I don't own: GH, Inu Yasha, Kenshin, Angel, Buffy, Charmed, OLTL, AMC,
POTC, HP, FF7, FF8, From Hell, LOTR, Yugioh, Fern Gully, OUATIM, Sleepy
Hallow, Austin Powers, Ed Wood, Shanghai Knights or anyone else except my
stupid parody character Lynette Moonshine, and the bad story plot.
Ric and Liz were in the middle of a heated argument; again. But at the same time Carly and Sonny were arguing over Alcazar, and Faith and Alcazar were arguing about everything. Lynette Moonshine, the brave, dashing, man-chick of this fanfic decided to teach them all a lesson.
She crept-but not really since that wouldn't be cool enough she sauntered very visibly over to the window and pulled out her Aztec gold coin, whispering the magic words. "Oculus Repair-o!" Lynette waited expectantly, then realized what was wrong.
"Oops wrong words. Um, what were they?" Mini Me held up the cue card higher. "Oh, Fel-oh Relationshipus Jep-oh Japan-o!" She realized her mistake as soon as the words left her mouth. "Crap! REPAIR-O not JAPAN-O!" "Um, let the spell be ended?" She said hopefully. Lynette tossed her hair and peered through the window, expecting to see nothing.
That wasn't the case. There was a large swirling portal in the middle of the Lansing's Living Room. "Ah Darn! Not Again! Why do I keep doing this!?" Lynette Moonshine snuck into the Lansing house, and jumped into the portal right before it closed. Oh so cliché.
"Honey, I think you've gained a little weight." Ric said feeling his wife's suddenly large stomach. Ric opened his eyes and. . ."Oh Shit!" he yelled. It wasn't Liz he was lying next to, but Carly Corinthos. "I am so dead! Sonny's gonna kill me!" Ric stopped his frantic rant and looked around. He wasn't even in his own house, let alone Sonny's. "What the Hell . . ." he trailed off taking in the empty green landscape. The air was clean, too clean to be New York. Ric wandered around aimlessly before tripping over something solid. . .
"What the Hell are you doing?" Alcazar said getting to his feet.
"You! What are you doing here?" Ric demanded taking a step back.
"Ric and Alcazar. . ." Sonny began.
"And Faith." Faith chimed in.
"God damn, it's a nightmare." Sonny said shaking his head. Faith smiled and pulled out her gun.
"I think we should test that theory." She said aiming at him. Ric quickly stepped in front of her.
"Faith, stop. We need to find out where we are!"
'We don't know either, that we don't."
They all turned to see the speaker. It was a strange looking red-haired man, followed by an ebony-haired girl, and another man and boy. Faith turned the gun on the redhead.
"Who are you? What the hell are you wearing?" Carly pushed her out of the way and walked over to the boy.
"Hello, my name is Carly. What's yours?" Yahiko glared at her and growled.
"I am Yahiko, and I am a descendant of samurai!" Yahiko said proudly. Sonny pushed Carly backwards lightly, and stared at the newcomers suspiciously.
"Carly, I think it's too dangerous to be near these people." He said in a low voice. "That guy has a samurai sword, and I don't even know what the other has."
"Sonny, I don't think he's packing heat." Carly said exasperated.
"Look. . ."
A low buzzing sound interrupted, and they all looked toward the source.
"Oh my God!" Carly shrieked. Bees, not normal bees-but um. . . really dumb looking, big, red-eyed bees were swarming over the treetops. Faith frantically shot at them, backing up in horror. It was pretty horrible, being included in this fanfic.
There was an anticlimactic flash of light and the bees were gone, and standing before them was the strangest woman they had ever seen.
She had curly red hair, no it was wavy, no straight, and it wasn't even red, it was black, or was it? How the hell should I know? And her eyes were violet, no bright green, both? Her skin was snow white, or dark tan or all of the above. Let's just say she was a typical OC fanfiction character.
"Who the hell are you?" Ric asked trying to comprehend the strange woman. She smiled and struck a cliché pose.
