Shared Feelings
Finally I know... 2/2
After watching Squall's figure for a while longer, Quistis turned to the door of the secret meeting place, and took a deep inhale before she dared to open the door and walk in. The shadows immediately landed down to her, when she closed the door behind her. And when she watched ahead of herself, she saw the lazy sun that had only few hours ago got up behind that mountain.
She walked further in, pushing the few green plants away from her way through the passage, and then she finally saw him
His back was towards her and he was watching the sun go up to the clear sky. His blond hair was dancing with the soft breeze coming from direction of the green forest in the vicinity of the Balamb Garden's landing spot, and he was leaning to the railing, his figure showing only calmness There was no hint of these emotions that she was feeling and it made her feel even more uncertain about this. And there she couldn't deny it anymore She had really missed him. Even more than she had ever thought to be possible.
Quistis was frozen up there, and she felt that she couldn't move anymore She was still wordless How could these emotions be this strong? She hadn't even understand it before that she felt so much for this man So much that it was killing her
Suddenly Seifer raised his head up and his form stiffened seemingly. It was almost like he knew that she was there That he could feel her presence, her gaze resting over his form, daydreaming about things that hadn't happened and forgetting the bad things that had happened He took his hands away from the railing, and slowly, so slowly that it seemed almost like slow motioned, he turned to face her
Her soul flew away from her, when their gazes finally met each other His face was filled with confound, but somewhere deep in there, she could also see enlightenment Happiness flowed through his body, from finally seeing her with his own eyes, and he was almost ready to welcome her into his embrace. He wanted to touch her Oh, how much he wanted that How much only one light kiss could do to him now But he knew that wouldn't happen, and these thought started to rip him apart He was the reason why they couldn't do that What he had done to her, couldn't be forgiven that lightly
Quistis had almost been ready to run into his arms, from the very first second that she had seen him there. She was ready to forgive him, but she was afraid Afraid that he wasn't looking for her forgiveness That all he wanted was to say goodbye properly and then leave again... This time for good.
Trying to keep herself calm, she slowly walked next to him, trying to ignore the gaze that he had laid upon her. When she stopped next to him, laying her hands to the railing, she took a soft inhale of the refreshing air and felt a little better But when Seifer leaned with his arms to the railing, and she felt the side of his arm accidentally caressing gently hers, she felt panicky again She closed her eyes, and imagined that touch being his hand, slowly caressing its way up to her tired shoulders, giving her warmth that she had missed in these times of painful memories and thoughts But then she opened her eyes up again, realizing what she was doing She had never felt this about anyone else than Seifer The few first times when she had felt like this around him, she had thought them as a mere need of comfort, as a need of being held by someone. But this time that they had been apart from each other, made it even clearer to her that she had been wrong then She needed him to be the one to give her that, and only the thought of him being away from her ever again made her heart bleed
After the long silence, and after the many thoughts running through their minds, Seifer could finally gather up his mind together, and he could hear himself starting to say somethingBut he wasn't really sure what the words were before he had blurted them out.
I was afraid that you wouldn't come here
Not much time went by, when she already countered back with her bitter sounding voice: And I was afraid that you wouldn't come back
He moved his gaze to her after her resentful words and Quistis could see that what she had said had been a slap right onto his face. She watched him silently and she immediately felt bad about the way she had made it sound. She hadn't want to sound so harsh, but still had ended up sounding just like that.
After a silent brake, he moved his gaze down to his hands, and the regret on his expressions was evident. I deserved that
Seeing how much her bitterness had affected him, Quistis finally understood that he was carrying a heavy burden on his consciousness He was troubled. She dropped her gaze down from him, and the questions that she wanted to ask from him suddenly jumped in front of her eyes.
Where were you past this month? This time her voice was calm It wasn't pressing and it wasn't trying to insult him in any way She just wanted to know.
In Deling City I booked a room from the hotel
You stayed in the hotel? She leaned away from the railing, this time turning out to him, surprise clearly frowning her face. You should have come here Here would have been more room and it wouldn't have cost anything. Again her voice ended up sounding bitter, perhaps even a little ruder than before. And she could immediately see it from his face He wasn't going to say anything to his defence but he was just taking up her hits that seemed to come one after another.
She watched carefully his expressions How much she could see from that face only with one glance, made her surprised In the past he had never been this open as he was now. When he finally opened his eyes up, Quistis got a glimpse of his green eyes and she could see that Squall had been right Seifer's eyes really were reflecting concern some kind of deep anguish And it had grew even larger over this month Why hadn't he come to her earlier? She would have wanted to take that pain away and replace it with love, perhaps But it was useless to think about what could have been and she decided to focus on to the presentto this moment.
Why did you leave
Her voice soothed his soul for a bit But only for that tiny second before the image of his horrendous nightmare came in front of him, and she could hear that clearly from his voice and his expressions.
You remember that place where we faced Ultimecia for the final time That place, where you finally exterminated her
She frowned There was no way she could forget that place or the horrible sight of Seifer laying on the pool of his own blood. It had been horrible, but in the end she was able to kill her and still safe Seifer from the state that had seemed almost like a sure-death.
