Disclaimer: the same old same old. I don't own any of the characters in
this fic, so don't sue me. I'm poor and it'll only waste ur money.
A/N: Ok this is a pre slash Harry Snape fic. So nothing's going to happen for a while yet, and even when it does it won't be so disgusting or any thing. So even if u are completely horrified by Harry having sex with a man who went to school with his father, or just don't want to picture Snape naked (I'm one of them, the man is too old for Harry in my opinion.) I hope that you can still enjoy this story.
Chapter 3----Wherever you will go.
But I wasn't angry with Harry being named after me; I just wanted to pretend that I was. I had to keep up appearances when it came to that boy. If I let it slipped that I had once ounce of feeling for that boy, every thing would change. Constantly I told myself that I was still in love with Lily, I refused to think any way different.
Because as the weeks months past I began to get more close to the boy in ways that I didn't know possible when I saw him when he was eleven again. Perhaps it was because of the fight with Voldemort, he too, (and quite rightly) wanted to be posted with any new news that was coming in via me.
It was quite common for this to happen. Callings happened much more regularly then they used to be, even when he was at the height of his powers. I thought that he feared that his Death Eaters would leave him, and even though the snake refused to admit it Voldemort was vulnerable and needed his Death Eaters. And obviously he was doing this by keeping in touch with them much more often.
When I was called Harry would ask me in his free time, when I was back, if I was ok, and to make sure that I wasn't dead. Like now. He came running into my office.
"You're back." He said, green eyes shinning wonderfully, just like his mothers used to.
"Yes Potter I'm back."
"Did he do any thing to you?"
"No, not this time. I've spoken to Dumbledore. Voldemort has plans for you." Harry gave a chuckle to my surprise.
"Doesn't he always?"
"Yes I suppose he does. Well this time he has invented a slow killing curse that doesn't need to be cursed on a person directly. It's difficult to do and he'd have to get through the wards that are surrounding the castle. And you." Harry's eyes were wide with fear.
"Slow?" he repeated slowly and carefully.
I nodded. "I don't think there's any thing to worry about just yet." But Harry wasn't listening, he had taken a seat on the floor his back sliding down the cold stone wall.
"Slow?" he asked again. "I don't want to die slowly. Quick and over with. Like the normal curse."
To my own surprise and daring I crouched down next to him. "Listen, Dumbledore has boosted the wards. Voldemort won't be able to hurt you, ok? Relax." But Harry wasn't relaxing. "Nothing is going to happen to you, we won't let it." That gave Harry, a small smile, and I carried on. "Why don't you go and get an early night. You'll feel better in the morning."
Harry eyes merely came up slowly and looked in the centre of mine. It looked as though he was looking right through me and it scared me. "What?" I asked.
"Why do you care?"
My own eyes narrowed and I gave a small smile and a chuckle. "Excuse me?"
Harry exhaled a breath and turned his head to the side smiling disbelieving. "Well, you hate me, then at the beginning of the year, you bring this whole 'I'm named after you' crap in, and now you're being nice."
That left me in an uncomfortable situation. If I told him the truth Harry would suspect that something might have gone on between his mother and i. Yet if I told him a lie and he found the truth out, his trust to me, (no matter how small it was) would be broken. And I needed that trust. I //needed// to fulfil Lily's last wish to me. One that I had neglected for the past fourteen years before this.
"I er." I shook my head and said something that was neither the truth nor a lie. "Things change." Things //had// changed. Just not in the way Harry would think. What had changed was that I had these confronting emotions that I couldn't describe towards to boy. But Harry would just think that I'd got 'nicer.' Which I suppose also was true. But not toward the other pupils, just Harry. As long as Harry was happy, especially during these dark times, that was all that mattered. That Lily's request was carried out.
Harry looked unconvinced at my reason, so I merely gave him a crooked smile apologetically and helped him get back up.
"You're right." He sniffed wiping his nose. "I'd better get an early night." He left the room, but not with out saying. "Good night."
"I notice that you are becoming closer to Harry, Severus." Dumbledore inquired. Walking along side him was rather like walking by a king, but no where near as formal.
"During these times, we must all stick together Albus, you say so yourself." I told him.
"Yes, yes. You are right. I thought that it must have been that promise that you made to Lily just before she died though."
I gave him a sharp startled look. "How did you."
"She told me. She had a lot in trust in you Severus, she was a wonderful woman."