"My name is the beautiful sky lady, the strong fearless huntress, the lovely forest. . ." A snore interrupted her, and she looked at her sleeping audience in horror. "Wake up!" She shrieked. "Lynette Moonshine." She said in a grumble. Ric snickered and turned away. Sanosuke thought about it then began to snicker as well.
"Lady, did you make up that name or what?" Sano laughed.
"Yeah, you need to cut back on the booze." Yahiko said giggling. Lynette pulled out her sword and glared at them,
"Really, who the hell are you? Where are we, and why?" Ric asked suddenly serious. Lynette lowered her ever-changing head and looked at the ground.
"I am Lynette Moonshine, the heroine of this fanfic. . ."
"Cut, Cut!" Ed Wood the director yelled. "Look, Lynette darling, we changed your role. You're now the spurned love interest of every single male in this fanfic. And Lyn pull that shirt down a little you look too manly." "And Action!"
"I am Lynette Moonshine, the woman who loves you. But because of the fanfic author's lack of ideas, you're all here cuz you have crappy relationships and I wanted to send you all to counseling, but I uhh... brought you all back to feudal Japan."
"Oh." Ric said simply.
"Anyway, just follow me. We need to get back to the others." Lynette said crisply, brandishing her sword. She marched off without bothering to look to see if the GH and Kenshin people were following.
"Others?" Alcazar echoed. "This is just great."
The big-not so big, man-chick led her followers into the clearing of the Sacred Forest.
"Hey! Moon Woman! When in the seven hells are these people getting out of here!?" InuYasha demanded.
"Yeah, Naraku is out there doing evil stuff, and I haven't even got to study for my stupid Math final!" Kagome agreed.
"Cut!" Kagome stomped her foot impatiently. I am too, but I love Johnny Depp so. . .
"What the hell? Can't we hurry this fanfic along? It's drawn out as it is."
"Kagome, hunny, I'm not buying the skanky school girl thing. Can't you lift up the skirt or something? And. . . Action!"
Kagome rolling her eyes promptly grabbed InuYasha and started making out with him. Lynette shrugged and walked away. The GH and Kenshin people followed, gazing at the strange people all around.
"Here um. . .Kenshin, Sano, Kaoru, Yahiko, Misao, and Ayoshi, you stay here with um... Yugi Moto, Joey, Tristan, Pegasus, Kaiba, and Bakura, kay?" Lynette said pushing them toward their fellow anime characters.
"Bye Yahiko!" Carly said waving cheerfully. "Say hi to that cute little boy with the three-colored hair." Yahiko stared at her with an expression that could curdle milk. Lynette quickly walked on to a group of soap characters.
"Ric, Liz, Sonny, Carly, Faith, Alcazar, meet Aiden, Kendall, David, Anna, Erica, Jackson, Greenley, Juan Pablo and Michael Cambius." Alcazar and Juan Pablo glared at each other fiercely.
"Lorenzo, how many enemies do you have?" Carly asked incredulously. Alcazar looked at her pleadingly.
"He screwed my Mother!" Juan Pablo shrugged.
"I screw everybody's mother." He said apologetically.
Lynette walked away slowly, gathering her courage for the explanation that was doomed before it began.
"Everyone!" She yelled using her manly-chick voice. "As you all know, I am Lynette Moonshine. You are here because Mini-Me can't write. I meant to say Relationshipus Repairo, I actually said Relationshipus Japan-o. But come on! Look at this cue card." She said pulling out the fated card.
"No, don't see it, looks like repairo to me." Tea called.
"Yeah, where'd you get the J from, the n maybe. . ." Yugi added.
"Shut up!" Lynette yelled. "I'm going to. . ." "Yes, Mr. Potter?" She said acknowledging the dorky wizard celebrity.
"Yes, why are you doing magic. Only us Harry Potter kids can." He said pointing to his book.
"That is so not true," Phoebe Halliwell interrupted. "We're the Charmed Ones. Ever heard of the Power of Three?"
"Then why am I here, that makes four?" Prue asked suddenly.
"Prue, remember our agreement. . ." The director hinted.
"Oh yeah," Prue said winking.
"Charmed Ones?" That's so stupid!" Malfoy said laughing.
