11/3/03: We find out the why, and then things calm again, and then get extra complicated at the end. Thanks to everyone for the reviews!
14. Choices and Decisions
"Dumbledore? But…Dumbledore's dead, Harry."
"I know Hermione," Harry said, and then looked around. Blaise and Malfoy seemed engrossed in their turkey, but this kind of conversation required absolute privacy. "C'mon, let's go somewhere we can talk," he whispered. Hermione nodded, and the two left the Great Hall and immediately found an empty classroom. Harry cast a locking charm, and the two sat together.
"How Harry?" Hermione asked. Harry wordlessly handed over the letter he received. Hermione looked at him perplexed before taking the letter and reading.
Dear Harry,
If my calculations are correct, you should be receiving this letter and accompanying gemstone on Halloween night, wherever you may be. Hopefully by now, you've realized that something has changed in your life and have had the time to fully appreciate your life. What has changed, I do not know, as that is the nature of the spell. But I get ahead of myself; perhaps I should start from the beginning.
Harry, I have led a long life and am fortunate in that I have few regrets. My biggest regret thus far, though, has been my immense failure to you, my startlingly bad lapses in judgment. It began immediately with my decision to send you to live with your Muggle relatives. I believed it the best for your own protection, but I could not fathom the horrible treatment that you would receive. Had I known, I would have made other arrangements, no matter how difficult. It was my oversight that led you to face Lord Voldemort at the tender age of eleven, and my own failures that caused you to face mortal peril every year hence. Last year truly showcased how I have failed you; for by keeping certain truths from you, I placed yourself and many others in danger, culminating in the death of your Godfather. I had spent the summer searching for a way to make my reparations, and I believe I have found a way.
In moments I will cast a spell that has only been hinted at in the ancient texts. I have worked ceaselessly to perfect it, and at last I have succeeded. It is a fine work of spellcraft, if I do say so myself. This spell will change one thing in your life, the one decision that, once changed, will take away your heartache. I do not know what decision that will be. It may be my decision to place you with the Dursleys, or it may be my decision to keep the truth of the Prophecy from you in your first year. The spell will allow you to remember the past as you lived it, so you may judge the impact that a single decision has on your life. Your life may be very similar to the one you have led, or it may be very different. Only you will know.
The enclosed gemstone is the key to the spell. To reverse the spell, simply break the gemstone; that's all it takes. Only you, as the focus of the spell, have the power to break the gemstone. If unbroken for another sixty days, the mists within the gem will disappear and the changes will be permanent. Be aware of the risks, though. This is not time-travel, you will not return to the first of September. Time will have passed, and unforeseen events will have occurred. Decide wisely.
Harry, I cannot express in words the guilt and sorrow I feel. I have failed you in so many ways, and it is my utmost hope that this spell, in someway, gives you a small measure of happiness.
Yours truly,
Albus Dumbledore
Hermione finished reading the letter, the surprise clearly written across her face. "I can't believe he could do such a thing," she said wonderingly.
"Well, he is, or was, the most powerful wizard alive," Harry observed.
"Yes, but to interfere with time like that. I can only imagine the depths of guilt he felt that would cause him to do this."
Harry nodded. "He couldn't have known that his spell would cause You-Know-Who to rise years earlier and for so many to die by his hand. Or that Dumbledore himself would die."
Harry and Hermione sat quietly, absorbing the enormity of the revelation. "Well," Hermione said, "now you can break the gem and return things to normal." But Harry sat quietly, fingering the gemstone. "Harry?" she asked.
Harry held up the gem. "It's amazing to think that this simple gemstone is the cause of all of this. All I have to do is break it to wake up in Gryffindor. It'll be as if none of this …" Harry broke off, looking down.
"Harry, are you ok? I would think you'd be happy to finally know what happened."
"I'm…I'm relieved I guess. I'm relieved to finally know the truth, to know that I wasn't going nutters and imagined the whole thing."
"Harry," Hermione said hesitantly, confused by his morose behavior. "We can make things right again. All you have to do is break the stone."
"Break the stone…" Harry repeated softly, refusing to look at Hermione. "And everything goes back to normal, right?"
"Right," Hermione said encouragingly.
"But…but what if I don't want things to go back to normal?" Harry said, finally lifting his head to look at Hermione.
"Don't want…huh?"
"I don't want things back to normal," Harry said more firmly. "Dumbledore was right. The spell worked. I am happier now."
"But…You-Know-Who! So many people have died fighting; the wizarding world was taken by surprise. In your world, he doesn't come back strong. He needed time to regain his power and your warning allowed people to prepare. So many lives were saved!"
