Chapter III
"Where are we?" Rinoa asked for about the fifth time while Selphie desperately tried to 'shoo' the pig away. Needless to say, it didn't listen.
"Uh … last I heard we were some place in Caly … For … Nia …" Irvine scratched his head, "Some old geezard said that … never heard of Caly … For … Nia …"
"Ever head of Win-" Rinoa covered Selphie's mouth in a desperate attempt to shut her up.
She leaned forward and whispered, "Have you ever heard of a place like that? No! I don't think we're on the same Goddamn planet! So shut up about Winhill, Timber, Deling or Dollet or whatever! Unless you want to end up in a looney bin!"
Selphie nodded in understanding. Quistis stirred in her sleep and got up to a standing position, "Wow … what a stupid dream." She grinned stupidly.
Rinoa slapped her forehead in annoyance, "This isn't a dream, Quistis … allow me to prove the fact." She went up to Quistis and hit her in the back of the head.
The brown haired man with a scar entered the barn again, this time he was accompanied by a taller blond man with a similar scar as the previous but running in the opposite direction.
"Whoa! This is like a free whore house!" The blond man exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear.
"A what?" Quistis demanded him to repeat.
"Well, we could sell 'em!" Irvine suggested, "Or rape them and leave them where we found them. Or rape them and then sell them!"
"Ok, no! No! And freaking' no!" Quistis yelled, "What is wrong with you perverts? I am so calling the FBI! CIA! NSG! Someone get me James Bond … now! Wait … now that I think of it … he's probably a rapist too!"
"For Christ' sake, Quistis, shut the hell up!" Rinoa exclaimed and then turned on the men, "You should all be ashamed of yourselves! You don't treat women like this …"
The three guys looked at her and paused, "Yeah, you and what army?"
Rinoa gaped slightly, "The … the … Cali … For … Nia … army!"
"Hah, police forces in Cali-For-Nia? They're a bunch of shitlickers … couldn't
keep up with my horse." Seifer smirked.
"You nearly shat yourself, Seifer! Will you shut the hell up?" Squall spat.
Seifer was taken aback but squealed in pain when he felt two pinching fingers grip at his ear, "Yeow! Get the hell off! Pain … pain … more pain!" Quistis was pinching Seifer with all her might.
"It's turning red …" Squall remarked.
Irvine squinted, "Woah, did it just turn a shade of blue?"
"Get this creepy bitch off me!" Seifer begged. His two 'companions' doubled up in laughter, "Oh, I feel the fucking love!! I'm getting my ear ripped off by some psycho bitch and you laugh??"
Quistis jerked the ear, "Now you … all three of you better listen up real good! If you want to keep his ear attached to his head you better do what we tell you!"
The guys only erupted into a new wave of hysterics but stopped quite sharply when they felt their own ears getting punctured by two nails.
"Ow, ow, ow … double ow!" Irvine squeaked.
"Feel my pain, assholes!" Seifer yelled, "That better be a trickle of sweat and not what I think it is."
"Sorry hun, but this is darker than sweat and it ain't ketchup!" Quistis dug harder into his ear, making him screech in abominable pain.
"Wow, this is so efficient!" Selphie squealed in delight, "Imagine what would happen if we took them by the-"
"Selphie, don't go there!" Rinoa warned.
***
The three men sat on chairs, trying to ignore the pain that was still gnawing at their auricles. You could see the bloody half-moons that now scarred them.
"Bite back the pain, bite back the pain …" Irvine was muttering incoherently.
"Ok, fine!" Seifer declared, "We won't sell you to the whore house! We won't rape you! Christ …" They had let the three girls into the 'farm house'. It was a run-down type house with three rooms: a bedroom, a kitchen and one bathroom.
"So what do you guys do for a living?" Selphie asked.
"Well, actually, we were part-time crimin-" Irvine was cut off abruptly.
"Shut up, Irvine!" Squall smacked him in the back of his head.
"CRIMINALS?! CRIMINALS? What did he just say?" Rinoa shrieked.
"He said nothing. Ignore him. His mind makes things up for him and he tends to believe them." Squall covered, "The therapy bill was just too much to pay for a … sad apple farmer, Seifer. And a very, very handsome and innocent lumberjack … me."
"Now we know you're lying!" Rinoa scowled, "You? Innocent and handsome? Do they not have mirrors here or something?"
"You're hurting my ego! Leave my ego alone!" He pouted and crossed his arms on his chest, "Evil bitch … shoulda sold you … to a traveling monkey freak show!"
"Run that one by me again?" She threatened as she made a repeated pinching motion with her thumb and index. He shuddered and stayed quiet.
"Well, what the hell are we supposed to do with you?" Irvine asked plaintively.
"Feed us!!" Selphie yelled, "And give us foot massages! We also demand …"
The three girls looked at each other and went into a huddle. A minute passed of their whisperings and whimpers and finally they seemed to reach some sort of 'group conclusion'.
"Ok, we'll help you on this farm and do whatever we can … if you put a roof over our heads and food on the table … and no more plots to sell us or rape us, you stupid perverts." Selphie spoke up for the three of them, "How often do you get laid around here?"
"Uh …" Seifer seemed to actually ponder the question, "Well, there was that time … oh wait no, I was drunk then. It's hard to say what happened …"
"Well, last time I can remember was …on that couch …" Squall pondered for a moment. Quistis and Selphie shot up from their sitting position … which was that very same couch.
Rinoa laughed mockingly, "Ha ha ha … I got the safe spot, I got the safe spot."
"Actually, I have some pretty good memories with that chair …" Irvine grinned at his 'memories'.
"Ok, ew!" Rinoa also stood up, "Did you get the kitchen table?"
"Yes!" Seifer grinned, "First dibs!"
"Oh good God!" The three girls whined in unison, "You guys are a bunch of …"
"Ha ha, joking! Got you!" Irvine did a little happy dance, "Well … only half-joking …"
"What is that implying?" Quistis looked at him skeptically.
"Hey you mentioned something about a roof, "Seifer swerved off the topic, deciding it was safer, "But nothing about four walls …"
"You know what I meant, dipshit!" Quistis rose a mighty high-heeled shoe and delivered a swift kick onto Seifer's buttocks.
Sammy: Haa, she kicked him in the ass … with a high-heeled shoe! Muwahaha … yeah, so you better have enjoyed it … and do your duty and review. By the way, to clarify certain things … I am not a pet and therefore should not be pet. *Glares* You know who you are …
Erica: Heh. She went nuts after she read that. Anyways, sorry if it seemed like she was an animal, but she isn't. Anyways, please review and be creative! Go nuts! *Pauses for a moment* Wait a minute… Scratch that thought. Just review! Bye!