"Shut up!" Lynette shrieked.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Sands demanded from the crowd. "Wait, why the fuck can I see you? Why aren't you dead? I can fix that." Ajedrez pulled out her gun.
"I must be in Hell, and it looks like you got to come with me." She hissed," And that man-chick must be the devil."
"OH MY GOD! SHUT UP!!" Lynette screamed yanking out her M-16. "I wanted all of you to have happiness. . . or at least all of you sexy men to, and therefore," she said through gritted teeth," some of you had to be relieved of death, coma, eyelessness, residing in another dimension, or all of the above, to make that possible. . ."
"Um. . .I have a question." Hermione said politely.
"Fine."
"How come you can do very complex, powerful spells, but you can't do simple ones?" Lynette shrugged.
"Fuck if I know. Ask the bored author. But it happened okay? Now we all have to work. . ." By the time she got the word "work" out, the entire clearing had erupted in heated arguments, and subsequent gunshots. "God damn it, why couldn't I have just left them alone." She muttered under her breath.
"The precious, where is the precious?" Gollum hopped past her.
"And why is that thing here?" "Oh yeah, the author of this fanfic is a weirdo, and the director's even worse." Lynette said under her breath.
2 HOURS LATER
The guns were out of ammo, the swords hardly had a sharp edge left, and everyone was somewhere between tired as shit and dead.
"HA!" Lynette yelled happily, "I have your attention now don't I?" She laughed maniacally until she remembered that she wasn't a villain. "Anyway, I was talking about how we all have to um. . ." She tried to avoid saying the word that had sparked the melee previously, "not kill each other until I can remember the spell to bring us back to our respective times."
"Ms. Moon-Thing," Jack Sparrow called, "I'd rather you didn't"
"Yeah, we'd probably all end up in Alabama." Buffy muttered.
"Good." She said ignoring them. "Now we need to have a verbal agreement not to..." a single gunshot rang out, accompanied by a scream. "Who did that?" Lynette demanded.
"It was Sands." El said like a tattle-tailing child.
"You bastard! You shot me!" Ajedrez screeched. "Again!" She used her uninjured arm to slide her gun out of the holster.
"Hey, bitch, don't shoot my man!" Lynette yelled as she leaped at the other woman.
The catfight that ensued was quite wrong, and I don't even want to picture it. The only reason it's even included is because I can't say no to Johnny Depp. Picture yourself if you want.
"Wait..." Ajedrez breathed, "You've never even talked to Sands, what the fuck is your problem?" Mini Me ran over and whispered to her then fled before I could do something evil. "Oh. . . but if I can't have him, no one can. Die Bitch!"
And yet another catfight that I don't care about.
"Um. . . hello." Yugi said timidly. "Kaiba just left."
"What?" Lynette kicked Ajedrez in the face and walked over to Yugi.
"He said we were all incompetent, idiots, who were completely hopeless, and not worth his time." Yugi said innocently. Lynette scowled and surveyed the mass.
"Anyone else wanna turn villain?" She asked eyeing Pegasus, Alcazar, Ajedrez and multiple others. walk around grouping them.
"Look people we need to learn to uh. . . do stuff together.Not THAT Miroku! I mean I'm going to be cliché again and put you all into mismatched groups to help advance the story line." Lynette frowned in thought as she grouped them and regrouped them.
"There!" She said proudly, surveying her work.
"Moon Woman! What in all the hells is wrong with you?" InuYasha growled, "I have a bunch of weak women on my team!"
"I resent that." Ric said quietly. Lynette shook her head and pushed Inu Yasha back to his group.
"No, look. You have Ric; of course he can take a lot of bullets, and Hiei, he's almost as much of a bastard as you." Both Hiei and InuYasha just stared at her. "Fine, I can switch you both to Abberline's team." She said pointing to the mostly useless team.
"Fine!" InuYasha barked. Lynette smiled as she walked back to her own suspiciously mostly male team.
"Um Ms. Moonwoman," Abberline said in his oh-so-cute accent. "My group has a woman who's with child, and four other women . . . so"
"Oh you clever man!" Lynette winked flirtatiously. "I'll let you be team captain."
