Disclaimer: The usual. None of the characters are mine, their all JK
Rowling's, but I'm not using them for profit, so it's all ok.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm glad that most people like the story. I was really scared about publishing it at first, but the feedback has been mainly positive, so I'll try to keep the chapters coming. I'm hoping to get it finished this school holidays, otherwise I'll have no time in which to write. By the way - Randomm, thanks for your queries. If you want to email me, I'd be happy to discuss what you posted in the reviews. Enough from me, however.
Fic starts here:
Cho had never realised how frustrating waiting for her roommates to fall asleep was. After waiting impatiently for an hour and a half, she could have screamed in frustration. Not only was she forced to wait until she could slip out of the room without the others noticing, she wasn't even allowed silence to think about what Snape wished to say that had to wait until tonight. She had admitted to herself that she was indeed dying to know - after all, for five years she had simply assumed that he was merely a shallow man, intent on causing as much discomfort amongst those around him as he could. The past week, however, had shown her a different side of him that she never imagined could exist. Perhaps tonight she would be allowed a further glimpse into what she now realised was an intensely complicated man.
It was past midnight when Cho could at last slip out of bed and into the corridors. Her footsteps echoed around the walls as they had when she had left the Ravenclaw tower previously, and seemed to make her feel more isolated from the world as ever. In all her life, she had never thought that she would be glad to see Snape, but when she asked the door to open and found him waiting for her, she realised that she was genuinely happy to see him.
"Thankyou for coming."
"I think I needed to. What was it you were going to tell me, Professor?"
Those bottomless black eyes bore into hers. "When you look in that water, what do you see?"
"My family. My closest friends. Why? What do you see?"
"Nothing." Cho had difficulty stopping herself from gaping.
"There's nobody who - "
"No." Snape cut her off quickly. "I presume that even you know that affection is not something I am closely associated with." Cho nodded. "It may surprise you to learn, then, that several years ago I was a position not unlike the one you found yourself in last year with Cedric Diggory. I believe you could say that I loved a woman once."
It was difficult to imagine. "What was her name?"
Snape paused. "I am not sure if I should tell you that. Even if I did, I very much doubt you would recognise the name, or that it would be of any consequence."
Cho was intrigued. "So what happened?" Snape thought for a moment, then spoke.
"When He Who Must Not Be Named first came into power, he was highly supported by many of the old wizarding families, mine included. Desperate to please my parents, I rushed to join his supporters, and it was there I met her. I imagine she was very much like myself - a young witch, desperate for approval and in complete acceptance of the idea of keeping magic in pure blood families only. Perhaps that was why I loved her, but all I cared for was that she loved me. I can honestly say that looking back, she was the thing I cared most for in the entire world, and the fact that she felt the same way was almost too much happiness for me." He smiled, permitting himself to remember the way her hair used to feel against his face as they rode on his broomstick together.
"After a time, He Who Must Not Be Named gave us changed his orders to us, demanding that we kill muggles and muggle-borns. It was at that point that she began to question his orders. She was a stubborn woman, prepared to do almost anything for popularity, anything but murder. I warned her not to voice her thoughts. It seemed that even at that point I knew how dangerous expressing your feelings could be. She was so ruthless and headstrong, however, that she told He Who Must Not Be Named himself exactly how she felt, expressing along with that her desire to leave his circle.
"She was the first of the Death Eaters that he killed. Part a warning, part a test to our loyalty, he tortured her for hours before finally killing her. I had to stand there and watch it all happen, not saying a word out of a fear that I, too, would be killed, like the coward that I am. She was begging to die, and he wouldn't - " Snape broke off and took several deep breaths before continuing.
"As I stood there and watched her die, I swore to avenge her by destroying He Who Must Not Be Named. I joined Dumbledore's ranks as a spy, determined to bring down He Who Must Not Be Named from the inside. It has never seemed enough. I should have spoken up when I had the chance - I - " He had to stop. He wouldn't, couldn't break down in front of her. No.
Cho stood dumfounded as the man she once hated bared his soul before her. Finally, she did the only thing that she felt she could do. She crossed over to him and took him in his arms, wishing with all her might that she could take away his pain forever. It didn't surprise her at all to feel his arms curl around her back.
