises the dog made.
His eyes slid closed and he drifted off to sleep.
*
"Harry."
He ignored whoever was shaking his shoulder. He frowned, turning slightly.
"Harry, wake up."
Against his will, Harry opened his eyes. It took him a moment to realise where he was.
He was still in Hagrid's hut. He must have fallen asleep in Hagrid's chair.
He groaned and rubbed his eyes. At some point, Fang had crawled up on the chair with him and curled up beside him. He wondered how he had slept through that.
"I thought I might find you here."
Harry turned to face Remus, still half asleep. He noticed that it was dark. He couldn't believe he'd slept for so long.
"I spoke to the Healer at St. Mungo's today, Harry." Remus dragged one of the dining chairs over to the chair Harry was in. "Sirius is in bad shape."
Harry said nothing, just raised his eyebrows.
"He's got serious internal injuries. They don't figure they're life threatening, but he will be in hospital for a while." Remus paused. He looked down at his hands. "He has head injuries too, Harry. The Healer said that Sirius didn't know anything about what's been going on. He doesn't know who he is. He didn't know who Remus Lupin was. The Healer said he mentioned someone named Prongs, but other than that, he hasn't given any names. I told the Healer that just after he'd come from beyond the veil, he'd known you and I and that he'd known what was going on. I told him that Sirius was very lucid. The Healer is, quite frankly, perplexed. "
Harry turned away, looking down at Fang. He absently scratched the dog's back, causing Fang to wag his tail again.
"The Healer is still optimistic, though. He figured that with rest, Sirius should be up and about in no time."
Harry still said nothing. He could sense Remus getting frustrated.
"I spoke with Dumbledore, and he said that if you're interested, you may come and stay with me during the summer, after you've been to your relatives for one week. If you're interested." Remus waited for a response. Harry gave none. "Well, let me know. I'll be staying at Headquarters. I guess we'll have to let Sirius have it back now. I am more than happy to do so, as, I'm sure, are you."
And still, Harry said nothing. He only wanted to be left alone. Remus sighed, raking his hand through his hair, making it stand on end. He moved the chair closer to Harry. Harry looked at him.
"Why are you here, Harry?"
Harry raised an eyebrow, but gave no answer.
"Why are you hiding? This wasn't your fault."
"I don't want to talk about it." Harry's throat hurt. It was the first time in several days he'd said anything to anyone, really. Giving the password to the Fat Lady didn't really count as talking. Nor did talking to yourself.
"And I understand that, Harry, but you need to stop blaming yourself. I know that's what you're doing."
Harry tried to look away again, but he was surprised when Remus reached out a hand and closed it around his jaw, forcing him to maintain eye contact. He tried to pull his face out of Remus' grip, but Remus wouldn't let him.
"Let me go!"
"No I won't. Talk to me, Harry!"
Harry managed to pull his face from Remus' grip finally. He glared at his professor.
"I don't want to!" He stood abruptly. Fang jumped off the chair and followed him as he began to pace. "Don't you get it?" he yelled. "It hurts to talk about it. It hurts to think about it. It hurts to breath. I got Hagrid murdered!"
Remus stared at Harry, sadness evident in his grey eyes.
"You did not, Harry. Hagrid knew he was taking a risk as soon as he entered the Shrieking Shack. Hagrid chose to step in front of that curse."
"But had I not been there, he wouldn't have been there!"
Remus nodded. "That's true. But it's like I told you when I was attacked by Voldemort. Hagrid made his own choice. Harry, Hagrid was sixty-seven years old. He knew the risks." Remus watched Harry pace. "He died to save your life, Harry. He loved you that much."
Harry stopped pacing and stared at the table. He heard Remus come up behind him. Remus put a tentative hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry didn't shrug him off.
"I just…miss him so much, Remus." And I hate it that people are dying…because of me.
"Oh, Harry," Remus sighed. He pulled Harry into his arms. "I know. I miss him too."
Harry fought the tears. Remus let him go and stepped back. Harry felt as though a large weight had been lifted from his chest.
"I don't want to bring this up-" Remus started. Harry noticed that his grey eyes were also shining with unshed tears.
"I know about the memorial service," Harry told him before he could continue. Remus looked a little surprised. "I will be there, don't worry."
"Good." Remus opened the door and allowed Fang to hurdle out. "Now, let's get back to the castle. Maybe you can catch up with Ron, Hermione and Ginny before they retire."
Harry stood, picking the Invisibility cloak off the chair. He gave the hut one last look before following Remus into the night.
