Chapter VII
It was soon getting dark out and Irvine, Seifer, Quistis and Selphie had all returned to the stinking house. None of them, however, dared to enter so they were all standing around in a circle wondering 'Where the hell is our temporary shelter?'.
"Something freaking reeks." Quistis snapped at the tired group, "And the general smell is wafting from Irvine."
"Oh my God!" Selphie squealed in delight and hopped around, "I need to tell you how this happened, k? He was like, getting all pissy at me and then he slipped and fell … right in cow sh-"
"Shut up! All I need is a shower!" Irvine snapped.
"Oh ew!" Quistis groaned and immediately moved away from the sharply smelling cowboy. "God, I can't believe you didn't have the decency to stay away."
"Well, with your bitchy attitude I'm wondering if you're one to talk!" Seifer sneered and in response got a swift slap in the face.
"Where the hell is Rinoa?" Selphie sniffed. She suddenly saw a tiny, baby squirrel and she picked it up before it could get away, "Aw … you shall be named Mini-Rin! Since the real Rinoa is missing in action …"
"Uhm … I have a strange feeling that she won't appreciate that, Rinoa … not the squirrel. Although … the squirrel may also get slightly offended as well." Irvine tried putting in without any luck.
The squirrel began to hiss and snap his teeth but Selphie only cooed, "Aw, you act exactly like her too …"
"Uh … Selphie …" Irvine moved away from the tiny girl, "Drop it now …"
The baby squirrel let off another hiss and sunk it's teeth in Selphie's middle finger causing the girl to howl and squeal and flail her arms, flinging the squirrel into the big world around her (God only knows where). "That little shithead! It was really possessed by Rinoa's spirit … I can sense it. And that means Rinny's … Rinny's … she's dead!"
The 'intelligent' conclusion hit them like a ten ton, brick-filled pillowcase, "IT'S SQUALL'S FAULT!" Quistis raged on suddenly.
"He probably sold her to a whorehouse!" Selphie sobbed uncontrollably, "And that horny farmer probably KILLED her by trying to get naked!"
"THE SHEER SIGHT OF HIM KILLED HER!" Quistis was now crying as well, "MURDERER!! HANG HIM!"
"Ok, let's calm down …" Seifer patted Quistis who had dropped her head on his shoulders, "Squall would never do such a thing … I would, but not Squall …"
Irvine was bubbling with a realization and he cried out his hypothesis, "They rolled down a hill, into a stream and down a waterfall!"
All eyes were on him and crooked smiles had replaced the frowns, "That's a good one …"
Irvine laughed and slapped his knee, "I know … totally impossible!"
"No, but seriously … where are they?"
***
Rinoa plodded on, arms still crossed over her chest, giving suspicious looks to Squall who was leading the way, "You have no clue where we're going." She concluded harshly.
"Chh … bullshit! I know perfectly where we're going." He answered, "It's a known fact that men have more iron in their nose and henceforth have a better sense of direction than women."
"ASK FOR DIRECTIONS BEFORE I KILL YOU!" She screamed at him, causing an echo to occur. 'Before I kill you … kill you … kill you …'
"Oh sure! Let's ask directions to this wonderful birch tree! Why hello Mr. Tree! How's the weather? What's that you say? That's one crazy bitch I'm traveling with? Why I agree with you!"
Rinoa went up to him and punched him across the face, "GET - REAL!" She snapped at him, "I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm cold … and you're LOOKING AT MY CHEST!" She trailed off into a whine.
"I am NOT!" He defended, "Your shirt is dry! You can't even see anything anymore!"
"SO YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING!" She hissed out her accusation and another merited smack across the head, "PERVERT!" Once again the echo, 'Pervert … ervert … vert …"
***
Irvine tilted his head to the sound waves that had made their way to their current location … 'Kill you … kill you …'
"Man, must be the echos from the mountains." He observed all smarty-pants like.
"Gee, that sounded oddly like Rinoa …" Quistis arched an eyebrow.
"They're dead, remember? Dead … as in, NOT LIVING." Selphie snapped but then went off into a whine, "She never gave me back that CD I leant her … not that we have anything to play it."
"Oh lemme guess … Backstreet Boys?" Irvine sneered.
"No… It was Shania Twain."
"I don't think you're going to get it back… She told me that she was going to burn it, trash it, cut it to tiny bit and throw it out the window… From the ATTIC WINDOW."
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just then, there was another echo that had reached their ears and they distinctly heard "…. Pervert…. Pervert… ervert… vert…"
"Yeah…" Irvine looked at the rest quizzically, "I'm pretty sure that was them."
"Hm… I dunno…. Maybe we should go look…" Quistis suggested.
"That would be the SMART thing to do… Are any of you smart? No? That's what I thought. We stay HERE." Seifer babbled to himself since everyone was gone.
"Hey! Wait up! I can't be left here alone!" He screamed as he ran after them.
"Oh! And we thought you were the big MANLY TYPE!" He heard Quistis yell back at him.
"You ASSUMED that."
"Whatever."
***
"Let me clarify that for you. I am NOT a pervert. I was NOT staring at you chest…. Only quick snatches here and there but not full-blown staring… And white DOES look good on you… especially when it's wet-"
"I'LL CASTRATE YOU!!!!" She bent down and picked up a sharp rock, "WITH THIS!!"
"Woah there, buddy… Put down that rock and we'll discuss this in a civilized manner…"
"No. Fucking. Way." She said through clenched teeth. "That would take the fun away."
The crickets chirped, the bats screeched and a howl came from nowhere. It seemed that time had passed while they were arguing and the sun had gone down for the day.
"Oh… oh…. Oh…." Rinoa's great fear of darkness could not be voiced, "I want a night light."
"Sorry, sweetheart, there aren't any Seven-Elevens around here."
"But… But… but…" She wined as she hooked on to his waist, "I'm scared!"
"There, there…. You're not the one with a sharp rock digging into your back… That same rock that some girl had threatened you pride and joy with…"
Rinoa suddenly remembered that she had indeed threatened him with a rock AND that she was the one holding a rock that was indeed digging into his lower back. She let go of the rock, hitting his ass on the way down.
"Ow…" He whined slightly.
"Aw there, there …" She clung onto him still, "Deeply sorry for that. Now … you being the knight in shining armor," She said that bit with sarcasm slightly apparent, "You shall lead me out of this scary forest as I am your damsel in distress …"
"Lead you to safety where we can elope and have millions and millions of children?" He asked brightly.
"Ah-nooooooo … lead me to safety where I thus take a pistol and shoot you on the spot as a token of my gratitude."
"Aw … that sucks." It was his turn to do the whining, "Can I just feed you to that wolf over there?"
"WHAT WOLF? AAAAH!" She screamed frantically and shoved her face in his shirt, "HELP ME!" Her cry was muffled.
"Oook there, can you STOP doing that?" He asked her 'nicely', "Ok, Rinoa … stop …" He was aware of the slight wetness on the front of his shirt, "STOP THE WATER WORKS! THERE IS NO WOLF!" He cried out helplessly. "Please stop … you're going to make me look as if I'm lactating … please stop …"
"I'm scared…" Her voice was, for once, without anger or sarcasm towards him.
"It's ok …" He patted her back awkwardly, "We'll find our way out … somehow."
Author's Notes: We are no longer worms! *In odd Swedish accent* WE HAVE EVOLVED INTO BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLIES! *Gets crushed on the wheel of a car* Ow … that hurt. For our recovery, please perform your readerly duties and REVIEW! Thankies.