"What? What are you. . . " Abberline protested unsuccessfully.
"Lady, what do you think you are doing?" Sonny shouted, "Leaving my wife with that incompetent bastard!"
"Incompetent?" Abberline demanded furiously. "I'll kill you!"
"Whoa guys, chill out." Lynette said calmly, "Sonny, you're a Spanish bastard who has way to short of a temper. And Abberline. . . Uh...you are so hot!" She gazed at him with adoration. "I agree with Sonny, I think I should send Alcazar to Carly's team, and you can join mine!"
"Alright! I am leaving!" Abberline said sullenly.
"But. . ." Lynette began sorrowfully.
"Never mind, he's uh. . . capable." Sonny added retreating to his own group.
4 Hours Later-Ric's Gang
"I'm hungry! I'm tired! Where are we going? Are we there yet?"
Cordy whined.
"My feet hurt! I can't breathe!" Elizabeth said gasping.
"We've been talking for ten minutes!" InuYasha roared. "Whiny women!" "I almost miss Kagome."
"Fine, we'll take a break." Ric said finally. It didn't really matter if they did or not, the women were moving slower than molasses in January.
(Note: There was an actual test, and it was confirmed they are .2mph slower.)
4 Hours Later-Sands' Posse
"You know what? You look familiar." The Hessian said as he walked next to Sands.
(AN): (I am taking the liberty of naming the Hessian Heinrich Hissler, it's still HH.)
"How would you know, you're headless." Sands said mockingly.
"I'm not headless anymore." The horseman named Heinrich growled. "And I thought you had your eyes back."
"Wait, you're undead?" Buffy asked suddenly interested. "I can make you dead." She cheerfully pulled out her stake. Kagome yanked the stake out of Buffy's hand and put it in her backpack.
"There are children here!" Kagome said quickly, appealing to whatever reason the Slayer possessed.
"Right. We shouldn't fight." Buffy agreed.
"I'm a kid and I fight, and so are you." Yusuke cut in.
"No, no. I agree with Kagome, you're too young to. . ." Tea ranted on and on like the stupid priss she was.
"You know, I would kill that chick now, if I didn't think I could at least get some profit from her." Heinrich said in a low voice.
"I heard that!" Buffy yelled back.
Ric and Liz were in the middle of a heated argument; again. But at the same time Carly and Sonny were arguing over Alcazar, and Faith and Alcazar were arguing about everything. Lynette Moonshine, the brave, dashing, man-chick of this fanfic decided to teach them all a lesson.
She crept-but not really since that wouldn't be cool enough she sauntered very visibly over to the window and pulled out her Aztec gold coin, whispering the magic words. "Oculus Repair-o!" Lynette waited expectantly, then realized what was wrong.
"Oops wrong words. Um, what were they?" Mini Me held up the cue card higher. "Oh, Fel-oh Relationshipus Jep-oh Japan-o!" She realized her mistake as soon as the words left her mouth. "Crap! REPAIR-O not JAPAN-O!" "Um, let the spell be ended?" She said hopefully. Lynette tossed her hair and peered through the window, expecting to see nothing.
That wasn't the case. There was a large swirling portal in the middle of the Lansing's Living Room. "Ah Darn! Not Again! Why do I keep doing this!?" Lynette Moonshine snuck into the Lansing house, and jumped into the portal right before it closed. Oh so cliché.
"Honey, I think you've gained a little weight." Ric said feeling his wife's suddenly large stomach. Ric opened his eyes and. . ."Oh Shit!" he yelled. It wasn't Liz he was lying next to, but Carly Corinthos. "I am so dead! Sonny's gonna kill me!" Ric stopped his frantic rant and looked around. He wasn't even in his own house, let alone Sonny's. "What the Hell . . ." he trailed off taking in the empty green landscape. The air was clean, too clean to be New York. Ric wandered around aimlessly before tripping over something solid. . .
"What the Hell are you doing?" Alcazar said getting to his feet.
"You! What are you doing here?" Ric demanded taking a step back.
"Ric and Alcazar. . ." Sonny began.
"And Faith." Faith chimed in.