"Severus," she whispered.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I'm glad that most people like the story. I was really scared about publishing it at first, but the feedback has been mainly positive, so I'll try to keep the chapters coming. I'm hoping to get it finished this school holidays, otherwise I'll have no time in which to write. By the way - Randomm, thanks for your queries. If you want to email me, I'd be happy to discuss what you posted in the reviews. Enough from me, however.
Fic starts here:
Cho had never realised how frustrating waiting for her roommates to fall asleep was. After waiting impatiently for an hour and a half, she could have screamed in frustration. Not only was she forced to wait until she could slip out of the room without the others noticing, she wasn't even allowed silence to think about what Snape wished to say that had to wait until tonight. She had admitted to herself that she was indeed dying to know - after all, for five years she had simply assumed that he was merely a shallow man, intent on causing as much discomfort amongst those around him as he could. The past week, however, had shown her a different side of him that she never imagined could exist. Perhaps tonight she would be allowed a further glimpse into what she now realised was an intensely complicated man.
It was past midnight when Cho could at last slip out of bed and into the corridors. Her footsteps echoed around the walls as they had when she had left the Ravenclaw tower previously, and seemed to make her feel more isolated from the world as ever. In all her life, she had never thought that she would be glad to see Snape, but when she asked the door to open and found him waiting for her, she realised that she was genuinely happy to see him.
"Thankyou for coming."
"I think I needed to. What was it you were going to tell me, Professor?"
Those bottomless black eyes bore into hers. "When you look in that water, what do you see?"
"My family. My closest friends. Why? What do you see?"
"Nothing." Cho had difficulty stopping herself from gaping.
"There's nobody who - "
"No." Snape cut her off quickly. "I presume that even you know that affection is not something I am closely associated with." Cho nodded. "It may surprise you to learn, then, that several years ago I was a position not unlike the one you found yourself in last year with Cedric Diggory. I believe you could say that I loved a woman once."
It was difficult to imagine. "What was her name?"
Snape paused. "I am not sure if I should tell you that. Even if I did, I very much doubt you would recognise the name, or that it would be of any consequence."
Cho was intrigued. "So what happened?" Snape thought for a moment, then spoke.
"When He Who Must Not Be Named first came into power, he was highly supported by many of the old wizarding families, mine included. Desperate to please my parents, I rushed to join his supporters, and it was there I met her. I imagine she was very much like myself - a young witch, desperate for approval and in complete acceptance of the idea of keeping magic in pure blood families only. Perhaps that was why I loved her, but all I cared for was that she loved me. I can honestly say that looking back, she was the thing I cared most for in the entire world, and the fact that she felt the same way was almost too much happiness for me." He smiled, permitting himself to remember the way her hair used to feel against his face as they rode on his broomstick together.
"After a time, He Who Must Not Be Named gave us changed his orders to us, demanding that we kill muggles and muggle-borns. It was at that point that she began to question his orders. She was a stubborn woman, prepared to do almost anything for popularity, anything but murder. I warned her not to voice her thoughts. It seemed that even at that point I knew how dangerous expressing your feelings could be. She was so ruthless and headstrong, however, that she told He Who Must Not Be Named himself exactly how she felt, expressing along with that her desire to leave his circle.
"She was the first of the Death Eaters that he killed. Part a warning, part a test to our loyalty, he tortured her for hours before finally killing her. I had to stand there and watch it all happen, not saying a word out of a fear that I, too, would be killed, like the coward that I am. She was begging to die, and he wouldn't - " Snape broke off and took several deep breaths before continuing.
"As I stood there and watched her die, I swore to avenge her by destroying He Who Must Not Be Named. I joined Dumbledore's ranks as a spy, determined to bring down He Who Must Not Be Named from the inside. It has never seemed enough. I should have spoken up when I had the chance - I - " He had to stop. He wouldn't, couldn't break down in front of her. No.
Cho stood dumfounded as the man she once hated bared his soul before her. Finally, she did the only thing that she felt she could do. She crossed over to him and took him in his arms, wishing with all her might that she could take away his pain forever. It didn't surprise her at all to feel his arms curl around her back.
"Severus," she whispered.