"Yes. She was." I said, then added softly mainly to my self than Albus. "I miss her."
"I know that Severus. We all do. But think about it this way. Harry never knew her. Why don't you tell him about her? I'm sure he'd be very thankful for it."
He walked on a head, and I merely nodded considering his option.
"What do you want Professor?" Harry asked when I had asked him to stay behind again.
"Sit." I instructed him. And he did so. "Do you remember your mother Harry?"
It took a while for him to answer. He seemed in a state of shock of me having asked such a personal question. He looked deep into my eyes and I returned the stare seeing my reflection in his eyes. Now that he had got rid of his glasses I could see his eyes much more clearly and see how much they were like Lily's. And then I realised that not all of Lily was dead. She was right in front of me in Harry.
"A bit." He said finally. "Not much."
"What do you remember?"
It took even longer for him to answer this time. Almost five minutes passed in silence while Harry thought whether to answer and if so what to say. A few times I saw that his mouth opened and he was about to speak. But then he wouldn't. There was pain in those eyes.
"You don't have to." maybe it was me speaking that made me answer maybe he was just ready to say what he was going to say. But all I know was that's when he did answer.
"Her dying." He said, his eyes wet.
I had nothing to say to that, but I did feel my mouth part, and then I sighed in compassion. "I didn't know I'm sorry."
Slowly Harry shook his head. "I killed her. I killed them both." I was stunned for words and I noticed that Harry was crying. I don't think that I'd ever seen him cry before, so I got up from my seat and walked around my desk and knelt beside him, and put my hand on his shoulder.
"How can you think so?"
"You said that you blamed me."
I swallowed. "I didn't mean it.I.I'm sorry Harry."
"It's me who should be sorry. I killed her. You loved her, and I killed her. It's my fault that's she's dead. 'Harry Potter-The Boy who lived, by killing his mother.'"
"You didn't kill your mother Harry, and you know it. Voldemort killed her. Nobody else blames you, why should you?"
Harry sniffed and looked into my eyes again. "Nobody knows what she said except me." He wiped his nose. "All I hear is her pleads and begging to let me go. She begged Voldemort to kill her and let me live. And he did. Voldemort killed her; she gave herself for me! I killed my mother, I killed my mother." And he just kept repeating it and repeating it crying all the while.
A/N: Ok this is a pre slash Harry Snape fic. So nothing's going to happen for a while yet, and even when it does it won't be so disgusting or any thing. So even if u are completely horrified by Harry having sex with a man who went to school with his father, or just don't want to picture Snape naked (I'm one of them, the man is too old for Harry in my opinion.) I hope that you can still enjoy this story.
Chapter 3----Wherever you will go.
But I wasn't angry with Harry being named after me; I just wanted to pretend that I was. I had to keep up appearances when it came to that boy. If I let it slipped that I had once ounce of feeling for that boy, every thing would change. Constantly I told myself that I was still in love with Lily, I refused to think any way different.
Because as the weeks months past I began to get more close to the boy in ways that I didn't know possible when I saw him when he was eleven again. Perhaps it was because of the fight with Voldemort, he too, (and quite rightly) wanted to be posted with any new news that was coming in via me.
It was quite common for this to happen. Callings happened much more regularly then they used to be, even when he was at the height of his powers. I thought that he feared that his Death Eaters would leave him, and even though the snake refused to admit it Voldemort was vulnerable and needed his Death Eaters. And obviously he was doing this by keeping in touch with them much more often.
When I was called Harry would ask me in his free time, when I was back, if I was ok, and to make sure that I wasn't dead. Like now. He came running into my office.
"You're back." He said, green eyes shinning wonderfully, just like his mothers used to.
"Yes Potter I'm back."
"Did he do any thing to you?"
"No, not this time. I've spoken to Dumbledore. Voldemort has plans for you." Harry gave a chuckle to my surprise.
"Doesn't he always?"
"Yes I suppose he does. Well this time he has invented a slow killing curse that doesn't need to be cursed on a person directly. It's difficult to do and he'd have to get through the wards that are surrounding the castle. And you." Harry's eyes were wide with fear.
"Slow?" he repeated slowly and carefully.
I nodded. "I don't think there's any thing to worry about just yet." But Harry wasn't listening, he had taken a seat on the floor his back sliding down the cold stone wall.
"Slow?" he asked again. "I don't want to die slowly. Quick and over with. Like the normal curse."