"God damn, it's a nightmare." Sonny said shaking his head. Faith smiled and pulled out her gun.
"I think we should test that theory." She said aiming at him. Ric quickly stepped in front of her.
"Faith, stop. We need to find out where we are!"
'We don't know either, that we don't."
They all turned to see the speaker. It was a strange looking red-haired man, followed by an ebony-haired girl, and another man and boy. Faith turned the gun on the redhead.
"Who are you? What the hell are you wearing?" Carly pushed her out of the way and walked over to the boy.
"Hello, my name is Carly. What's yours?" Yahiko glared at her and growled.
"I am Yahiko, and I am a descendant of samurai!" Yahiko said proudly. Sonny pushed Carly backwards lightly, and stared at the newcomers suspiciously.
"Carly, I think it's too dangerous to be near these people." He said in a low voice. "That guy has a samurai sword, and I don't even know what the other has."
"Sonny, I don't think he's packing heat." Carly said exasperated.
"Look. . ."
A low buzzing sound interrupted, and they all looked toward the source.
"Oh my God!" Carly shrieked. Bees, not normal bees-but um. . . really dumb looking, big, red-eyed bees were swarming over the treetops. Faith frantically shot at them, backing up in horror. It was pretty horrible, being included in this fanfic.
There was an anticlimactic flash of light and the bees were gone, and standing before them was the strangest woman they had ever seen.
She had curly red hair, no it was wavy, no straight, and it wasn't even red, it was black, or was it? How the hell should I know? And her eyes were violet, no bright green, both? Her skin was snow white, or dark tan or all of the above. Let's just say she was a typical OC fanfiction character.
"Who the hell are you?" Ric asked trying to comprehend the strange woman. She smiled and struck a cliché pose.
"My name is the beautiful sky lady, the strong fearless huntress, the lovely forest. . ." A snore interrupted her, and she looked at her sleeping audience in horror. "Wake up!" She shrieked. "Lynette Moonshine." She said in a grumble. Ric snickered and turned away. Sanosuke thought about it then began to snicker as well.
"Lady, did you make up that name or what?" Sano laughed.
"Yeah, you need to cut back on the booze." Yahiko said giggling. Lynette pulled out her sword and glared at them,
"Really, who the hell are you? Where are we, and why?" Ric asked suddenly serious. Lynette lowered her ever-changing head and looked at the ground.
"I am Lynette Moonshine, the heroine of this fanfic. . ."
"Cut, Cut!" Ed Wood the director yelled. "Look, Lynette darling, we changed your role. You're now the spurned love interest of every single male in this fanfic. And Lyn pull that shirt down a little you look too manly." "And Action!"
"I am Lynette Moonshine, the woman who loves you. But because of the fanfic author's lack of ideas, you're all here cuz you have crappy relationships and I wanted to send you all to counseling, but I uhh... brought you all back to feudal Japan."
"Oh." Ric said simply.
"Anyway, just follow me. We need to get back to the others." Lynette said crisply, brandishing her sword. She marched off without bothering to look to see if the GH and Kenshin people were following.
"Others?" Alcazar echoed. "This is just great."
The big-not so big, man-chick led her followers into the clearing of the Sacred Forest.
"Hey! Moon Woman! When in the seven hells are these people getting out of here!?" InuYasha demanded.
"Yeah, Naraku is out there doing evil stuff, and I haven't even got to study for my stupid Math final!" Kagome agreed.
"Cut!" Kagome stomped her foot impatiently. I am too, but I love Johnny Depp so. . .
"What the hell? Can't we hurry this fanfic along? It's drawn out as it is."
"Kagome, hunny, I'm not buying the skanky school girl thing. Can't you lift up the skirt or something? And. . . Action!"
Kagome rolling her eyes promptly grabbed InuYasha and started making out with him. Lynette shrugged and walked away. The GH and Kenshin people followed, gazing at the strange people all around.
"Here um. . .Kenshin, Sano, Kaoru, Yahiko, Misao, and Ayoshi, you stay here with um... Yugi Moto, Joey, Tristan, Pegasus, Kaiba, and Bakura, kay?" Lynette said pushing them toward their fellow anime characters.