*
The memorial service was held two days after Harry had fallen asleep in Hagrid's house. It was held in behind the house beside the Forbidden Forest. Even the Centaurs came to the service. The creatures in the forest seemed to know that somehow, things had changed for them.
Harry stood and listened. Nearly everyone had something to say; a story to tell. Harry himself told everyone about how Hagrid had come and rescued him from the hut on the rock and the Dursleys. He thanked Hagrid for bringing him to Hogwarts and told him that Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without him. Ginny gave him a hug as he moved back into the crowd.
They buried Hagrid in his pumpkin patch. He'd been so proud of the pumpkins he'd once grown. They'd been the size of the Dursleys house by the time Hagrid had finished with them. Harry thought it was an appropriate resting place.
After the service was over, they made their way up to Gryffindor Tower. There was tea in the Great Hall, but Harry didn't feel much like eating and making small talk. He slipped his arm around Ginny's waist as they made their way. She rested her head on his shoulder, silently offering her support. Harry was very thankful for it.
"It's so surreal," Hermione said softly, sitting in one of the squashy armchairs by the fire, removing her shoes. "I mean…things can change in a heartbeat, can't they?"
Harry nodded, loosening his tie and staring into the fire. Things certainly could.
"I wonder who will be the Care of Magical Creatures professor next year," he wondered aloud. Ron stared at him. "Well, it's something that's going to happen."
Hermione sighed as she rubbed her left foot slowly. "Probably Professor Grubbly-Plank."
Harry nodded, sitting in the chair next to Hermione's. She turned to him, her eyes concerned.
"Have you been sleeping any better, Harry?"
Harry shook his head, still staring into the fire. Ginny sat beside him, giving his hand a squeeze.
"Madam Pomfrey told me a couple nights ago that she won't let me take the Potion any longer; she says that it's too dangerous. She says that I could get…attached to it." He sighed softly, rubbing his forehead. "It's hard to sleep when you dream old dreams. But they end differently now. Instead of Sirius dying, it's Hagrid. Since she stopped giving me the Potion, I've been having that dream."
He didn't see the look of concern that passed between his friends. He looked up when Ron moved closer.
"We've been thinking, Harry. Tomorrow is Saturday. It's also our second last day before summer holidays. Why don't we see if we can go and visit Sirius? Remus told us how he's doing, and I think a visit from us might help jog his memory. What do you say?"
Harry tilted his head to the side, considering it. He nodded slowly.
"I think that's a good idea." He stood abruptly. "Let's go ask Remus."
He did see the glance that shot between his friends this time. "What?"
"We thought it might be better if we asked Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore," Hermione said quietly. "Remus didn't get into trouble for taking us to the Ministry, but I don't want to push his luck."
"We aren't even going to ask him if he wants to come with us?"
"Oh, no," Hermione said, her eyes wide. "Of course we'll ask him if he wants to come. But we're not going to ask him for his permission. We'll ask Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore."
"Okay," Harry said again, moving toward the portrait hole. Ginny jumped up to join him. Ron and Hermione stayed where they were. "Aren't you coming?"
"You're going now?" Ron asked.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. I'd like to know now so I can tell Remus and so I can sort of…get myself ready."
Ron stood and helped Hermione to her feet. She slipped her shoes on but didn't bother to do them up.
They went straight to the Great Hall. People stopped talking as they entered, but Harry took no notice of them. He glanced around the Great Hall, searching for Remus, because he hadn't been at the Head Table. Shrugging, Harry made his way up to Professor McGonagall. She watched him approach.
"What is it, Mr Potter?"
Harry swallowed, nervous all of a sudden.
"Well, Professor, we wanted to ask you…well, a favour."
McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Ask away."
"I was wonder…that is, we were wondering if we could go to St. Mungo's tomorrow? We want to go and visit Sirius."
McGonagall regarded him silently, not blinking. She pursed her lips as she thought.
"I don't see why not," she said finally, nodding her head. "So long as you take an adult with you." She smiled. "I'm sure Professor Lupin would be only too happy to accompany you."
Harry nodded, beaming. He glanced at the staff again.
"Do you know where he is?"
McGonagall nodded, standing and coming around the table. She led them back up through the doors.
"How do you plan to get there?" she asked, leading them outside. Hermione stopped at the top steps. McGonagall turned to see where they'd gone. "Well, come on."
"I just have to do my shoes up, Professor," Hermione said softly. She sat on the top stop and buckled them swiftly. The rest headed down the stairs. Hermione caught up to them just as they reached the bottom.