To my own surprise and daring I crouched down next to him. "Listen, Dumbledore has boosted the wards. Voldemort won't be able to hurt you, ok? Relax." But Harry wasn't relaxing. "Nothing is going to happen to you, we won't let it." That gave Harry, a small smile, and I carried on. "Why don't you go and get an early night. You'll feel better in the morning."
Harry eyes merely came up slowly and looked in the centre of mine. It looked as though he was looking right through me and it scared me. "What?" I asked.
"Why do you care?"
My own eyes narrowed and I gave a small smile and a chuckle. "Excuse me?"
Harry exhaled a breath and turned his head to the side smiling disbelieving. "Well, you hate me, then at the beginning of the year, you bring this whole 'I'm named after you' crap in, and now you're being nice."
That left me in an uncomfortable situation. If I told him the truth Harry would suspect that something might have gone on between his mother and i. Yet if I told him a lie and he found the truth out, his trust to me, (no matter how small it was) would be broken. And I needed that trust. I //needed// to fulfil Lily's last wish to me. One that I had neglected for the past fourteen years before this.
"I er." I shook my head and said something that was neither the truth nor a lie. "Things change." Things //had// changed. Just not in the way Harry would think. What had changed was that I had these confronting emotions that I couldn't describe towards to boy. But Harry would just think that I'd got 'nicer.' Which I suppose also was true. But not toward the other pupils, just Harry. As long as Harry was happy, especially during these dark times, that was all that mattered. That Lily's request was carried out.
Harry looked unconvinced at my reason, so I merely gave him a crooked smile apologetically and helped him get back up.
"You're right." He sniffed wiping his nose. "I'd better get an early night." He left the room, but not with out saying. "Good night."
"I notice that you are becoming closer to Harry, Severus." Dumbledore inquired. Walking along side him was rather like walking by a king, but no where near as formal.
"During these times, we must all stick together Albus, you say so yourself." I told him.
"Yes, yes. You are right. I thought that it must have been that promise that you made to Lily just before she died though."
I gave him a sharp startled look. "How did you."
"She told me. She had a lot in trust in you Severus, she was a wonderful woman."
"Yes. She was." I said, then added softly mainly to my self than Albus. "I miss her."
"I know that Severus. We all do. But think about it this way. Harry never knew her. Why don't you tell him about her? I'm sure he'd be very thankful for it."
He walked on a head, and I merely nodded considering his option.
"What do you want Professor?" Harry asked when I had asked him to stay behind again.
"Sit." I instructed him. And he did so. "Do you remember your mother Harry?"
It took a while for him to answer. He seemed in a state of shock of me having asked such a personal question. He looked deep into my eyes and I returned the stare seeing my reflection in his eyes. Now that he had got rid of his glasses I could see his eyes much more clearly and see how much they were like Lily's. And then I realised that not all of Lily was dead. She was right in front of me in Harry.
"A bit." He said finally. "Not much."
"What do you remember?"
It took even longer for him to answer this time. Almost five minutes passed in silence while Harry thought whether to answer and if so what to say. A few times I saw that his mouth opened and he was about to speak. But then he wouldn't. There was pain in those eyes.
"You don't have to." maybe it was me speaking that made me answer maybe he was just ready to say what he was going to say. But all I know was that's when he did answer.
"Her dying." He said, his eyes wet.
I had nothing to say to that, but I did feel my mouth part, and then I sighed in compassion. "I didn't know I'm sorry."
Slowly Harry shook his head. "I killed her. I killed them both." I was stunned for words and I noticed that Harry was crying. I don't think that I'd ever seen him cry before, so I got up from my seat and walked around my desk and knelt beside him, and put my hand on his shoulder.
"How can you think so?"
"You said that you blamed me."
I swallowed. "I didn't mean it.I.I'm sorry Harry."
"It's me who should be sorry. I killed her. You loved her, and I killed her. It's my fault that's she's dead. 'Harry Potter-The Boy who lived, by killing his mother.'"
"You didn't kill your mother Harry, and you know it. Voldemort killed her. Nobody else blames you, why should you?"
Harry sniffed and looked into my eyes again. "Nobody knows what she said except me." He wiped his nose. "All I hear is her pleads and begging to let me go. She begged Voldemort to kill her and let me live. And he did. Voldemort killed her; she gave herself for me! I killed my mother, I killed my mother." And he just kept repeating it and repeating it crying all the while.