While you were still unconscious Ultimecia and I had a little talk I asked her why she was doing what she was doing And her answer made me think His voice silenced down almost to a whisper in the end of his words and she heard that Seifer had really thought about this a lot This was a burden to him Whatever Ultimecia had said to himQuistis already knew that they were lies.
She said that I was the same as she That I wanted the same things as her His eyes opened, she could see the pain deep inside his eyes So that was it, huh Ultimecia had once again affected their life. Not caring about the past, she carefully landed her hand to his shoulder, looking towards him and waiting for an eye contact. He couldn't look at her, but her touch affected him greatly.
Is that why you left? Because of what she said?
Seifer could feel her gaze on him, filled with sympathy and love. He hated himself from letting her down like that From leaving her alone for that month This all was only because of him letting Ultimecia's words affect him like this And he could never forget himself for doing that.
I know that I shouldn't have let it bother me but her words that day, Quistis They made some sense to me Perhaps Ultimecia was speaking the truthPerhaps I wanted to kill everyone in the Balamb Garden Everyone in this world--
Stop it That's not true
He turned to look at her and their gazes finally met again. Gazes locked up, their eyes reflected their love to each other and only now both of them could finally see it And with this realization they were silenced up, the wind caressing them softly, reminding them how lovely touches could be
She gulped softly, feeling suddenly absorbed into his eyes that gazed down to her. She couldn't brake down that gaze She just couldn't Right now, she was living only for this moment, for these thought and for these yearning gazes.
You're not like that You aren't evil Her whispers softly reached up to his ears, and he felt a deep relief from hearing that.
It means so much for me to hear you say that, Quistis Oh how much he wanted to kiss her now To hold her in his arms even for a moment To relish that feeling with her To tell her everything that he had wanted to tell her past this month. But he was feeling that he couldn't He had ruined everything
This was what he felt.
I'm sorry, Quistis For everything bad that I have done to you Those green emeralds fielded through her eyes and his words stabbed through her heart He was sorry for everything She had feared that he would say that and now he finally had Next, he would say goodbye to her
This was what she feared.
Her eyes fall down to her hand resting on his shoulder and she started slowly to slide her hand away from him She didn't want this to happen but if he really was going to leave again, it was better to end it right here, right now. Before anything else would happen
She became even more distant, like she was slipping through his fingers, somewhere where he couldn't reach her. He turned to her when he saw the change in her. She lifted her eyes up to him and bit her lips with her teeth, and then suddenly her expressions became hard, almost cold.
You have no idea how much I just want to hit you, Seifer How much I want to scream and yell at you for not being there for me, for escaping like that " Her blue eyes never left his, when she declared this out, her words and expressions showing angriness His gaze wandered away from her What she was saying was justified, but he couldn't listen that while looking to her It hurt too much to face the fact that she had been hurt from the way he had acted.
Quistis looked at him, even when he didn't return the gaze. Then she also dropped her gaze down, and her voice was gentle and soft like an evening breeze
And you don't have even a clue about how much I want to embrace you and never let go To whisper sweet words to your ear and feel your heartbeat close next to me To have that incredible feeling and know that it won't ever fade
He changed his gaze back at her, feeling his breath getting stuck to his throat. he whispered her name softly, grazing her name with the tip of his tongue. But she didn't hear the softness of his voice, and she continued to go on, this time lifting her eyes up to him, meeting his exposed gaze.
But still I understand, Seifer I understand completely if you don't want to get involved
He touched her face with his hand, and it made her flinch slightly. She hadn't expected him to do that, but she soon found out that she loved this gentle touch of his hand, no matter how light it was.
He gazed down to her and felt his heart stopping. She was so close to himso close
I can't live without you He moved his hand under her jaw and lift it gently up. She looked up to him and the way he looked down to her, suddenly swept all her thoughts away. Now, the only thing she could see or think were his eyes and what she could see in them That feeling that she could see clearly from his eyes, it was so familiar
He wrapped his hands around her waist, making her shiver completely I love you She heard him but couldn't believe itThose words rang in her mind Had he really said that? Before she could even think about how to respond to him, she saw him getting closer, his warm breath landing over her cold lipsand then he finally kissed her.
His lips brushed over hers very gently, very cautiously She felt his heartbeat close next to her, his warmth moving over to her body and she could feel it again This feeling had been there before, but only now she finally knew what it was It was love.
Her eyes closed up quickly and she felt the feeling taking her over. She leaned closer up to his arms and wrapped her hands around to his neck, and she answered to his kiss and to his feelings She felt the tears coming up, but this time they were the tears of happiness She felt so happy.
Slowly, she broke down the kiss, and buried her face down to the crook of his neck Now she finally had the answer Even when sometimes love might bring pain and suffering, it would always be worth it No matter what it cost
I love you so much, Seifer
He felt the tears on his neck and he gently squeezed her even closer to him. He buried his head down to her hair and he felt that this was the right thing This was where he really belonged She on his arms, made the world perfect.
As I love you
~ fin ~