"I…I don't care!" Harry roared, getting to his feet. "I'm so sick of everything happening to me! Cedric's not dead here, Sirius isn't dead! You-Know-Who isn't constantly plotting to kill me, or those closest to me! I'm not an outcast here – the Slytherins...the Slytherins accept who I am! Don't you see Hermione? That other life, that other world, I was miserable there! I hated my life! But here, I'm actually happy. I…I have you here."
"But Harry," Hermione said, clearly surprised by Harry's reaction, "you have me in your other world too."
"Do I? It's different, Hermione. We have years of friendship; back there, you only know me as your friend. How do I know you'll even consider me as anything else?"
"Oh Harry," Hermione said, clearly affected by his words. "I've only known you for a couple of months here and I think I love you. Over there, I've known you for years; I'm probably already in love with you, you just don't realize it yet."
"You…you think you love me?" Harry asked.
Hermione blushed, realizing what she said. "Um, well, yes Harry, I think I do."
Harry walked over to her and hugged her tightly. "I love you too, Hermione," he whispered.
"Oh Harry," she said as she hugged him, "I just hope you realize what you're doing by not breaking the gem."
Harry took a deep breath of her scent. "I do, Hermione. Besides, I still have two month to decide."
*********************************
November passed by in a blur for Harry. The gemstone weighed heavily on his mind, the decision hanging over him like an albatross. Harry and Hermione still spent many hours in the library, but this time their research was focused on events in the wizarding world over the past four years – the four years that would change if Harry broke the gemstone. Harry could tell Hermione was torn between insisting that he break the stone to save the lives Voldemort had taken, to supporting Harry and giving him his chance at happiness.
Harry still stood by his initial decision to preserve the spell, but their research sessions shook the foundation of his choice. Each time Harry read about a Death Eater attack, the loss of life and property, he was reminded that he had the power to change all that. But then Harry would return to the Slytherin common room, where Daphne, Pansy, Tracey and Millie was demand details about his relationship with Hermione, sighing happily. He would play Exploding Snap with Blaise, Wizards Chess with Ted, or a pick-up game of Quidditch with all of Slytherin House and become lost in the camaraderie and acceptance that he only previously shared with Ron and Hermione. Harry missed Ron's friendship, but he had an even deeper, more meaningful relationship with Hermione, and that softened the blow. Harry was happy, but each night the guilt of his decision kept him awake.
In the middle of November, Harry was able to ignore his problems for at least one day: the first Quidditch match of the year, Slytherin versus Gryffindor. Hermione, of course, found a way to support both teams ("Simple Harry. I hope you catch the Snitch but Gryffindor wins the match"), and the two shared good-natured teasing about the upcoming match, though it was very light seeing as how Hermione really didn't care that much about winning. The morning of the match, Harry met Hermione in the entrance Hall as the team was filing off to the stadium.
"Excuse me, Miss Granger?"
Harry and Hermione turned to see Professor McGonagall walking towards them.
"Yes, Professor?" Hermione asked politely.
"May I have a minute of your time? One of the school governors, in for the match, would like to have a word with you."
"Me?" Hermione asked, looking at Harry.
"Yes. He has heard about your academic achievements and would like to talk about your future."
Hermione looked a bit uncertain. "But the match…"
"Oh, don't worry Miss Granger. The governor also wants to watch the match as well; I believe you will be finished before the match begins."
"Okay Professor," Hermione said excitedly. "I'll see you later, Harry. Good luck!" she said as they shared a quick kiss. Harry watched Hermione walk away with Professor McGonagall, and then grabbed his broom to meet the rest of the team in the locker room.
*********************************
[A/N: insert Quidditch stuff here. Lots of flying around and scoring and saves. Harry, of course, beats Ginny to the Snitch and Slytherin wins. Harry just reacts while in the sky and doesn't think about the fact that he's playing against his old house. Sorry, I just can't write Quidditch, or maybe I'm just too lazy; besides, wouldn't you rather read about more plot-advancing things? So anyways, what's up with the Snitch being worth 150 points? Talk about anti-climactic…basically reduces the game to a race to "catch the Snitch" and makes the rest of the team insignificant. I mean, you could be in the middle of a nail-biting game, 120-120, then boom! it's 270-120! Oops, sorry, I'm ranting a bit. On with the show…]
Fanatic Slytherin cheering accompanied the team as the team walked back to the locker room. Harry happily accepted the compliments of his teammates and felt a sense of elation at beating the rival Gryffindors. This victory cemented a decade of dominance over the Gryffindor team, Slytherin winning eight of past ten matches. Harry stood at the self-replenishing water fountain and satisfied his burning throat.
"Nice catch, Harry."
"Thanks. Nice score there, Malfoy. Good bludger work, guys." Crabbe and Goyle grunted in response.
"Hey Harry, we've got a surprise for you," Malfoy said, a glint in his eyes.
