Used to know her
By: mourning view
Disclaimer: Same as the first, hell be it for me to say I own a series that I seriously wonder if it's a copy write infringement of Dawson's creek. (I blame the obsession of CMM and his hot bony white ass.) ;)
Summery: A continuation of Payton's thoughts, but her counterpart instead.
I hold her as close as I feel is humanly possible, maybe closer, just because I want to be so close to her that I am almost inside of her. A bitter and almost cynical thought jumps up into my head, ' that is the idea,' I tell myself. I chuckle, as I mouth an almost incomprehensible thought jumping from my mind to my oral cavity. " I've been waiting for this, for so long."
She seems to go on with out noticing the strange babbling coming from me. Then I hear her,
" Now you can have it." And with her saying that, I go into share mode and decided that the brightest thing to do in this situation is to tell her that I want her heart and all that comes along with it.
She stops suddenly and without warning, I wonder if I bit her lip or something, but I did not. And before I knew what had happened she was out of the room, and I was left alone. I wait for her to return; maybe she thought I said something else. Anything else. I shake my head from side to side; I was making excuses that I knew were wrong. She heard correctly, and yet she still walked away.
I now walk out of the room and come close to walking into an object, or a person. I look up with my steely cold blue eyes and am about to apologize, and then I see who it is. It's Dan, surprise, surprise, the person I least wanted to walk into was the one that I do. I should have trampled him when I had the chance. Ran him over and jumped on to the remains of his tattered body.
In the end, if it did nothing else it would have made me feel loads better. In hindsight, it would have been fun, but to late for that I began to hear the conversation that he is having with himself and the body of a person who does not care one bit. He tells this body a load of crap and acts as if he has the moral high horse prospective.
I bring him down to prospective and then tell him to get lost, as I do the same. I go through I quick talk with Ma and Keith telling them, that they could stay as long as they'd like (I'd actually prefer if they stayed for quite awhile.) Then I exit as fast as possible.
It is a blur from place to place, but here I am sitting with Hailey who has her own problems with a potential someone. Hers seem tough but I have this want in the pit of my stomach to scream that hers are just child's play, but I do not. She asks if I could leave, I shake my blonde locks toward her, tell her if she needs anything she can come and get me.
I excuse my self in the delicate way that I always do and walk a bit less shakily toward my bedroom. When I get there I turn on the lights and am almost blinded by them, so I flick them off as quickly as I turn them on. Get into my bed and turn on my CD player.
I listen to the mix that Payton had made for me, almost two weeks ago, close my eyes and wiggle my way out of my jacket. Then I do the same with my cerulean dress shirt and dress shoes and finally my good pair of black pants.
I stare at all of my clothes that have been accumulated on to the floor and wonder if I did not tell her, that I wanted her heart, that she would have stayed. I wonder if I were not so obsessed with repeating my fathers and half brother mistakes I would be fucking the girl of my dreams. I hear a song that pops into my ears and the words run though my mind and I contemplate each word. Each one opening my eyes and telling me that I never knew her, but thought I did.
Lying in my boxers with the wife beater on also, I hear my mother enter the room. I open my eyes and say hello. She echoes one in the same, and I wait for her to say good night. She does so, after asking me if I'm doing all right, I say that I am. And I do not lye for I feel as if I am. I do not seem to know Payton yet, but maybe in a few months I will and maybe in a few months we could take it slow, or maybe we will just end up as friends but either way, I will get to know her.
I kiss my mother good night, turn off my CD player and wonder about what the night might have been like. I fall asleep, with a smile on my face and Payton's image doing cartwheels in my mind.
Kinky, I like kinky…. (Opps this might be you thinking this is Lucas' thought but sorry that's mine and my dysfunctional mind going into over time.) Anyway, Tell me what you thought and if I should go into a new story that I'm cooking up.
Once again, save the burns for your dress shirts. ;)