Chapter Four: November 1st, 1998

8:00am

I promise…

Sirius jerked awake, a bead of sweat running down his forehead before he pushed it aside with a wet palm. Sitting up in his bed he ran both his hands through his hair, rubbing his fingertips into the dry scalp beneath. At the back he felt the crinkled layer of skin where his wound had healed roughly, a constant reminder of the past.

Getting up out of bed he walked over to the sink and stared into his mirror, 'Some promise,' he grunted, it had been at the time.

For a while he'd even believed it, the Order had hit back at Voldemort, and hard. Sirius never found Pettigrew or Voldemort, but played his part in capturing several Dark Wizards with the Aurors of the Ministry.

Then it had gone wrong.

Death Eaters found their way into the Order, the first murdering Frank Longbottom when they raided a Death Eater meeting together. After that it was all Snape could do to tell Dumbledore a name before they killed, taking another innocent life Sirius had failed to protect.

In eighteen years Voldemort had gone from a Dark Wizard with some followers to the leader of an army. The Order had always been small, and now it was smaller.

The only place they could safely meet was Hogwarts, and what was worse, Voldemort knew it. For a couple of years now attacks had hit the school, pupils had been killed and injured, in the end most families had withdrawn their children from the academy. And as Voldemort's plague of terror had spread people moved to stay ahead of it.

The wizard population of England was one tenth of what it had been, so many families had left to stay out of Voldemort's reach. Of the remaining wizards and witches, there were few willing to fight against him, but there were still enough for Dumbledore.

Voldemort would not take Hogwarts.

Sirius splashed water onto his face, then looked into the mirror, his eyes hard and distant. 'I promise…'

* * *

8:45am

'He'll never take Hogwarts anyway,' Lupin said, listening to Sirius's monologue of thought at breakfast in the Great Hall. 'Dumbledore wouldn't let him.'

'And he didn't let him kill all those people?' asked another wizard, his voice raised in disgust.

'He's not omnipresent,' Sirius snapped, 'it just feels like he is, and so when he's not there that's when people make mistakes.'

'People who make mistakes end up dead,' Snape intoned, from his place alone at the end of the table.

'Apart from you,' the wizard commented, spitting the comment out in distaste.

'Yeah,' Snape said, dropping his spoon in his bowl and pushing it away. 'Apart from me.' Without looking at anyone he stood and left, his shoulders slumped and head hanging low.

'Anyone ever tell you your mouth is too big?' Lupin asked the wizard, before getting up and following Snape out.

* * *

'Severus, wait.' Lupin walked out the door from the Great Hall, hurrying after Snape but finding him already there.

'What? Ignore him?' Snape asked, his face weary.

'That for one,' Lupin replied, smiling when Snape grinned in reply. 'And don't forget you're doing a good job for another. You didn't kill those people.'

'Feels like I did,' Snape said, 'ever since Frank.'

'Alice never blamed you, and because of what you did she and Neville were around to say so, don't forget that.'

'That doesn't make it easier,' Snape replied bitterly.

'It won't get easier either,' Lupin said, his face stern. 'Not even after Voldemort's dead.'

'I...you know how many times I've been close enough to kill him?'

'Would you be able to?' Lupin asked, his eyebrows knitted together in concern and thoughtfulness.

'I've never asked myself that question,' Snape replied, 'and I never will. Until Dumbledore tells me to.'

'It makes you wonder what he's waiting for,' Lupin commented, looking back at the Great Hall as the doors opened.

'Yeah,' said Snape, and because Lupin's back was turned he missed the look that passed over Snape's face. 'It does make you wonder.'

When Lupin turned back Snape was already walking away, the hood of his robe covering his face in shadow.

* * *

9:05am

'Professor? Professor Black?'

Sirius looked up to see one of his students standing by the table, wearing an anxious expression on their face.

'What can I do for you, Mr. Thomas?' he asked, directly addressing Dean and watching him gulp in surprise at being recognised.

'We…er…we were wondering…are you going to come and teach us now?'

The question confused Sirius momentarily, until he looked around the Great Hall and became aware that he was the only teacher left there. In fact, the only breakfasters left were his students, all of whom stood by the doorway looking back at him nervously.

'What am I teaching you then?' he asked, standing up and facing Dean, who was by now regretting ever walking over to the table.

'Never disturb you when you're having breakfast?' Dean guessed first, prompting a grin from Sirius. 'I think it's Defence,' he added afterward, still looking apprehensive at Sirius's geniality.

'Why the hell are you looking so scared?' Sirius asked suddenly.

'Because…last time you sent half of us to the Hospital Wing, and Professor Lupin told us this week we'd be studying the Unforgivables.'

'Not as closely as he will be,' Sirius replied, the smile on his face becoming a smirk before he gave Dean a push in the right direction.

He had no idea how right he was going to be.