"Bye Yahiko!" Carly said waving cheerfully. "Say hi to that cute little boy with the three-colored hair." Yahiko stared at her with an expression that could curdle milk. Lynette quickly walked on to a group of soap characters.
"Ric, Liz, Sonny, Carly, Faith, Alcazar, meet Aiden, Kendall, David, Anna, Erica, Jackson, Greenley, Juan Pablo and Michael Cambius." Alcazar and Juan Pablo glared at each other fiercely.
"Lorenzo, how many enemies do you have?" Carly asked incredulously. Alcazar looked at her pleadingly.
"He screwed my Mother!" Juan Pablo shrugged.
"I screw everybody's mother." He said apologetically.
Lynette walked away slowly, gathering her courage for the explanation that was doomed before it began.
"Everyone!" She yelled using her manly-chick voice. "As you all know, I am Lynette Moonshine. You are here because Mini-Me can't write. I meant to say Relationshipus Repairo, I actually said Relationshipus Japan-o. But come on! Look at this cue card." She said pulling out the fated card.
"No, don't see it, looks like repairo to me." Tea called.
"Yeah, where'd you get the J from, the n maybe. . ." Yugi added.
"Shut up!" Lynette yelled. "I'm going to. . ." "Yes, Mr. Potter?" She said acknowledging the dorky wizard celebrity.
"Yes, why are you doing magic. Only us Harry Potter kids can." He said pointing to his book.
"That is so not true," Phoebe Halliwell interrupted. "We're the Charmed Ones. Ever heard of the Power of Three?"
"Then why am I here, that makes four?" Prue asked suddenly.
"Prue, remember our agreement. . ." The director hinted.
"Oh yeah," Prue said winking.
"Charmed Ones?" That's so stupid!" Malfoy said laughing.
"Shut up!" Lynette shrieked.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Sands demanded from the crowd. "Wait, why the fuck can I see you? Why aren't you dead? I can fix that." Ajedrez pulled out her gun.
"I must be in Hell, and it looks like you got to come with me." She hissed," And that man-chick must be the devil."
"OH MY GOD! SHUT UP!!" Lynette screamed yanking out her M-16. "I wanted all of you to have happiness. . . or at least all of you sexy men to, and therefore," she said through gritted teeth," some of you had to be relieved of death, coma, eyelessness, residing in another dimension, or all of the above, to make that possible. . ."
"Um. . .I have a question." Hermione said politely.
"Fine."
"How come you can do very complex, powerful spells, but you can't do simple ones?" Lynette shrugged.
"Fuck if I know. Ask the bored author. But it happened okay? Now we all have to work. . ." By the time she got the word "work" out, the entire clearing had erupted in heated arguments, and subsequent gunshots. "God damn it, why couldn't I have just left them alone." She muttered under her breath.
"The precious, where is the precious?" Gollum hopped past her.
"And why is that thing here?" "Oh yeah, the author of this fanfic is a weirdo, and the director's even worse." Lynette said under her breath.
2 HOURS LATER
The guns were out of ammo, the swords hardly had a sharp edge left, and everyone was somewhere between tired as shit and dead.
"HA!" Lynette yelled happily, "I have your attention now don't I?" She laughed maniacally until she remembered that she wasn't a villain. "Anyway, I was talking about how we all have to um. . ." She tried to avoid saying the word that had sparked the melee previously, "not kill each other until I can remember the spell to bring us back to our respective times."
"Ms. Moon-Thing," Jack Sparrow called, "I'd rather you didn't"
"Yeah, we'd probably all end up in Alabama." Buffy muttered.
"Good." She said ignoring them. "Now we need to have a verbal agreement not to..." a single gunshot rang out, accompanied by a scream. "Who did that?" Lynette demanded.
"It was Sands." El said like a tattle-tailing child.
"You bastard! You shot me!" Ajedrez screeched. "Again!" She used her uninjured arm to slide her gun out of the holster.
"Hey, bitch, don't shoot my man!" Lynette yelled as she leaped at the other woman.