McGonagall marched toward Hagrid's house. Harry slowed as they came closer to it, but McGonagall walked straight past it. She drew her wand as she stepped into the Forbidden Forest. She stopped as the rest of them entered.
"I should have mentioned that we'd be coming in here," she said with a sigh. She looked at Hermione. "Those might not be the most practical of footwear for being in here. Here." She pointed her wand at Hermione's feet. "Calceo."
A pair of sneakers appeared on Hermione's feet. Hermione stared down at them in amazement.
"I've never seen that Charm before," she said with a smile. Ron took her hand and they followed McGonagall deeper into the Forest.
Harry had known where they were going as soon as McGonagall had led them in the direction of the Forest. He wasn't too surprised when Fang came bounding their way. He wasn't surprised to find Remus there, sitting on the trunk of a tree that had been torn down. He also wasn't surprised to find Grawp there, sitting with his legs crossed, apparently deeply engrossed in conversation with Remus.
Remus turned when he heard them and jumped off his tree stump. Grawp turned with interest to watch. Remus rushed toward them.
"What's going on?" he asked, concerned.
"Nothing, Remus," McGonagall answered with a thin smile. "The students just wanted to see their professor."
She bent down to give Fang a pat on the head. Then she turned and walked away.
"I'll be right back, Grawp," Remus told the Giant.
"OK, Reme."
Remus smiled as he moved toward them.
"So what's going on?" he asked. "I'm sorry I didn't come to the Great Hall, but I thought…well, I thought that somebody should explain what's happened to Grawp."
Harry glanced over Remus' shoulder at the Giant. Hagrid's little brother.
"He doesn't know?"
Remus shook his head. "No, he has no idea. I tried to explain to him, but he doesn't understand. He just knows that Hagrid hasn't been to see him in over a week."
"Hermy!"
Hermione jumped as Grawp lumbered to his feet. He gave a huge smile in her direction. She smiled back, fear evident in her eyes.
"Where Haggar?"
Remus closed his eyes. He gave a sigh and turned back to Grawp.
"Hagrid had to go away, Grawp," he said patiently. "He won't be back."
Harry sighed as well. How did you explain to someone who wouldn't understand?
The Giant's face grew stormy. "Grawp want Haggar!" He turned back to Hermione. "Hermy, where Haggar?"
Hermione stood there, white and shaking, as the Giant bent toward her. She looked to Harry for help.
"Grawp, he's been murdered by Lord Voldemort," Harry said quietly. "Well, by Death Eaters, actually."
Grawp turned slowly to Harry, his face still stormy.
"Where Haggar?"
"He's dead," Harry repeated.
"Kill?"
"Yes, he was killed."
Harry continued to watch the Giant. His face went blank and he sank down on to his haunches slowly. The ground seemed to shudder as he sat.
"Haggar gone?"
"Yes, Grawp," Remus said quietly. "Haggar gone."
"Grawp alone."
It wasn't a question, but the five of them immediately shook their heads.
"No, Grawp-" Harry started.
Grawp stared at the five of them for a moment. Then his huge face crumpled and they saw tears the size of the lake well in his eyes. As they slipped down his face, he threw his head back and let out a roar of pure agony.
"I'm sorry, Grawp," Remus said softly. Harry was sure that the Giant wouldn't be able to hear him, the way he was sobbing. They stood for several moments, waiting for Grawp to calm down. Harry wasn't sure what they would say when he finally did calm down, but they couldn't just leave him.
Grawp cried for what seemed to be an eternity. Then, without warning, he lay on his back and went to sleep.
"Let's go," Remus said softly. He stepped around Harry and started back toward the castle. The rest followed him. He gave a sigh as he led them out of the Forest, Fang bounded around their feet, barking at his own shadow.
"I don't know what's going to happen to Grawp now," he said quietly, answering the unanswered question. "I'm sure Dumbledore will help him."
He led them back on to the grounds. "Now, what did the four of you wish to speak to me about?"
"We're going to visit Sirius tomorrow," Harry blurted. Remus stared. "We would like to know if you wish to come."
"You've gotten permission already?"
Harry nodded. A smile crept across Remus' face.
"How do you plan to get there?" he asked, unknowingly asking the same question McGonagall had asked.
"Well, we could probably go by Floo Powder," Ginny answered. "Walk into Hogsmeade, to the Three Broomsticks. They've got a public fire."
Remus nodded. He smiled again.
"I would love to go to visit Sirius with you."
***
Hello again! Just two more chapters to go…I'm nearly finished the chapter after this one, so who knows…I might have it up tonight!!