Disclaimer: I don't own any X-Men (though the dashing Cajun mutant in my closet may say otherwise). Yes, it's a parody, though not a specific one. Please don't think I'm copying your original characters; I'm not.
A/N: Reading too many Sues late at night does this to me. I may be the only one to find this funny, but hopefully it'll make at least one other person laugh. Yes, Pyro's the maniac he was always meant to be, and no one is the wiser. Also, I may have spelt 'Alkalai' wrong -- just to warn you. So, yes. Enjoy?
Fanning the Flames
She was beautiful, this unnamed woman Xavier had brought into their school in wake of the disaster with the Alkalai Lake dam. Pyro (for he had indeed given up his evil intentions with the Brotherhood and rejoined the X-Men, for reasons of his own yet to be revealed) watched her walk like a wraith down the main corridor, looking up and down the walls in a daze. She was blonde, with translucent-pale skin like ivory and blue eyes that shone like sapphires in the dim light of the hallway, and her frame was thin and graceful, the body of a dancer. She wore a long white dress that clung to her body and swept out dramatically at her feet, only enhancing her unearthly beauty. When she walked, her feet never seemed to touch the ground. Pyro ducked behind a pillar and watched her.
He had overheard Xavier talking to the others about her seemingly endless array of powers; the Professor could hardly believe such a powerful mutant had managed to slip under Cerebro's radar for so long. This girl's fantastic powers had emerged at puberty, and her parents, horrified that their precious honor-student cheerleader daughter had develop 'filthy mutant powers,' had tossed her out to make her way in the world alone. Surprisingly, she had survived, using a combination of intelligence and sincere, charming naivety to find a job in a soup kitchen for the homeless in New York City. That was where, purely by luck, Storm had stumbled across her, now a beauty of a girl at seventeen and possibly the most powerful mutant ever born.
Her powers were nothing less than astonishing: she was a powerful telepath capable of shielding herself against Xavier's mind probing (how Pyro wished he could do the same); she was telekinetic like Jean Grey had been; her powers of electricity could force Storm into a quagmire of lightning that she had no control over. She could also sense the future of those she touched, and she was inexplicably immune to Rogue's energy drain. But Pyro's favorite, by far, was her ability to create fire simply by thought, as she had demonstrated by setting a small pile of matches aflame by staring at them. Perhaps her one weakness was her inability to safely touch the fires she created; if caught in a blaze, she would perish just like anyone else.
Pyro had been counting on that little tidbit of information.
He flicked his lighter in his hand reflexively, catching the little flame and rolling it along his fingers without thought. "Just a few more feet," he murmured, letting the flame grow to a blazing fireball as he waited for the girl to walk near his hiding place. As predicted, she did, softly singing a nonsense tune in her beautiful voice. He grimaced, and carefully lobbed the fireball at the hem of her dress.
The filmy rayon caught fire immediately, and Pyro almost laughed in delight as the fabric quickly fueled the flames and swept up her body like a spark on gasoline. She turned, shrieking in horror as she tried to bat out the flames quickly taking control of her body; Pyro shook his head, grinning, and pushed the flames up her neck, catching her beautiful silky blonde hair in the inferno and making it blaze like the noon sun in July. For a moment, he felt his heart tug fitfully; she looked truly beautiful now, covered in fire like a phoenix burning itself to ash only to rise again from its own pyre. It's a pity, he thought, as the girl finally slumped to the floor moments later, her screams worn out and her flesh blackening and crisping as she moved. You won't be rising again any time soon.
He stood staring at her, feeling no remorse for the passing of this woman who, by all logic, shouldn't have existed. Somewhere nearby, he heard the pounding of footsteps; the X-Men would be arriving soon, drawn by the web of telepathic screams the girl had laced across the mansion. Pyro twisted his features into a passable look of horror, and dropped to his knees beside the steaming remains, rehearsing various responses in his head.
Cyclops was the first to arrive, fresh from the Danger Room and still in his training clothes. He froze at the end of the hallway and sniffed the air, only to grimace and stalk up the corridor to gaze down at Pyro and what remained of the new student. "What...happened?" he said, obviously repulsed by the charred remains. Behind him, several more people were gathering; Rogue retched at the sight while the others simply averted their eyes.
Pyro swallowed, faking a pained look. "I...I don't know," he stuttered, turning to look at the ash beside him. He could hardly suppress his smile; Magneto would be proud when he returned. "I tried to help her, but...but she was just fanning the flames."
Reviews are welcome, but not mandatory. I have no plans to continue this, though I doubt anyone would like it enough to beg me to do just that. If you enjoyed it, I'm happy; leave me a review telling me, and I'll be even happier. Thanks for reading!