The catfight that ensued was quite wrong, and I don't even want to picture it. The only reason it's even included is because I can't say no to Johnny Depp. Picture yourself if you want.
"Wait..." Ajedrez breathed, "You've never even talked to Sands, what the fuck is your problem?" Mini Me ran over and whispered to her then fled before I could do something evil. "Oh. . . but if I can't have him, no one can. Die Bitch!"
And yet another catfight that I don't care about.
"Um. . . hello." Yugi said timidly. "Kaiba just left."
"What?" Lynette kicked Ajedrez in the face and walked over to Yugi.
"He said we were all incompetent, idiots, who were completely hopeless, and not worth his time." Yugi said innocently. Lynette scowled and surveyed the mass.
"Anyone else wanna turn villain?" She asked eyeing Pegasus, Alcazar, Ajedrez and multiple others. walk around grouping them.
"Look people we need to learn to uh. . . do stuff together.Not THAT Miroku! I mean I'm going to be cliché again and put you all into mismatched groups to help advance the story line." Lynette frowned in thought as she grouped them and regrouped them.
"There!" She said proudly, surveying her work.
"Moon Woman! What in all the hells is wrong with you?" InuYasha growled, "I have a bunch of weak women on my team!"
"I resent that." Ric said quietly. Lynette shook her head and pushed Inu Yasha back to his group.
"No, look. You have Ric; of course he can take a lot of bullets, and Hiei, he's almost as much of a bastard as you." Both Hiei and InuYasha just stared at her. "Fine, I can switch you both to Abberline's team." She said pointing to the mostly useless team.
"Fine!" InuYasha barked. Lynette smiled as she walked back to her own suspiciously mostly male team.
"Um Ms. Moonwoman," Abberline said in his oh-so-cute accent. "My group has a woman who's with child, and four other women . . . so"
"Oh you clever man!" Lynette winked flirtatiously. "I'll let you be team captain."
"What? What are you. . . " Abberline protested unsuccessfully.
"Lady, what do you think you are doing?" Sonny shouted, "Leaving my wife with that incompetent bastard!"
"Incompetent?" Abberline demanded furiously. "I'll kill you!"
"Whoa guys, chill out." Lynette said calmly, "Sonny, you're a Spanish bastard who has way to short of a temper. And Abberline. . . Uh...you are so hot!" She gazed at him with adoration. "I agree with Sonny, I think I should send Alcazar to Carly's team, and you can join mine!"
"Alright! I am leaving!" Abberline said sullenly.
"But. . ." Lynette began sorrowfully.
"Never mind, he's uh. . . capable." Sonny added retreating to his own group.
4 Hours Later-Ric's Gang
"I'm hungry! I'm tired! Where are we going? Are we there yet?"
Cordy whined.
"My feet hurt! I can't breathe!" Elizabeth said gasping.
"We've been talking for ten minutes!" InuYasha roared. "Whiny women!" "I almost miss Kagome."
"Fine, we'll take a break." Ric said finally. It didn't really matter if they did or not, the women were moving slower than molasses in January.
(Note: There was an actual test, and it was confirmed they are .2mph slower.)
4 Hours Later-Sands' Posse
"You know what? You look familiar." The Hessian said as he walked next to Sands.
(AN): (I am taking the liberty of naming the Hessian Heinrich Hissler, it's still HH.)
"How would you know, you're headless." Sands said mockingly.
"I'm not headless anymore." The horseman named Heinrich growled. "And I thought you had your eyes back."
"Wait, you're undead?" Buffy asked suddenly interested. "I can make you dead." She cheerfully pulled out her stake. Kagome yanked the stake out of Buffy's hand and put it in her backpack.
"There are children here!" Kagome said quickly, appealing to whatever reason the Slayer possessed.
"Right. We shouldn't fight." Buffy agreed.
"I'm a kid and I fight, and so are you." Yusuke cut in.
"No, no. I agree with Kagome, you're too young to. . ." Tea ranted on and on like the stupid priss she was.
"You know, I would kill that chick now, if I didn't think I could at least get some profit from her." Heinrich said in a low voice.
"I heard that!" Buffy yelled back.