"A surprise?" Harry said, immediately wary. Even though he has been on friendly terms with this version of Draco Malfoy, Harry still couldn't help but be a little suspicious.
Malfoy laughed. "Don't look so suspicious, Harry. Me 'n the other sixth year guys have a little surprise for you. We feel bad about how we treated Grang, er, Hermione, these past years and how we reacted to the news of you two together, so we made something to make it up to you."
Harry relaxed, seeing Malfoy's smile; Crabbe and Goyle, of course, still held their blank expressions. "Alright Malfoy, surprise me," Harry said good-naturedly.
"Not here, Harry. C'mon, let's get back to the castle."
"Like this?" Harry asked, indicating that they were still in their Quidditch robes.
Malfoy nodded. "This can't wait. The rest of the guys are waiting. Let's go before the celebration starts."
Harry saw the sense in that; once the victory celebration started, Harry wouldn't have a moment alone for the rest of the weekend. But still, Harry still hesitated. "I'm supposed to meet Hermione-"
"Don't worry about that," Malfoy said. "Pansy's already told her about the surprise. I'm sure she'll wait for you." Harry finally agreed and followed Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle back to the castle. "Right over here," Malfoy said, pointing at an empty classroom and gesturing for Harry to go first. Harry gave him a curious smile, which only grew to confusion as he walked in to find the room completely empty.
Harry turned. "Malfoy, what's going-"
Three voices rang out as one, "Expelliarmus!" As Harry turned, three spells struck him at the same time. His wand flew from his holster as he was thrown backwards, landing painfully on the floor. Harry slowly dragged himself to his feet to find Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle each pointing their wand at Harry's chest, his own wand held in the triumphant grasp of Malfoy.
A/N: Okay, so would a disarming charm work if Harry's not holding his wand? I mean, technically he's still armed, isn't he? Well, if you don't think it would, then just pretend they used an Accio wand instead :) And in case you're wondering, Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle felt they had to cast the same spell at the same time for it to work against someone as powerful as Harry.
So, here is how the spell works, details I didn't want to write in the letter. Dumbledore had been preparing the spell all summer. Yah, yah, it's a pretty unbelievable spell, but it's my story, so nya nya! Anyways, he calls in Harry the first night back and sees that he's still messed up, so Dumbledore been feeling so guilty that he decides to go ahead with the spell. As part of the spell, he gets to fill an envelope with whatever he wants that will be outside the effects of the spell. He puts in the gem and his letter to explain, then casts it. Well, poor Dumbledore didn't realize what a huge impact the spell would have; perhaps he thought it would be something like Harry coming to Dumbledore and telling him about his Department of Mysteries dream. Actually, as you can see in his letter, Dumbledore thought the spell would impact a decision that Dumbledore made, not Harry. Dumbledore, of course, didn't know he would be killed in Harry's first year, all he knew was that somehow Harry would be happier. Now, I don't like stories where nothing happens in the end, like time travel where no one remembers what happens and everything goes back to normal. So, if Harry breaks the gem, he returns things as if he was a Gryffindor, but the two or three months still pass by with things happening that Harry wouldn't know about. He'll also retain his Slytherin memories. Any more questions just ask.
keebler-elmo: Harry hasn't tried to rescue Sirius yet because he feels a significant lack of responsibility right now; he's basically thinking why bother rescue Sirius if he's just going to be dead again when Harry gets back to Gryffindor.
szelij: yup, you called it. If goes back, he'll keep his Slytherin memories, but that's a big if.
onkel: I'll admit, the only reason I didn't have one of the girls have a crush on Harry is because I'm too lazy to deal with it. It's much cleaner with Harry/Hermione being happy together. You'll see that in other stories (maybe this one, maybe not) I usually write off Ron's crush on Hermione as something else. I'm not into love triangles. And you're right, Malfoy was up to something.
Zaraky: Rest assured, if Harry goes back, there will be lasting repercussions.
Starre: They showed "Switched" in the Chicago area. In the beginning of "Final Exam" the three baddies were running through an obstacle course, showing off their abilities. They were basically showing a marketing tape so that Slade would hire them. Then the gang goes for pizza and gets whupped.
ears91: someone definitely messed up Harry's happy existence. You'll just have to wait and see on the rest of your questions.
wanderingwolf: Dumbledore's still decomposing, and there's no guarantee that Harry will go back; he doesn't want to.
Jeff b: Can't answer your question yet, but I will say that I don't think you'll be disappointed
apple reaper: as you can see by now, Harry knew it was Dumbledore from the letter. In Chapter 8, I mention that McGonagall is Headmistress (obvious choice) and that Harry doesn't go to her for help because she thinks he's an evil Slytherin and fears that she wouldn't believe him.